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How to Handle an Internet Outage

Posted by ryuzaki0 on from the delirium-tremens dept.

canadian_right writes "Do you know what to do if your internet connection goes down? This article includes many helpful tips, including a functional use for AOL disks."

16 of 341 comments (clear)

  1. Be proactive. by grub · · Score: 5, Funny


    Be proactive, people! Print off a copy of the goatse.cx guy so if and when the net chokes you can tape it to your monitor. You may not even remember that you're offline after a few hours.

    --
    Trolling is a art,
    1. Re:Be proactive. by merlin_jim · · Score: 5, Funny

      Be proactive, people! Print off a copy of the goatse.cx guy so if and when the net chokes you can tape it to your monitor. You may not even remember that you're offline after a few hours.

      For increased realism, print out copies of slashdot articles... then when the internet goes out just paste a bunch of these together, and start writing on it in pen about how the editors are so lame for posting a bunch of dupes.

      Behind that page put the goatse.cx guy. Every now and then accidently flip up the first page to view the second. Gasp in horror and bitch about the trolls before hitting the back key (by which I mean, flip page one back down)

      --
      I am disrespectful to dirt! Can you see that I am serious?!
  2. 9. Spend Time With Your Spouse? by SMOC · · Score: 5, Funny

    Is that /. slang for masturbation or something?

    --
    All errors in this comment are mine. Corrections are considered a derivative work, and punishable under copyright law.
  3. Re:How I handle internet outages by grub · · Score: 5, Funny


    flirt with women

    I always cry when I flirt with women. They all carry pepper spray nowadays.

    --
    Trolling is a art,
  4. You Know you have a problem when by fine09 · · Score: 5, Funny

    You have your ISP Service Desk on Speed Dial.

    My old ADSL connection had the habit of going down more than i would like. I had it down to a rythem. I would reboot the router, reboot the modem .... call the help desk to see what the problem is.

    I thought this was normal until my girlfriend pointed out that the only two numbers i had on my speed dial were her and my ISP

    1. Re:You Know you have a problem when by b!arg · · Score: 5, Funny

      My old ADSL connection had the habit of going down more than i would like

      Now only if you had that same problem with your girlfriend, then there'd be no need for broadband.

      I'm really sorry. It was just there for the taking.

      --

      Everybody dies frustrated and sad and that is beautiful
  5. Do you know what to do if your internet connection by Lord_Dweomer · · Score: 5, Funny
    "Do you know what to do if your internet connection goes down?"

    Look at the pr0n on my harddrive instead of the pr0n on the TGP sites?

    --
    Buy Steampunk Clothing Online!
  6. Back in college.... by tekiegreg · · Score: 5, Funny

    4 guys living in a dorm together, 2 computer majors, 1 engineering major, and one ag major who was also a geek....

    Me: "Net's down..."
    Roomie #1: "Yeap..."
    Me: "Simpson's?"
    Roomie #1: "Yeap..."

    I never really saw what the problem was...

    --
    ...in bed
  7. Why I like DSL by jchawk · · Score: 5, Interesting

    I have DSL service at home, because it runs over the phone line which does not rely on the same source of power that my house uses, I can stay connected to the internet through power outages. I have my computers, switch and dsl modem plugged into UPS backup power supplies. . . If the power goes out, my network is still online and running.

    Thankfully my internet service provider is rock solid and so is the network they operate on. My remote has had about 30 minutes of down time in the past 2 1/2 years, and it was a scheduled upgrade to the remote. :-)

    1. Re:Why I like DSL by Eponymous+Coward · · Score: 5, Insightful

      How is DSL different from dial-up or cable? You can plug any modem into a UPS. So yeah- if the power goes down, you are still able to go online, but the clock is ticking...

  8. Re:Easy... by jwbozzy · · Score: 5, Funny

    Heh, I know exactly what to do... wait for my SMC Barricade to realize the drop and dial out on the modem fallover line...
    (Yes, I did RTFA, I know it's not serious... but I wanted to brag. ^_^)

    You're using an SMC networking product. That's not bragging, that's a cry for help.

    --
    perl -e 'printf("mmm %x\n", 3735928559)'
  9. Well... by Decameron81 · · Score: 5, Funny
    "Do you know what to do if your internet connection goes down?"


    I repeatedly click on the "connect" button until it starts working again?

    Diego Rey
    --
    diegoT
  10. Whew, glad there's a FAQ for this! by Quixadhal · · Score: 5, Funny

    1. Panic!

    Ok, I can do that.... now what?

    2. Find a telephone.

    What do those do? I think you used to order pizza over them before you could get it from the internet...

    3. Use your back-up computer.

    Ummm, they're all on the same LAN, and the internet is down... how would this help?

    4. Install a Game.

    Good idea! Ok, installing.... needs a patch via the web... DAMN! Ok, online registration? DAMN! Ah, finally got it installed with no patches... now to find players on the net... DAMN!

    5. Perform Routine Maintenance.

    Sure, why not? Checking for new security updates... no connection to internet. DAMN!

    6. Turn on a television or radio.

    Hmmmm, no radio reception because of all the computers. I can watch cable TV though... I have a cable modem, it's down... so is the television! DAMN!

    7. Read

    Ok. http://slashdot.org/..... nothing there to read, it's still down. DAMN!

    8. Go Outside.

    I did. The cable is still physically connected to the house, and to the pole. Didn't help.

    9. Spend Time with Your Spouse.

    I'm supposed to meet here online for a private chatroot with web cam??? DAMN!

    10. Use your Emergency AOL Disk

    Ok, I put my coffee on it instead of directly on the desktop. Network is still down. What now?

  11. Obligatory The Onion article by Patik · · Score: 5, Funny

    48-Hour Internet Outage Plunges Nation Into Productivity
    (a mirror, since theonion.com didn't archive it)

  12. Best use for AOL discs... by Cyno01 · · Score: 5, Funny

    If you own a dremel, and most nerds should, the large sanding drum bit is the exact size of the center hole of a cd. DISCLAMER: i will not be responsible for death and/or maiming, wear saftey goggles!!! Depending on your model, you can rev it up ienough that the cd will explode in a shower of plastic and foil. Its best to hold the cd paralell to yourself as it explodes outward in the direction its spinning. I have a cordless model that only goes up to 10k RPMs, but with a lttle practice you can shake the CD off the bit while its spinning and te cd will peel out and shoot off along the ground. The force these move with is incredible, i had one shoot down the hall and explode when it impacted the radiator, a good sized chunk flew striaght back, cut my pants and my knee. Good times...

    --
    "Sic Semper Tyrannosaurus Rex."
  13. Cool, I'll bookmark this for when I need it... by barfy · · Score: 5, Funny

    This is great stuff... I bookmarked it for when I need it later!