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Directed Sound
yawningyellowyak writes "Technology Review has an interesting article on directed sound. Ultrasonic 'sound' is sent out from a 'speaker' and the distortion encountered on hitting the air produces hearable sound, but only in certain spots. You could be standing right next to someone and they would hear nothing.
One step closer to the cone of silence!"
One step closer to the cone of silence!
Damn. I'm still grappling with the unmistakable cone of ignorance
standing right next to someone and they would hear nothing
That would be great if someone could rig my wife up with one of these... the silence would be bliss! :)
Now if they can project "burnt toast smell" I'll really be able to make people think they're nuts.
At last - high volume p0rn without waking up my girlfriend!!!
Can you imagine how this could be used to really screw with peoples heads?
..."
On the edge psycho person: "Hey, did you hear that voice"
Unknowing friend: "No, I didn't hear anything"
On the edge psycho person: "Quit messing with me man, I can hear that voice a clear as day"
Unknowing friend: "I told you, all I hear is some elevator music"
On the edge psycho person: "AAARGH, get it out of my head, it's telling me to, to, to
Unknowing friend: "TO WHAT, TO WHAT!?!"
On the edge psycho person: "GO TO AISLE 4 FOR A 2 FOR 1 ON LIGHT DAYS! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH"
All kidding aside, there actually is a fair bit of harm one could use this tech for. Make the "sound" of high enough intensity, and it would make a very effective, and undetectable weapon.
Prove it.
OH NOES!!! IT APPEARS YUO DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY FOR DIS HERE PIZZA! WAHT EVER ARE YOU GOING TO DO!?!?
"One step closer to the cone of silence!"
"Uh.... what was that, Chief?"
Spock did this on Star Trek years ago to freak out the aliens.
Microsoft did it years ago already, with DirectSound! Or am I missing something ;-)
"Arrrgh, My ears...the earplugs do nothing!"
Naaaah, not vapourware, because it really does exist. It's more like ignoreware. If they kept ignoring it things would work out ok. One can dream.
But yes, it is a rather old story. Last year my mom asked me if I'd heard of it and wondered if it were something she should invest in.
If my mom has heard of it as an investment opportunity it's definately old news.
I told her what it was being promoted as useful for and she decided she didn't want to encourage that sort of shit with her money.
KFG
There's a engineering project that's been around for some time now that offers the best noise-cancelation technology out there. It's quite easy to do, almost a 30 minute project for you DIY'ers (do it yourself). But so far, the results are almost 100% perminate.
The only tool you need is an ice-pick and perhaps quite a few ultra-absorbant towels to help with the clean-up afterwards.
After this project, you'll never again be bothered by advertisers sound projection systems. I can also go into a project that will cancel out visual advertisements.
"Music is everybody's possession. It's only publishers who think that people own it." - John Lennon.
*someone in the cone of silence*
*sees peoples mouths moving. realizes they are talking to him.
"I'm in the cone of silence, you insensitive clods!"
What comes first, finding a teacher or becoming a student?
... of this technology: a continuous looping tape focused on the neighbors' barking dog saying "Bad dog! Sit!"
- First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then ???, then profit.
Imagine combining this technology with "The Brown Noise"...now that would be the ultimate weapon!
Now I'll be able to aim one of these babies at the car next to me that's disrupting my heartbeat with it's pulsing audio garbage. I'll aim Maria Callas at 'em - at 120 decibels.
As a college lecturer, I've been able to use directed sound to selectively impart knowledge to certain students in my class and not to others... at least that's what my students tell me:
"We didn't cover that is class!"
"You never said we had a test today!"
"Homework due?! You didn't tell us that."
God: (standing on a chair behind Noah, he rings a bell once) NOAH. ... Where are ya? What do ya want? I've been good. ... What's an ark? ... What's a cubit? ... Who is this really? What's going on? How come you want me to
do all these weird things? ... Am I on Candid Camera? How are you gonna do it? ... Listen, do this and you'll save water. Let it rain for forty
days and forty nights and wait for the sewers to back up.
Noah: (Looks up) Is someone calling me? (Shrugs and goes back to his work)
God: (Ding) NOAH!!
Noah: Who is that?
God: It's the Lord, Noah.
Noah: Right
God: I want you to build an ark.
Noah: Right
God: Get some wood and build it 300 cubits by 80 cubits by 40 cubits.
Noah: Right
God: Well never mind. Don't worry about that right now. After you build the ark, I want you to go out into the world and collect all the animals of the world, two by two, male and female, and put them into the ark.
Noah: Right
God: I'm going to destroy the world.
Noah: Right
God: I'm going to make it rain for a thousand days and drown them right out.
Noah: Right
God: Right...
Narrator: So Noah began to build the ark. Of course his neighbors were not too happy about it. Can you imagine leaving for the office at 7 AM and seeing an ark?
Neighbor: (enters whistling, with brief case) Hey! You over there.
Noah: What do you want?
Neighbor: What is this thing?
Noah: It's an ark.
Neighbor: Uh huh, well you want to get it out of my driveway? I've gotta get to work. Hey listen, what's this thing for anyway?
Noah: I can't tell you, ha ha ha.
Neighbor: Can't you even give me a little hint?
Noah: You want a hint?
Neighbor: Yes, please.
Noah: Well, how long can you tread water? Ha ha ha
Neighbor: There's one in every neighborhood. (Shakes head and leaves)
Narrator: Well Noah finally got the ark built. Then he had the task of gathering all the animals two by two.
Noah: Hey, anybody know how to tell the difference between a male and a female mosquito? (Looking in a box) I told your rabbits before, only two! (He puts box in boat) Whew, finally the last two animals are on board. Let's get this thing closed up before God asks me to do something else. I'm six hundred years old. I am getting too old for this sort of thing.
God: Noah!
Noah: I knew it. What do you want now?
God: You're going to have to take one of those hippos off and get another one.
Noah: Why?
God: 'Cause you got two males. You need a female.
Noah: I'm too tired to bring anything else on board. You change one of them.
God: Come on, you know I don't work like that.
Noah: But I'm sick and tired of this. I've been working all day everyday like crazy for months now, dawn to dusk. I'm tired of this.
God: Noah
Noah: Yeah?
God: how long can you tread water? Ha ha ha
Noah: Yeah, well I got news for you. You keep talking about this flood and I haven't seen a drop of rain. Meanwhile, the whole neighborhood is making fun of me. I told one of my friends I'd been talking to the Lord and he laughed so hard he wet his pants. Do you know I'm the only guy in town with an ark in his yard? People are picketing and calling the heath department, strangers walk up to me and say "How's it going, Tarzan?" I am sick and tired of all of this, you let me get a pregnant elephant . . . Do you give me an instruction book? . . . No!!! Here I am standing under the elephant and brrrrrrrrump! Right on top of me! I'm telling you, I've had enough. You're supposed to see all and know all, well have you seen the bottom of that ark? Who's going to clean up that mess? Not me, I tell you. I quit. I'm tired of this. I'm going to let the animals out and burn that ark down. I can't believe you made me do all this . . . (God takes a watering can and begins to pour w
They say the first thing to go is your penis. Well, it's either that or your brain. I forget which...