Auto-Censoring DVD Player

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Posted by michael on Friday April 9, 2004 @12:46AM from the naughty-bits dept.

Gogl writes "Those clever folks at RCA have apparently designed a DVD player that automatically scans movies and censors them to make them kosher, as it were. That means none of the naughty bits and none of those bad words either. It will be sold by Walmart for the price of $79, and what with the recent Janet Jackson 'wardrobe malfunction' this product will likely be lauded by the FCC and moralists everywhere, though Hollywood is already complaining."

35 of 1,061 comments (clear)

I want by Anonymous Coward · 2004-04-09 00:47 · Score: 5, Funny

I want b00bies!
Damn those dumb people, why are they taking the b00bies away from me???
What, are these corporations my MOTHER or something now??
1. Re:I want by DikSeaCup · 2004-04-09 01:07 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Yeah, now there's a DVD player option that the people want ...
  A DVD player that shows all the characters without clothes.
  
  --
  I talk about stuff.
2. Re:I want by R.Caley · 2004-04-09 01:57 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  Except the creators of the movie, who find their work has been bowdlerised without their permission.
  They must be really pissed off when I skip the boring bits then.
  Not to mention all those bastards who blink during viewing!
  
  --
  _O_ .|< The named which can be named is not the true named
3. Re:I want by M.+Baranczak · 2004-04-09 05:48 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Aaah... finally, the voice of reason. Some other suggestion:
  
  - Political candidates appearing in paid campaign ads have to be naked. Hey, if these guys want to work for me, I want to know as much about them as possible. Do we know for a fact that Al Gore's really human?
  
  - Make a DVD player that adds naughty bits to dull "family" fare. It would insert the word "fucking" before randomly selected nouns, and intercut short clips of hardcore porn with the original program.
Damn it! by Doomrat · 2004-04-09 00:48 · Score: 5, Funny

Stupid thing... it's censoring all of my cookery instruction DVDs. It's blocked out an apple and banana, both of the melons, and a saveloy.
1. Re:Damn it! by Cyno01 · 2004-04-09 01:06 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Heh, on that note you could probably kill the thing with the last scene of the first Austin Powers movie.
  
  --
  "Sic Semper Tyrannosaurus Rex."
As an American... by bcolflesh · 2004-04-09 00:48 · Score: 4, Funny

I pray to almighty Jesus that all the gun-fighting and blood spray will be unaffected.
1. Re:As an American... by velo_mike · 2004-04-09 01:02 · Score: 1, Funny
  
  Of course, someday in the near future I'm fairly certain both will be equally accepted as the old religious farts die off (The ones that control the content)
  Unfortunately, the old religious farts are prolific breeders (the only acceptable sex to them) and thus raise a whole new generation of self rightous morals police.
  
  --
  At the bottom of the endless pile of paper work which characterizes all regulation lies a gun.
  Alan Greenspan
2. Re:As an American... by RobinH · 2004-04-09 01:08 · Score: 1, Funny
  
  Unfortunately, the old religious farts are prolific breeders (the only acceptable sex to them) and thus raise a whole new generation of self rightous morals police.
  
  Yes, if someone tells you they were home-schooled, there's a 76% chance that you ought to run like hell away from them as fast as you can.
  
  If someone tells you that they home-school their kids, shoot them now! Think of the children!
  
  --
  "I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." - Mark Twain
3. Re:As an American... by Mantorp · 2004-04-09 01:27 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  If you're only 22 what movies that your kids have any interest in seeing require pre-screening? Not much to protect them from in Wiggles and Barney videos. Sorry, forgot, those do include dinosaurs and since there's no mention of them in the bible they must have never existed.
  Quick cover their eyes!!!
4. Re:As an American... by argStyopa · 2004-04-09 01:41 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  As a visitor to Europe, I am flabbergasted by how crass the TV output is. Apparantly it's okay to show graphic sex acts but guns and violence are out. Even the crazy channels like RTL put out sex-packed junk like Wa(h)re Liebe.
  
  What kind of fucked up system is that?
  
  --
  -Styopa
5. Re:As an American... by Zach978 · 2004-04-09 02:52 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  I have a 4.58 yr old daughter
  
  Only on Slashdot...next think you'll know you'll have birthday cakes with scientific notation on them.
  
  Happy Sweet 1.6E1!!!
  
  --
  
  "I told you a million times not to exaggerate!"
6. Re:As an American... by AragornSonOfArathorn · 2004-04-09 02:52 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  I dunno about you, but I prefer to spend the day shooting and killing people WHILE making love and having sex!
  
  ;-)
  
  --
  sudo eat my shorts
Now... by Knight+Thrasher · 2004-04-09 00:49 · Score: 5, Funny

I just KNOW there's going to be a hack out for it soon, that will enable to user to reverse the process and skip to just the naughty bits and swear words. =)
Can i get one that does the opposite? by Unknown+Poltroon · 2004-04-09 00:50 · Score: 4, Funny

Filters out the boring crap and goes straight for the neekidness and cussing?

--
All Troll + "offtopic" mods are meta moderated as "Unfair", because you abused the system.
great.. by patrick.whitlock · 2004-04-09 00:51 · Score: 3, Funny

now all my porn's gonna be more broke up than eminem on cable..
Kosher? by verloren · 2004-04-09 00:53 · Score: 5, Funny

"automatically scans movies and censors them to make them kosher"

Time to throw out my copy of Babe: Pig in the City.

Actually, it was time to do that years ago...
Where'd my movie go? by RobinH · 2004-04-09 00:55 · Score: 5, Funny

I put a copy of Pulp Fiction into this thing, and all I got out were 13 seconds of credits! Where did my movie go???

--
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." - Mark Twain
Dear RCA... by Anonymous Coward · 2004-04-09 01:02 · Score: 3, Funny

I would appreciate a version that can remove all scenes with Ben Afflick in them.

Sincerely,
J. Lo.
Reminds me... by Professeur+Shadoko · 2004-04-09 01:02 · Score: 3, Funny

Back in school, 10 or 15 years ago, I had just begun learning english.. and the english teacher showed us this movie, hiding subtitles.

Of course at the end I had NO IDEA of what really happened in the movie. Who the characters were, etc...

But I knew ONE thing for SURE : the f-word is the most important word in the american (maybe not english) language ;-)
what the (pretty butterflies) is this? by circletimessquare · 2004-04-09 01:03 · Score: 5, Funny

this is the stupidest (happy mountains) i have ever heard of in my whole (dancing kittens) life

what (singing birds) thought this (rolling hills) up?

if you don't like the (grazing deer) movie, don't watch the (blooming flowers) movie!

cutting it up into sanitized (falling rain) pieces is akin to giving yourself a (bubbling brooks) frontal lobotomy

i just don't understand the (belching volcanoes) censorial instincts of some pinheaded (churning lava)

--
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
That won't be necessary.. by dr_dank · 2004-04-09 01:09 · Score: 4, Funny

a DVD player that automatically scans movies and censors them to make them kosher

I only buy movies prepared under rabbinical supervision.

--
Where does the school board find them and why do they keep sending them to ME?
Re:Artistic? by Azureflare · 2004-04-09 01:09 · Score: 2, Funny

Got any pics of your ass after a bin-
ClearPlay has interrupted this broadcast to apologize for the previous broadcaster. The broadcaster of the previous broadcast has been sacked.
Only directors can reedit films. by jcostantino · 2004-04-09 01:10 · Score: 2, Funny

Does this make Greedo shoot first with his walkie-talkie?

--
Reviews with a twist! http://www.sardonicbastard.com
Re:Artistic? by squaretorus · 2004-04-09 01:15 · Score: 2, Funny

I'd agree with you but for one element. I let my son john watch "Inspector Gadget 4" on this equipment - to take out the 'questionable' parts which I assume to be a couple of instances of 'shit' being said by the baddy.

Then little john goes off to school saying "Inspector Gadget 4 is great" to his chums. They tell their parents that 'johns dad let HIM watch it' - so they get the DVD out.

Johns friends dad then phones ME up saying "... so you think its appropriate to watch inspector gadget fucking his arch-nemesis's girlfriend in the ass to 25 minutes do you??? ..."

Come to think of it - the film DID seem pretty short and disjointed!
Re:An Absurdity by LMacG · 2004-04-09 01:16 · Score: 2, Funny

> The majority of the 6 plus billion people on this planet have breasts

Nearly 100%, I'd wager.

--
Slightly disreputable, albeit gregarious
Wonder how it will handle The Soprano's? by jocknerd · 2004-04-09 01:26 · Score: 2, Funny

I'd love to see it. It might just blow up the player.
Re:I want my pr0n! by Cpt_Kirks · 2004-04-09 01:32 · Score: 2, Funny

I wonder how long "Debbie Does Dallas" would run on this player? 2 minutes?

Opening credits...closing credits.
Re:How does it work exactly? by ultrasound · 2004-04-09 01:48 · Score: 2, Funny

And will we be able to buy the database on DVD?

Of course such a DVD is an example a la Goedel, Escher, Bach of the class of DVD entitled "I cannot be played on DVD player X". The tortoise would be proud.
How about a Tyler Durden version? by Rai · 2004-04-09 02:00 · Score: 4, Funny

One that auto-inserts naughty clips into movies.

You and the Mrs are watching Armageddon and boom! Liv Tyler boobies.
Prom night by vwjeff · 2004-04-09 02:36 · Score: 5, Funny

10 years later, poor Johnny gets confused on prom night because he is greeted with big pink round things instead of black squares that he's grown up on.

If Johnny is the average /. reader he will never have to worry about prom night.
Re:RTFA by Politicus · 2004-04-09 03:40 · Score: 2, Funny

It would be interesting to watch the movie with a negative filter on. You would only see the sex and violence. Kind of like the ending to Cinema Paradisio when the guy finds cuts of all the kisses he could never see as a kid.

--
Politicus
reverse hack by wordprocessing · 2004-04-09 05:46 · Score: 2, Funny

I bet someone will come up with a hack that lets you see only contents that's being censored...
censoring the intentionally obscene? by TechnoFreek · 2004-04-09 05:56 · Score: 2, Funny

so, what would happen to porn DVDs when you turn the censor on?
Paging Mel Gibson by tregoweth · 2004-04-09 07:27 · Score: 2, Funny

I can't wait until The Passion of the Christ comes out on DVD and becomes a delightful five minute romp.