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Besieged Movie Industry Suffers Record Takings
nagora writes "The BBC is reporting that the movie industry, in yet another illustration of just how much damage the Internet is doing to the long-suffering members of the MPAA, has just endured a record breaking $1Billion dollar takings for the single month of June. Clearly there is a desperate need to tighten up copyright laws in the face of this huge mountain of cash that is literally being metaphorically syphoned into the studios' pockets. How will they survive? "
You know what this means? The terrorists haven't won. Yay!
Wait, does this mean you thought Dodgeball was good?!?
...how do they sleep at night?
The answer however is to easy to come up with.
Very comfortably, on a big pile of money.
(/local/home/curiosity)-#who -u|grep thecat|cut -c 44-49|xargs kill -9
If you release movies that people WANT to see (Harry Potter, Spiderman, Shrek); than people will pay to see a movie? No F***ING WAY! What a concept.
Someone should report this new marking strategy of producing a quality product to the RIAA; maybe they can learn something.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Lois, this isn't my Batman glass. - Peter
Boy, it must really hurt to have that much money coming out of their a$$holes!
"We shall party like the Greeks of old! You know the ones I mean." - HedonismBot
"literally being metaphorically syphoned"
What the heck does that even mean???
*Explosion*
As copyright owner of this comment, I authorize everyone to defeat any technological measure which limits access to it.
I can't believe you admitted publicly to downloading Gigli! I would never tarnish the pristine surface of my hard drive platter with that piece of shite ;)
I did... is that so bad?
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The point isn't that they made $1,000,000,000. The point is that without internet piracy, they would have made $1,000,000,007.
let's see if it's being literally syphoned then it's not metaphoric but if it's metaphorically being syphoned it can't be literally syphoned... it must have to do with the heavy sarcasm quotient.
"Academicians are more likely to share each other's toothbrush than each other's nomenclature."
Cohen
I downloaded Gigli
Wait... someone took the time to rip Gigli AND POST it somewhere?
What a waste of bandwidth (both personal and network).
-- You can't idiot-proof anything, because they're always coming out with better idiots.
No, but some top executive did sit in a room, read the script to Hidalgo, and think it was a tremendous idea worth financing for millions of dollars. That movie made me want to kill horses and I'm no horse killer.
You have to remember that most of the /. crowd are the reason dodgeball has disappeared from schools these days. They were on the receiving end of those vicious headshots, and took their revenge on the world by creating spam, computer virii, and distributing copyrighted material for free over the net...
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...it was certainly better than the critically acclaimed "Gigli" or the various other fantastic movies that go straight to DVD.
Do you understand what sarcasm is? See, me saying "critically acclaimed", "Gigli", "and other fantastic movies that go straight to DVD" was supposed to clue you in to the HUMOR.
The box office tally for June 2004 is 37% higher than the same period in 2001.
Valenti's Response: Well, that would be good if we hadn't had 15% annual inflation over the last three years! We've lost money!
(An aide quickly whispers in his ear)
Valenti: Oh, uh, sorry, I've just been informed that the price of cocaine isn't a good measure of the economy as a whole. We'll get back to you on why only 37% growth isn't nearly enough to feed all of the starving actors and directors. But it's not, and it's all because of those stinking pirates.
Note to ACs: I usually delete AC replies without reading them. If you want to talk to me, log in.
Reinier Wolfcastle: Its me standing infront of a brick wall of three hours. It cost eighty milion dollars.
Jay Sherman: [To Reinier Wolfcastle] How do you sleep at night??
Wolfcastle: On top of a pile of money, with many beautiful ladies.
Jay: Yeash, Just asking.
A morning without coffee is like something without something else.
You have to remember that most of the /. crowd are the reason dodgeball has disappeared from schools these days. They were on the receiving end of those vicious headshots
Speak for yourself. I always aim for the legs, as it's harder to catch that way.
"We returned the General to El Salvador, or maybe Guatemala, it's difficult to tell from 10,000 feet"
is really working out for us, they're really on the ropes now.
And yes, I made that number up!
This comment does not necessarily represent the views and opinions of the author.
For you see, the poor movie industries only broke $1 Billion instead of $5 Billion. Obviously their profits were cut by 80% thanks to the evil Dr. Kazaa. Can't you see how they are now suffering? How our poor stars are only able to be afforded salaries in the lower nine digits? How the producers are barely able to make the payments on their own personal third-world countries, I will never know. This is an abomination that cannot be tolerated any longer.
Why, even when they offer us the ridiculously low subsidy rate of a mere $25 per DVD, do those villanous pirates continue to destroy this sacred and nearly-profitless art? Why, when the movies are so kind as to offer us amazingly low discount prices on drinks, snacks, and tickets, do they feel the need to steal the very food from the mouths of babies dependent on those ticket-sales. Babies who will never see their own space-shuttle for their 5th birthday, but will have to wait until they are 6!!! SIX, I say!!!!
The inhumanity of man towards man has indeed reached it's highest point, and I ask that we all bow our heads and weep for the loss of the Movie Industry, for it is they who suffer the most for our shortcomings as mere human beings.
Amen.
-The Libra
"Please be patient--The future will begin momentarily."
Maybe he downloaded it onto an old hard drive that was failing and then promptly threw it into the trash?
GreyPoopon
--
Why is it I can write insightful comments but can't come up with a clever signature?
Oh, come now. You must admit that Hidalgo was the best Swedish actor playing a western cowboy racing through the Arabian Desert movie you've ever seen.
GeneralKael -- Slacker Extraordinaire
Thank you, Chico Escuela.
The only reason we have the rights we have is that people just like us died to gain those rights. -- Cheerio Boy
Maybe he downloaded it onto an old hard drive that was failing and then promptly threw it into the trash? :-)
That's an excellent point! It must be part of his disk wiping procedure. I guess it now goes something like, "zeros, alternating, ones, alternating, Gigli..."
A dingo ate my sig...
. . .since 'Ishtar'. . .
"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme." Mark Twain
Pussies. The whole point of hitting them in the legs was to watch the jocks land flat on their face as their legs fell out from under them!
/Former Catapult-Arm Nerd
It's time to make a real stinker. One for the record books.
While only a TV movie, 10.5, the show about a large earthquake hitting the US, was reportedly made because it was so bad that people would *want* to watch more reality TV after seeing it.
I bet they have discussions like this...
Exec 1: Here we have a script in which malevolent robots run amok, and stylish humans with big guns save the world by shooting them.
Exec 2: Hmm. How can we make it more marketable? What's a good name in robots?
Exec 1: Well, Isaac Asimov looked at the current robot-story market of his day, and found it flooded with tales in which malevolent robots run amok, and stylish humans with big guns save the world by shooting them. He created the Three Laws to prevent himself from repeating this cliche, and created some of the most beloved SF stories of the era, collected in the omnibus "I, Robot".
Exec 2: Catchy! We should use the name, draw in his fans.
Exec 1: Should we change the plot to reflect his creative influence in any way whatsoever?
Exec 2: Nah, too much work. just rename the eye-candy babe to "Susan Calvin".
Exec 1: I can taste the box-office receipts already.
Can you think of a better reason why they did it?!
--grendel drago
Laws do not persuade just because they threaten. --Seneca
How is something both literal and methaphorical? Is that like spiderman being both a literal spider and a metaphor for, uhh, the decline of western civilization?
Speaking of potential sales, given that we all know your average UFO contains at least 5 aliens, and that there have been over a thousand sightings a year, how have aliens downloading memories of movie going experiences hindered movie studio bankrolls? Especially if they go back to their homeworld, and have other aliens download the movie going experience from them! This is a giant alien peer to peer network, and the MPAA/RIAA need to hop right on it. They're losing untold numbers of gold pressed latinum bars!
They seem to be confusing the ever popular dodge-ball with the somewhat less popular rule-ball....
I'm not a nerd. Nerds are smart.
Alec Baldwin: Um, does anybody know where this came from?
... and which one ... will die. ... this robot, he's got a heartbreaking decision to make about whether his best friend lives ... or dies.
Homer Simpson: Oh, *there's* that movie script I wrote! Where did you find it?
Alec: On my pillow.
Homer: The important thing is, it's got the perfect part for you. Either one of you! It's about a killer robot driving instructor who travels back in time for some reason. Ron Howard's attached to direct!
Ron: I am not!
Homer: Well, he expressed an interest.
Ron: No I didn't!
Homer: Did too!
Ron: I did not!
Homer: You lie!
Alec: Yeah, Homer, um, most movie scripts are 120 pages. This is only seventeen. And several of the pages are just drawings of the time machine. [holds up one of Homer's drawings; it appears to be a chair with a beach umbrella attached to the back and an alarm clock wired to the side]
Homer: So you're saying you don't want to star in my movie.
Alec: I'm sorry,
Homer. Homer: Well, if Alec is out, I'm out too. You're on your own, Potsie. [shoves script at Ron]
Ron: [reading title] "The Terminizor: An Erotic Thriller"?
(Later, after Alec and Kim have thrown Homer out.)
Kim Basinger: Oh, look at these snapshots of us with Homer. Wasn't that a fun weekend?
Alec: Yeah. Homer was a pretty good guy. And we just tossed him out like a Golden Globe award. I've got to admit, I miss the way he used to tuck us in and kiss us on the forehead.
Kim: Forehead?
Alec: Aw, maybe I should've made his movie.
Kim: Yeah, it wasn't that bad. I mean the script might even work if you got rid of the talking pie.
Alec: What, are you crazy? It's a buddy picture. Without the pie, it would just be me on screen for two hours.
Kim: Oh, yeah, and you'd hate that.
Ron: No, no, no, you can't lose the pie! The pie's your heart.
Kim: Okay, okay, keep the damn pie.
(One month later, at the 20th Century Fox Film Studios, Ron Howard pitches a movie to executive Brian Grazer, who sits at his desk.)
Ron: [emotionally] And it grows, to a powerful, emotional climax when the father has to choose which one of his children will live
Brian: [bored] Pass.
[Ron lets out a sigh]
Brian: What else you got?
Ron: [thinks desperately] Well, well, there is this one thing. It's about a killer robot driving instructor that travels back in time for some reason.
Brian: I'm listening.
Ron: Okay, okay, well, you see
Brian: Ehh.
Ron: Did I mention his best friend's a talking pie!
Brian: Sold! Howard, you've done it again!
- First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then ???, then profit.
So your great sports triumph was jumping over two balls in elementary school? Good story.
I'm afraid it's ongoing trend. People just used to be so much more tolerable when we all were younger...
"Clearly there is a desperate need to tighten up copyright laws in the face of this huge mountain of cash that is literally being metaphorically syphoned into the studios' pockets."
Please delete the phrase "literally being metaphorically" from the above, and from the entire internet. Thank you.
God is real unless declared integer