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Spammer Sentencing Guidelines
actaeon169 writes "The Register is reporting that the Feds are seeking public comment on a proposal to amend the Federal Sentencing Guidelines to deal with those convicted of violating the law set forth in the CAN-SPAM act. Here is what the Feds have to say."
I don't see the word 'castration' in there anywhere.
Lock them away for life in a federal "Pound-Me-In-The-Ass" prison.
I wonder which kneecap to shatter first...
Make them use the products they push. Each and every one...
People say I'm crazy, I got diamonds on the soles of my shoes...
Their prison mates should have used generic viagra, have their penises enlarged and are looking for a relationship
...how long will it be before the definition of spam is extended to include not just email, but any electronic medium?
/. any time soon? :)
What I'm getting at is, will they be prosecuting people who troll on
These sigs are more interesting tha
Is it only me who thinks that calling the law CAN-SPAM seems fairly inappropriate? I'd have more faith in one called CANT-SPAM. La di da,
That's an easy one...
Once a spammer is found guilty they're put into a work camp. In this work camp they're seated at a computer with a red and a green button.
On the screen will flash up an email. They're then forced to choose spam or not spam.
Hesitation will result in a cattle prod to the privates.
Yes Francis, the world has gone crazy.
CENTURION:
Quiet! Silly person. Guards! Search the house.
[clomp clomp clomp...]
You know the penalty laid down by Roman law for criminal spamming?
RALSKY:
No.
CENTURION:
Crucifixion.
RALSKY:
Oh.
CENTURION:
Nasty, eh?
RALSKY:
Hm. Could be worse.
CENTURION:
What do you mean, 'could be worse'?
RALSKY:
Well, you could be stabbed.
CENTURION:
Stabbed? Takes a second. Crucifixion lasts hours! It's a slow, horrible death!
RALSKY:
Well, at least it gets you out in the open air.
CENTURION:
You're weird.
[clomp clomp clomp...]
SERGEANT:
No, sir. Couldn't find anything, sir.
CENTURION:
But don't worry! You've not seen the last of us, weirdo.
RALSKY:
Big Nose.
CENTURION:
Watch it.
RALSKY:
Phew, that was lucky.
From now on, each spammer convicted is required to eat one slice of spam for each email that he/she has ever sent. And eat nothing else.
Let's see that slice multiplied by 200 million or so and see how the spammer likes it.
It would seem the uncivilized chaps over at this government office haven't yet gotten something called email. That or they're deathly afraid of getting mailbombed by spammers.
Regardless, they need snail mail, AKA a written letter for public input. Since the statistical odds are that many here have forgotten how to implement this outdated technology, I have a how to:
Write your email, explaining why the death penalty for spammers is warranted.
Instead of sending your email, print it out on your printer.
Remove printed email from printer and ask an older colleague for something called an "envelope".
Insert statement of reasoning for the death penalty for spammers into the envelope. Crumpling does not work as well as folding it 3 evenly spaced times perpindicular to the vertical axis of the paper. Make sure you seal envelope after inserting letter, avoid temptation to use duct tape to make sure it doesn't fall out.
Print an envelope in your printer with the envelope feed slot. If you can't find one of those you'll have to hand print the address on the envelope.
At the top left corner of the side without the flap write your name on the first line. Write your street address on the second line. On the third line write your city followed immeadiately by a comma. Follow this with the two letter acronym for your state or residence and then your zip code.
In the middle of the same flap of the envelope put the following in the same format.
United States Sentencing Commission
One Columbus Circle, NE. Suite 2-500
Washington, DC 20002-8002
Attention: Public Affairs
Then travel to a post office, you can locate one off the Internet by going here. At this post office give the person your letter and explain you want to buy a "stamp". This will cost you 39 cents. Pu this at the top right corner of the envelope on the same side as the writing. The people at the post office will then take care of delivery. Pop3 not available.
Force feeding them Viagra and Penis enlarging pills???
;-)
Gods sake man - talk about cruel and unusual punishments!
To cap it off make them watch Paris Hilton getting it on.
And the spammers die from sudden loss of blood flow to the brain.
Worst
As long as it wasn't haiku, my condolences.
Condemnant quod non intellegunt.
he's disagreeing! he must be a spammer! get him!
I'm prepared to compromise on forcing the spammer to copy out by hand every spam they are convicted of sending.