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Project Grizzly Bear-Proof Suit Up For Auction

Posted by simoniker on from the electric-boogaloo dept.

Ch_Omega writes "The Project Grizzly suit, The 'Ursus Mark VI', a 'grizzly-proof' suit of armour', was mentioned on Slashdot a few years ago. For all of you who then wished for such a suit (for wrestling with Grizzly Bears?), both the original Mark VI and the improved Mark VII (featuring 'a built-in video screen, a cooling system, pressure-bearing titanium struts, protective airbags, shock absorbers, a robotic third arm, built-in regular arms and swivel shoulders') are now for sale on eBay!"

14 of 300 comments (clear)

  1. Maybe it's not just me. by Allen+Zadr · · Score: 3, Insightful
    Start time: 05-May-04 10:23:19 EDT
    History: 0 bids

    Zero bids? I can't say I'm that surprised. Afterall, aren't these things just a little silly? Maybe it's just me, but a 'starting' bid of $5000 with a reserve is a bit much for something with no practicle use.

    --
    Kinetic stupidity has a new brand leader: Allen Zadr.
  2. Well then.... by Pxtl · · Score: 3, Insightful

    I take it to mean the project was a failure, given that they're selling off the fruits of their labour. Just as well - all the gear in the world wouldn't protect the suit from just being sat on and then the bear going to sleep for a few weeks in winter, leaving the suit dude to starve to death while trapped under a fat assed bear.

    1. Re:Well then.... by Pxtl · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Actually, from an interview I saw once, that was a real concern. After all, the ostensible purpose of the suit was to examine bears in their natural habitat, particularly in the environments they make as "homes" for themselves, ie the places they sleep. The expected reaction to the suit was to beat it up a bit and then, once convinced it was not a threat, ignore it. So the above scenario was considered plausible.

    2. Re:Well then.... by DreadSpoon · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Stick a few electrical nodes outside, shock the shit out of the bear, eventually it'll learn not to sit on you.

  3. Well... by caramelcarrot · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Are you actually able to stand back up after surviving being knocked over by the bear? It seems a bit bulky...

    Tinned humans :)

  4. WHAT??? by qtone42 · · Score: 2, Insightful

    No "Buy It Now" button?

    damn.

    --QTone

  5. Wrestling with Grizzlies? That's just stupid. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Insightful
    Its better to wrestle with smaller bears, since they're not
    so big or mean. In the old days of pro wrestling
    (60s and 70s), regional territories would do this.
    I'm sure if you look around you can find Dory Funk's mention
    of the time several people (including him) have
    done a match with a smaller bear. Its a good story.


    Not first post

  6. I wouldn't trust one of these at all by theLOUDroom · · Score: 3, Insightful

    From the ebay auction:
    "The suits are unique because they were built totally out of Hurtubise's mind, with no blueprints, drawings or schematics. "

    Excuse me if I pass. I was really looking for a good grizzly bear suit, but how do you expect me to trust this if it's not built under a proper, ISO-9001 certified process?

    Seriously, blueprints are a GOOD thing. Without them, you can't do simple things like stress calculations, etc. You kinda want to be able to answer questions like: "If the bear pushed me over and jumped on my chest, would it crush me?" theoretically before you do a real, live test.

    If I had to go up against a grizzly bear, I'd rather have nothing but a thong and a Desert Eagle than one of these wacky contraptions.

    --
    Life is too short to proofread.
    1. Re:I wouldn't trust one of these at all by Zathrus · · Score: 3, Insightful

      If I had to go up against a grizzly bear, I'd rather have nothing but a thong and a Desert Eagle than one of these wacky contraptions.

      I can see your point, but I hope your plan is to throw the thong in one direction, the gun in another, and run like hell.

      Because any other plan when facing a pissed off Grizzly is going to get you dead. The Desert Eagle doesn't have enough stopping power... at least not unless you're a sharpshooter and happen to know where to shoot. You can unload the entire clip into a grizzly and kill it, sure, but it's going to live long enough to get to you and kill you.

  7. Testament to natural might by xant · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Look at all the armor and technology necessary to protect the smartest organism in the known universe from an animal. Sure, it's a fairly smart animal, and it's certainly a big animal, and it will fucking kill you a lot if you get close to it and piss it off without wearing a bear suit, but come on. It took us thousands of years of technological progress to come up with protection equal to its ferocity.

    Next: Suits to protect you from sharks with laser beams.

    --
    It's rare that you're presented with a knob whose only two positions are Make History and Flee Your Glorious Destiny.
    1. Re:Testament to natural might by Moofie · · Score: 3, Insightful

      OK, in the time that it took bears to evolve into bears from marmots, humans evolved from marmots into a space-faring species with advanced tool-making and environment modifying abilities.

      Even with the bear's thousands of years of evolutionary progress, tremendous strength, and impressive cunning, I can still kill a bear (or any other creature on the planet) at my whim with minimal risk to myself.

      Just another perspective.

      Of course, the suit is not designed to kill bears. It is designed to protect humans who study bears. How many bears study humans more thoroughly than what is necessary to tip over a trash can looking for food?

      --
      Why yes, I AM a rocket scientist!
  8. Re:Tu quoque is a common fallacy by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Insightful

    -1, Ad hominem, is the best comeback you could come up with?

    Then again, I should have expected it. Most of the animal rights activists around here, when presented with rational evidence or arguments, tend to either mutter unintelligibly or scream incoherently for awhile. I guess you fall into the former category!

  9. No practical use?! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Insightful

    You obvious don't live in CANADA!!

    (There's a bear outside my window right now... you don't know how many times I've just pissed my pants cuz a grizzly was standing between me and the out-house!)

  10. Re:Great advice... by JesseL · · Score: 4, Insightful

    There's a big difference between the requirements for an offensive weapon and a defensive one.

    With an offensive weapon you have much greater control over the dynamics of your encounter. You choose the the place and the time to make your shot. You get to aim more carfully at the bears vital areas. If it doesn't look like a good shot you don't take it.

    In defensive situtations it's totally different. The shit has already hit the fan. The bear is coming for you and you need to stop him ASAP. You don't have time to line up the perfect shot. You need a firearm you can point in a hurry and that hits with real authority. A .454 casul will do it but you'd invariably be better off with a long gun. Most experienced people recomend somthing like a pump shotgun loaded with slugs or a .450 Marlin lever gun. There are numerous stories of people who got lucky and killed a bear with a single .22 or 9mm but there's a lot more stories of people who were mauled after the bear soaked up 6 .44 magnums.

    This is a general truism of weaponcraft - assasins may favor .22s but the defenders usually choose .45s. It's all about who initiates force.

    --
    "Prefiero morir de pie que vivir siempre arrodillado!"