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Russian Group Plans Manned Mars Mission By 2011

weekendwarrior1980 writes "A group of Russian space experts on Friday announced an ambitious plan to send a six-man crew to Mars within a decade, a project it said would cost only $3.5 billion. Russian space officials dismissed the project as nonsense. They plan to have 6 people explore Mars for months before returning to Earth. The Mission would take 3 years, and would depend on fully equipped spacecraft containing its own garden, medical facilities etc."

41 of 376 comments (clear)

  1. Pevo! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    In Soviet Russia, Mars plans impossible trip to YOU!

    1. Re:Pevo! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Is this why its called the red planet?

  2. ooh!! by ToadMan8 · · Score: 3, Funny

    I wonder if I announced my own space program I could get on Slashdot too!!
    I'm gonna get there in THREE years and stay for 17 months and only need a taxi and a Swiss Army Knife!!

    --
    I haven't posted in so long, my sig is out of date.
    1. Re:ooh!! by Mattsson · · Score: 4, Funny

      Let me guess... Your partner is Macgyver? =)

      --
      /.Mattsson - My native language is not English, so please don't whine over linguistic errors. (That's lame anyway...)
  3. Funded by Reality TV? by Beeswarm · · Score: 5, Funny
    Taken from the article:

    Alexandrov didn't explain how his firm would raise the funds, but said one of the reasons he thought such a mission would be profitable was it could involve a "reality" television show.

    Just what we need. Survivor in space. You don't even want to know what happens to the guy who gets voted off the spaceship.

    1. Re:Funded by Reality TV? by Lehk228 · · Score: 3, Funny

      can we force all of the American Idol contestants and judges to go into the ship.... and seacrest, make him go too,

      --
      Snowden and Manning are heroes.
    2. Re:Funded by Reality TV? by dj245 · · Score: 4, Funny

      Just what we need. Survivor in space. You don't even want to know what happens to the guy who gets voted off the spaceship. In space, nobody can hear you plagerize overused movie quotes.

      --
      Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history.
    3. Re:Funded by Reality TV? by NanoGator · · Score: 3, Funny

      "Just what we need. Survivor in space."

      Yeah you sound cynical now, but if Stan the blue eyed blond haired hunk were to double over due to stomach pain, you'd be on the edge of your seat.

      --
      "Derp de derp."
    4. Re:Funded by Reality TV? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      The tribe has now voted.

      You must now exit the airlock..

    5. Re:Funded by Reality TV? by pragma_x · · Score: 2, Funny

      I dunno, the idea of suvivor where loosing contestants don't get to come back on TV (ever), seems oddly tantilizing.

      Given the rash of deplorable reality TV as of late, this may (sadly) wind up being more truth than fiction:

      This season on FOX...

      12 average people,
      1 mission,
      and only room for 3 on board.

      Who will be The Cosmonaut?

      Hosted by Gary Sinease with guest appearances by Tom Hanks and Sigourney Weaver.

  4. Re:crazy by Suffering+Bastard · · Score: 5, Funny

    Of course it is nonsense... the russians barely have enough money to keep the country afloat, let alone spend on a manned trip to Mars.

    Well, the company funding the project did say it "draws no resources from the state budget." This appears to be a completely privately funded operation.

    Still ludicrous, though, considering the technical and logistical challenges. Although I do like the reality TV angle...who wants to start betting on which cosmonaut takes the first shot of vodka in the Mars atmosphere?

    --
    "Molest me not with this pocket calculator stuff."
    - Deep Thought
  5. Money shmoney by t_allardyce · · Score: 3, Funny

    Imagine the exclusive tv rights for the entire trip! Plus selling one of the seats to the highest bidder, you could get enough funding if you had a good start and credibility, and didnt blow 40% of the budget on hookers and booze like most government contracters (they then outsource the project for 20% of the budget and keep the rest).

    --
    This comment does not represent the views or opinions of the user.
  6. Served! It's On! by lsdino · · Score: 4, Funny

    George has his plan, and Russians have their plan... It looks like the US has been served!

    I can see the movie now... Space Race 2: Mars

    It'll come to a thrilling climax. The Russian plan is filled with set backs allowing the US to catch up. But the Russians manage to launch first! But the US manages to catch up at the last minute and astronauts from both teams come touching down at nearly the same time.

    No one knows who landed first! And there's only one way to prove who gets the title: It's On!

  7. Major Laggg On Slashdot by preferred_nick · · Score: 5, Funny

    I got this news from my 88 year old Grandmother today before it was posted on Slashdot. Oh well so much for getting the tech news fast on a holiday weekend.

  8. I can do the same by mnmn · · Score: 4, Funny

    I'll send them up for 4 years, with a stop on the moon thrown in as a bonus, only for $2 billion. I'd like my money in advance in gold nuggets in unmarked bags please.

    --
    "Give orange me give eat orange me eat orange give me eat orange give me you." -Nim Chimpsky
  9. too dum to trool ...? sad.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny
  10. The Tribe has spoken... by mikeophile · · Score: 4, Funny

    You have been voted off the crew. It's time to say goodbye and enter the airlock.

    1. Re:The Tribe has spoken... by grommit · · Score: 2, Funny

      Airlock? I'd expect that the rest of the "tribe" would like to have a bit of fresh red meat on their dinner plates instead of the veggies that they've been having for the past 3 months.

  11. The ways they plan to cut costs: by rasafras · · Score: 3, Funny

    1) The first stage will be comprised of the entire population standing on each other's shoulders. Distance: 176,000 miles.
    2) Thrust for the second stage will be provided by shaken up coke cans. Stick it to those capitalist swine.
    3) Remaining thrust will be provided by removing the vacuum tubes from the flight computer and throwing them behind the ship.
    4) The return journey... uhh... screw it, let's invade a neighboring country!

    In all honesty, I wish the Russians had the American budget. They have proven their worth more than once in innovation, and it's a shame they can no longer afford it.

  12. possible reality TV shows by Zabu · · Score: 4, Funny

    "Who wants to mate with a martian"
    "The Red World"
    "Space Rules"
    "Last Cosmanaut Standing"
    "Inter-Planetary Idol"
    "Paradise Planet"
    and last but not least "Stupid"

    --
    It's all good.
  13. Re:Mars, a pipe dream by ChowyChow · · Score: 5, Funny
    a mission of putting the cart before the horse.
    You do realize we're talking about Soviet Russia.
  14. Just not credible by Chuck+Chunder · · Score: 4, Funny

    Throw in a roll of duct tape, then you're talking.

    --
    Boffoonery - downloadable Comedy Benefit for Bletchley Park
  15. Re:Viewpoint by dj245 · · Score: 5, Funny
    Sounds simplistic but what happens if we just split the bill?

    Same thing that happens in the restaurant every Easter. Russia will offer to pay half, knowing full well that USA will want to pay most of it to be the "good guy", and having no intention of paying any of it. Russia will then make a playful attempt to snatch the bill off the table, at which point USA will poke Russia with a car key, forcing Russia to drop the bill. Russia will then give up its ambitions on the ISS (oops Mars) and then USA will pay for everything.

    --
    Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history.
  16. Re:Mars, a pipe dream by Suffering+Bastard · · Score: 5, Funny

    We have just discovered real evidence of flowing water once existing on the planet, and this in turn could lead to evidence of fossilized microbes and other lifeforms that we would threaten with destruction if we were to introduce Earth microbes that the Martian microbes could not fight.

    Doesn't it seem more likely that our microbial organisms wouldn't stand a chance against Martian organisms fighting on their own turf? What makes Earth organisms so tough?

    Come to think of it, we should send well armed Earth bacteria to Mars in a preemptive assault against those mad, raving Martian microbes frothing at the mouth for their chance to dominate our culture. It's the patriotic duty of all Earth citizens to help liberate the Red Planet!

    Dramatic conflict is better for TV ratings.

    --
    "Molest me not with this pocket calculator stuff."
    - Deep Thought
  17. Dont forget your towel by sPaKr · · Score: 5, Funny

    You are going to attempt interplanetary travel without a towel ? jebus you really dont know what your doing

  18. *sniff sniff* by Grey+Ninja · · Score: 2, Funny

    Is this a new space race I smell? Things like this can ONLY be healthy for the space program. American pride will now be greatly hurt if Russia beats them to Mars. Personally, I feel like cooking some popcorn and taking a decade to eat it.

  19. So it seems... by Comatose51 · · Score: 4, Funny
    ...a project it said would cost only $3.5 billion

    So it seems that the Russians have discovered out-sourcing to India as well.

    --
    EvilCON - Made Famous by /.
  20. Re:What if they're right? by jonhuang · · Score: 4, Funny

    Then we watch the TV show.

  21. Reality show, eh..... by moosesocks · · Score: 2, Funny

    Low-cost mars mission.....
    Low-cost technology.....
    Unproven Russian technology....
    plus a reality show...

    Could we plllleeeease send Donald Trump... and Ryan Seacrest and have the first 'good' space disaster*?

    *The only exception being Appolo 13 which was a "good disaster". Tons of stuff went wrong and the mission was a failure. However, nobody got hurt, and the whole ordeal proved twice-over the quality of American engineering and ingenuity.

    --
    -- If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done? - Uli's moose
  22. You knew this was coming... by opec · · Score: 3, Funny

    In Soviet Russia... The project funds you.

  23. Re:Mars, a pipe dream by cookie_cutter · · Score: 2, Funny
    Dramatic conflict is better for TV ratings.

    Anyone who's seen bacterial cultures battling it out knows that watching grass grow is comparatively rivetting.

  24. Re:Sweet by metlin · · Score: 2, Funny

    Yup, it would be quite cool for all the people on TV to watch it, would it not?

    But what would happen if the trip did not succeed? And if all the six astronauts died?

    Now, if that happened on TV too? It would put back space exploration by *ages* - people would be scared shit.

    And that is not a good thing.

    Which is why, I hope such projects are not encouraged - they would have scary backlashes. And some moron presidents would use that as a tool and say that since its unsafe, they are going to concentrate on other important things like the war on terror.

    *ahem*

    Trust me - I sincerely hope this does not take off. Ofcourse, like you said, its quite unlikely that this will too.

  25. WARNING: Internal inconsistancy detected! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    Where would one find an accredited medical professional willing to commit rocket assisted suicide with 5 strangers who will be sucking vacuume with him when space decides to get "real?" Witch-doctors don't count.

    I know that after episode 3 (when they all decide to space themselves after taking a look at their radiation badges and discover they've already got twice their expected trip dosage), I'm flipping the channel. Who wants to watch desecated corpses float for 10 more episodes while Vangelis plays in the background?

  26. Re:Quite possible, because... by Trent05 · · Score: 0, Funny

    I saw a while ago (On 60 Minutes I think) that the govt. never paid the outragous prices listed in the ??GAO?? reports. It was just a swell way to hide the "Intelligence Community's" budget.
    The $500.00 hammer was probably
    $25 - Hammer,
    $475 - Funds to overthrow random central american government.

    --


    --
    The Marines: The few, the proud, the not very bright. - Slashdot tagline 04/21/05
  27. Re:Sweet by fenix+down · · Score: 2, Funny

    "Tomorrow at 9, Randall goes insane as carbon monoxide poisoning sets in after the air filter failure last week, and the crew begin their slow, agonizing deaths! Don't miss it!"

    Fifty share, easy.

  28. Re:Mars, a pipe dream by michaelhood · · Score: 5, Funny

    In Soviet Russia, the obligatory jokes make themselves!

  29. Re:Sweet by Thomas+Miconi · · Score: 2, Funny

    If part of your plan involves a "reality TV show"...

    "If you want Ivan to stay in the capsule, call 04321. If you want Boris to stay, call 01234..."

    Hmmm, sorry Boris, nothing personal - clic, fizzz, voila, Mars' first organic satellite !

    Thomas Miconi

  30. Wait a minute... by Monkey+Liar · · Score: 1, Funny

    So, this is a private russian company doing this?

    Is it a Legitimate Russian Business? -nudge nudge wink wink.

    I think i remember hearing something once about suspected links between the Russian Mafia and Russian tv.

    Well it's about time someone posted something remotely tinfoil hat on this one!

    --
    He who fights with Monkeys must take it upon himself not to become a Monkey.
  31. Survivor: Mars! by Mr_Clayhead · · Score: 3, Funny

    Why not mix the popularity of the reality show "Survivor" with the hazards-be-damned attitude of the Russian space industry? Each week, someone gets voted off the spaceship, and FOOMP! Out the airlock they go.

  32. The best Russian Mars Mission ever by Myrmidon · · Score: 4, Funny
    I laugh at these guys' pathetic plan. My team has come up with my very own Russian Mars Mission plan, after listening very carefully to some guys in tinfoil hats. (People laugh at tinfoil hats, but compared to many Mars mission advocates these guys sound pretty reasonable.)

    Plan is simple: fake a trip to Mars. People thought was possible back in 1969, but now we know is possible -- digital effects technology has come long way. I mean, with $3 billion we could pay animators to hand-craft every pixel of footage. It will look totally believeable.

    Fake trip to Mars solves all major problems with human space flight:

    • Nobody dies.
    • Saves lot of money.
    • No damage to Martian environment and no contamination of Martian life (if there is any).
    • All excitement that Sci-Fi fans could ever want. In fact, exploration of Mars might turn out to be exactly like the novel - no matter which novel you prefer! We can put Valentine Michael Smith up there if you like!


    Problems:
    • What if spoilsports at JPL or NORAD use their radars and determine there is no spaceship out there? Well, that's where Russian angle comes in. We simply insist that there really is spaceship... and that JPL and NORAD guys are just issuing disinformation, in order to cover up embarrassing superiority of Russian space technology. (Hey, if this argument works for ESP and cold fusion...)
    • What if people insist on getting interesting scientific information back from manned Mars trip? Well... they just won't. Nobody ever talks about data from Moon missions. Instead they rhapsodize about pictures of Aldrin and Armstrong and world's most expensive golf cart. If people insist on "scientific data", we will quietly steal photos from Spirit rover web site and Photoshop in a cosmonaut or two.
    • What about people who want to colonize Mars in order to experience glorious new frontier? Won't they demand seats on our ship?

      Well, for morality's sake, our first duty is to lecture these people sternly about what idiots they are. When this doesn't work, we can sell them seats in Mars Settlement Simulator. This is big airtight tin can containing 1000 switches and 1000 tins of Spam. Every day, "passengers" are required to flip a switch... otherwise can explodes. If passengers run out of Spam, they die of starvation. One of the switches is secretly wired to shut off can's air supply... when it is switched, passengers unexpectedly die of asphyxiation. If passengers make it through 800 days, we open up can to reveal Gobi Desert, where they are free to wander around until they get bored and decide to go home.

      I figure we can get $1M each for these seats -- after all, they are very good simulation of real trip! But passengers may get mad because they don't get weightlessness for their money. Such passengers will be airlifted to secret Russian base at Sanduski where they can ride Weightlessness Simulators until they pass out.
  33. Reality by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0, Funny

    I wish I had some of what they are smoking.