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Smarter Phones Coming Soon

Posted by ryuzaki0 on from the nag-three-times-more-efficiently-than-mom dept.

cofaboy writes "Down at Vulture Central there's an article regarding the next generation of smart phones. These things will learn to nag you if you try drinking too much the night before, learn who your friends are via bluetooth and more. "

30 of 145 comments (clear)

  1. Your mom by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    I thought nagging about how much you drank last night was one's mother's job, using the phone...

    1. Re:Your mom by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      Why waste a phone call when she can just come down to the basement and yell and you in person?

  2. 'learn who your friends are via bluetooth' by dupper · · Score: 5, Funny
    Aha: I don't have any friends.

    Take that, Big Brother!

    1. Re:'learn who your friends are via bluetooth' by ceeam · · Score: 5, Funny

      I changed your slashdot status to "friend" :)

      Others?

  3. Bah by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    Isnt a wife good enough for this?

    1. Re:Bah by Zog+The+Undeniable · · Score: 2, Funny

      No, the licensing costs are excessive and there are some serious instability bugs that need working out. They never, ever, suffer from memory leaks though - especially if it relates to something you said in 1987 about her arse looking big in those jeans.

      --
      When I am king, you will be first against the wall.
    2. Re:Bah by EricKoh · · Score: 3, Funny

      Cool gadget! I'll train the handphone to nag at every little thing and then give it to my wife. Revenge of the Geek Husband... Sweeeet...

    3. Re:Bah by maxwell+demon · · Score: 2, Funny

      Also, the license is usually terminated as soon as you try a competitor's product. And then in most cases you'll still have to pay license fees after your license was terminated. And even if cou manage to keep your license, the functionality will be severely reduced.

      --
      The Tao of math: The numbers you can count are not the real numbers.
  4. And Hopefully tell you someone cute goes by by Mycroft_VIII · · Score: 2, Funny

    After all what are 7 megapixels and smarts good for if the thing can't help you spot someone atractive, just so long as it learns its' OWNERS preferences, and not some factory default.(shudder)

    Mycroft

    --
    https://signup.leagueoflegends.com/?ref=4c3ed6600b6ea
  5. You can call me paranoid.. by thegoogler · · Score: 5, Funny

    but thats just a little freaky, i mean it monitors pratically your whole fucking life? "Dave, its your girlfriends birthday. buy her this type of chocolates from this store and your cahnce of getting layed goes up 36.4%" wait.. thats actually a good idea... nvm..

    1. Re:You can call me paranoid.. by njchick · · Score: 4, Funny

      Imagine explaining your phone that your girlfriend dumped you for a guy with a better phone, so you don't need to buy her any gifts. Your phone may be very unhappy to learn about that.

  6. When drunk... by imroy · · Score: 4, Funny

    Will it advise you not to ring your ex when you've had too many drinks?

  7. Nah... by Zog+The+Undeniable · · Score: 4, Funny

    Predictive texting is crap (everyone I know turns it off) so I can't see this being much better. Now a *really* smart phone would recognise telemarketing calls and refuse to ring, or just play a recorded message telling them you're dead.

    --
    When I am king, you will be first against the wall.
    1. Re:Nah... by tcr · · Score: 2, Funny

      The only good thing about predictive text is the unpredictable messages, especially if the sender is in a hurry.

      Hence, from the gf, things like "see you in a monument" and "duck off you tanker".

      Personally, I always use mobile phones with keyboards, partially to piss people off by sending 160 chars with punctuation and capitalisation quicker than they can thumb stab 80 chars of txt spk, yu no wht I mn?

      --


      Information wants to be beer.
  8. nagging phone by SoCalAndy · · Score: 1, Funny

    nag you if you try drinking too much...

    What is this phone, my liver?

  9. Danger Will Robinson! by snaphu · · Score: 4, Funny

    I can see it now: "I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Dave"

    1. Re:Danger Will Robinson! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      Arghhh.
      Mixed Sci-Fi quotes do not compute! Overload! *BZZZZZZZZZT*

  10. Re:Information is dangerous :) by malsbert · · Score: 4, Funny

    would never happen! companys take care not to disclose personal information about there custermers!

    damn this is goooood weed! where was i? nevermind...

    --
    "Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest." - Denis Diderot.
  11. Third and five by cubicledrone · · Score: 2, Funny

    and the snap... phone owner drops back and rolls right with five receivers in the pattern, throws a LONG SIDELINE PASS

    WHAM!! No more nagging phone.

    --
    Business isn't willing to pay for products, innovation and careers, so we get brands, mortgage commercials and layoffs.
  12. What type of crazy ass sensors... by N5 · · Score: 2, Funny

    will this thing use? will it "talk" to smart beer cans through RFID? or something embeded in your mouth? fillings perhaps? we have voice recognition. why would we need such things?

    only thing i know is most /.ers cells will commit suicide at our lack of friends, unless we get *nix running on it first.

    i guess it dosn't matter because let's face it, it's a GIMMICK to boost SALES. and in practice will suck.

    --
    John 3:16 - The easiest way to a BETTER YOU.
  13. Let's get it over with... by pair-a-noyd · · Score: 2, Funny

    Let's all just replace ourselves with machines then die out. Hell, we're moving towards a Cylon future anyway.. Might as well get it over with..

  14. Misleading Summary by EricKoh · · Score: 3, Funny

    These things will learn to nag you if you try drinking too much the night before

    Actual article said:

    The New Scientist reports possible applications include reminding you not to drink too much the night before an important presentation.

    Sheesh.. I was under the impression that the phone had a built in breathalyzer.. and perhaps a 'Bad Breath Scale' showing on the LCD as your work day progresses...

  15. I can see the marketing now... by laughingcoyote · · Score: 3, Funny

    "Are you too stupid to think for yourself? Worry no more, the Megacorp model XL69 will take care of all of that for you!"

    --
    To fight the war on terror, stop being afraid.
  16. The '0wned' Excuse by salvorHardin · · Score: 5, Funny

    I'm sorry I forget our anniversary, honey... my phone got rooted by some elite regiment of North Korean hackers, who wiped out the reminder and replaced it with a 'to-do' stating that I was supposed to have a meeting with somebody called 'Lusty Linda' at the local tittie bar. I thought it seemed a little strange at the time, but, oh well - the phone knows best... or so I thought until Linda dropped her pants and revealed her real name to be Linford. I'll have to upgrade to SP2 sometime soon, but I'm running Google PDA-Search, and I don't think the two work together. Sorry babe...

  17. Oh no, a smart phone! by arasinen · · Score: 2, Funny

    I just want my phone to work like a regular phone. Is that too much to ask? I just want the basic features. You know, a phone that can make phone calls, has calendar, voice recognition, camera, ability to install additional software and a Python interpreter.

    --
    [ Antti Rasinen ]
  18. The Killer App: Intelligent call answering ! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    If they could do intelligent call answering, I'd buy them.

    Sales people: go away (or your choice of *** off)
    Mom: "ok mom" every 5 minutes or so
    Wife: "yes dear" every 5 minutes or so
    Children: "no you can't have XXX"
    Mistress: Connecting your call now ....

    And before the flames start I know real geeks don't have wives, children or mistresses ....

    1. Re:The Killer App: Intelligent call answering ! by Kiryat+Malachi · · Score: 3, Funny

      You forgot one thing:

      Real geeks don't need phones to talk to their mom. They just yell up the stairs from the basement.

      --

      ---
      Mod me down, you fucking twits. Go ahead. I dare you.
      (I read with sigs off.)
  19. Awesome by kuzb · · Score: 4, Funny

    This is exactly what everyone needs, a digital mom!

    Perhaps it can nag you to clean your desk, mow the lawn, and take the garbage out too.

    --
    BeauHD. Worst editor since kdawson.
  20. Doom Mod by Shadow_139 · · Score: 1, Funny

    I will only be good if somebody find a way of modding Doom II running on the phone to interact with it....
    haha..., "All you Friends are Dead"

    "Clutch my testes, bloody squirrel humpers!!" -Happy Noodle Boy

  21. had to be said.... by mr_z_beeblebrox · · Score: 2, Funny

    In Soviet Russ...er America, Bluetooth learns You