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Yellowstone Super-Eruption Threat Debunked

GennyCream writes "The Internet has been all a-buzz with tin-foil-hat geeks have been in a tizzy over supposed government coverups of a soon-to-come super eruption in Yellowstone (especially see The Shadow Confederacy, but also Rense.com, or BlackVault for entertaining examples). I found an article on ATSNN.com (the Above Top Secret News Network) that cut the paranoia with the proverbial knife and went straight to the source. Their interview with USGS Yellowstone scientists covers all the angles and should inspire the mad-hatters to find something else to fear (for now)."

33 of 295 comments (clear)

  1. It's Gonna Blow! by l810c · · Score: 5, Funny

    Have ya ever seen that commercial where the park ranger is pouring all the Metamucil down the Old Faithful? This could have serious adverse effects on the entire caldera. I mean, you can only pinch the cheeks for so long. It's bound to blow soon.

    1. Re:It's Gonna Blow! by SuperBanana · · Score: 4, Funny
      Have ya ever seen that commercial where the park ranger is pouring all the Metamucil down the Old Faithful?

      Yeah, but come to think of it, not recently...no wonder they're having problems! Quick, someone pop down to CVS and buy a can! Or maybe spring a little extra for some of that grit-free stuff...

    2. Re:It's Gonna Blow! by kidgenius · · Score: 4, Funny

      Caldera huh? Looks around for an SCO connection

    3. Re:It's Gonna Blow! by B3ryllium · · Score: 5, Funny

      I've never seen a CVS up here in Canada, but I've seen their ads. Every single time I see it, I swear I want to go in there and ask if they have any previous revisions of drugs.

      Hook me up with the deltas, man.

    4. Re:It's Gonna Blow! by Salgak1 · · Score: 4, Funny
      Yeah, but an SCO connection implies:

      (1) A Huge amount of noise and rumbling. . .
      and. . .
      (2) An eventual, almost silent and un-noticeable implosion. . . .

    5. Re:It's Gonna Blow! by lord_nightrose · · Score: 1, Funny

      Somehow, I never made that connection. I suppose you could always check the repository for suppositories, eh?

      --
      This is not part of my post. It's my signature. I bet you're disappointed.
    6. Re:It's Gonna Blow! by FauxPasIII · · Score: 5, Funny

      -nod- I always have similar musings about the upscale clothing store 'Cache' in our local mall. They have a small, very busy store on level 1 of the mall.

      If you want to see what a blank stare looks like, ask them if they have a larger but less busy store on level 2.

      --
      25% Funny, 25% Insightful, 25% Informative, 25% Troll
  2. Guv'mint conspiracy? by Captain_Chaos · · Score: 5, Funny
    Hey, I can recycle my subject lines!

    Their interview with USGS Yellowstone scientists covers all the angles and should inspire the mad-hatters to find something else to fear (for now).

    Of course they won't. If anything they'll take it as a confirmation of the big government conspiracy to cover it up! The scientists were obviously on the government's payroll... (as they probably are, of course).

  3. Dead fish? by Captain_Chaos · · Score: 5, Funny

    From the article: Large numbers of dead fish were not found in Yellowstone Lake, or any other lake in Yellowstone.

    <HATTER TYPE="mad">So where were they found then?</HATTER>
    1. Re:Dead fish? by kfg · · Score: 5, Funny

      Supermarkets.

      KFG

    2. Re:Dead fish? by demonbug · · Score: 4, Funny

      Showing that it was an obvious cover-up. Why would a supermarket in the middle of Wyoming be stocked with fish? They eat bear and caribou and elk there. Obviously the fish were planted at the supermarkets in question - some of that "cultural interference" you see in the seismo data is probably the huge trucks they used to haul the dead fish around.

    3. Re:Dead fish? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny


      strangely enough though, the dead fish weigh exactly the same amount as a piece of dead wood, conspiracy i tell you

  4. Suuure... by i+love+pineapples · · Score: 5, Funny

    Their interview with USGS Yellowstone scientists covers all the angles

    You'd like us to think that, wouldn't you? But everyone knows that angles were an invention brought to us by the purple skinned cat-people around the same time they built the pyramids and invented the mass hallucination that is Sweden! Nice try, though.

  5. Here's your hat by KalvinB · · Score: 2, Funny

    "Cheny's undisclosed location interestingly enough or at least I've seen him around the Jackson area a number of times"

    I suggest you wear your tinfoil hat. The government is gonna get you now.

    Ben

    1. Re:Here's your hat by BWJones · · Score: 2, Funny

      I suggest you wear your tinfoil hat. The government is gonna get you now.

      No, no. You will notice I said "Cheny's", not "Cheney's". :-)

      Yeah, that's it. Old man Cheny down the road. The farmer. Yeah, you know him.......The guy with the horses.......and....the....big...barn...at...the end of the road?

      --
      Visit Jonesblog and say hello.
  6. Eruptions in the US by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    I subcontract in the USGS CVO (Cascade volcano observatory).

    There is no big eruption planned in the continental US (don't know about Alaska or Hawaii). Otherwise I'd know.

    1. Re:Eruptions in the US by TyrelHaveman · · Score: 2, Funny

      lol. You're planning eruptions, are you? I'd like for Mt. Baker to erupt in the next couple days so it disturbs the way of life and I don't have to write my History paper. Thanks!

    2. Re:Eruptions in the US by ultrasound · · Score: 4, Funny
      There is no big eruption planned in the continental US

      Maybe its an unplanned eruption?

  7. Yellowstone? Whatever! by AssProphet · · Score: 0, Funny

    Dood, Yellostone doesn't exist.

    It's just a coverup for a voodoo science plant / CIA Nazi bunker.

    think about it...

  8. If there's one thing you can count on ... by mateomiguel · · Score: 5, Funny
    Their interview with USGS Yellowstone scientists covers all the angles and should inspire the mad-hatters to find something else to fear (for now)."


    If there's one thing you can count on, its that mad-hatters never let any facts get in their way.
  9. Caldera everywhere by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny
    Q: Have you seen rates of deformation anywhere in the caldera that have warranted an increased condition code? What level is the deformation criteria at currently?

    A: No. Upward and downward movement of the ground has been observed at Yellowstone using GPS and satellite interferometry measurement and many other caldera systems. This has lead to the idea that the dynamics of caldera ground motions are a composite of magmatic and hydrothermal fluid movement, but they have not led to eruptions in historic time at Yellowstone.
    Enough with the SCO stories, already!!
  10. Coast to Coast AM by sn0wcrash · · Score: 4, Funny

    I will not believe anything these qualified scientists say until I here a Dr. of Quackology tell me it all safe on Coast to Coast AM. Until then I will believe this news is all a coverup to keep people from panicking. We all know the Gov't has a tiem machine and knows the truth!

  11. Ay Caramba.. by prakslash · · Score: 2, Funny

    After all this waiting you are telling me, that thing won't blow?
    Well, that damn thing sucks!!

  12. Re:Geological Time by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    I pretty much hold with the crowd that predicts massive volcanic eruptions, shifting of plates, the erosion of entire mountain ranges, massive glaciation, massive floods...big canyons being carved in deserts, cities sinking under the ocean, deserts turning to forests, forests turning to desert and every single thing you can imagine.

    ...cats and dogs, living together...

  13. Re:Is it just me or .. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    questioning something like the moon landings is immediately ridiculed

    I agree, they shouldn't be immediately ridiculed but rather let them go on national TV with their tin foil hat theories and make an idiot of themselves.

  14. Re:You can all take off your tin-foil hats now.... by BWJones · · Score: 3, Funny

    Ah, but your father in law is part of the massive conspiracy!

    As a member of the Illuminati, I know that he is most certainly not a part of the conspiracy. :-)

    --
    Visit Jonesblog and say hello.
  15. Re:Conspiracy theories?? by crabpeople · · Score: 2, Funny
    ok..

    because the government NEEDS the hot springs. Millions of peoples go every year to the yellowstone to bathe in the hot springs. they are infected with various diseases (varries by year), in order to conduct wide-spread Genetic Trials on the populace. The goal? Well their short term goals consist of building a database using the peverted bacterium nucleosis. A terrible gene that affects the ability of the cel to produce the lesser know substance from its cousin -RNA. when this RNA bankrupt gene bonds with the cells it slowly affects their homeostasis. once this is acomplished, it is mere SLIGHT OF HAND to take a drop of blood, analyze it and pull up a file on ANY PERSON IN THE USA.

    Longterm goals are unclear. they are reciving funding from major fortune 500 companies, in order to get the industry in place. as more and more industry falls under their control (the puppets who hold the scythe over your head) the "men in red", will enter into a long standing war. this war will be on the "bad" genes. once it discovers them -- using sites like yellowstone ntl park (there are also MANY sites in NEW ZELAND) -- it will slowly introduce cancer spreading toxins -- weeding out the inferior.


    i suggest you take THAT up with your official park ranger
    go now.

    --
    I'll just use my special getting high powers one more time...
  16. Re:Is it just me or .. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Thats a pretty sad story. I would have asked her why she stopped taking her medication.

  17. No worries about Volcanos!! Whew! (Read) by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny


    George Bush hears your concerns, and today announced a $2 billion dollar package to setup the Department of Homeland Vulcanism. Famous actor Andy Dick is well thought to be slated for the new director position, getting him a seat in Bush's cabinet. Bush's fondness for Dick is well known.

    The new department is expected to fund research into two main areas, eruption preventing "volcano plugs" and earthquake preventing "tectonic plate glue". Many question whether the new director is up to the task, but white house spokesman Fleischer insists "Bush knows Dick."

  18. hmm by revolvement · · Score: 1, Funny

    Their interview with USGS Yellowstone scientists covers all the angles and should inspire the mad-hatters to find something else to fear (for now)."

    That's what they want you to think.


    /tinfoilhat

  19. Attention /. readers: by defishguy · · Score: 3, Funny

    RE: Copyright Infringement

    From: D. McBride

    Attention: It has come to our attention that some newsworthy geologic fluctuations are occurring at Yellowstone National Park Lake. It has also come to our attention that several scientists and conspiracy advocates are unlawfully using the term "Caldera" to describe what is otherwise known as a super volcano. Please be advised that "Caldera", "Caldera Systems", and "Caldera Anything Else" are copyrights owned by the SCO Corporation. You are advised that as of March the 12th we will begin legal action to protect our copyrights. Additionally a lawsuit against against the Federal Government for ownership of the "Yellowstone National Park" as we believe that Yellowstone Lake is a derivative work built on our copyright.

    Thank You:

    Santa Cruz Operation
    AKA: Owners and Master of the Known Universe

  20. Re:Non-answers by Mr+Guy · · Score: 2, Funny

    However, you are going to want to duck because there are large numbers of fish RAINING down from ABOVE the lake. We, personally, believe they are not dead until the SPLAT AGAINST the land AROUND the lake.

  21. Rule # 1 when talking about Illuminati by Archangel+Michael · · Score: 2, Funny

    You shall not talk about the Illuminati, except on pain of Death.

    As an expert on the Illuminati, I can reasonably conclude that you are NOT a member of the Illuminati.

    If you want to know my qualifications as an expert, I cannot tell you. You understand?

    --
    Agent K: A *person* is smart. People are dumb, stupid, panicky animals, and you know it.