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DHS Says Cellular Outage Reporting is Terrorist Blueprint
Tuxedo Jack writes "U.S. landline telephone companies have to file public reports when their networks have major outages, so you would think the same would hold true for cellular providers and ISPs, right? Not if the Department of Homeland Security gets its way. CNN/AP reports that the DHS wants to make cellphone outage reports secret, claiming that they could be used as 'blueprints for terrorists.' I don't know about you, but I'd kinda like to see public disclosure on what happened if my cellphone/Internet access is down for an extended period."
[Classified]
Anyone who likes gay sex is unAmerican.
Yet anyone who bitches about taking it up the ass is a terrorist!
Did all the real Americans already recieve their Patriot packet containing one large cork, and one small tube of booty-bond? I haven't got mine, and I'm worried I might be on list somewhere because I once read an issue of The New Yorker in a doctors office....
The cell phone networks will be the first target in any terrorist attack, why bother taking out a power plant or a skyscraper when you can mildly inconvenience a small region of people?
all road signs to government buildings/hospitals/schools should be removed. If terrorists get hold of this information and attack it would be bad.
Rush hour is also an unacceptable risk. If terrorists attack during this time it could be disasterous. Consequently, as of next month all work times will be randomly generated. You will be informed when you are due to start working 15 minutes before the start of your shift via the newly secured cellular phone network. Anyone travelling on the roads without prior authorisation via cellular phone will be assumed to be a terrorist attempting to cripple our vital transportation infrastructure.
I've also observed that actual blueprints can also serve as blueprints for terrorist attacks.
Therefore, I demand that all architectural project blueprints be destroyed immediately!
Also, this means that UML is a terrorist threat.
> Are you afraid to leave the house during a storm because you might get struck by lightning?
This is Slashdot. Welcome. We rarely leave our parents' basement. So, yes, I am afraid to leave my house.
The dangers of knowledge trigger emotional distress in human beings.
Are you afraid to leave the house during a storm because you might get struck by lightning?
Absolutely. I also do not breathe because I am afraid free radicals will kill me.
Street maps will be banned, and to render older street maps obsolete (and therefore ineffective), existing street names will be randomly shuffled around.
-- Fratz, human
You're right, they would be much better off killing the traffic to the cells in question, so it shows a signal, but they can't actually use it to communicate, assuming that works.
Now that I think about it, this could explain a lot. I guess there is permanent terrorist activity around my house, my signal is always bad. I'll be watching my neighbors a bit more closely now.
Thanks, now I have to change my root password, you incestuous clod!
Show me on the doll where his noodly appendage touched you.
Believe it or not, it's an acronym.
"Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism" = USA PATRIOT.
The only reason we have the rights we have is that people just like us died to gain those rights. -- Cheerio Boy
Those are good points. I am tired of Terrorism being used as a password to make us agree to stupid propositions the make life a little bit easier for the government *cough* patriot act *cough*.
Terror Whoring?
'Nuff said.
/. If the government wants us to respect the law, it should set a better example.