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Scalable Enterprise Buzzword Solutions
prostoalex writes "Need a scalable enterprise solution? You're in luck, as those three buzzwords have become so prominent in the technology industry, that they can describe pretty much anything, according to Associated Press. The article later goes on to blame Microsoft and Apple for 'dumbing down' the product descriptions in order to appeal to non-tech-savvy audiences. 'High-tech companies don't release products anymore, they provide solutions. And those solutions don't simply run a program or play a song. Instead, they enable experiences, optimize agility or make people's passions come alive', the AP article states."
Apple would never do that, not with Xserves*
* Do not eat Xserve.
Nice to see an article that thinks outside the box into new paradigms and synergies.
Corporations: your universal scapegoat for all society's ills.
Advertisers and corporate relations departments produce bullshit... film at 11.
Buzzword Translation
-------- -----------
Adaptable Product not yet coded.
Scalable Not scalable.
Best-of-Breed As good as other vaporware.
Zero-maintenance Zero-utility.
Open Works with anything - just not with your systems.
A Win/Win Proposition for Leveraging Strategic Community Synergies
It is a well-known fact that at the current point in time unprecedented opportunities for leveraging win/win strategies arise through emergent social-dynamics synergies heralding revolutionary technology breakthroughs in world-wide media applications.
This post presents to the Slashdot community a proposal for an exciting new roadmap that delineates a win/win strategy integrating unique potentials for reaping the benefits of emergent synergistic effects arising from a major paradigm shift in focus group dynamics and from leveraging cost/benefit appraisals in the resulting market-share contribution matrix.
I think we can all agree that innovative win/win strategies to facilitate the on-going paradigm shifts in market model convergence scenario implementations spearheding cutting-edge technology utilization are paramount to the success of a comprehensive assessment of the emergent Slashdot win/win market penetration focus group convergence synergy potential.
This revolutionary proposal comprises a visionary win/win scenario for leveraging factors that consume all resources, in other words, resource hogs. The new strategy implements enhanced information flows wherein the resultant rise in information flow constitutes a major asset in the win/win strategy for enhancing countermeasures against this particular type of resource-consuming factor, in that the resultant friction will wash them away.
This unique win/win/win scenario comprises state-of-the-art paradigm shifts in community-building strategies for leveraging burgeoning cutting-edge visions of innovative synergized implementation models that underscore the win/win/win/win potentials of a comprehensive market-share focus to facilitate the sustainable spearheading of integrated emergent convergence-orientated industry exposures utilizing win/win/win/win/win propositions for heralding the introduction of unprecedented new win/win/win/win/win/win technology cost/benefit appraisals in order to enhance your browsing experience.
(If you read this post very carefully, you'll notice that if you remove all the buzzwords, what remains is hogwash. Literally.)
Terrorists can't threaten a country's freedom and democracy. Only lawmakers and voters can do that.
Two words:
Bullshit Bingo
There is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men. -- Boondock Saints
"XML Enterprise Object Network Services 101 with UML in Seven Days for Dummies Super-Bible Unleashed"
I read it and am now all cleared up. It even removed nasal congestion under 2 minutes and left my nose smelling minty clean with a mild scent of fresh lemon.
Table-ized A.I.
> without being sued... er... litigated against.
Don't you mean "without other companies leveraging their intellectual property at our expense" ?
The unofficial
I've got your slashdot buzzwords right here in one handy, easy to remember phrase:
In Soviet Russia, all your base are imagining an ad-hoc beowulf cluster of old korean overlords welcoming YOU!
Thank you.
Trying to use sarcasm in text-based forums does not work.
"Today the PC is often still considered just a tool, but together we need to make it a lot more than that. We need to make it a path to experiences,"
Replace "the PC is" with "drugs are."
I have gas, but my car uses petrol.
I remember an advertisement selling "Your Problem - Our Solution" about 20 years ago. It was so abundant and the words "Your problem" and "Our solution" were aligned somewhat strange in the design, so we were always forced to read "Our Solution - Your Problem".
"Engineers don't have the money and don't make the buying decisions,"
Yes they do, because today's world of scalable enterprise solutions everybody is an engineer! Just ask your local web engineer.
I once heard of a company that used the following as their mission statement. You might as well just excerpt theirs. No kidding.
(company) leverages core skillsets and world-class team synergy through (product) to provide clients worldwide with robust, scalable, modern turnkey implementations of flexible, personalized, cutting-edge Internet-enabled e-business application product suite e-solution architectures that accelerate response to customer and real-world market demands and reliably adapt to evolving technology needs, seamlessly and efficiently integrating and synchronizing with their existing legacy infrastructure, enhancing the e-readiness capabilities of their e-commerce production environments across the enterprise while giving them a critical competitive advantage and taking them to the next level.
Hear recorded Slashdot headlines on your phone! New service beta testing. Just call (248) 434-5508
I did try, but when the blood start to dripping from my ear, I gave up.
Wow, I should not post when knackered.
Ah, but what do you want to leverage? Why, solutions, of course. What kind
of solutions? Enterprise solutions, obviously. And why do you want to
leverage these enterprise solutions? In order to set the company on
a critical path to achieve total quality, monetize the bottom line, and
raise the bar and set the standard for the entire industry, of course. Ah,
but here's the real question: *how* do you leverage the enterprise solutions
and set the company on a critical path to do those things? You need a
gameplan, a gameplan to get everyone on the same page going forward in a
fault-tollerant and robust expectations paradigm, that's how, because only
with that kind of dynamic will you really out-compete the competition in the
new ecconomy. So, we need to revisit our objectives and reorient our goals
so that we -- all of us -- can accomplish this vision, this future, indeed,
this destiny. Everyone has to participate in the process, because you can't
meet the kits if you don't go to St. Ives...
Cut that out, or I will ship you to Norilsk in a box.
...unless he can throw up bullets.
Customer: "Hi, I walked by, and I was thinking I'm really in need of a dynamic solution..."
Salesman: "Well great! You've come to the right place! We have all sorts of dynamic solutions here!"
Not to say they are without blame -- I remember the pure horror the first time I used Visual Studio .NET and found that it opens not "Project" files like VS6 but "Solution" files.
Religion is a gateway psychosis. -- Dave Foley
"experiences, optimize agility or make people's passions come alive"
Sounds pretty much like sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll.
This is perl program, so just grab it down, read through it to make sure I don't rm -rf / and stuff, and have fun!
Foggy.txt
I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?
Caffine dissolved in water.
Good, inexpensive web hosting
I remember a slogan from Microsoft's leaflet.
(some MS product) makes your work interesting.
Note: Not more efficient. Not easier. Not faster. Not higher quality. Not less tiring.
Exactly: "interesting". As in "WTF? Who would expect that option THERE?!" "Uh.... Not quite what I wanted, but interesting nevertheless". "And what does the picture on THAT icon mean?" "Maybe THIS option will do what I want? No? Maybe this one then?"
It was really interesting to follow an official Microsoft's troubleshooting guide on some problem, some 60 steps like "open this, click that, select this, scroll down to that, doubleclick this, rightclick that and pick option n, then press button X" only to realize around step 40 that there's no button X where it was supposed to be according to the guide.
Not really efficient. Rather annoying. Completely futile. But interesting nevertheless.
Anagram("United States of America") == "Dine out, taste a Mac, fries"
Technical decisions are so much easier without any technicial people involved. (Dilbert)
Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves.