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Train Your Own Replacement
An anonymous reader writes "Yahoo reports on how some employers are asking the workers they're laying off to train their foreign replacements - having them dig their own unemployment graves. 'Almost one in five information technology workers has lost a job or knows someone who lost a job after training a foreign worker, according to a new survey by the Washington Alliance of Technology Workers.' It looks like a real dilemma where if you refuse to hire your replacement, you are fired without severance and are ineligible for unemployment benefits, and if you quit, you don't receive severance and are ineligible for unemployment."
Sorry, it's not in my job description.
A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
Cmon people...Start Training the BOFH way!
BOFH: "In order to make sure that your computer is operating at its full capacity, you must daily feed your monitor water whilst holding down the degauss button".
Trainee over phone:" Sir, this is no problem.." ***BZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzTTttttttttttttt***
BOFH: "Next trainee. I'm going to like being replaced".
Sig it.
Fine! But Rasheed is not getting my red stapler!...
"All great things are simple & expressed in a single word: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope." --Churchill
Rules for my job.
1.) All code must be placed on a single line.
2.) No comments are necessary...they take up space.
3.) When in doubt, use a com object reptitively.
4.) When in doubt, abbreviate. getFormName, should be: getFormName.
5.) Safe threading is for cowards. Let the threads duke it out...Its the manly way.
6.) Try not to use "if" or "for" statements. They take too much time.
Sig it.
Yep. Get them started on reading Slashdot their first day.
CVS? Nah, we tried that but it didn't work. We're using visual source safe now.
Ok, first you model everything down each class and method level in UML, then you apply the elaboration bongfizzle according to rational unified process...
We're targeting this release to run on the Longhorn codebase...
I'm sorry, but you must adhere to the *letter* of the EJB spec. That means you cannot use java.io.*, cannot have worker threads, no socket communication, scheduled events, or application lifecycle events.
You absolutely must check in everything before you go home at the end of the day. That way you don't lose anything if your workstation dies. Build failures? No problem, someone will fix it before you get in the next day.
You can start coding as soon as you acquire linux licenses from SCO...
Remain calm! All is well!
In this job market? That's like being thrown out of the plane without a parachute, and failing to grab the "mixed drink umbrella" at the door.
There are those that will claim it's "better than nothing" and you shouldn't pass up the chance to grab one, but really, be honest. How much good can it possibly do you?
Remember the phrase 'slow learner'? well if your on the payroll to teach your replacement, and your worried that mis-training them will get you in to trouble, just remember the phrase 'slow teacher'! you could spend a whole year just teaching someone, very very very slowly and extra extra carefully, every single detail of your system until they kill themselves out of bordem. Then you can get started on the next one ;)
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