Hacking Vodka

enrico_suave writes "A group of geeks aimed to find out whether running cheap vodka through a brita water filter would make it drinkable. They claim after several passes through the filter the cheap vodka surpassed the premium Ketel One in drinkability tests. I think they should have done the test 'double blind' although drinking Vladmir Vodka probably could make you go blind anyways... =)"

Comments

Common knowledge?

[Anonymous Coward]

I believe this has actually been known for a long time.

Here is the canonical list of the top ten things that taste better once filtered through a Brita pitcher six times, in decreasing order of improvement, according to the Brita FAQ:

• Orange juice
• Coca Cola
• Vodka
• Cooking oil
• Urine
• Gasoline
• Blood
• Vinegar
• Water
• Semen

Surprisingly, pus did not make the list....

Re:Common knowledge?

[miskatonic alumnus]

Where does vomit rank on this scale? At the bottom under "all of the above"?

Re:Common knowledge?

[Rie Beam]

Curious - as to who was the first person to say "This semen would taste better run though a Brita water filter"?

Re:Common knowledge?

[Necrobruiser]

Just incase anyoen was thinking of trying it.

Stop telling people not to drink gasoline. We'll all be better off once the people who would drink gasoline, drink gasoline. ;)

Re:Common knowledge?

[Anonymous Coward]

It was a close race. Your sister beat your mom by just a smidge.

Re:Common knowledge?

[Anonymous Coward]

reminds me of the Sam Kinison quote "What the fuck, How bored was this guy at the party. What, were out of booze, were out of pot, There's no more coke. Wait, doesn't your little brother have a Hamster up in his room. What if we taped him up and shove him in my ass, thats gotta feel different. "

Re:Common knowledge?

[JPriest]

Exactly, hacking vodka is actually pretty common practice the next morning.

Re:Common knowledge?

[runderwo]

I carry a little flask around with me. Sometimes I take a discreet sip when I think nobody is looking.

Re:Common knowledge?

[JThundley]

Somebody from CookingWithCum.com would. It's a real web site!

Re:Common knowledge?

[Thomas Miconi]

We'll all be better off once the people who would drink gasoline, drink gasoline

God, now they're trying to slashdot the Darwin Awards !

Thomas-

Re:Common knowledge?

[khrtt]

Sometimes I take a discreet sip when I think nobody is looking.

Are you a small car?

Re:Common knowledge?

[kevingolding2001]

The stuff in vodka that gives you hangovers is fusel oils.

I had to read to this three times before my slightly alcohol-addled brain stopped seeing it as "...that give you hangovers is fossil fuels".

no no no

[nocomment]

drinking Vladmir Vodka probably could make you go blind

That's Ffud that made all those hillbillies go blind.

Old Stuff..

[Klar]

Martin Sargent from Unscrewed did this on his show a while back.. he seemed to enjoy the taste :)

Better than a Volcano

[glowimperial]

Finally a great science project that the kids can do at home.

Re:Better than a Volcano

[pHatidic]

Last year some kids I know 'liberated' a distillation column from the chem labs and took some normal vodka and distilled it into 190 proof "super-vodka". A couple shots of that and I was hallucinating and kept running out of my dorm room every half hour because for some reason I thought my bike was being stolen. I still get that warm tingly feeling in my liver just thinking about it.

Re:Better than a Volcano

[caveat]

Hells bells, if they were ransacking the chem labs, they should have just taken some anhydrous ethanol. Back when I was in school, we used to order it by the 5-gallon tub ($20.99!), and since it was USP-grade, it was technically safe to drink...nobody ever noticed a liter gone here or there.

Of course, since alcohol doesn't really want to exist in that 100% pure state, it had a nasty habit of dehydrating your tender tissues on the way down, as well as having the unholiest burn of any drink I've ever had (it actually had sort of an oily texture/mouth feel, instead of the usual watery sensation), but oh man did it ever fux0r one up. Cheers!

Re:Better than a Volcano

[Anonymous Coward]

Spoken like someone who has never taught college chemistry.

Re:Better than a Volcano

[Imabug]

this will work with many other alcohols too. On a houseboating trip, one of my friends in a fit of inebriated creativity came up with a variant of this trip where he stuck the flaming shot glass to his ass. We called it a "Butt-buca", since the drink it was being done with was Sambuca.

Once, while showing the trick off at a house party, my friend left it on too long an it got stuck to his ass. We were all laughing so hard at him running around yelling "It's stuck! It's stuck! Get it off!" none of us could help him (we were all rolling around on the ground in pain from busting a gut laughing). And those of us who were still able to stand didn't want to get anywhere near his ass to extract the shot glass.

Re:Better than a Volcano

[owenb]

I shudder to remember those nights

You misspelled 'struggle'.

Re:Better than a Volcano

[SamSim]

This is only tangetially related but I thought I'd post it anyway. At the start of (well, a week or so into) every new academic year at my college, all of the current mathematicians (such as me) band together, spend a reasonable proportion of the mathematicians' society's annual budget on vodka and assorted other alcoholic drinks, and have an amicable get-together in somebody's room to welcome the newcomers. In 2002 I was among those newcomers. There were about fifteen of us altogether.

I had the good fortune to retire to my room relatively early that night, because some time later in the evening, I'm told, a second-year called Dom got out a fondue set. The details of what happened after that are a little confused, but basically, somebody else also got out a small lump of greenish cheese which he had bought at the dining hall some weeks previously and never mustered the courage to eat. Alcohol did its sinful work, and the idea arose to melt the cheese. Into half a bottle of vodka.

Apparently (and understandably), nobody was able to manage more than a few sips of this crime against humanity of a drink without dire ill effects. The vast majority of the cheese vodka went undrunk and the bottle sort of hung around for the rest of the term... and the next term... and the next, gradually being handed from person to person as each one tried to get rid of it without actually drinking any of it or sacreligiously throwing it away.

That was in October 2002. Towards the end of June 2003, it was decided that enough was enough. The cheese vodka had had its day. It was buried in what I'm told was a rather tearful ceremony in Botolph Court, being a rather grubby area of grass in the middle of some of our student accommodation. Apparently they emptied some tea over the grave; tea being another major interest of a significant number of mathematicians at our college.

Fast-forward to October 2003 and the next official mathmo drinks. I was now among the second-years welcoming the first-years, and obviously we told them our various anecdotes of years gone by. We got to the cheese vodka story. Alcohol once again did its sinful work, and the idea popped into the collective head to go back to Botolph Court and dig it up again.

Which we did.

It was crawling up the side of the bottle to get out.

It comes pretty close to the all-time Worst Idea In Alcoholic History. Not quite up there with "let's drink Lenin's embalming fluid", but pretty darned close. I think *name removed*, one of the first-years, was the only person who tried any of the one-year-old matured cheese vodka. She managed a record-breaking whole capful. She was alternately paralytic and unpleasantly violent for the rest of the evening. Eventually I was one of the ones who helped carry her back to her room, by which time she was already being seriously considered for that year's Most Drunken Mathmo award, usually given in summer.

The cheese vodka is now missing, presumed poured down a sink somewhere, but I suspect that in the fullness of time it will resurface like an old supervillain.

Fantastic!

[Anonymous Coward]

Great. Looks like someone's nine years of freshman chemistry hasn't been a complete waste.

Re:Fantastic!

[Zenmonkeycat]

Nope, just two semesters of freshman chemistry; then you get two semesters of organic chemistry, and two full years of "A History of Russia: Depressing, Frozen Tundra Where Health Goes to Die."

Hey, I often run Vodka through a filtration system

[physicsphairy]

But it sure doesn't make it taste any better.

Re:not surprising...

[Tyndmyr]

Not to mention, killing some of the impurities'll probably help with the hangover. As for myself, Ive progressed to the point where I can occasionally afford vodka from a glass bottle.

In Soviet Russia...

[Anonymous Coward]

Vladimir filters YOU!

Vodka testing?

[TWX]

Sounds like a science experiment that I could actually participate in.

I wonder why they never featured this one on Bill Nye The Science Guy or on Beakman's World. I don't think that Lester, the self-proclaimed, "Man in a Rat Suit" would have been much different, even if he were the hands-on evaluator...

Obligatory Bad Joke

[Zephiris]

In Soviet Russia, Vodka filters you!

Re:Obligatory Bad Joke

[tarunthegreat2]

In Soviet Russia, the lame jokes get fed up of YOU! HA HA!

Some calculations...

[bergeron76]

Let's see:
Cheap vodka: $10 (US assumptions)
Name brand filter: $30
Total vodka purity: $40
As compared to: Good vodka - $34.99

Hrmm, I guess it probably made sense when they did the experiment.

Seriously though, it's neat to see hacks like this. It should also be noted that the chick in the middle of this picture is kinda cute. But does anyone know what the pills are in the bottom left corner of that picture?

Re:Some calculations...

[FunOne]

It should also be noted that the chick in the middle of this picture is kinda cute.

How much vodka have you had tonight?

Re:Some calculations...

[cacepi]

It should also be noted that the chick in the middle of is kinda cute.

She is. I know the first thing I look for in a girl is a 5-'O-clock shadow.

That's a dude, dude.

Re:Some calculations...

[spectasaurus]

I'm pretty sure the pills are estrogen. Or testosterone. Either way, I'm pretty sure they're for your sweety in the middle.

Re:Some calculations...

[austad]

Sir. I don't pretend to know what you have been drinking. However, it is reasonable to assume that you have drank it all.

Re:Some calculations...

[Anonymous Coward]

Not nearly as hot as that John Romero chick!

Where did she go, anyhow?

Re:Some calculations...

[NitsujTPU]

/. RULES! That comment is "informative."

Re:Some calculations...

[CGP314]

It should also be noted that the chick in the middle of this picture is kinda cute.

I dunno, I think I like the chick from Hanson better.


-Colin

beer too?

[chocolatetrumpet]

What else can be improved using the brita? Beer maybe? Soup even?

I am so curious now :-)

Anyone else want to do trials and report the results? My mom would probably get upset.

Re:beer too?

[Just Some Guy]

Anyone else want to do trials and report the results?

I poured in a Fat Tire and got a Bud Light. The second pass end up like a Corona, and I didn't have the heart to subject it to a third run.

Re:beer too?

[kimanaw]

Please, don't abuse beer in this fashion.

Beer has been attacked from all sides of late, whether its MADD or Atkins. Need I remind you that it was "liquid bread" that built the pyamids, and that modern democracy was born in the pewter mugs of beer swilling patriots ?

As a homebrewer, I beg, nay, demand that you love and care for your beer as it is. There are many good homes where your unfiltered beer would be welcomed. If you are either unable or unwilling to support your beer, please, please send it to a good home with someone who will love and cherish your beer without questioning its color or purity. May I suggest the Hospice of St. Arnolds ?

Not much of a test

[Genevish]

The question is, did they taste it after each pass through the filter? That would explain the result... ("Thish is farckn great!!")

Double Blind Study

[serutan]

If you really want a double blind study mix Vladimir and Pepe Lopez Gold tequila.

Priceless

[A beautiful mind]

Internet connection: $40/mo
Leat ass computer: $1500
Making a gay comment on slashdot unanonymously: priceless!

Ladies and Gentlemen

[Adrilla]

I've just become a home scientist.
PS: Science makes the room spin.

Does this work for Rubbing Alcohol?

[dantheman82]

I tried this five times with rubbing alcohol? How many times before I can get it at vodka level of drinkability?

Re:Does this work for Rubbing Alcohol?

[miskatonic alumnus]

I don't know; but, methanol seems to taste better after processing with one of those filters. I ... hey, waitaminute ... someone's been fiddling with the brightness on my monitor. Who turned out the lights???

News?

[SimonShine]

A group of geeks tried to filter alcohol. High school, anyone?

I object!

[gooman]

You kids and your high technology.
Why back in my day we used our kidneys and liver to filter our alcohol and we liked it!

The SloshDot vodka-tasthing proshedure

[davidwr]

Drink glass of expensive vokda. Good stuff!
Drink 1st glasss of cheap vodka. Yuck ptooey!
Filter 2nd glass of crap. Almost tolera*hic*tolerable.
Filter 3rd glass of crap. Filter it again. Barely tolerablable.
Filther 4th glass of the stuff. Filther it again and spill some. Get help to filther it a 3rd time. Drink it. Could be better but gimme some more.
Ask friend to filter next glass a few times and give it back to me. I don't know how many time, just do it. Hey, not bad.
Hand glassh to fr*hic*friend and say do it again. This time more fhilther. Fhilther make junk tathe good. *hic*.
Get glass from friend. Hey, this is great!
Pass out.
Wake up the next day and post on Sloshdot.

I wondered what the hell that stuff was...

[Idarubicin]

From the article:

At $11.09 for 1.75 liter...Vladimir is a steal. It is, however, painful to drink, has a repugnant aftertaste, posesses a bouquet reminiscent of rubbing alcohol.

I was in St. Louis at a conference several months ago; after the closing dinner, a group of us descended on the local blues scene hoping to find some good live music.

We found it--there was a nice patio and a great band. As the evening wore on, we progressed from beer to shooters. A round of vodka seemed a good idea at one point. It smelled like isopropanol (I'm a chemist, I know my alcohols) and tasted as bad as one would expect. To this day, I have wondered what the hell it was we drank, so that I could avoid ever encountering it again. I fear unfamiliar vodkas in unfamiliar bars.

Now, I know it was Vladimir. I can rest easy. Thank you Slashdot!

Re:Brita filters aren't just physical filters

[mrchaotica]

If that were the case, you'd think there'd be a "don't use this to filter alcohol" warning label...

Pepsi Green!

[jcuervo]

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Pepsi Green!

I was going to mod down that AC troll, but eh, I figured this was more important. ;-)

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

those chicks

[rasz]

Have you seen those chicks on the pics ? No wonder they drink vodka.

Speaking of filters...

[H0NGK0NGPH00EY]

I think this would be a good place to post an email exchange that my best friend had with random representative (whoever answers the emails sent to the help address) at PUR.

> From: Willett, J.R.
> Sent: Thursday, January 13, 2000 3:16 PM
> Subject: PUR
>
> Hi
>
> I received a PUR Water Filtration Pitcher (Plus LX, Platinum Edition) as a
> Christmas present, and I have a question about what things it can't
> filter.
>
> I have been very satisfied with its performance in removing chlorine from
> tapwater, however I am wondering what the limits are in its filtering
> capabilities. Could it, for instance, remove ammonia from an ammonia-water
> solution? In other words, could I use it in the desert to recycle urine
> into
> drinking water? The box says a lot about what it can filter, but not much
> about what it can't filter. It only says that the water must be sterile,
> and
> everyone knows that urine is completely sterile on leaving the body. Upon
> leaving the urinary tract, it provides an ideal environment for growing
> bacteria, but it is completely sterile inside you. The reason we don't
> habitually drink our own urine is because the water in our urine carries
> bodily poisons with it, including ammonia. If, however, your pitcher can
> remove these poisons, I can see how my PUR Water Filtration Pitcher could
> come in handy when water is scarce.
>
> Although my roommate has offered to sample my filtered urine, I thought I
> would ask you people first, before I pee in my PUR pitcher.
>
> Thanks,
>
> -J.R. Willett
-----Original Message-----
From: Beckenbach.Mark [mailto:Beckenbach.Mark@purwater.com]
Sent: Friday, January 14, 2000 9:38 AM
To: 'Willett, J.R.'
Subject: RE: PUR

Hello J.R.,
Gee-Whiz, I must admit that I read your e-mail with some skepticism. Upon
further reflection I came to the conclusion that you could indeed run human
urine through our filters. If you do this it could very well hasten your
way to death, but you can filter urine. We don't normally test urine or the
body's by-products associated with it. Drinking urine is a bit out of the
main stream, if you'll pardon the pun. The filter may have some effect on
the potency of the ammonia. If you're in an emergency situation with out
water, drinking urine will only make your day worse. The ammonia in urine
isn't what's going to ruin an already pisser of a day, its the salts. By
constantly reintroducing those salts into your system, you are increasing
the amount of salt in your system, and decreasing the amount of usable
fluids. This salt will draw water from other tissues in your body, as will
your kidneys. Your kidneys need the extra water to flush the salts out.
It's a viscous circle. As your kidneys are shutting down, the poisons in
your body will increase; thereby playing havoc with your heart. The lack of
electrolytes in your in your brain can cause the synapses to misfire
eventually causing you to get delirious and run screaming into the desert
waving your hands over your head chasing Elvis.
All levity aside, I am not a physician. However I do understand our
products and have a thorough understanding of human physiology. My
recommendation is not to do it. Carry a bladder of water in your trunk.
Being prepared is the best way to keep from having to drink pee.
Mahalo,
Mark

-----Original Message-----
From: Willett, J.R.
Sent: Friday, January 14, 2000 10:17 AM
Subject: RE: PUR

Mark,

Thankyou for your timely reply in this matter. Not only have you saved us from what could have been a disasterous science experiment, but you have provided a tremendous amount of amusement to several college students with perhaps too much time on their hands to wonder about such things.

I assume that if the filter cannot rem

Re:Speaking of filters...

[wretched22]

Your best friend was the author? Were you by chance the thirsty roommate?

Re:Speaking of filters...

[Dogtanian]

the other shit in the urine will require more water to process than you get from the processed urine.

Dude, if you have shit in your urine, you should see a doctor *pronto*.

Re:Speaking of filters...

[seven of five]

... after evaporating off the water, THEN you drink the pee?

I can attest to this!

[spin2cool]

After reading this site last week, myself and a couple of friends decided to take the "Brita Challenge". To my complete amazement it worked better than I ever could have hoped.

I hate vodka typically, and the 9-dollar "Kamchakta" vodka that we bought burned like a mofo, and smelled like ass. After filtering it several times, it loses all of those impurities (that some might call 'flavor'), and is much more palatable.

Our findings were that 4 filtrations were plenty, and that it took much less time than the other site claims. We were able to filter a 1.75 L bottle of vodka 6 times in well under an hour.

We surmise that if you stuck 3 or 4 filters together in one long pipe, you could have one hell of a filtration system, and do it quickly too. With a little bit of advertising on collegehumor.com, you could be a thousandare, easy!!

To recap:
1) Filter Cheap Vodka
2) ????
3) Profit!!!

Cheap Vodka

[obender]

I'm suprised that after all this posts there's no mention of Satellite Vodka, the cheapest way to put yourself into orbit.
For basic ingredients you need human excrement and an old winter coat, the type used by building site workers, convicts and the military in Eastern Europe.
Usually the crap was collected in a hole in the ground. Put the coat in and let it rot for a few weeks. The process makes the polyethilene in the coat padding decompose into etylic alcohol. You can then collect it from the surface. Some filter it afterwards.
On building sites they used to use a porcelain toilet seat that was plugged and filled.
I dare you get a cheaper recipee than this.

Re:not surprising...

[Trepidity]

just some of the best vodka you have ever tasted

Indeed! I would describe it as having a delightful initial nose of ethanol, a pleasant burning as it goes down, and finishing smoothly with a subtle aftertaste of ethanol punctuated by a complex ethanol-infused bouquet.

"It feels like a clown is raping my mouth."

[N8F8]

Exactly how does your friend know how it feels to have a clown raping his mouth?