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DoJ - Making Data Public Would 'Crash System'
orthogonal writes "The Justice Department today denied Freedom of Information Act requests to make public data on foreign lobbyists, claiming that '[i]mplementing such a request risks a crash that cannot be fixed and could result in a major loss of data, which would be devastating'. The requestor responded that '[t]his was a new one on us. We weren't aware there were databases that could be destroyed just by copying them,' Bob Williams of the Center for Public Integrity said Tuesday. Maybe we should tell John Ashcroft about open source database and copying solutions?"
And that's why you shouldn't use Access for your Enterprise Solutions.
Well we could, but then he would have to come up with ANOTHER bogus reason. Cut him some slack, the man works hard enough as it is.
In other news, I won't be paying my taxes this year as I firmly believe the influx of cash will "Break the Bank".
Come and see the violence inherent in the system!
Seriously. If this is where we've arrived, where public officials try such a blatant lie...their incompetence is unmeasurable! Please, please, won't the aliens take me home?!?
I guess we just have to hope (or not) that their computers or hard drives never fail.
Don't worry, I'm sure they're using a RAID 0 setup.
Casual Games/Downloads
That explains everything... Clearly, they are using a quantum-based computer. If you try to read the data to copy it, it gets changed. Can't fault them for trying to use the newest technology, I suppose.
What this REALLY means is that they have already suffered a "major loss of data" but never made any backups and have been trying to hide the fact that the database has been GONE for weeks, months, or even years under grade school-level excuses.
- For the complete works of Shakespeare: cat
afterall, they might be using Access.
I am sure there are pr0n websites with backend databases more relieable than what the government is using.
That explains everything... Clearly, they are using a quantum-based computer. If you try to read the data to copy it, it gets changed. Can't fault them for trying to use the newest technology, I suppose.
Yes, it's the all-new Heisenberg Data Store 2000 from Uncertain Storage Inc.
Want to improve your Karma? Instead of "Post Anonymously", try the "Post Humously" option.
Quick! Toss it in the trash can where Chief is!
tasks(723) drafts(105) languages(484) examples(29106)
Ashcroft is saying he doesn't know how without opening up the computer and copying it all using pencil and paper.
This warning just in from John Ashcroft:
"Whatever you do, do not vote for Senator John Kerry in the upcoming presidential election. Implementing such a vote risks a crash that cannot be fixed and could result in a major loss of data, which would be devastating."
SIG: TAKE OFF EVERY 'CAPTAIN'!!
Hmm, so I guess they don't keep backups of their own data, if making copies of it would cause the data to be lost. I guess we just have to hope (or not) that their computers or hard drives never fail.
There's a back-up bit on each suspect's Department of Justice file. If the backup bit is set (value = 1) for a particular file, it's backed-up, if it's not set (value = 0), then to save space no backups are made of that particular file.
In order to economize even more on space and save government money on the database, in a brilliant bit of design, the backup bit was combined with the bad party affiliation bit: the bad party affiliation bit is unset (value = 0) for Republicans, and set (value = 1) for all other parties.
Without backups, of course, some files are irretrievably lost, and the suspects are never prosecuted. It's mere chance that most of those are Republicans.
Opinions on the Twiddler2 hand-held keyboard?
In my IT job I use the, "Sure, I could do that, but it would blow up the entire system," all the time.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to the important work playing City of Heroes.
Not affiliated with Schroedinger's Ledger Service. Motto: "In the Black or in the Red, we'll all find out if the cat's dead!"
If brevity is the soul of wit, then how does one explain Twitter?
Maybe we should tell John Ashcroft about open source database and copying solutions?"
With the Patriot Act in effect, and all of your lines tapped, I'd say John Ashcroft already knows.
Perhaps the DoJ is using a database that only allows a limited number of copies before it determines that the user is a copyright abuser and self-destructs.
They might as well cut to the chase and just destroy the data... But then again, they'd lose track of all the favors they need to hand out after the elections. I guess they can wait till (hopefully) some court forces them to share the information. Then they can use that "The data was destroyed" excuse.
Deltron 3030 - Virus (music video)
What they mean is their database runs on "EasyDB123 Trial Version" and they cant give more than 10 queries per day or they will be forced to upgrade.
This comment does not represent the views or opinions of the user.
Actually, their computers are even more high tech than that. They are using Infinite Improbability Computers. No matter what data you put in all you get out are invoices for $200 hammers.
I'll probably be labeled as a terrorist for this post
:-P
No, you'll be labeled "informative"
Don't worry, I'm sure they're using a RAID 0 setup.
I'd bet they're using 0 RAID
DEEP VOICE: Unfortunately, no one can be -told- what the data on contributions from foreign lobbyists is. You have to see it for yourself. This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back.
(shows a blue pill.)
You take the blue pill and the story ends. You wake in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe about the FOIA.
(a red pill is shown in his other hand)
You take the red pill and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how fucked up the DOJ really is.
(you begin to reach for the red pill) Remember -- all I am offering is the truth, nothing more.
NOW it makes sense. i thought he annointed himself with oil before his swearing-in for *religious* reasons...
(no, seriously, this jesus-psycho actually annointed himself with oil.)
pr0n - keeping monitor glass spotless since 1981.
This paces the Justice Department on par with Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf
I'd go even further, I won't be surpised to see this one turn up in the next court filing by SCO. "Your honor, we have mountains of evidence showing millions of lines stolen by IBM and inserted into Linux, but we can't show you any of it for fear of destroying our computers"
What a coincidence! My financial information is stored in the same kind of database, so I cannot risk giving a copy of it to the IRS.
Ever notice how a joke just isn't as funny anymore when someone explains it? Even when the explainer completely missed the joke to begin with?
Not that that has any bearing on the current situation or anything.
When is the election in the US finished?
Depends on wether or not Florida has it's shit together this time.
Never back up? Never read the data? Never actually use the data?
What can you DO with the data?
Can we file an FOA request for material that states how this is actually used? Or will this be declined because "Said documents are stored in special formats which do not allow their export beyond the system, and said printers use ink made from phosphorus ensuring that the papers ignite when read?"
LedgerSMB: Open source Accounting/ERP
"...such a request risks a crash that cannot be fixed and could result in a major loss of data, which would be devastating"
Dear IRS:
Thank you for the kind note reminding us about payroll tax withholdings (yes, we do remember that the S in IRS stands for 'service' though the little pamplet you sent about all that was appreciated).
Regarding the issue of us not submitting any payroll tax payments, well, you see our database gurus got together and discovered that the process of running such reports through our employee database actually risks a crash that cannot be fixed and could result in a major loss of data which would be devestating.
I'm sure you'll appreciate this difficulty (if not, please contact the Justice Department and they can fill you in on the details). I'm sure there's enough other taxpayers to chase that the loss of our money is of no significant matter.
Good luck with your own database issues, by the way. I see you too have your hands full - apparently several billion dollars spent upgrading things didn't work after all. If I were you, I'd stop sending out those tax deliquency messages or else you too could be affected by these nasty database crash problems!
And the MPAA for that matter. The Government has found a truly uncopyable storage media and I'm certain both of these organizations will be overjoyed to put it to good use.
It's not the number of records that is the problem. It's the fact that they are on punched cards in the basement....
We laugh at your puny drive failures.
No smoking please.
It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit. -- Harry Truman
Overloading the DOJ servers at this crucial time during the War on Terror could bring critical network communications to a halt, making America vulnerable to terrorist activity.
To justify anything nowadays you have to use the "t" word.
Officials subject to Constitutional Advise and Consent are impeachable. However, as we know, getting a blow job and not sharing is the only impeachable offense currently recognized by the Greedy Old Perverts.
I'll probably be labeled as a terrorist for this post, and summarily arrested and imprisoned without a trail
Would you be so kind and give us, Mr. 99, your name and address? We have some problems to track your real irentity...
Sincerely,
Ashcroft
The next remark is false. The previous remark is true.
Maybe they're quantum databases containing all possible information, and actually looking at them to copy them would collapse the possibilities into only one state.
Best. Comment. Ever. Enjoy!
I mean co'mon, it used to be you took at least ten seconds to figgure out exactly how the government was BS'ing you, they're not even trying anymore!!
I stole this Sig
... and then down. And then up a couple of times, then down one more by a stickler for on-topic posts. Then down to zero by one pissed off moderator using all his points at once. Slowly climb back to +3. Down again. Up again. Down. Up. Down. Finally, when the story is 13 days old and the editors have already posted a couple of duplicates, sneak in and mod it up to +5, Insightful.
Hey, if they won't give me mod points, I can at least be a Back Seat Moderator!
Rumor has it executives from Digital::Convergence have been meeting with Bush administration officials. Could a proposal to re-activate the 'Cat' as a mechanism for tracking every taxpayer be in the works? Imagine a government and big business ploy to track every consumer/taxpayer with a barcode on their physical person!
Certainly barcoding each tax return would be nonunique; with a social security number uniquely identifying a filer. Could a more intrusive human barcode be in the works? In 1999, the USPTO issued a patent for an invisible human barcode. Armed with millions of CueCats, tax men and merchants worldwide could track the movement of money (and people!).
According to MoveOn.org (and posts on AlGoreDemocrats.org), Michael Moore has been circulating a draft of a script to follow Sicko (currently in the works about the US medical system) called 'Beep This' which exposes the Bush administration's bar code plans with Digital Convergence. Rumor has it part of Microsoft's DoJ settlement with the Clinton Justice Dept. involved Microsoft's endorsement of bar coding plans already under consideration. Of course, Kerry's big business connections (including campaign contributions from major chinese barcode manufacturers) doesn't look good either.
I can't show the IRS my records, because they'll vanish if I access them. But trust me, I've paid all my taxes.
Must have a hair trigger on that database. I hear that can blow enough sectors out of a cylinder to take down a domain at full gallop.
The hero or villain (as the case may be) pulls too much data out of the computer system too fast and soon sparks fly and the whole thing goes up in smoke. This kind of "system overload" is going to be a real problem with computers 10-20 years down the line, as Hollywood has shown us. The computers at the DOJ are just a little ahead of their time.
The soul gets installed after it's downloaded but before it's executed. If it comes as source code, it must also be compiled, usually with a "make" script (R-rated).
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A flat SSN does not make sounds. In the way of becoming flat though because of the pressure exerted by water at these depths, a submarine makes sounds.
I guess like a coke can, just lasting longer.
I'm still trying to figure out what people mean by 'social skills' here.
Said Ashcroft, "I don't pretend to understand Ashcroft's Law, I merely enforce it."
"Oppression and harassment is a small price to pay to live in the land of the free." -- Montgomery Burns.