Preventing/Resolving Interoffice Conflict?

An anonymous reader asks: "I have an extremely unpleasant person to whom I directly report. I have no desire to leave my company until I've accomplished certain personal (read: financial) goals, but that will probably be, at the least, 12-30 months. In the meantime, I'd like to start resolving the personality clashes that me and this individual seem to constantly find ourselves in, with the hopes of perhaps extending my stay. Unfortunately, it's beyond my current mediating skills. Have you found any particular books, articles, texts, outlooks, or strategies which they have found valuable with respect to resolving personality conflicts in the workplace, or in a larger sense, mediating, arbitrating, or resolving disagreements?"

Comments

This is not good...

[Kevin Burtch]

It's bad enough when you have to work in the same department with someone like this, but to report directly to them?

I worked for a huge corporation for 8 years, and when one person was hired and decided I was a threat to his position and proceeded to repeatedly sabotage my work and reputation... it got ugly.
This person buddied up to management (literally, taking them golfing and out on his boat, etc.) and with little nagging here and there, eventually convinced them that I was the problem, not him.
I got out in time... I left that company and got a ~50% raise in the process.

Upon submitting my 2 week notice, I posted this outside my cubicle... no-one took it down.

Almost immediately after I left, I ended up hearing that he targetted another in the group (since I was no longer there to be the scapegoat for his mistakes). Unfortunately for him, this guy had a phenomenal reputation in the company that spanned many levels (so it finally backfired).

The "moral of the story" is basically... you're in a "no-win situation". This person is not only going to have a negative effect on your psyche over that period of time, but he's going to have a negative effect on your reputation, making it more difficult to get another job anyways.
This is, of course, if he doesn't fire you first... which will make it even more difficult to find another job.

My recommendation is to polish your resume and post it immediately... it only gets worse.

Could you be a little more vague?

[bscott]

"Personality clashes" - that covers a fair whack of ground. You can't possibly expect useful advice (if there even is such an animal) without a lot more information about you, and the other person, preferably from an unbiased third party... one or both of you might need psychoanalysis, or just a weekend on a fishing boat together, or (for all I know) a lobotomy, but what you *don't* need is suggestions from the Slashdot crowd based on an extremely vague question.

But on a more constructive note, I've been there myself, more than once. So you've asked a vague question and you'll get a vague answer: in my case, back in the old days, in retrospect, most of the time, frankly it was my fault. Then I got a bit older and a bit wiser, and now I find myself flexible enough to deal with or avoid almost any unpleasant situation. So try waiting a few years until one or both of you grows up a bit. (Note that in most cases, time alone doesn't help people, so this probably won't work - but neither will the books and classes recommended to you by others)

Assertiveness

[justinmc]

Not sure if this will help but.... You have two kinds of people in an office. Confrontational people - they fight and bully etc. Submissive people - the ones the Confrontational people bully etc. Funnilly the Confrontational people think that they are being Assertive. They are not. That is what the Submissive person must learn to do. How to be Assertive in three steps? 1. Be honest about what relevant - don't call the other guy an asshole - it is not relevant and makes you Confrontational. 2. Pick you bottom line and stick to it - What is the minimum you need from this situation? Decide that and stick to wanting this. Keep saying what you want again and again and again and again...... it sounds stupid, but the other person breaks down after a while. If you don't do this then you are Submissive. 3. Treat the other person like a human being - simple as that. It shows respect and you should get it back. Thanks Jay

Could tell by reading your post

[mike_lynn]

Quit trying so hard. Seriously.

"...Unfortunately, it's beyond my current mediating skills. Have you found any particular books, articles, texts, outlooks, or strategies..."

If you're going this far, it's not going to work. You're the type of person that feels they've got to be friends with everyone and when you don't get along you have to do something to "fix" it. Anything you try from a book or strategy guide is just going to come across as forced and false and will probably piss off the other person even more.

Best advice: You're in a crappy working situation. If you're planning on making a career out of this job, try and get transferred to another department/building where there's a different manager. If that's not possible, you need to figure out how your boss's boss responds to complaints. If the boss's boss won't listen, or there's nobody that's higher up, find another job or just deal with it until you can leave.

Turn into human beings

[yndrd]

I wrestled constantly with a surly woman in a previous job--she hated me, hated our department, and hated working with almost anybody.

I'm sitting in her cubicle as she rants about my department again and I notice she has some pictures of her dogs hanging on the walls. In a lull in the raving, I asked about the dogs and--like flipping a switch--she suddenly softened and then went on and on about them. It was the most boring conversation in the world, but afterwards, she cooperated with me much more and even praised my work after the project.

It's easy to get tangled in roles and forget people are human beings--however annoying ones sometimes. That one moment of talking about something she really cared about was just enough to make her realize we weren't gang members but human beings.

As weird as it sounds, try some diplomacy: learn about the person, ask some questions, feign (or, better yet, actually cultivate) interest...you'd be surprised how people suddenly turn around when their passions are revealed.

Corporate Evolution

[Anonymous Coward]

What kind of person is he/she?

In my experience the person falls into one of two categories.

1. Grumpy old Bastard/Bitch.
Grumpy old Bastard has a set way of doing things, likes some people, dislikes others, is possibly an idiot, possibly emotional etc.

How to deal with Grumpy Old Bastard/Bitch?

This person is the easiest to handle. Grumpy Old Bastard/Bitch above all else wants Respect with a capital R. When you can't do things the Grumpy Old Bastard/Bitch (tm) way, just tell them your rationale and wear the abuse. They'll feel better and you can get on with your job. GOB/B tends to be pissed off about so much other stuff this will likely be a minor transgression. Although this is a caricature, the main distinguishing feature of the GOB/B is the they are personality defects and are not dishonest or sneaky.

2. The Snake.
The Snake is dishonest, sneaky and sadistic. The snake rules his workplace kingdom through fear. The smart people loathe the snake while the stupid are his/her unwitting accomplices. The exception are level 9 snakes, who are so skilled in deception that their spots are hidden and only uncovered when unavoidable and Snake perceives a maximal gain from doing so.
The smart tend to wait for the stupider snakes to trip up, although they are pesky and rarely do, because snakes wouldn't be snakes if they tripped, now would they?

How to deal with the Snake?

The snake respects only one thing. STRENGTH. Document everything and if you are squeaky clean, you might just have a chance against Snake.

Don't show Snake your cards. Don't go up against snake with anything less than the nut flush. If Snake calls you, he should be punished severly, a slap on the wrist simply will not do.

Finally, one last peice of advice. Never, EVER bluff a Snake.

If it's not clear, in the case that your boss is a snake, your best off quitting. Choose your battles.

Semi-Public Implied Shaming

[tigersha]

We had a guy who spent half his day on some website checking his stocks. This was during the boom. We simply logged all outgoing web requests (the URL's) and the amount of traffic to the website and displayed them during a meeting when everybody was present. His website accounted for something like 40% of the traffic. We did not name names, but everyone knew he did this, and he knew it.

It stopped. He resigned after while, and the sad thing is he had made a boatload of money on the stock exchange!

Of course, this does not help when people are claiming that it is work. Then actually logging the content would be your only option which is at best intrusive and at worse illegal. Difficult case, but perhaps simply blocking the ports would help?

Who are the work-related people? Internal or external. If its internal there is no difference between this and colleagues who hang out in each other's cubicles all day.