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"Nigerian" Spammer Arrested
Roger_Wilco writes "According to The Globe and Mail, a "Nigerian" spammer has been
charged with with first-degree attempted larceny. Hopefully we'll get a few less of that spam now."
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Only 1,000,000 more to go!
Shame, really. I was looking forward to a long, hard talk about things with him...
Carousel is a lie!
But I think this is appropriate.
WOOT!
/* oops I accidentally made a comment, sorry */
That guy owes me $US45,000,000!
aw, sheesh... now how am I gonna pay my SCO licence?
I am a leaf on the wind
How is he going to transfer all that money to my account if he goes to prison?!
-T
i am dr zanzibar of the country canada. i would like to introduce you TO A limited time opportunity to become arrested quick. please send five hundred thousand (500,000) of these e-mails to various people around the world so that they will give you money. you will promise to give them many millions of dollars (>$1,000,000) this plan works real good.
PLEASE IF YOU ARE INTERESTED REPLY BACK TO MY ACCOUNT WITH YOUR PHONE NUMBER AND BANK PIN NUMBER. DO NOT WORRY I ALREADY HAVE YOUR BANK CARD AND AM WAITING TO COMPLETE THE DEAL. I RESPECT YOU AND REALLY LIKE YOU. I HOPE YOU WILL JOIN THIS AMAZING OPPORTUNITY.
DR. ZANZIBAR, CONCERNED AND ECCENTRIC PERSON.
Condemnant quod non intellegunt.
The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more spammers will slip through your fingers.
This was the guy who was going to give me millions. I should have known he wasn't a genuine Nigerian when I read his email:
HON. RAYMOND ETIEBET(DR).
ATTN: Bobdotorg,
DEAR SIR
REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP EH
FIRST, I MUST SOLICIT YOUR CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION. THIS IS VIRTURE OF IT'S NATURE AS BEING UTTERLY CONFIDENTIAL AND TOP SECRET EH.
WE ARE TOP OFFICIALS OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OF NIGERIA CONTRACT REVIEW PANEL WHO ARE INTERESTED IN IMPORTATION OF GOODS INTO OUR COUNTRY AND INVESTING IN EUROPE WITH FUNDS WHICH ARE PRESENTLY TRAPPED IN NIGERIA EH.
IN ORDER TO COMMENCE THIS BUSINESS WE SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANTANCE, KNOWLEDGE AND EXPERTISE TO ENABLE US RECIEVE THE SAID TRAPPED FUNDS ABROAD, FOR THE SUBSEQUENT PURCHASE AND INVENTORY OF THE GOODS TO BE IMPORTED AND THE INVESTMENT IN EUROPE EH.
THE SOURCE OF THIS FUND IS AS FOLLOWS: DURING THE PREVIOUS MILITARY REGIMES IN OUR COUNTRY, GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS SET UP COMPANIES AND AWARDED THEMSELVES CONTRACTS WHICH WERE GROSSLY OVER-INVOICED IN VARIOUS MINISTRIES. THE NEW CIVILIAN GOVERNMENT NOW SETUP A CONTRACT REVIEW PANEL WHICH I AND MY COLLEAGUES ARE MEMBERS AND WE HAVE IDENTIFIED A LOT OF INFLATED SUM, DUE TO OUR POSITION AS CIVIL SERVANTS AND MEMBERS OF THIS PANEL, WE CANNOT AQUIRE THIS MONEY IN OUR NAMES EH. I HAVE THEREFORE, BEEN DELEGATED AS A MATTER OF TRUST BY MY COLLEAGUES OF THE PANEL TO LOOK FOR AN OVERSEA PATNER INTO WHOSE ACCOUNT THE SUM OF US$31,000 000,00 (THIRTY-ONE MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS) WILL BE PAID BY TELEGRAPHIC TRANSFER. HENCE WE ARE WRITTING YOU THIS LETER EH.
WE HAVE AGREED TO SHARE THE MONEY THUS:
1. 70% FOR US (THE OFFICIALS) EH
2. 20% FOR THE FOREIGN PATNER(YOU) EH
3. 10% TO BE USED IN SETTLING TAXATION AND LOCAL AND FOREIGN EXPENSES EH.
IT IS THIS 70% THAT WE WISH TO COMMENCE THE IMPORTATION BUSINESS AND THE INVESTMENT IN EUROPE. PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% SAFE AND WE HOPE THAT THE FUNDS CAN ARRIVE YOUR ACCOUNT IN LATEST TEN(10) BANKING DAYS FROM THE DATE OF RECIEPT OF THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION EH. A SUITABLE COMPANY NAME AND BANK ACCOUNT(COMPANY OR PERSONEL) INTO WHICH THE FUNDS CAN BE PAID EH.
THE ABOVE INFORMATION WILL ENABLE US WRITE LETTERS OF CLAIM AND JOB DESCRIPTION RESPECTIVELY EH. THIS WAY WE WILL USE YOUR COMPANY'S NAME TO APPLY FOR PAYMENTS AND RE-AWARD THE CONTRACT TO YOUR COMPANY NAME EH.
WE ARE LOOKING FOWARD TO DOING BUSINESS WITH YOU AND SOLICIT YOUR CONFIDENTIALITY IN THIS TRANSACTION EH.
PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE RECIEPT OF THIS LETTER USING THIS E-MAIL ADDRESS EH. I WILL BRING YOU INTO THE COMPLETE PICTURE OF THIS PENDING PROJECT WHEN I HAVE HEARD FROM YOU EH.
YOURS FATHFULLY EH,
HON. RAYMOND ETIEBET(DR).
FAX:234-1-7596980 TEL:234-1-4701056 EH
__ Someday, but not this morning, I'll finally learn to use the preview button.
the nigerian spams are my favorite! in the days of penis/breast enlarging, at least the nigerian spams had a modicum of effort put into them and an interesting story.....
I don't understand! How come these Nigerian guys live in Australia, and now Canada? The guy I sent money to was hiding out in the British Embassy in Lagos?!
i helped him out and i made a bundle! with the money, i bought a great house with a fantastic mortgage. then i married a beautiful russian bride, and i pleasure her with my surgically enlarged, viagra driven member.
Just give me your damn address and phone number! I seriously want that 2000 VW GTI VR6 GLX. Thank you and God bless.
Regards
Banks
Now even Nigerians are outsourcing their functions? Will Wonders Never Cease!
Those were the only truly *funny* spams to read.
Kind of like listening to the Iraqi Information Minister
Boy do I miss him!
-- TT
TT
My work bud finally had enough of this Nigerian scam that he decided he would a have a little fun with the situation. His deed of daring do is a damn hilarious read!
Quod scripsi, scripsi.
Click (here) and enter your email here if you want to sell me methods to increase the size of my sexual organs.
Click (here) and enter your email if you want to sell me spam stopping software.
Click (here) and enter your email if you want to use me to transfer ridiculously large sums of cash for a profitable percentage.
Click (here) and enter your email if you want me to join your dating service
Click (here) and enter your email if you want me to refinance using your service.
EULA has small print that says: Note, all buttons forward your email address to the previous clicker. Too bad, I can't require emailers to give me their correct forwarding address.
excitingthingstodo.blogspot.com
IMHO, it's the best one ever; without selling any punches, it ends in bloodshed :-)...
DEAR SIR/MADAM:
I AM MR. DARL MCBRIDE CURRENTLY SERVING AS THE PRESIDENT AND CHIEF EXECUTIVE
OFFICER OF THE SCO GROUP, FORMERLY KNOWN AS CALDERA SYSTEMS INTERNATIONAL, IN
LINDON, UTAH, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. I KNOW THIS LETTER MIGHT SURPRISE YOU
BECAUSE WE HAVE HAD NO PREVIOUS COMMUNICATIONS OR BUSINESS DEALINGS BEFORE NOW.
MY ASSOCIATES HAVE RECENTLY MADE CLAIM TO COMPUTER SOFTWARES WORTH AN ESTIMATED
$1 BILLION U.S. DOLLARS. I AM WRITING TO YOU IN CONFIDENCE BECAUSE WE URGENTLY
REQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE TO OBTAIN THESE FUNDS.
IN THE EARLY 1970S THE AMERICAN TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH CORPORATION DEVELOPED
AT GREAT EXPENSE THE COMPUTER OPERATING SYSTEM SOFTWARE KNOWN AS UNIX.
UNFORTUNATELY THE LAWS OF MY COUNTRY PROHIBITED THEM FROM SELLING THESE
SOFTWARES AND SO THEIR VALUABLE SOURCE CODES REMAINED PRIVATELY HELD. UNDER A
SPECIAL ARRANGEMENT SOME PROGRAMMERS FROM THE CALIFORNIA UNIVERSITY OF BERKELEY
DID ADD MORE CODES TO THIS OPERATING SYSTEM, INCREASING ITS VALUE, BUT NOT IN
ANY WAY TO DILUTE OR DISPARAGE OUR FULL AND RIGHTFUL OWNERSHIP OF THESE CODES,
DESPITE ANY AGREEMENT BETWEEN AMERICAN TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH AND THE
CALIFORNIA UNIVERSITY OF BERKELEY, WHICH AGREEMENT WE DENY AND DISAVOW.
IN THE YEAR 1984 A CHANGE OF REGIME IN MY COUNTRY ALLOWED THE AMERICAN
TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH CORPORATION TO MAKE PROFITS FROM THESE SOFTWARES. IN
THE YEAR 1990 OWNERSHIP OF THESE SOFTWARES WAS TRANSFERRED TO THE CORPORATION
UNIX SYSTEM LABORATORIES. IN THE YEAR 1993 THIS CORPORATION WAS SOLD TO THE
CORPORATION NOVELL. IN THE YEAR 1994 SOME EMPLOYEES OF NOVELL FORMED THE
CORPORATION CALDERA SYSTEMS INTERNATIONAL, WHICH BEGAN TO DISTRIBUTE AN UPSTART
OPERATING SYSTEM KNOWN AS LINUX. IN THE YEAR 1995 NOVELL SOLD THE UNIX SOFTWARE
CODES TO SCO. IN THE YEAR 2001 OCCURRED A SEPARATION OF SCO, AND THE SCO BRAND
NAME AND UNIX CODES WERE ACQUIRED BY THE CALDERA SYSTEMS INTERNATIONAL, AND IN
THE FOLLOWING YEAR THE CALDERA SYSTEMS INTERNATIONAL WAS RENAMED SCO GROUP, OF
WHICH I CURRENTLY SERVE AS CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER.
MY ASSOCIATES AND I OF THE SCO GROUP ARE THEREFORE THE FULL AND RIGHTFUL OWNERS
OF THE OPERATING SYSTEM SOFTWARES KNOWN AS UNIX. OUR ENGINEERS HAVE DISCOVERED
THAT NO FEWER THAN SEVENTY (70) LINES OF OUR VALUABLE AND PROPRIETARY SOURCE
CODES HAVE APPEARED IN THE UPSTART OPERATING SYSTEM LINUX. AS YOU CAN PLAINLY
SEE, THIS GIVES US A CLAIM ON THE MILLIONS OF LINES OF VALUABLE SOFTWARE CODES
WHICH COMPRISE THIS LINUX AND WHICH HAS BEEN SOLD AT GREAT PROFIT TO VERY MANY
BUSINESS ENTERPRISES. OUR LEGAL EXPERTS HAVE ADVISED US THAT OUR CONTRIBUTION
TO THESE CODES IS WORTH AN ESTIMATED ONE (1) BILLION U.S. DOLLARS.
UNFORTUNATELY WE ARE HAVING DIFFICULTY EXTRACTING OUR FUNDS FROM THESE COMPUTER
SOFTWARES. TO THIS EFFECT I HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE MANDATE BY MY COLLEAGUES TO
CONTACT YOU AND ASK FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE. WE ARE PREPARED TO SELL YOU A SHARE IN
THIS ENTERPRISE, WHICH WILL SOON BE VERY PROFITABLE, THAT WILL GRANT YOU THE
RIGHTS TO USE THESE VALUABLE SOFTWARES IN YOUR BUSINESS ENTERPRISE.
UNFORTUNATELY WE ARE NOT ABLE AT THIS TIME TO SET A PRICE ON THESE RIGHTS.
THEREFORE IT IS OUR RESPECTFUL SUGGESTION, THAT YOU MAY BE IMMEDIATELY A PARTY
TO THIS ENTERPRISE, BEFORE OTHERS ACCEPT THESE LUCRATIVE TERMS, THAT YOU SEND
US THE NUMBER OF A BANKING ACCOUNT WHERE WE CAN WITHDRAW FUNDS OF A SUITABLE
AMOUNT TO GUARANTEE YOUR PARTICIPATION IN THIS ENTERPRISE. AS AN ALTERNATIVE
YOU MAY SEND US THE NUMBER AND EXPIRATION DATE OF YOUR MAJOR CREDIT CARD, OR
YOU MAY SEND TO US A SIGNED CHECK FROM YOUR BANKING ACCOUNT PAYABLE TO "SCO
GROUP" AND WITH THE AMOUNT LEFT BLANK FOR US TO CONVENIENTLY SUPPLY.
KINDLY TREAT THIS REQUEST AS VERY IMPORTANT AND STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL. I
HONESTLY ASSURE YOU THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% LEGAL AND RISK-FREE.
SIGNED, GNAA PRESIDENT
PS. IF YOU HAVE MOD POINTS AND WOULD LIKE TO SUPPORT GNAA, PLEASE MODERATE THIS POST UP.
(GNAA LOGO DELETED FOR REASON OF LAMENESS FILTURE)