Slashdot Mirror
An Update on Patrick Volkerding
Noryungi writes "Patrick Volkerding, the maintainer of Slackware Linux has posted an update on his health problems on the ChangeLog of Slackware-Current. Unfortunately, it seems his health is getting worse and not better... Again, if you know some specialist in viral infections, contact Patrick ASAP. Hang in there, Pat!" Our original story.
Noted Internet fatass cowboyneal has a new reason to eat a pound of ground beef, only this time it is not deep fried in corn batter and surrounded by curly fries. No, on a routine trip to Carl's jr. he tells me that he discovered the low carb six dollar burger purely by accident, originally thinking of it as a way to eat more fat and not be filled with bread. It became more of an obsession than linux douchebaggery. The psychological heirarchy of needs is proven once again.
Instead of his normal deep fried vegetable fat intake this is animal fat, something that feeds the carnal nature of all man. It is also the main stay of one of the most popular low-carb diet crazes to hit the market. The atkin's nutritional approach is driven not by a lower fat intake, or a particularly low caloric intake but rather high protein and high fat in the initial stages of the diet, it is safe to continue induction for up to six months. This induction phase is what cowboyneal had stumbled upon.
GNAA reporter GuyNiguere questioned Carl's jr. employee and undercover informant JesuitX about cowboyneal's visits to the fast food chain. Upon questioning JesuitX pulled his 2-foot nigger cock out of the mayonnaise vat and began cursing the franchise owner and anyone who looked like that "chink Korean penny pinching assface with the black heart of a Jew banker foreclosing on a struggling rural family in western Nebraska". Having never actually answered any questions GuyNiguere decided to stake the restaurant out him self. These are the findings of the stake out:
GuyNiguere, stake out report. Day 1
After a morning of no relevant activity I believe I have hit the motherlode so to speak, after feeling several small tremors and noticing the scent of burning pork and Marlboro light cigarettes he appeared. This magnificent behemoth of a man resembling a pasty white pre-surgery Al Roker genetically crossed with a tokyox hog. I knew at once it was the unspeakable, the terrible, the unimaginable, CowBoyNeal. After slipping on his own sweat and having three employees with a hand truck prop him up at the counter he proceeded to order fourteen low-carb six-dollar burgers. Enough beef to feed the children of an entire AOL call center.
I feel I must talk to this incredible beast but the crunch of burger wrappers and commotion of Carl's jr. employees is just too much for me. Today has been a momentous day, and I would love to get the story first hand from the man, but surely his failing eyesight, latent racism, and my natural nigger tendencies to wear bright colors could mean certain death. Perhaps tomorrow, I need to regain my strength.
The GNAA reporter had every right to be afraid, for the next day he attempted to talk to the infamous butterball and was likely savagely devoured much to the amazement of the GNAA. Always the forward thinker he decided to use his stolen laptop to broadcast the interview live via irc. This shocking moment in slashdot/gnaa relations is both disturbing and enlightening.
GuyNiguere: I'm here with cowboyneal, I am about to go ask him about his weight loss, I may die, but to leave this world in service of the GNAA is the most noble way to go.
GuyNiguere: Cowboyneal, I see you've lost a lot of weight, how did you manage to do it?
GuyNiguere: He says that I look tasty and that he has lost almost a quarter of his weight 475 lbs. so far by simply eating nothing more than six-dollar burgers dripping with ranch dressing.
GuyNiguere: How did you notice the weight loss, forgive me but a quarter of your weight isn't all that much in the scope of things.
GuyNiguere: He says the first indication was when his wife found his penis and he's been pumping the porker ever since she figured out how to support his cockapron with a pneumatic cylinder.
GuyNiguere: How has your new diet changed your life?
GuyNiguere: He said I look like I'm made of tasty nigger meat and that it has allow
frist psoto BEBE ^_^
nt
I sometimes have pops in various parts of my body. Often times when I have them I see lighted things fly into or out of my body. My understanding is that these things are spiritual beings and they are simply doing their normal function (they fly in and out of people regularly).
Another intersting phenomena is the vertigo-feeling I noticed I often have during times of great distress. Over the years I've become more and more used to it and now recognize it as different kinds of spiritual beings entering and exiting me (these ones sort of have a 'body shape' and its like they float down and fuse with me; they are distinct from the little balls that cause the pop-like things).
I'm basically powerless to control such influences upon me but I know that the Son of God, the Lord Jesus Christ, does have power over them so I try not to worry too much about it - and if my body should fail me I know that I am saved from eternal damnation because of what God did for me - I am saved by grace through faith and not of myself; it is a gift of God lest anyone should boast.
I hope you continue to walk upon the face of the earth through this experience, Paul - indeed I shall pray to the Lord for your recovery - but it is far more important to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. If you've done that then do what I have done in the past when I start having popping coming from my heart and surrounding areas: I got on my knees and say, "Dear Lord Jesus, I have done my best. I know I'm not a great person. Please have mercy upon me. I believe you died for me and rose from the dead. My life is in your hands and do with me whatever you want."
So far He's kept me walking on the face of the earth even after that tumultuous time in 2000-2001 in which He was sorely displeased with my behavior and handed me over to Satan as a form of punishment. However, the Lord was chastising me for my own good and now I love Him more than ever.
...Windows ME will fuck up just about anything.
Please stop stalking me, bro.
Should we also pray for Patrick? What are your thoughts on that aspect or method of helping someone?
From what I've been taught and come to believe:
The Chaplet of The Divine Mercy is an especially powerful prayer that can be offered to God for the sake of those who are sick and dying. [Note: Jesus == "The Divine Mercy"]
This prayer, in a moral sense, takes on special power when prayed in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament. Here is a directory for Catholic Churches and Chapels that have set times for or perpetual adoration of Jesus Christ really and bodily present in the Eucharist.
Here is a nice audio recording (RealAudio) that can be used to learn this prayer in song/chant form. Most people simply recite, rather than sing it.
There is also a popular "praise and worship" style sung-version of this prayer. Here is a sample recording; you can buy the full-recording on CD.
I have prayed this chaplet many times for sick, dying, despairing, addicted, and/or lonely family members, friends and strangers. Try it! The mercy of God is awesome!
Learn more about Saint Faustinaand The Divine Mercy Devotion, thanks to the Marians of the Immaculate Conception.
IC XC NIKA