Slashdot Mirror
'Brain Pacemakers' Being Tested
meshmar writes "Shades of 'The Terminal Man'? Rob Stein of The Washington Post has reported, via MSNBC, that: 'A handful of scientists around the world have begun cautiously experimenting with devices implanted in patients' bodies to deliver precisely targeted electrical stimulation to the brain in hopes of treating otherwise hopeless behavioral, neurological and psychiatric disorders.' A lot of good can come out of this - potentially. But I can see a the potential for misuse too."
-- Slashdot, making the Left look conservative since 1997.
Reserve one, under the name George W. Bush. He'll need a lot of boosting in that section. Thank you.
Didn't the bad dudes in Battle Field Earth have implants that caused them to be extra agressive and bad actors.
Trust me, I speak from experience... I've electricuted myself enough times to know that only bad things come of passing electricity through the brain via outside stimulus... (notice my horrible spelling, contrary to popular belief, I used to be good at spelling until I decided to staple a live electrical wire...)
---
Programming is like sex... Make one mistake and support it the rest of your life.
This would be a good thing. If I had an implant I could program my computer at work to monitor my brainwaves. When they showed I was asleep my system could give me a little wake up jolt.
"3M We don't make your brain. We make it better."
I am Bennett Haselton! I am Bennett Haselton!
Dr. Vosknocker: Now, I want you to say "doggy".
Cartman: Doggy.
Dr. Vosknocker: [to audience] Notice, that nothing happens. [to Cartman] Now, say "montana".
Cartman: Montana.
Dr. Vosknocker: Good. Now, "pillow".
Cartman: Pillow.
Dr. Vosknocker: Alright. Now I want you to say "horse f*cker".
Mrs. Cartman: Go on, honey. It's alright.
Cartman: Horse fu-- [gets shocked by the V-chip] That hurts, god damn it!
[gets shocked again]
Dr. Vosknocker: Now I want you to say "big floppy donkey dick".
Cartman: No!
Dr. Vosknocker: [to audience] Success! The child doesn't want to swear!
Cartman: This isn't fair, you sons of bi--
[gets shocked repeatedly]
Check out the best P2P sharing website: MEDIACHEST.COM
Yeah, I think that would suppress my appetite...
The possiblities are astounding! Buy a Microsoft product, get an orgasm!
Oh God no, I'll never let them put one of their mind control thingies in me. I swear, if I ever found out that they tried to put something like that in my head, I would take their stupid implant and#FA3T32FEAFf3#r325[NO CARRIER]
Wh47 d1d j00 541, 31337 15n't t3h r0xor5 ne m0r3???
they can have control over my brain when they pry it out of my cold, dead skull!
Hi im ::ZAP!:: Steve, dont mind ::ZAP!:: me i use to ::ZAP!:: suffer from anxiety atta ::ZAP!:: cks. Now i just ::ZAP!:: stutter.
Dance mailman, dance!
zzzzzap!
- For the complete works of Shakespeare: cat
...get this urge to build a large electromagnet and aim at the head of someone with this implant? Just for the 'scientific value' off course *evil smile*
Everything in the world is controlled by a small, evil group to which, unfortunately, no one you know belongs.
I've been a victiZZZZZT ... beneficiary of this technology and I would like to say it has brought me nothing but extreme paiZZZZZZT ... joy as I see that other people may now implanted with this horrifiZZZZZZZZZTTTT ... hopeful device.
This will get out of hand when you can get
an implant for $599 that stimulates the pleasure
centers on demand, possibly tied to your latest
VR-based game console. Now, just add some
viagra and....
OK so my first reaction brings back memories of a naked Patrick Stewart but I digress....
"You've got the crazies. I prescribe 5 milliamps every 3 hours."
The coolest voice ever.
i'd hate to see what happens when you use this device WITH a tinfoil hate, i mean the foil conducts electricity right? if the device is malfunctioning it could create a huge spark that fries all of your hair, which as we know helps to stop the government from reading your head where you have the tattoo's of secret numbers
I have a brain pacemaker and it sucks...*ZAP*
I mean they're fantastic.
Only on slashdot would someone try to make a serious point and use South Park as an example.
Things look far more frightening, in fact. Genetic weapons could do more than destroy an ethnic group. They could kill according to a person's 'usefulness' or 'talents'. American journalist and bestselling author Thom Hartmann has argued that it would even be possible to kill those with the gene for attention deficit disorder. This means that if you are easily distracted and have a hard time concentrating (there could be other selection criteria as well), you could end up marked for destruction. The Mark of Doom Finally! A solution for those trolls
MoFscker
I think the concern is that people would do precisely that. After all, it happened on both Futurama *and* the Simpsons, so naturally it's of grave concern to the Slashdot editors.
What I'm listening to now on Pandora...
"A lot of good can come out of this - potentially. But I can see a the potential for misuse too."
It's pretty ironic that the editor is paranoid about a procedure to cure paranoia.
Y'know; I *HAVE* been thinking about overclocking my brain. Of course, the heat-sink would be a bit awkward.
Paul Lenhart writes words!
btw, what is up with the mini-flag at the top of the page?
Lasers Controlled Games!
It would probably be:
Buy a Microsoft product, get a BSOD (Blue Schock Of Death)!
But I can OUCH! see a the OUCH! potential for OUCH! misuse too.
OUCH! Dammit! Stop that!
Sort of Clockwork Orangesque, eh?
Yeah, let's overclock one of these puppies! ;-)
-psy
...but only if they wire it up to the orgasm center of my brain and give me a remote control button to activate it.
Buy a Microsoft product, get an orgasm!
:-)
You're under the mistaken assumption that people have an orgasm every time they're screwed
it was called something like "Star Trek: TNG" and they called the implants "borg" technology....whatever that means to anyone. The special reruns quite often so you can probably still catch it on certain stations.
"Look Lois, the two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a fat white guy who is threatened by change."
We've replaced all of your tin foil with aluminum foil, which is totally permeable to our MK-ULTRA mind control beams!
While this channel is open:
Attention!
Attention all implantees!
You will now believe that smearing cottage cheese into your hair will prevent the CIA from putting voices in your heads! Report to the nearest dumpster and root around for cartons of expired cottage cheese.
Implantees with last names beginning with a letter from A to Z should STOP taking their medication.
Implantees with last names beginning with secret alphabet letters should continue not taking their medication.
That is all.
Stefan "Mental illness is a serious thing and nothing to make fun of except by insenstive jerks" Jones
I can barely begin to imagine the error messages.
OK, we have a "computer" here in the lab that's crashing a lot, and losing people's data, and we have this new theory for how to fix it. I don't exactly know how these "computers" work, of course, so we can't be sure... but we have some ideas gleaned we from when we used to just get rid of them when they broke. A lot of times, we'd take a computer out of the garbage pile and see what was inside. They're mostly green plastic in there. Lots of very small, small parts - too small for the eye to see. No one knows how they all work together, yet, but we put one in an X-Ray and gave it an MRI and we notice that certain parts are hotter than others when the computer is doing different tasks. Also, we put a computer in the blender and then studied the little chunks under a microscope. So we're definitely making progress.
Based on all this we figure Jim in maintenance can insert some electrical probes into the "chips" and send in little shocks with just the right voltage to stop Microsoft Word from crashing so much. Plus we think it might really help our Quake 3 framerates.
We think this could be better than the best idea we've had so far, having computer therapists sit with them and press different keys to try to recreate past successes we've had by trial and error. It couldn't be worse than our previous attempts, which involved just putting unruly computers in the closet until they got better on their own, or administering electric shocks to the outside of the case, or (my favorite) just taking the sucker down to the shop and really giving it a good whack on the drill press.
Somebody call Discover Magazine.
Want to Know How to Cheat the GPL? Read On!
It's long been know that genius is "in bed" with madness.
Yes, and we know why my wife and I have such a good time...
Oh, nevermind...
Norris/Palin 2012
Fact: We deserve leaders who can kick your ass and field dress your carcass.
Great Googlymoogly! I can start using a two-handed keyboard again!
Chicks with small tits?
---- It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again. It does this whenever it's told.
A fork can kill a person.
A bomb can kill a person.
eating with a bomb is such a pain. Except with the Claymore mines: they have a nice curved spoon-like shape.
PS Don't take that 'potato-masher' grenade thing literally.
I want to drag this out as long as possible. Bring me my protractor.
Imagine a Beowulf clu-BZZZT ungh...
OK I'm all better now.