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U.S. Prepares to Get Nuked

Posted by michael on from the manhattan-property-values-drop-precipitously dept.

There's an important story in the NYT about new efforts from the U.S. national laboratories to retain and improve their ability to identify nuclear fallout. In a nutshell, any fissionable materials turned into a nuclear weapon will be composed of a specific ratio of various radionuclides, which form a sort of signature, which can be used to identify the source of the fissionable material. The problem is, naturally, that you're probably doing this after the detonation.

30 of 606 comments (clear)

  1. At least by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    The internet will survive it... right?

    1. Re:At least by HepCatA · · Score: 5, Funny

      Of course! The military has to get its porn from SOMEWHERE after a nuclear event. That's what it was designed for.

    2. Re:At least by aukaru · · Score: 2, Funny

      Don't worry about the military. It has a large stockpile of electronic and print in bunkers ready for distribution. They also have stuff you can't get in their classified storage. The collection grows everyday. Why do you think they have been in Afghanistan so long? They are looking through all the caves for videos containing hot Al-Qaida action.

    3. Re:At least by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      If it was true he could tell us exactly when the us would get nuked, he could be the greatest inntelligence piece ever!

      Also he could get a laid. A lot.

    4. Re:At least by Tassach · · Score: 4, Funny

      Ohhh... like that ever-popular Taliban favorite, "Babes in Burquas VII". I hear that you can actually see their hair in that one.

      --
      Why is it that the proponents of "one nation under God" are so eager to get rid of "liberty and justice for all"?
  2. Obligatory.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    First strike!

  3. Flash by Ethernet_Jedi · · Score: 5, Funny

    Like the blinding flash, shockwave and mushroom cloud wouldn't give you a clue

    1. Re:Flash by Imperator · · Score: 5, Funny

      I run Mozilla on Linux so I'm safe from all that flash and shockwave stuff, right?

      --

      Gates' Law: Every 18 months, the speed of software halves.
    2. Re:Flash by YetAnotherLogin · · Score: 2, Funny

      Not to mention the coldfusion that would ensue after the fireworks. Keep dreamweaving!

  4. Hah! by darth_MALL · · Score: 3, Funny

    Doesn't worry me...I'm Ready

    1. Re:Hah! by Borg453b · · Score: 4, Funny

      That site says nothing about zombie infestations, the obvious choice of future attack.

      Here are a few free pointers:
      Seek out a mall. It will contain canned foods and hardware for fighting off the zombie horde.

      Trust your fellow man to go insane under pressure. He/She will attempt to flee a safe location, endangering those that hide within.. or he or she may force you to stay in an a deathtrap.

      --

      - Mad, ingenous - they've both left you puzzled -
    2. Re:Hah! by darth_MALL · · Score: 2, Funny

      It will probably beat my "Evening of the Living" starring me and the in-laws.

  5. OB quote. by dhalgren99 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Someone set us up the bomb!

  6. Can't we just... by jwthompson2 · · Score: 3, Funny

    nuke them first?

    --
    Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. -Martin Luther
  7. They did this in Sum of All Fears - Clancy by Aindair · · Score: 5, Funny

    I hope the fact that Clancy wrote a novel about airlines used as bombs before 9/11 doesn't mean that there is an entire US Gov division researching his books and making policy decisions based on things in them. Oh wait, I guess this could be better than SOME of the reality we live in.

  8. Im not worried by falcon5768 · · Score: 4, Funny

    as per ready.gov's instructions... i got my 25 miles of ductape... fuck those nukes!

    --

    "Slashdot, where telling the truth is overrated but lying is insightful."

  9. Re:Nuked not by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Radioactive exploding crap? Damn, and I thought regular exploding crap was bad!

  10. 2 eyed fish... by bcore · · Score: 4, Funny

    You know you're living in a radioactive area if these are hopping around!

  11. So to recap the day... by oldmildog · · Score: 5, Funny
    So to recap what we've learned today, the following will die:
    • Tivo
    • Civilization on Mars
    • AOL
    • Apple
    • America
    --
    They have the Internet on computers now?
    1. Re:So to recap the day... by 1s44c · · Score: 4, Funny

      So to recap what we've learned today, the following will die:

      Tivo
      Civilization on Mars
      AOL
      Apple
      America

      It's a shame about Apple.

  12. Obligatory misreading of title by RobertB-DC · · Score: 5, Funny

    I suppose I'm the only one who read the title as "U.S. Prepares to Get Naked".

    Which, of course, would have been a dupe of this article, right?

    (And just when I'd gotten my karma back, too!)

    --
    Stressed? Me? Of course not. Stress is what a rubber band feels before it breaks, silly.
  13. Just Remember! by oGMo · · Score: 2, Funny

    Duck And Cover!

    --

    Don't think of it as a flame---it's more like an argument that does 3d6 fire damage

  14. What is it with the word "GET"? by Malc · · Score: 5, Funny

    The word "get" is so over and badly used in American English. It grates after a while. "The US prepares to be nuked"

  15. No You Fool by Greyfox · · Score: 4, Funny

    Nuking someone makes 8 squares of pollution and makes everyone else in the world hate you. And we don't have enough settlers right now to clean up all that pollution.

    --

    I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?

    1. Re:No You Fool by r00zky · · Score: 2, Funny

      Settlers? I would have expected you already had Engineers by this date...

      "...eco-friendly nukes!" - FreeCiv's quote

      --
      I'm a chainsmokin' alcoholic sociopath, so-ci-o-path
    2. Re:No You Fool by Epistax · · Score: 2, Funny

      ... but then everyone listens to you because your words are BACKED BY NUCLEAR WEAPONS!!!

  16. Apple implies *BSD by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    So there.

  17. A Tell tale sign of nuclear fallout by Dr.+Shim · · Score: 3, Funny

    If you see a white flash, kiss the guy next to you. Doesn't matter who he/she is. Because you won't get to see them again.

    I doubt wether this thing will work... :/

    --
    People discover the meaning of life between getting piss drunk and the following hangover.
  18. I'll tell you this... by holzp · · Score: 3, Funny

    I predict a 100% fallout in my pants if a bomb goes off.

  19. Re:Bullsh*t by way2trivial · · Score: 2, Funny

    I checked,
    fedex won't ship to iraq.
    UPS will, but won't insure anything near the value of a pocket nuke.
    usps won't send anything over 12 oz

    --
    every day http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random