Slashdot Mirror
Researchers To Climb Ararat To Seek Noah's Ark
fudgefactor7 writes "CNN/AP has a story about researchers that plan on ascending Mt. Ararat in search of the Ark of Noah. My favorite quote: ''We are not excavating it. We are not taking any artifacts. We're going to photograph it and, God willing, you're all going to see it,' McGivern said.' As if pictures can't be doctored and are absolute proof...."
A picture of a chunk of an arc and the text "we got it" isn't absolute proof either.
Someone set us up the bomb, so shine we are!
Cheers,
Craig
Corollary to Clarke's Third Law: Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.
I'll be heading an exciting expedition into the bogs of Ireland to search for the little people.
Wow, whats next, some one searching for Santa's sleigh?
"Noah wuz here" - Spraypaint
Someone set us up the bomb, so shine we are!
Clearly their expedition will fail... they're going after a find of "tremendous historical significance," particularly to Biblical studies, and they're not bringing along Indiana Jones?! What were they thinking?
Pictures were enough proof for, Bigfoot, Loch Ness Monster, the Yeti, and that the moon is made of cheese.
You go Beavis!!!
These explorers will reveal once and for all that the B arc crashed on this planet and we are all ancestors of the Golgafinchan.
- Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
They call these 'mysteries' my friend. If you don't believe in them you go to hell. So buckle up.
I wouldn't want to take any artifacts from the ark either, given that most of it would probably consist of thousands of different kinds of coprolites.
...NASA is preparing a deep-space mission to the planet Magrathea, to take pictures of Slartibartfast.
Downmodding is the refuge of the weak. Don't downmod, make a better argument!
Pish, but I totally believe in Jonas and the Big Fish, so, I figure they cancel each other out.
WANNAWIKI Wannawiki WannaWiki WANNAWIKI!
"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."
"But," says Man, "Noah's Ark is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have occurred by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED."
"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
"Oh, that was easy," says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed at the next zebra crossing.
Most leading theologians claim that this argument is a load of dingo's kidneys, but that didn't stop Oolon Colluphid making a small fortune when he used it as the central theme of his best-selling book, 'Well That About Wraps It Up for God.'
"Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest." - Denis Diderot
Step 1: purchase the Ark of the Covenant on eBay
Step 2: travel up Ararat with your purchase
Step 3: Seek the power of the Ark to find the Ark
Step 4: use the Ark to ask for another flood in which you use the other Ark to live (repaired) provided the first Ark works and you find the Ark with the Ark in the first place.
Ark Ark Ark
Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what's right. --Isaac Asimov
If they find a boat then that prooves what.... that people knew how to build boats?
If they find it at 17,000 feet that proves people knew how to build flying boats...
No, you blasphemer! It proves that EVERY WORD IN THE BIBLE IS TRUE!!! And if you don't accept THIS CLEAR PROOF OF THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH OF THE WORD OF GOD, then clearly you are an ATHEIST SATANIST GOD-HATING AMERICA-HATING TERRORIST COMMUNIST
<wipes froth off mouth>
Oops, I must have been channeling Jack Chick for a moment. Anyway
Seriously, of course, "people knew how to build boats" is exactly what it proves, and all it proves. But that won't stop the fundies from reacting as above. A while back, someone -- wish I could remember who it was (maybe I should pray harder?) -- came up with the best answer I've ever heard to the absurd claims made by ideologues masquerading as archaeologists in regards to "proof"-by-artifact of a literal interpretation of the Bible. It goes roughly like this:
The correlation between ignorance of statistics and using "correlation is not causation" as an argument is close to 1.
This is so true. I just found YOUR post offensive, so that is ONE. :)
Slashdot, home of supporters of free software, free music, and free speech.Except for Moderators that disagree with you.
...they may find the lost first page of the Bible.
The one where's written this text:
"All the characters and facts explained in this book are fictive."
Iraq: war to save the U
I found your intolerance of the parent poster's posting, intolerable.
Atlantis?
Been there, done that.
Nice place to visit, excellent seafood restaurants, pleasant friendly people, beautiful women (if a little bit scaly).
Eventually, it was the little things that got me down and made me come back home: Not being able to put my base unit under the desk due to the water level, the constant wading, the never-ending drone of UFO's coming in to land at the Pythagorus Intergalaxy space port. I suppose the last is my own fault for renting a crib right under the flightpath, but it seemed cheap at the time.
Happy days, but I'm glad I left when the contract was ended. The boss offered me a permanent position, but if I was to stay I'd have to go through the whole getting-gills-implanted thing and vowing to "forsake dry land forever" at the citizenship ceremony. At the time, with Josh (my brother) having smashed his car up and Dad losing his job, I simply didn't need the extra hassle.
T&K.
Political language
> then that prooves what
One thing it proves is that you have the literacy skills of a 6 year old.
Was I the only one that read that "Researchers to climb 'Arafat' to Seek Noah's Ark"
Lead Scientist - "Lets get a move on. We're only at the armpit and I hear Israeli helicopters coming!"
I really need more sleep.
Matt
About 4000 years ago, not too long after the world was created, God looked down at the people and was a little disappointed. They were mostly doing their own thing and not paying much attention to doing God's will (they played a lot of D&D and listened to rock music mostly). Among the people was a family headed up by Noah that was trying to be good and follow God's laws.
So God said to Himself, "Well, it looks like all of humanity except for this Noah cat seems to be completely fucked up. I think I'll just wipe everyone out and start over." That wasn't the end of it, he then proceeded to test Noah's faith by giving him boils and killing off most of his flocks (not that bad, most everything died later anyway).
Then God said to Noah, "You go and build an Arky Arky." And Noah said to God, "WTF is an Arky Arky?" To which God replied, "Build a big ass wooden box and paint it black. If anyone asks you what you're doing, tell them to fuck off because they had their chance to please me and they blew it. I'm only saving you and your family Noah."
So Noah, realizing that he was dealing with a kind and merciful God, went ahead chopping down trees and eating his lunch and going to the lavatry. He built a big-ass wooden box using only his forearms as measuring devices and '3' as the value of pi when calculating circular arcs for the corners so that no one accidentally stubbed their toe on anything sharp.
This was important because God then said to Noah, "Take your kids, Ham, Shemp, and Japheth, and their wives and your wife and a shitload of animals with you on the Ark."
"A shitload, huh? Is that the offical term?"
"Okay, okay. Take 2 of every animal except for animals not found in this area. Oh, and for some animals take 7. You'll probably get hungry later."
So Noah went and gathered up all known animals because we all know that at that time the great Diaspora hadn't happened yet and some animals hadn't appeared in far away places that couldn't possibly have been reachable from the Mideast.
Once Noah was done doing all these jobs, he pulled up the door to the Ark and sealed everyone in for a long passage. God, for His part, started rain. It should be noted that until this story occured, rain didn't exist. The plants were watered by a very light mist that arose every morning.
And the rain started, and it continued raining for 40 days and 40 nights. The windows on the ark were sealed too, so it must have smelled really nice inside.
After 40 days, Noah's kids started complaining about the elephants and rhinos crapping all over the place and decided to open a window. They cracked one of the windows open and saw that they were surrounded by water on all sides. An eagle also took the opportunity to get the fuck out of there. The eagle never returned. It's thought he went over the mountain and married a nice girl eagle on the other side.
Later, the kids decided that they'd send a pigeon out to survey the area because pigeons always fly home. It flew off and came back with a branch from an olive tree. Apparently, the water was everywhere but only a few feet deep.
Next thing they know, they crash onto Mount Arafat and everyone slowly disembarked into their new home, just like their old home.
God realized that maybe killing everyone and everything with water was a pretty shitty thing to do and made a covenant with Noah that He wouldn't do it again. Next time the world would end with fire. To seal the deal, He made a nice rainbow and everyone who saw it automatically realized how good God was and stuff.
From these four families (Noah and his three sons), all of us are derived. Following our family tree back up, we can all trace our lineage back to one of these four families.
Praise the Lord!
I have been pwned because my
Canadian scientists have announced an expedition to the North Pole in search of Santa's Workshop (TM).
If it does have a little plaque, I hope it says at the bottom "ca. 5000 B.C."
Well, let's be fair here though. If he finds a very large boat stuck on top of a mountain, there are very few possibilities as to which boat it might be.
A 10th-century B.C. version of a practical joke?
Max
My god carries a hammer. Your god died nailed to a tree. Any questions?
>He also prepared other fake wood by frying a piece of California pine on his kitchen stove in a mix of wine, iodine, sweet-and-sour and teriyaki sauces
I think my mum used to make that!
Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.
-- Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
Are you sure that's a problem?
Bruce
Bruce Perens.
It Would be Funnier than Hell if they found an Ark and proof that the version in the Epic of Gilgamesh was the true story instead of the Noah version.
Quemadmodum gladius neminem occidit, occidentis telum est
1- They evolved obviously... oh wait.
that I, for one, welcome our new Ark-tic Overlords.
What do you mean? An African or European Kangaroo?
**Different people find different things ridiculous. Think about other things that you may not find ridiculous that could be to others**
Yeah, like this 'magic box' infront of me.
It's a trick....get an axe.
This is true- No matter what explanation, I really doubt that humans will stop coming up with reasons why it isn't the ark. Many people are unable to accept that perhaps it could be fact. I remember a show I saw on the history channel about this exact same thing. And as far as measurements go, it's more than likely that it could be the ark based on biblical accounts of it's size.
> Yeah, I don't care what you say. All I know is that right now, there is a man all alone up there in the sky driving his chariot around [...] What would Apollo do?
At least the "What Would Appolo Drive" variant makes sense...
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
The Lord knew what he doing?
Take off every 'ark'. Move 'ark'. For great superstition.
When are they going to the North Pole to take pictures of Santa's House?
Si tacuisses philosophus mansisses. If you had kept quiet, you would have remained a philosopher.
I'll bet the kangaroos got tired hearing all the sloths shouting "Hey guys! Wait up!"
This expedition has about as much credibility as an expedition to the North Pole for Santa's Workshop.
On the other hand, *MY* religion is the 100% truth. My cat, Queen Maeve, created the universe with the appearance of age Last Thursday. You can wave your "scientific method" or "Bible" around but it won't change the Truth and I dare anyone to prove she didn't.
Absent a rebuttal, you must convert to the Church of Last Thursday or face an afterlife in the Eternal Litterbox!
There is a long and glorious tradition of liars and hacks searching for the Ark and other relics.
But they found the ark! Back in the 30s, I believe. I watched this documentary on the subject awhile back. It's a pretty good flick, I highly recommend it.
Like what I said? You might like my music
in a stupid mistake, i modded your post down instead of up. i'm posting now because it will reverse any modding i have made in this discussion
What happens if they Find The Ark the same Day they find life on Mars ? Would we all come to the conculsion that God has a sence of humor ?
Get into God's Word people, you won't regret it.
Sleep in on Sunday, you won't regret it.
-Colin
What do you think is the first thing the lions would do when they left the ark?
Eat the unicorns?
-Colin
Then why'd he let those "dirty apes" onto the ark in the first place?
(I am still growing in Christ).
I grew before I entered Christ. That's the right way to do it. You don't even have to wear a rubber on that guy, he's frickin' perfect. No disease, not that it matters. I fear the day when he turns to me and says "You've got AIDS now, and I refuse to cure you. I found someone else."
Hmmm, no lightning yet. How blasphemous do I have to get before He Takes Notice of me? ;)
Like what I said? You might like my music
I mean, you'd have to be some kind of God to create that much ra - oh, never mind.
I am one of many. My idea is not unique, nor do I expect my voice alone to sway you. I speak in a chorus of opinion.
I know he's putting on a bit of weight because the Israelis don't let him go out much, but I didn't realise he'd got so big that people were actually climbing him looking for beached arks.
If it was in michigan it would. In michigan they call anything you can charge $25 to slide down a mountain.
A really big comet passes close to Earth, creating one really big tide lasting 40 days and 40 nights, peaking on Ararat.
Theory #2:
A bunch of ancient Israelites were sitting around bored one day, and one of them says: "You know what would be really funny?"
Theory #3:
Noah was already hearing voices; how much more crazy do you need to be to build a boat on the top of a mountain?
...their lack of faith disturbing.
Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
Religion is the root of all evil.
No, Money is the root of all evil. Send $9.99 for more information.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing -- Emo Phillips
Brian: "You're all individuals!"
Crowd: "WE'RE ALL INDIVIDUALS!"
Lone man in back of browd: "I'm not!"
I'm going to give you a present.
Here:
It's a giant clump of space. Please use it to separate paragraphs.
"If at first you don't succeed, lower your standards."
Or, in colloquial English, "When he drank the bad booze, he said 'It's nasty,' and dropped his head and barfed.
Language students: Don't try to learn English here. This ain't it.
You're both wrong. My cat created your cat months ago.
For more discussions about atheism, check out my journal