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Scalable Enterprise Buzzword Solutions
prostoalex writes "Need a scalable enterprise solution? You're in luck, as those three buzzwords have become so prominent in the technology industry, that they can describe pretty much anything, according to Associated Press. The article later goes on to blame Microsoft and Apple for 'dumbing down' the product descriptions in order to appeal to non-tech-savvy audiences. 'High-tech companies don't release products anymore, they provide solutions. And those solutions don't simply run a program or play a song. Instead, they enable experiences, optimize agility or make people's passions come alive', the AP article states."
Dilbert-inspired: The Buzzword Generator
Yet Another Buzzword Generator
And there are many, many more buzzword generators out there, implemented using open-architected dynamic algorithms by organic radical policies...
How am I supposed to fit a pithy, relevant quote into 120 characters?
Ryan Donovan, a Hewlett-Packard Co. public relations director, concedes that terms like "data migration" and "optimizes agility" - both of which are found in the company's press materials - might confuse average readers. But the company uses those phrases in documents intended for technology experts and executives, he says.
Ryan Donovan, a Hewlett-Packard Co. public relations director, concedes that terms like "data migration" and "optimizes agility" - both of which are found in the company's press materials - might confuse average readers. But the company uses those phrases in documents intended for technology experts and executives, he says.
To exactly which technology experts is he referring? Sure as hell not me.
Try The Buzzword Compliant Dictionary. Sadly, Bullfighter is no longer available.
They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither safety nor liberty.
Ben
I read his book a few months ago. He talks of the death of public language, how it has been pervaded by words and phrases that have no real power or truth - dead language.
To quote from the following article Fighting the Death Sentence
"To provide outcome-related research and consultancy services that address real-world issues" - shrieks of laughter. The university's "approach to quality management is underpinned by a strong commitment to continuous improvement and a whole-of-organisation framework" - uproar in the room. The university in question was RMIT but it could have been any of them. Go to your website and read the language, Watson urged guests at a recent Deans of Education dinner. That made people laugh even more. They worked at universities; they knew what he was talking about. Some of them probably even wrote this stuff. It was a surreal moment. But to Watson the joke has a sting. It is funny and it is awful. A terrible thing is happening to the language, he believes, and at the end of the day, in a globalised world, it is not a positive communications outcome. In other words, there is a pox upon our public speech.
Slashdot: Where nerds gather to pool their ignorance
Seriously, a prime requirement of one product I designed was that it have 'lots of flashing lights to impress the suits'. Sure enough, that's what impressed the suits. A few months later the company went toes up, taking lots of the suits' (and my wages) money with it.
Feed the suits the buzz and they don't pick up that the company is f****d.
Unfortunately I didn't admit to myself early enough that the company was dead. I foolishly believed what the owner told me. Here's some good advice. If any employer is even a single day late with your pay packet, tell them immediately. If the error is not fixd by the next day hand in a resignation IMMEDIATELY irrespective of what bullshit they tell you.
No prospective employer (worth working for) will hold it against you for quitting when you didn't get paid.
"Scalability" is a pure and meaningless buzzword, unless specific metrics of the precise scale is provided. That's the point.
We have a "scalable" application that scales by adding servers and dividing the work between them. That's not so bad in and of itself except that in order to get the information you want out of it you have to know which server to ask and none of the servers can tell you anything about the big picture.
Scales great and "less filling" too!
I don't know if the people using synergy actually know what it means, but I'm sick of people on Slashdot treating it as if it's a word without meaning. When two things are synergistic, it means that they produce greater results working together than the combination would seperately. For example, there's a synergy between zinc and vitamin E. If you take either one alone, you won't get the benefit you would if you take both together.
"I know of small busines CEOs/CIOs that look for specifics."
/.: some user just want to open the box, plug it in, switch it on and get going without having to make thousands of choices or research which distro is the "best". Then there's the Windows fanboys: you might find it easy installing anti-virus and anti-spyware software, configuring firewalls, etc, but some people don't want all that (see the recent article about people "giving up" on the internet). And of course Mac nut-jobs aren't any different: some people like being able to tweak their hardware, configure the OS to their taste, play all the latest games, and so on.*
This just in: it is possible to post to Slashdot from parallel dimensions.
"I also know of people who would make Dilbert's PHB look like a genius."
That sounds more like MY universe...
"Sales people are instructed to sell a solution to a problem instead of the actual product..."
Actually (and I'm not trying to be funny here, not that I succeeded earlier) a good sales person is supposed to sell a solution to a problem rather than just a product. The problem is sales people who view one product as the only solution, rather than explore a range of possibilities and find the optimal price/function point that best suits the customer, since they tend to exploit the ignorance of non-technical managerial types.
But this isn't just limited to sales vermin!
Take all the geeks who push Linux here on
The message here is "horses for courses"; don't assume that you know what someone wants better than they do (even if they wouldn't know a CPU from a seeping ewe), don't let bias cloud recommendations. Advocate, yes, but glossing over any difficulties a given user might face, or ignoring the basic reason someone has for making a purchase is irresponsible, whether on a personal or professional level.
*Disclaimer: I'm a Mac nut-job. That doesn't mean I can't see potential problems for others with Macs, just that none of those problems matter to me.