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Project Grizzly Bear-Proof Suit Up For Auction
Ch_Omega writes "The Project Grizzly suit, The 'Ursus Mark VI', a 'grizzly-proof' suit of armour', was mentioned on Slashdot a few years ago. For all of you who then wished for such a suit (for wrestling with Grizzly Bears?), both the original Mark VI and the improved Mark VII (featuring 'a built-in video screen, a cooling system, pressure-bearing titanium struts, protective airbags, shock absorbers, a robotic third arm, built-in regular arms and swivel shoulders') are now for sale on eBay!"
Think it has enough heat sinks to support jump jets?
paintball
What a coincidence! Just last night I was having dinner when I though to myself "Self... your life would improve immeasurably if only you had something you could take on a grizzly bear in."
Trolling is a art,
If it was a 40 Ton mech I might consider bidding. As it is, it looks like a 300 lb walking sauna.
Thalasar
I love the description of the Black Box:
"Voice-activated recording device... to record bear sounds, or, in the event of a catastrophic failure of the Ursus Mark VI, last words."
I can't think they'd ever get many last words besides "AAAAAAGH!"
The coolest voice ever.
I holding out for the one that Homer made.
I'll be using mine to steal picnic baskets from unsuspecting park visitors...
In addition to protecting you from attacking bears, it will also protect you from getting laid.
What? No cup holders? Pah!
What? He didn't mention slashdot?
Does this suit leave my buttocks exposed? Because I need the freedom of movement. Bowel movement, that is.
I also reply below your current threshold.
Bart: "Homey, it isn't nice to maul Ranger Ned.."
Homer: "You want some of this!?"
Could probably use it for crossing New York intersections.
The Mark VII: just the thing for all those geeks who can't quite work up the nerve to ask Samus Aran out on a date.
Obliteracy: Words with explosions
I guess he doesn't have to worry about people asking for their money back if it doesn't work right...
Given enough bears, all suits of armor are shallow.
No practical use!?!? If it can protect you from grizzlies, don't you think it can also protect you from being grabbed by Arnold Schwarzenegger when he's in a particularly frisky mood?
Geez, learn to think outside the box a little.
WWJD? JWRTFA!
Yes, because bears are well known for their strategic thinking and willingness to accept a siege mentality... ;)
Hello down there. Are you okay? Excuse me. Bear... BEAR FUCKER. DO YOU NEED ASSISTANCE?
Bugger Simpsons quotes, Super Trooper quotes are most appropriate this time.
Remember, it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to pull the trigger of a sniper rifle.
The seller's ebay ID is "bearsuits2" - I guess he's not the only one in the lucrative bear suit marketplace.
I'll second the "out of Hurtubise's mind" part.
Hey, Windows users, there is no such thing as "forward" slash, there is only slash and backslash.
the Second "Treehouse of Horror".
Bones Crushed... Organs leaking vital fluids... Loss of Appetite...
Or, my favourite:
It's so simple, I don't know why nobody has seen this before. The solution to Fermat's Last Theorem is....Gak
myke
Mimetics Inc. Twitter
Wife: Honey, can you go cut us some firewood?
Hubby: I would if I didnt have to worry about that darn grizzy out there! Plus its dark, I can't chop wood AND hold the flashlight, I only have TWO arms you know! You figure out a way and I'll chop all the wood you want!
-asoap
Treat me like a marketing stat, and I'll treat your movie like a series of ones and zeros
Interesting euphemism.
Damn, if only I hadn't spent all my money on that Star Destroyer...
Please donate your spare CPU cycles to help fight cancer and other diseases
On our drunken camping trips, the advice should read:
Do not cook the clothes you sleep in
Seriously, you can get nailed by a car at like 40 miles an hour. This would be great for things like...crossing the street.
Netjak.com independent reviews of domestic & import video ga
$5 / month hosted VPS on linux = awesome!
Its only "slightly used" and the blood should wash right out.
MSBPodcast.com The opinions expressed here are my own. If you don't like 'em... Think up your own stuff.
I shudder to think what would happen if the winning bid is from... A GRIZZLY BEAR!
We'd all be SOL, I can guarantee it.
I, for one, would welcome our new grizzly bear overlord.
"Yeah, well, Dracula called and he's coming over tonight for you and I said okay."
The main things I remember were the "tests" he performed on the suits. Tests like the time honored "hit by a truck" test, the "rolling down a big friggin hill" test, and the "swing a giant log at my head" test. Forget the suit. I'll buy it for those tapes!
Have you bought other bear suits and then had difficulty getting laid? With this new ground breaking suit it is simply no longer an issue.
If in the unlikely event that you purchase our bear proof suit from eBay and still can't get laid simply use the 'robotic third arm' - satisfaction guaranteed.
Reminds me of a Grizzly hunting joke:
Man arrives at the hunting lodge and meets with his guide. Guide is going down the checklist of things, when he starts talking about ammunition. Guy says 'Got it!' and pulls out a loaded .45. Guide looks at it for a second and asks if remembered to get the sights filed off before he goes out.
"Why?", asks the man.
"So when the Grizzly takes it from you and shoves it up your a$$ it doesn't hurt as much.", he says.
RinkRat
That applies to Iraqis, too.
You're right, better to just visit the local zoo and admire Iraqis in a close simulation of their natural environment. Though you have to wonder, do Iraqis breed in captivity?
God invented whiskey so the Irish would not rule the world.
Reminds me of Blazing Saddles...
Bart: "I better go check out this Mongo character." [Bart reaches for his gun]
Jim: "Oh no, don't do that."
Bart: "Why not?"
Jim: "If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad."
The best protection from a pissed off grizzly is a friend who runs slower than you.
Bears have no sense of decorum, and would not be adversely affected by the sight of a geek in a thong.
This leaves the desert eagle, which would probably just try to claw your eyes out. You'd be better off with a reliable, large-caliber pistol or something.
Obliteracy: Words with explosions
If nothing else you could stick some big-foot shaped shoes on it, cover it in fur and go stalk some rual highways, waiting for a car to pounce on; get hit, and then run into the forest.
With this suit, one could start a frenzy in the bigfoot crowd (also substitute bigfoot for an alien, godzilla, teletubby, barney, etc. for better effect)
*thump*
Constitutional rights may be respected, repealed, or modified; but they must never be ignored.
"Come on, ya pansy, fight like a man!"
What, for really, really, tiny pedestrians and bicyclists?
You are in a maze of twisted little posts, all alike.
The Desert Eagle doesn't have enough stopping power... at least not unless you're a sharpshooter and happen to know where to shoot.
The balls?
I always thought the life-sized hamster ball would be more effective...and if you did get hit, it sure would be a lot funnier for spectators to watch.
Traffic soccer(football), anyone?
Maybe someone is just waiting to snipe bid. :)
Of course one could just think of these suits as really expensive Halloween costumes. Look at me, I'm a Cylon. I suspose one could also go as a Power Ranger.
Just a Tuna in the Sea of Life
[control] OK all systems green, release the grizzly bear.
[tester] You want a piece of me? I'll show you what a real bear hug is!
[grizzly] {hmmm, another chewy toy...}
[tester] aaaaaaaeeeeeiiiiii!
[control] Oh my... quick turn the cameras off!!
[project leader] Someone phone HR and tell them not to cancel that job posting quite yet...sigh!
Merlin.
Can you imagine a bearwolf cluster of these?
My favorite advice for people in bear country:
If you're going to carry a handgun for bear defense, have the front sight removed.
It won't hurt as much when the bear shoves it up you ass.
"Prefiero morir de pie que vivir siempre arrodillado!"
If I had to go up against a grizzly bear, I'd rather have nothing but a thong and a Desert Eagle than one of these wacky contraptions.
.22 revolver and track shoes. Why? Shoot your hiking partner in the knee and run like hell :)
Nay, you've gotten it all wrong. Your method means carrying around a heavy chunk of metal for miles and miles, only to have the bear shove it up your ass at the end of the confrontation. All you really need is a
- I love animals. I try to eat at least one a day.
Here is the old joke..
Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"
"I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."