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Gaming vs Relationships

Posted by Zonk on from the love-hurts! dept.

bgalbraith writes "BBC News has posted an editorial piece called Confessions of a Game Widow, where a frustrated spouse writes about getting neglected by her partner in favor of games such as Halo 2 and Half-Life 2. Her solution to all those like her: 'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Let's get together and form a clan. We can call ourselves the Game Widows.'"

6 of 80 comments (clear)

  1. Overrated. Heh. by Xaviar21 · · Score: 5, Insightful
    I'm a gamer. I also have a full time job. And a relationship. None of them interfere with the others. My girlfriend has a life of her own, too. When she's busy and I'm not, I'll play video games, or hang out with other friends. Sometimes both. I think a large part of the problem is that people demand that all their free time be spent with a significant other. That's simply not the way it should be. You both have your own lives; it's great that you want to share them with each other, but you aren't the same person. Everybody has there own little things that take up their time, that a significant other might not approve of. It's pure arrogance to try to change that, and not change yourself.

    I'm actually pretty annoyed at a lot of the comments in that article. One was about a girl who told her boyfriend that he could get a PS2, or keep her as a girlfriend. One or the other. Honestly, do we ask you girls (if any read this), to either put away your soap operas and boy bands, or leave us? No. And you shouldn't ask the same of us. Even if your significant other did agree to give up his hobby for you, if that is how your relationship works, it isn't going to last. And he will regret chosing you over his hobby, and you will regret the fact that all of his friends now know how bad of a person you are. This works the other way, too. Guys shouldn't ask girls to give up their hobbies.

    1. Re:Overrated. Heh. by Lynxara · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Amen. The boyfriend isn't into video games at all, but he's willing to discuss them and even watch me play if I need to get through something quick in order to make deadline. He accepts this as a quirk of my personality, just like I accept his.

      Women who have problems this severe with their SO's hobbies... uh, should be dating other men. Or wondering what they were doing wrong so that they could get upstaged by video games in the first place. My boyfriend has certainly never found his comic books more interesting than me when presented with a choice between alternatives....

  2. Addiction is addiction by smcg · · Score: 5, Interesting
    From TFA:
    My relationship of six years ended because of the PlayStation. When our son was born my partner spent all his time playing games. We never went to bed at the same time due to him staying up as he wanted just to get to a certain level. He slept during the day due to being up all night and I was left holding the baby literally. Our relationship ended and he admits now it was down to the PlayStation.
    Video game as chore, as negative reinforcement (removal of withdrawl symptoms), as escapism, etc. It's the type of folks who are prone to addiction in any form that become addicted to video games.

    To know "Daddy" as "the man who snarls at you when you want to play PlayStation" rather than a father figure, well, it really puts a somber image on things. If you'd rather raise your online char than raise your son/daughter, then the child might as well be missing one parent.

    Just interesting to see the shoe on the other foot, when the addiction applies to the parents. Much more serious when you think about it.

  3. Classic problem by bynary · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Video games are like any other aspect of your life: when made your primary focus, they will take the place of every other aspect of your life: drugs, alcohol, sex, dating relationships, movies (you LOTR fans know who you are), /., and anything else that consumes the majority of your time and energy. Maintaining a healthy balance (this does not mean devoting equal time to all of them) of your pursuits (seriously, no drugs) is a healthy way to go. It's all about managing your priorities.

    Might it help if the gamers significant other took an active interest in what the gamer was doing? I don't mean joining. I mean taking an active role in learning why the significant other finds the games so attractive and why they are willing to devote so much time to them. That may cause the gamer to go "Hey, they're into whay I'm doing, maybe I should look into what they're doing." Just a thought.

    --
    http://www.bynarystudio.com
  4. Whining by Khuffie · · Score: 4, Insightful
    From the article: We have reached a compromise of sorts, whereby he arranges gaming evenings with his friends only when I am out, and the rest of the time he plays only in short bursts. But it looks like his obsession is here to stay.

    What on earth is she complaining about? He enjoys it. Why are you taking away something he enjoys, when he has already addressed your 'complaint'.

    This woman just wants the poor bastard to be right in front of her every single moment. He's sacrificied part of his hobby, sacrifice your whining.

  5. This comment comes a bit late... by genessy · · Score: 4, Insightful

    ...but I'm here to offer another opinion. Perhaps the real issue isn't with the behavior of the gamers themselves, but with the behavior of their partner. I've been a female gamer since the days of the Atari 2600. I've been in relationships with both gamers and non-gamers. Most of the time, gaming alone is just another one of those integral activities such as reading or other hobbies that help separate you from being no more than the "couple beast". There have been times where I've either read or gamed excessively alone while seeming to ignore my partner. Most of the time, it was a passive response to being generally unhappy with the relationship. Either I wasn't getting enough attention my partner or I was getting too much, or there were other relationship difficulties to consider. For me, at least, gaming helps relieve stress. If you find your partner gaming obsessively, perhaps you should ask them what's wrong. Maybe they're escaping your boring, self-obsessed drivel. Maybe you're only doling out sex once a month and they have to take our their frustrations elsewhere. I don't see gaming itself as a relationship breaker, but when taken to extremes, it can be an indicator of something else that may need worked out. In closing, an excerpt from the article: "My boyfriend used to have a PS2 until it was stolen in a burglary. He used to play every now and then but I often ended up going to bed alone, waiting for him to stop playing. Now he intends on buying anther one for himself, solely to play GTA: San Andreas. I gave him a simple option: "Buy a new console, get yourself a new girlfriend." I think he got the point. Sophie, Paris, France" Stolen? Right! That poor soul may want to check Sophie's bank account or the local pawn shops. Ultimatums like that are definitely not the solution and I hope to god the poor fellow has a new girlfriend by now.