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Remote-controlled Bolts and Screws

Winter writes "SMT Magazine has an article on intelligent fasteners (screws, bolts...) that can fasten themselves or by remote control. Usage for this seems mainly to make sure normal people cannot change parts in their car themselves, and only allow for authorized parts and service. Of course, a hacker might also have fun and disassemble the neighbours car."

21 of 318 comments (clear)

  1. Cool! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    I always wanted a universal tool that could work like the Sonic Screwdriver from Dr. Who!

    1. Re:Cool! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      A HREF is a hard tag to use.

  2. I've had this forever by Anonymous+Crowhead · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Hey server monkey, come tighten these screws!"

    1. Re:I've had this forever by underpar · · Score: 2, Funny

      You jest, but some of us have husbands that do just that.

  3. Screw.. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    yea well..SCREW THAT!

  4. Obligatory Clippy Joke by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    "I see you are trying to install a screw. Would you like to install a screwdriver?"

  5. Government by TheSexican · · Score: 5, Funny

    If the government gets their hands on these, then we're all screwed!

    --
    Hey, guys. Big gulps, huh? Cool. All right! Well, see ya later.
  6. I an see it now... by riptide_dot · · Score: 2, Funny

    FTA:

    Seatbelts. Wireless or satellite signals from emergency control centers could release seatbelts, infant restraints and seating systems, enabling instant release of trapped or injured passengers from their cars in emergency situations.

    Woman stuck in seat because seatbelt won't release: "Hello Ford? I'm in my car, it's about to fall off a cliff, and I can't get out of my seat - can you release my seatbelt please?"

    Ford Customer Service: "Hold please ma'am - we're experiencing some slowdowns with our computer system. We'll just need to verify a few pieces of information with you first..."

    --
    I was in the park the other day wondering why frisbees get bigger and bigger the closer they get - and then it hit me.
  7. What we really need by Johnny+Fusion · · Score: 5, Funny

    Sure remote-controlled fasteners for cars and such is really nifty...

    But wake me up when they get remote-controlled brassiers. You will know its true love when she trusts you with the remote...

    --
    There are two kinds of fool. One says, This is old, and therefore good. And one says, This is new, and therefore better.
  8. This is just soooo bogus by johnlcallaway · · Score: 2, Funny

    Keep me from removing my air bag? I think not, this method presents nothing that a drill and appropriate sized bit can't resolve. Make the fastener internal so it's not exposed?? Carbide or diamond cutting wheels and torches can take care of that little problem? I'm taking it apart, who needs to put it back together again!

    Never under estimate the ability to take something apart that was not designed to be taken apart.

    --
    I rarely read replies, it's my opinion and if you thought about your opinion a little more, I'm OK with that.
  9. Hollywood must have these by steveha · · Score: 4, Funny

    Hollywood must have these because they have already appeared in the movie Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle. At the beginning of the movie, the Lucy Liu character is hidden inside a crate, but then we see wood screws spinning by themselves and popping out of their holes. Then Lucy Liu unfolds herself and climbs out.

    I always wondered how she got those screws to come out, especially given that her hands were folded to the bottom of the crate and the screws were on the top. Now I know.

    steveha

    --
    lf(1): it's like ls(1) but sorts filenames by extension, tersely
    1. Re:Hollywood must have these by nytes · · Score: 3, Funny

      I just got an idea: I'm going to start using these kinds of fasteners to make women's clothing.

      Then sell the "auto-unzip" codes to geeks. I'll be rich!

      --
      -- I have monkeys in my pants.
  10. Re:Too much tech in cars already by Walt+Dismal · · Score: 4, Funny
    Auto service writer: "Mr Jones, there's a $50 charge for the firmware upgrade for the bolts in your new Toyubishi. But if you don't get it, your nuts might fall off."

    Car owner: "You leave my nuts alone!"

  11. Yeah but... by Billy+the+Mountain · · Score: 2, Funny

    Can they program the fasteners to reveal their crack at various times and swear like a sailor?

    Click, whir, thunk! Hmmm, yep, there's number 1 piston now. Won't be too long now, Mrs. Jenkins.

    BTM

    --
    That was the turning point of my life--I went from negative zero to positive zero.
  12. Re:Obligatory Clippy Joke by franksp · · Score: 4, Funny
    Or better yet:

    System: "Your screwdriver screwdriver successfully installed the new Phillips 00 screw number 128696. Your car may not function correctly until you restart it."

    User: WTF! The breakes aren't working!!! AAARRRGH!!

  13. Speaking of screwing that ... by Ungrounded+Lightning · · Score: 3, Funny

    ... The potential for these in kinky sex toy designs is astounding.

    I imagine the B&D crowd is panting at the very though. (But then they usually are...)

    --
    Bantam Dominique roosters crow a four-note song. Once you've heard it as "Happy BIRTHday" you can't NOT hear it that way
  14. Patent idea? by valderost · · Score: 2, Funny

    Quick- somebody take out a patent on remote-controlled WD-40!

  15. Microsoft windows by Greg@RageNet · · Score: 2, Funny

    Using windows as compared to open source is like buying a car where the manufacturer sealed the hood shut; how rediculous would that be? Oh, nevermind....

    -- Greg

    --
    Slashdot, would a spell-checker for posting be too much to ask? It's not rocket science!
  16. Fun at the Dealership... by Ayrehtek · · Score: 2, Funny

    Why stop with disassembling your neighbor's car?
    Take a trip to the dealership, and just walk up and down the rows of cars... >=)

    I know the trouble you'd get in would be astronomical, but it just might say something to the dealers about "remote control" screws.

  17. Self-sealing Stem Bolts !! by TalShiar00 · · Score: 2, Funny

    The future is here!
    The running joke in Deep Space 9 about self-sealing stem bolts is about to become a reality.

  18. right on! by Tumbleweed · · Score: 2, Funny

    Now I can at last have self-sealing stem bolts! Exxxxxxcellent...this will be better than sharks with frickin' laser beams.