Slashdot Mirror
Gaming vs Relationships
bgalbraith writes "BBC News has posted an editorial piece called Confessions of a Game Widow, where a frustrated spouse writes about getting neglected by her partner in favor of games such as Halo 2 and Half-Life 2. Her solution to all those like her: 'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Let's get together and form a clan. We can call ourselves the Game Widows.'"
Actually, there are quite a number of gamers who have girlfriends. And just as many female gamers with boyfriends. (My fiance and I both play games, and in fact, I've been doing so far longer than he has. So yes, it can and does happen.) It certainly helps when both people in the relationship enjoy gaming, even if they don't game together. But really, this whole hullabaloo about "games destroying relationships" is the exact same problem people have been having for millenia. Many, many people are "addicted" or committed to an activity, whether it be watching TV, watching or participating in a sport, playing in a band, programming (whether for money or fun), drinking alcohol, gaming, whatever. And people that don't have the willpower or know-how to limit themselves in partaking of those activites are going to have a hard time with their relationships, even if their significant other is interested or involved with that activity. It's not an issue of games being any more addictive that any other activity (I'm especially thinking of TV watching here...) - it's an issue of many people not knowing when to stop.
Murphy's Paradox... the more you plan for success, the more avenues there are for failure.
I'm actually pretty annoyed at a lot of the comments in that article. One was about a girl who told her boyfriend that he could get a PS2, or keep her as a girlfriend. One or the other. Honestly, do we ask you girls (if any read this), to either put away your soap operas and boy bands, or leave us? No. And you shouldn't ask the same of us. Even if your significant other did agree to give up his hobby for you, if that is how your relationship works, it isn't going to last. And he will regret chosing you over his hobby, and you will regret the fact that all of his friends now know how bad of a person you are. This works the other way, too. Guys shouldn't ask girls to give up their hobbies.
As much trouble as the John Q. Slashdot-Stereotype seems to have becoming part of a relationship, it floors me how there can be people out there in relationships who let their love die because Half-Life and Halo get in the way. Anyone who prefers playing games all the damn time to actually spending time with a loving woman (or man, depending on your gender and/or orientation) doesn't deserve to be in a relationship.
Video games are like any other aspect of your life: when made your primary focus, they will take the place of every other aspect of your life: drugs, alcohol, sex, dating relationships, movies (you LOTR fans know who you are), /., and anything else that consumes the majority of your time and energy. Maintaining a healthy balance (this does not mean devoting equal time to all of them) of your pursuits (seriously, no drugs) is a healthy way to go. It's all about managing your priorities.
Might it help if the gamers significant other took an active interest in what the gamer was doing? I don't mean joining. I mean taking an active role in learning why the significant other finds the games so attractive and why they are willing to devote so much time to them. That may cause the gamer to go "Hey, they're into whay I'm doing, maybe I should look into what they're doing." Just a thought.
http://www.bynarystudio.com
What on earth is she complaining about? He enjoys it. Why are you taking away something he enjoys, when he has already addressed your 'complaint'.
This woman just wants the poor bastard to be right in front of her every single moment. He's sacrificied part of his hobby, sacrifice your whining.
but I like sex much, much more. But yeah, if you don't ever offer sex, then, yeah, he'll probably choose HL2 or Halo 2 over having a "conversation", if he knows he won't get anything of benefit at the end.
Its quite simple, video games are an escape from the reality (you know, the one where we have to deal with people with an ugly personalities like yours).
I expect we'll find you infront of the television, wallowing in mediocrity but feeling better about yourself by attempting to make sweeping statements of generalisation about "most" people who play games.
Video Games are not a big part of life, you're right about that but aside that you're just another bitter idiot who overanalyses the completely casual act of sitting down infront of a game for a few hours.
To those of you who actually do spend half your life playing games: Don't blame you, have fun and I hope you get a kick out of hearing imbeciles like our humble parent here try to feel better about themselves.
...but I'm here to offer another opinion. Perhaps the real issue isn't with the behavior of the gamers themselves, but with the behavior of their partner. I've been a female gamer since the days of the Atari 2600. I've been in relationships with both gamers and non-gamers. Most of the time, gaming alone is just another one of those integral activities such as reading or other hobbies that help separate you from being no more than the "couple beast". There have been times where I've either read or gamed excessively alone while seeming to ignore my partner. Most of the time, it was a passive response to being generally unhappy with the relationship. Either I wasn't getting enough attention my partner or I was getting too much, or there were other relationship difficulties to consider. For me, at least, gaming helps relieve stress. If you find your partner gaming obsessively, perhaps you should ask them what's wrong. Maybe they're escaping your boring, self-obsessed drivel. Maybe you're only doling out sex once a month and they have to take our their frustrations elsewhere. I don't see gaming itself as a relationship breaker, but when taken to extremes, it can be an indicator of something else that may need worked out. In closing, an excerpt from the article: "My boyfriend used to have a PS2 until it was stolen in a burglary. He used to play every now and then but I often ended up going to bed alone, waiting for him to stop playing. Now he intends on buying anther one for himself, solely to play GTA: San Andreas. I gave him a simple option: "Buy a new console, get yourself a new girlfriend." I think he got the point. Sophie, Paris, France" Stolen? Right! That poor soul may want to check Sophie's bank account or the local pawn shops. Ultimatums like that are definitely not the solution and I hope to god the poor fellow has a new girlfriend by now.
Games are worthwhile investments of leisure time despite what people might say. Over the years I've had more people backstab me, betray me, dump me and be so fucking unreliable in general, having an outlet to get away from the daily grind and the crappy low quality of people on this planet is a godsend. Video games might eat into relationship time but if you're SO is not that into you then why should you spend time away from your hobbies? I mean come on, I bet half these "Gaming widows" complaining don't do anything to pull their SO's away from their games (i.e. sex, schedule a weekend away, etc).
Too much blame is often saddled with guys but usually the guy who gets dumped never knows what was wrong because the girl keeps that shit to herself in the firstplace. They are vocal on the internet but many just act irrationally and expect their SO to read their mind.
IMHO the quality of people I have met in modern life have declined significantly, I think the rise of video games and entertainment speaks about the decline of the quality of life and the quality of people in SOCIAL settings in general.
All my gamer friends while somewhat nerdy and perhaps not as socially graceful can be all around better people to hang out with then people who aren't into games and use you for superficial BS like competing for social status and money.
I dont value human relationships because I dont value all the BS and social games people play, many just can't face reality and be true to themselves, they are so wound up in social BS it's hard to see anything of value.