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SCO Lobbying Congress Against Open Code
An anonymous reader writes "Along with suing Novell - it was announced today that SCO has been lobbying Congress about the horrifying ways that Linux and the rest of open source software saves users money, allows others to use the software anyway they see fit and 'gasp' causes SCO to not make as much money as they would like. Along with all of the usual FUD. OSAIA has the details (as well as a rebuke)." Darl's words will seem pretty transparent, even funny, to anyone aware of the widespread acceptance and use of Free / Open Source software (by individuals, governments, non-profits, and even companies like SCO) -- but you might have to point this out to your servants in Congress.
So when will SCO be lobbying God to stop all these bad things? Seems like the next logical step in that fantasy world Darl lives in.
Human nature is the same everywhere; the modes only are different. -- Earl of Chesterfield
1. Open source software is free, leading management and general users to believe that no one ever should pay for anything software-related.
2. Open-source products are available to anyone, which led to outflux of jobs out of United States, since a developer in Tanzania knows Apache or MySQL just as well, but is willing to work for 2 kilos of rice a day, unlike their greedy American counterparts.
3. Open-source projects have never been tested and approved by Microsoft or other reliable software vendors with market cap over 100 billion and public trust behind them.
4. All open source companies are either bankrupt, or litigating, or in the process of bankruptcy/litigation process.
5. Open source companies contributed more to the job losses in the software industry than any other company sector. Microsoft had always been hiring and so have other closed-source companies.
6. Open source does not have a vital business model.
7. There are many software shops that write little Access-thingies and make thousands of dollars per month. Microsoft had made thousand of millionaires in the software business. Linux so far only earned money for IBM and HP.
8. As Linus himself shamefully admitted, errno.h was shamelessly copied from SCO Software Development Labs. Thus the terrorist organizations around the world know the error codes for any Linux system and potentially coudl disrupt nuclear reactors and spaceships.
Run. RUN!!! Run to your local lawmaker and have them change the rules. A play right out of Darl's CEO 101 Handbook.
Its too late, Darl. You can't preserve your house of cards by hoping someone will change the laws of physics for you.
"You can lead a man to congress, but you can't make him think."
- Milton Berle
Awww... I was hoping the "impact" you were going to talk about would be measured in crater size...
Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie!" until you can find a rock.
# $version 0.01$
my $funds = get_money('src'=>'microsoft');
$funds += get_money('src'=>'sun');
$funds += get_money('src'=>'baystar');
$funds += get_money('src'=>'hapless_investors');
while ( $funds > 0 )
{
$funds -= pay_legal();
sue_someone('target'=>rand);
public_release('threat'=>rand);
}
die;
  ;
1. The threat to the U.S information technology industry
"Please legislate to save our industry so we can send it to offshore sweatshops and make gazillions (and those election campaigns ain't cheap hey Mr Congresscritter )."
2. The threat to our international competitive position.
"Forget anthrax - Linux is the real WMD!"
3. The threat to our national security.
"Forget Saddam - Linus is the real enemy of humanity, and you can add Finland to the axis of evil! Those Finns, what have they done for us recently, with their weird language and dinky little phones."
We would lose less from an intelligence standpoint if we sent Darl instead.
Physics makes the world go 'round.
"But a computer expert in North Korea who has a number of personal computers and an internet connection can download the latest version of Linux, complete with multi-processing capabilities misappropriated from UNIX..."
I'm just wondering. It'd be awfully funny if it is.
It would appear it isn't.
"A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of" - Ogden Nash
That depends what the meaning of the word 'is' is.
Next, the Oil companies try to outlaw bicycles?
Calling atheism and agnosticism a religion is like calling bald a hair color.
Not to mention the PR standpoint. I don't think PETA would be very happy with the chimp idea, but SCO execs...?
> I wonder when Microsoft is going to come out behind SCO's curtain?
When the hard-on goes away.
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
Then the claim could be made that it is faith based and since that is the thing that the administration likes best (after wars, oil and Profit!) it might serve as some level of protection.
Sadly, a full text search of the King James Bible fails to turn up either the term "copyleft" or "gnu". Though there is the "Gnu Testament", but I don't think that will convince anyone. (Though there may be a connection. Amazon.com tells me that : "Customers interested in The Linux Bible: The Gnu Testament may also be interested in: Free for Christians " Everything is for Christians. Everything is free. . Though that web page seems lacking in much in the way of "Free" software. )
Myself, I am still waiting for them to sue me over use of their code with a license...
Been modded interesting, insightful and funny. Why does real life have to be so different?
pardon my ignorance, but isn't Lobbying supposed to be done less openly? or is Lobbyist some kind of profession in USA?
NASA chimmed in on the issue to report that the Mars rover found what appears to be a fossilized brain about the size of a pea. Analysts believe it to be the one missing from SCO's current in-house lunatic CEO. Satan also came clean today, commenting on a contract several years ago where one Darl McBride sold a total of one soul for complete supremecy of all open source code. News to follow as it becomes available.
Mr. Garrison: Excuse me, what the hell are you doing?
Agent 1: It's alright, we're with the government.
Agent 2: We're just shutting you down.
Mr. Garrison: Shutting me down? Why?
Agent 3: The airlines are in desperate trouble. Your vehicle is causing them to lose money.
Mr. Garrison: Yeah, well that was the point, dingleberry! put that down!
Agent 4: Right, so the government is bailing the airlines out again, but shutting you down and making ITs illegal.
Mr. Garrison: OH, GOD-DAMNIT! You'd better be kidding!
Agent 5: Sir, many people work for the airlines. We can't let them all be fired.
Mr. Garrison: THE AIRLINE COMPANIES ARE LOSING MONEY BECAUSE OF THEIR OWN INCOMPETENCE AND THEIR OWN INEFFICIENCY!!
Agent 6: That may be true. But if you build, sell, or ride another IT, "it" will be the last time. Have a nice night.
"She's a scientist and a lesbian. She's not going to let it slide." Orphan Black
This is like saying that women should not be able to give sex out for free because it competes with the rights of hookers to rent what they got at exhorbitant prices.
Way to go SCO!!!!
Damm commie countries have it easy these days when was i spy for mother russia I had to steal secrets using russian microcamera, then walk 15 blocks in the snow.
You know what sleeping dogs I'm referring to don't you? No? Well, let me refresh your memory. Hackers! That's right, Hackers, Geeks, Software Engineers, G-P-Lers! Oh, now you remember. Well, do you also remember a few years ago when we all talked about how the Hackers were going to take over the world and how every household would be run by Hackers and their filthy free software? Oh, yeah, we feared the Hackers back in them days and for good reason too. Now, all I hear is poor little Geeks, they've got no money. Poor little Hackers, they've been arrested. Poor little Nerdies this and poor little Coders that.
Don't you get it? Am I the only one that gets it? It's a trick! Free software never dies. Free software is a cancer. A cancer that is sleeping, waiting to devour our freedom. Devour democracy.
Oh, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "This guy's just some money-grubbing, lawsuit-filing wannabe-attorney who had a horrible upbringing and whose father beat him every day with a bible." Well, that may be true, but it never did me any harm!
All I'm saying is, a few years ago, people listened to what I had to say. I fit in. Well, listen to me now. The Hackers, they're going to try to take over the world again. Don't you forget that for one second, friend, or else you'll be lining up for source code in a God-less world.
There's one more thing I'd like to say. Linux! You forgot about it, didncha? Well, that's just what they want us to do, that's right. The Hacker GPLers, the Linux Geeks, they're like this!
So when people say to me, 'Let sleeping dogs lye." I say, to them, 'Friend, sleeping dogs, they eventually wake up and chew out the throat of democracy! Don't think I don't know what you're up to, Hackers. Don't think I'm unaware that Sam Palmisano or should I say, l33t5killz is one of you! (pulls up Sam from behind the desk)
Sam: (tied up with a gag in his mouth) He's crazy!
Crazy like a fanatic -- FOX, I mean! (pushes Sam back down behind his desk) Down you fanatic geek! (starts beating Sam with a stack of legal briefs) One man, one consumer! One man, one consumer!
-----------------------
You are what you think.
What's that? the best lobbyist in town?
No, it means that he's the most lobby person in the state. He might be the most lobby guy in the nation, but as we all know, the National Lobby Championship isn't until March. Does it make more sense now?
Mr. Bush will be re-elected, but he won't work for the adoption of a constitutional amendment defining marriage as a union of a man and a woman. Instead, he will push through an amendment defining F/OSS software as an al-Qaeda plot to corrupt the value of the American software industry, thereby exposing all GPL licensors to the risk of being deemed enemy combatants. Get ready, Linus. Guantanamo Bay beckons.
Come on, SCO. We know, we know. Here's a blanket, you poor, poor man. Have some hot coffee, and a nice warm plate of turkey and gravy. You remember Linus? Your social worker? We were all worried about you. We heard you yelling and carrying on. Linus is glad to see you.
"He's full of... LIES! He's one of them!"
There, there. Linus is your friend, remember? He gave you all that nice Open Source medication--
"Tried to POISON me, he DID! He, he stole those magic pills from ME! You hear me? ARF ARF! Call the guards! Guards! Help me, this man POISONED ME!"
I understand. You're cold and confused. Off your medication. There, there... we'll make it all better. Now, hand me that butter knife, put poor Mrs. User down, and we'll have a nice chat..."
"LIES! ALL LIES! I'LL SUE YOU ALL!!!"
Oh dear. Well, he'll go to sleep eventually. Just keep an eye on him so he doesn't hurt any of the the others, and he'll be fine. Mrs. User, can you just be patient and humor him for a while? He's had a bad business deal, and he's all out of sorts.
"SCO Senior Vice President Chris Sontag said there are millions of lines of offending code involved and that it's highly unlikely the matter could be resolved by removing that code."
yet in this letter, Darl is only claiming *thousands*: "I find this particularly galling because that Linux software contains thousands of lines of my company's proprietary UNIX code..."
Gee, I guess the magnitude of the issue has just be cranked down by 3 orders of magnitude -- the claimed infraction is now just 0.1% of the original claim. Do you think we will see SCO adjusting the $3B claim on IBM down to $3M ?
And IBM has lobbyists too, plus they could easily donate the entire value of SCO to political campaigns if they wanted to.
But what would anyone really want with 47 cents worth of stock options?
Stop the Slashdot effect! Don't read the articles!
...cause it sounds like their getting/smoking some of the finest shit money can buy, I mean you'd have to to write that kinda stuff. As soon as they can get that stuff on the streets, we'll all be better off. /cheek/tongue
rm
No use working on Linux anymore guys, or any GPL'ed project for that matter. These projects are not driven by profit and are therefore not innovative.
Sorry to bring you the bad news.
"She's a West Texas girl, just like me" - G.W Bush Iraqis
If you want to pitch this to congress, the stress should not be on how Linux is already international. It should be that SCO's actions are decreasing the amount of Linux being developed in the US, and giving businesses in other nations a head start in implementing new features. (Sure, everything spreads so fast that head start can't exceed a few days, but, even if it's tiny, it's there). We must act now to close the Linux Gap!
See IBM. IBM is very patriotic.
See Linus. Gee, with a name straight from the most loveable kid in Peanuts, how could he not be patriotic? See Linus choose to live in the US while developing his software.
See RMS. Ooops! See RMS's mother. She's a nice lady. She must be patriotic. (Quick, we need a stand in for RMS's mother. She has to bake apple pies. Lots of Apple Pies.).
Who is John Cabal?
Dear Congress,
Be wise, listen to SCO, and make Open Source illegal in the USA.
The First and Third world will probably not be so insightful and will continue to allow Open Source and its products, such as Linux.
Our businesses will suffer because we can't make any money anymore from programming commercial software for billions of users. Instead we'll have to rely on (admittedly cheap and trustworthy) software to drive our businesses and get money from building dedicated software and more tangible products. OK, we may get rich, even filthy rich, but we will never get disgustingly rich.
In the meantime, in the USA you will be safe from the Open Source evil and can trust in your home-produced, expensive (and therefore obviously excellent) Microsoft products. We are very sorry that the export of those same products will come to a halt, but such is life.
You can be sure that we will examine the papers of any Open Source geeks that want to emigrate from the USA closely. We wouldn't want the USA to lose their tech potential. Of course, we can't guarantee anything, since many countries would welcome them, but be ensured that you have our sympathies.
And anyway, litigation is much more lucrative than producing actual goods. Too bad here we have not yet been able to latch on to the litigation bubble, but it is certainly the way of the future.
Regards,
As an Atheist I'm surprised that you couldn't have just ignored the discussion and just shut the hell up. Do you get stabing pains behind your eyes or something whenever someone discusses a religion you do not personally ascribe to?
Love thy neighbor indeed.
So you're proudly declaring the US as "more free than China"? Well I guess it's a start.
---- Den ene knappen er powerknapp, den andre er Bender voice knapp "Bite My Shiny Metal Ass"