Gaming vs Relationships

bgalbraith writes "BBC News has posted an editorial piece called Confessions of a Game Widow, where a frustrated spouse writes about getting neglected by her partner in favor of games such as Halo 2 and Half-Life 2. Her solution to all those like her: 'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Let's get together and form a clan. We can call ourselves the Game Widows.'"

Comments

You will see them in the MMORPG's

[AtariAmarok]

You will see these new vengeful game widows appearing as griefers. They are the ones throwing pots and pans at you.

Similar to MMO wives

[Castaa]

I know a lot of MMO wives that started with this similar philosophy. Many of them became just as addicted as their husbands.

Hmmm

[Otter]

I suppose they could have an affair with an EA spouse...

Re:No problems here...

[Murphy's Paradox]

Actually, there are quite a number of gamers who have girlfriends. And just as many female gamers with boyfriends. (My fiance and I both play games, and in fact, I've been doing so far longer than he has. So yes, it can and does happen.) It certainly helps when both people in the relationship enjoy gaming, even if they don't game together. But really, this whole hullabaloo about "games destroying relationships" is the exact same problem people have been having for millenia. Many, many people are "addicted" or committed to an activity, whether it be watching TV, watching or participating in a sport, playing in a band, programming (whether for money or fun), drinking alcohol, gaming, whatever. And people that don't have the willpower or know-how to limit themselves in partaking of those activites are going to have a hard time with their relationships, even if their significant other is interested or involved with that activity. It's not an issue of games being any more addictive that any other activity (I'm especially thinking of TV watching here...) - it's an issue of many people not knowing when to stop.

In Other News...

[GravityCocktail]

Scientists discover that not only are there female gamers, but female /.ers..

Overrated. Heh.

[Xaviar21]

I'm a gamer. I also have a full time job. And a relationship. None of them interfere with the others. My girlfriend has a life of her own, too. When she's busy and I'm not, I'll play video games, or hang out with other friends. Sometimes both. I think a large part of the problem is that people demand that all their free time be spent with a significant other. That's simply not the way it should be. You both have your own lives; it's great that you want to share them with each other, but you aren't the same person. Everybody has there own little things that take up their time, that a significant other might not approve of. It's pure arrogance to try to change that, and not change yourself.

I'm actually pretty annoyed at a lot of the comments in that article. One was about a girl who told her boyfriend that he could get a PS2, or keep her as a girlfriend. One or the other. Honestly, do we ask you girls (if any read this), to either put away your soap operas and boy bands, or leave us? No. And you shouldn't ask the same of us. Even if your significant other did agree to give up his hobby for you, if that is how your relationship works, it isn't going to last. And he will regret chosing you over his hobby, and you will regret the fact that all of his friends now know how bad of a person you are. This works the other way, too. Guys shouldn't ask girls to give up their hobbies.

Re:Overrated. Heh.

[Xaviar21]

I agree to everything said in the parent. But I also feel the need to add a bit.

Yes. We work hard. Yes. You might too, but you don't have to. Yes. We are not your father. Yes. You are an adult.

But yes, we still love you, and want to spend time with you. Just not exclusively. We have our lives, and you have yours. Live it, and let us live ours. Do that, and we'll treasure the time our lives intersect, instead of dreading it.

Re:Overrated. Heh.

[aliens]

Here ya go

Re:Overrated. Heh.

[Lynxara]

Amen. The boyfriend isn't into video games at all, but he's willing to discuss them and even watch me play if I need to get through something quick in order to make deadline. He accepts this as a quirk of my personality, just like I accept his.

Women who have problems this severe with their SO's hobbies... uh, should be dating other men. Or wondering what they were doing wrong so that they could get upstaged by video games in the first place. My boyfriend has certainly never found his comic books more interesting than me when presented with a choice between alternatives....

Re:Overrated. Heh.

[Golias]

Married men live, on average, about ten years longer than men who remain single.

The individual who benefits the most from a stable marriage is the child of said couple. People can survive with one parent, but there is no greater force for giving somebody a shot at a happy and rewarding life than two loving parents who have committed themselves to living, raising children, and growing old together.

But if you don't plan on having kids then yeah... Marriage is just shacking up, but with paperwork.

Re:Overrated. Heh.

[dave-tx]

But if you don't plan on having kids then yeah..Marriage is just shacking up, but with paperwork.

Technically speaking, you're right.

But emotionally speaking, you're way wrong. My wife and I don't plan on having kids, and getting married was the best thing we ever did for our relationship. Many of my also childfree coworkers feel the same way. Don't sell childless marriages short, they're just as special as marriages with kids involved - just a little bit quieter.

Re:Overrated. Heh.

[Clover_Kicker]

>Married men live, on average, about ten years longer than men who
>remain single.

Hah.

It just FEELS like 10 more years.

Re:Overrated. Heh.

[lazypenguingirl]

I'm about to become a gamer widow. If the son of a bitch kills me one more time during co-op Halo 2, I'm gonna fucking kill him (having a warthog dropped on me was funny the first time... maybe). :p

That being said, my significant other and I actually share most hobbies and interests with each other... geek stuff, gaming, etc. But we also have individual interests too and respect them. I'm very much floored when I see people who are demanding and expect a person to completely modify themselves to be with them. Or issue ultimatums or threats to effect such change, rather than loving the person and accepting them for who they are.

I do admit I think women are worse than men about this. Granted, I do spend all my time with my significant other... we have other friends too, but we are best friends, we have many compatible interests... and we were together getting Halo 2 midnight when it was released. We even have most of the same friends, so really we are together almost all the time. Some people might think it's excessive. But then again, many of those people are the ones who don't have much in common with their own SO's and criticize each others hobbies. Then again, what works for one relationship doesn't work for another. Everyone's different... but I think not laying a foundation for your SO to resent you should be a universal thread of all successful relationships.

Re:Overrated. Heh.

[Lemmy Caution]

I'm a non-Christian who backs the rhetoric, up to a point: staying in a destructive relationship doesn't help anyone, but the data shows rather strongly that children of single parents of the opposite gender are far more likely to run into difficulties: a single mother raising a boy, or a single father raising a girl, is a situation which predicts for high-risk and destructive behavior more than income, education level, or even an "unhappy" marriage.

Data in general suggests that, even barring that, children are better off in a non-abusive 2-parent household (even if there's an absence of inter-parental affection) than in a single parent household.

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day, and when it comes to the benefits of a two-parent household, I think the Christians and the social conservatives may be right on this one.

Re:Overrated. Heh.

[Golias]

Yep. Nothing to do with religion. Studies have shown that, with the exception of abusive situations, the break-up of an unhappy marriage usually leads to happier parents, but severely depressed children.

Statistically speaking, children are almost always better off (a lot better off, in fact) being raised by a discontent married couple than living through the divorce of their parents.

Anectotal evidence doesn't count for a lot, but I've certainly found it to be the case among my peers who were raised by divorced parents. One in particular often says her "world pretty much came to an end" when her parents split up. Both she and her brother carried a lot of mental baggage from then on, although both parents were far more happy apart than when they were together.

Oh yeah.

[Sevn]

This would make such an awesome episode of "Desparate Housewives". I'd be riveted to my seat.

Re:Pathetic

[Sevn]

Oh, you've never been married.

Well...

[Bagels]

My girlfriend and I had a fun time playing through a chunk of Sam and Max together last week. I can't imagine ignoring her in favor of games... there are plenty of them out there that are fun for two people. It'd be like ignoring somebody in favor of watching movies or TV all the time...

Addiction is addiction

[smcg]

From TFA:

My relationship of six years ended because of the PlayStation. When our son was born my partner spent all his time playing games. We never went to bed at the same time due to him staying up as he wanted just to get to a certain level. He slept during the day due to being up all night and I was left holding the baby literally. Our relationship ended and he admits now it was down to the PlayStation.

Video game as chore, as negative reinforcement (removal of withdrawl symptoms), as escapism, etc. It's the type of folks who are prone to addiction in any form that become addicted to video games.

To know "Daddy" as "the man who snarls at you when you want to play PlayStation" rather than a father figure, well, it really puts a somber image on things. If you'd rather raise your online char than raise your son/daughter, then the child might as well be missing one parent.

Just interesting to see the shoe on the other foot, when the addiction applies to the parents. Much more serious when you think about it.

Re:No problems here...

[Elwood P Dowd]

Wait... there are women who read slashdot?

And gay men too. Assume away, smart guy ;)

Classic problem

[bynary]

Video games are like any other aspect of your life: when made your primary focus, they will take the place of every other aspect of your life: drugs, alcohol, sex, dating relationships, movies (you LOTR fans know who you are), /., and anything else that consumes the majority of your time and energy. Maintaining a healthy balance (this does not mean devoting equal time to all of them) of your pursuits (seriously, no drugs) is a healthy way to go. It's all about managing your priorities.

Might it help if the gamers significant other took an active interest in what the gamer was doing? I don't mean joining. I mean taking an active role in learning why the significant other finds the games so attractive and why they are willing to devote so much time to them. That may cause the gamer to go "Hey, they're into whay I'm doing, maybe I should look into what they're doing." Just a thought.

What a noobie

[ShawnMcCool42]

It sounds like you thirst a relationship more than you really understand them. Even if 'Half-Life' or 'Halo' don't get trapped by the assumption that it's the gamer's fault. Despite the fact that I made 3 times as much money as my wife, allowing her a pretty decent quality of life, she looked down on me for playing as if I was a child. We did things 'out' all the time and I spent a lot of time with her. She was too immature and it was a mistake to take a relationship so far with someone like this. I'll always care for her, but I'm glad to be out of it. If she didn't want to bother trying to understand who i REALLY was (not some little kid) in favor of her prejudices that's her problem. Video games are a perfectly valid and respectable hobby. Like anything, people can get addicted. I may have played video games as a hobby but she watched televisions ALL DAY ALL THE TIME. Talk about a ludicrous double standard.

I'd rather entertain my hobby than sit around spending time with my woman watching tv all day. And I doubt many would disagree unless they simply havn't been in a relationship =P

Whining

[Khuffie]

From the article: We have reached a compromise of sorts, whereby he arranges gaming evenings with his friends only when I am out, and the rest of the time he plays only in short bursts. But it looks like his obsession is here to stay.

What on earth is she complaining about? He enjoys it. Why are you taking away something he enjoys, when he has already addressed your 'complaint'.

This woman just wants the poor bastard to be right in front of her every single moment. He's sacrificied part of his hobby, sacrifice your whining.

Now, I like video games...

[agraupe]

but I like sex much, much more. But yeah, if you don't ever offer sex, then, yeah, he'll probably choose HL2 or Halo 2 over having a "conversation", if he knows he won't get anything of benefit at the end.

Re:Video Games Are Boring, For LongYoung Males Mos

[oddbudman]

Its quite simple, video games are an escape from the reality (you know, the one where we have to deal with people with an ugly personalities like yours).

I expect we'll find you infront of the television, wallowing in mediocrity but feeling better about yourself by attempting to make sweeping statements of generalisation about "most" people who play games.

Video Games are not a big part of life, you're right about that but aside that you're just another bitter idiot who overanalyses the completely casual act of sitting down infront of a game for a few hours.

To those of you who actually do spend half your life playing games: Don't blame you, have fun and I hope you get a kick out of hearing imbeciles like our humble parent here try to feel better about themselves.

Re:Video Games Are Boring, For LongYoung Males Mos

[C0rinthian]

I'm sure the irony here is intentional...

Gaming Wife

[Krizhek]

Some time people have to go with the age old advice:
If you can't beat them join them.
My story isn't exaclty like that. But my wife grew up in a household where to this day there is an old NES sitting in the corner of the house(which I have been begging for so I can either repair it or mod it). And thats as far as gaming will get in that house. However after getting married I introduced my wife to a lovely SNES game call "Harvest Moon" this game was so simple to play and allowed her to get started. Eventually we started playing starcraft then Diablo 2. Now I am trying to get her to play City of Heros with me. For us there was two main reasons why she started playing games:
1. She loved me and wanted to spend time with me.
2. I was willing to teach her.
Since then things go great. She doesn't play games as much as I do. But we can if we whenever we want to. And I don't have to worry about her complaning about how its not fair since she doesn't know how to play.

---Althought I have never be able to live down the time I had Mind Controlled most of her battle crusiers ,in a last ditch effort to save myself in starcraft.
Boy was the couch comfortable that night!

there's another level to consider

[evilmousse]

sometimes it's not even so much the game as the passtime. i heard and older woman comment that getting together to play video games are to the younger generation what getting together for poker night was for an older generation. i'm not surprised that transcends to poker widows.

i told her she was +5 insightful, and then she just stared at me blankly.

This comment comes a bit late...

[genessy]

...but I'm here to offer another opinion. Perhaps the real issue isn't with the behavior of the gamers themselves, but with the behavior of their partner. I've been a female gamer since the days of the Atari 2600. I've been in relationships with both gamers and non-gamers. Most of the time, gaming alone is just another one of those integral activities such as reading or other hobbies that help separate you from being no more than the "couple beast". There have been times where I've either read or gamed excessively alone while seeming to ignore my partner. Most of the time, it was a passive response to being generally unhappy with the relationship. Either I wasn't getting enough attention my partner or I was getting too much, or there were other relationship difficulties to consider. For me, at least, gaming helps relieve stress. If you find your partner gaming obsessively, perhaps you should ask them what's wrong. Maybe they're escaping your boring, self-obsessed drivel. Maybe you're only doling out sex once a month and they have to take our their frustrations elsewhere. I don't see gaming itself as a relationship breaker, but when taken to extremes, it can be an indicator of something else that may need worked out. In closing, an excerpt from the article: "My boyfriend used to have a PS2 until it was stolen in a burglary. He used to play every now and then but I often ended up going to bed alone, waiting for him to stop playing. Now he intends on buying anther one for himself, solely to play GTA: San Andreas. I gave him a simple option: "Buy a new console, get yourself a new girlfriend." I think he got the point. Sophie, Paris, France" Stolen? Right! That poor soul may want to check Sophie's bank account or the local pawn shops. Ultimatums like that are definitely not the solution and I hope to god the poor fellow has a new girlfriend by now.

Investment of time in people vs. games

[blahplusplus]

Games are worthwhile investments of leisure time despite what people might say. Over the years I've had more people backstab me, betray me, dump me and be so fucking unreliable in general, having an outlet to get away from the daily grind and the crappy low quality of people on this planet is a godsend. Video games might eat into relationship time but if you're SO is not that into you then why should you spend time away from your hobbies? I mean come on, I bet half these "Gaming widows" complaining don't do anything to pull their SO's away from their games (i.e. sex, schedule a weekend away, etc).

Too much blame is often saddled with guys but usually the guy who gets dumped never knows what was wrong because the girl keeps that shit to herself in the firstplace. They are vocal on the internet but many just act irrationally and expect their SO to read their mind.

IMHO the quality of people I have met in modern life have declined significantly, I think the rise of video games and entertainment speaks about the decline of the quality of life and the quality of people in SOCIAL settings in general.

All my gamer friends while somewhat nerdy and perhaps not as socially graceful can be all around better people to hang out with then people who aren't into games and use you for superficial BS like competing for social status and money.

I dont value human relationships because I dont value all the BS and social games people play, many just can't face reality and be true to themselves, they are so wound up in social BS it's hard to see anything of value.

Re:Here's another possible solution

[Brainboy]

Check out what my friends played. I couldn't play as I didn't (and don't) have a girlfriend.

Deathmatch Blowjobs