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Geeks in Management?
The Other Side of the Coin asks: "I've been doing a relatively interesting job until now, but they've pushed me into management recently. Although the new position is pretty boring (I manage normals), I do still have time for all the geeky stuff I used to do before. My problem is: I have no formal (or any other, for that matter) management training. Sure, I'll read a lot about it (and take some education), but what are your experiences as geeks in management? For example, I naturally started to use Borgish management methods, and this wasn't received well by people, to say the least. What are the most difficult hurdles for a manager geek to jump, and can our personality be used as an advantage in management?"
Employee hammocks!
If someone says he and his monkey have nothing to hide, they almost certainly do.
Athletic Scholarships to universities make as much sense as academic scholarships to sports teams.
Assimilate them. Seriously management is 75 % personality and 25% ability.
WHEN MORALE IMPROVES
My problem is: I have no formal (or any other, for that matter) management training.
Everything I ever needed to know about management, I learned from Dilbert.
Now, granted, I don't actually have a job. . . .
When things get complex, multiply by the complex conjugate.
He always insists that we call him Darth Vader. And on casual Friday, he dresses up in a Tron costume.
1. Get banner printed, "All your bases are belong to us!" 2. Hang banner where everyone in cube farm can see it. 3. ? 4. Profit
That will affirm your dominant position and noone will question your authority.
Boredom's not a burden anyone should bear.
i see, like posting on /. :)
Another excellent read is Leadership secrets of Atilla the Hun (no joke) the man turned yak herders into a formidable force.
A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
Also:
The meetings will continue until we find out why nothing gets done around here.
(This really was the case where I worked years ago, I was found to be a very useful person to invite to meetings as my analytical nature cut to the chase quickly and resolved issues, sometimes in as little as five minutes even, though the meeting was scheduled to last hours. Problem was, I got invited to so many meetings I couldn't get done all my work and other things from other meetings.)
A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
I think he meant to post in the "AOL Kills Usenet Access" story, but typed in the wrong window.
For large sets, this will be our guide even unto death, for the LORD will work for each type of data it is applied to...
No way. First thing, stop calling them "normals." It brings their hopes up and offends management. Call them peons, grunts, minions, or human resources, all of which are suitably devaluing. In addition, you should refrain from calling your minions by names. Make them all get numbers tatooed to their foreheads and refer to them by those.
Replace coffee with electric shocks as a wake up.
Reward failure with ever increasing voltage electric shocks, administered through the seat of the minions whenever you see fit.
Reward success by allowing a minion to skip their morning electric shock.
Use the shocks, verbal abuse, and threats of layoff to convince your minions that you are superior in all ways. The ones who have become convinced can then be given tazers of their own in order to opress the rest of the office. This will lead to your eventual rise to become the SHOEO of the company (supreme high overlord executive officer).
At this point you can then install all the latest accompaniments afforded to the average SHOEO: the harem, the trap door into the pirhana pit, and, of course, the evil talisman of layoff (I know, most non-SHOEOs don't know about that - essentially, it magically steals job security from others to make it's user virtually impossible to fire, while simultaneously eliminating those pesky do-gooders).
Of course, as a geek, you can add your own embellishments. To go with my PC, I have a Beowulf Cluster of Pain, and USB Flash of lightning generator. Oh, all the cameras and devices - including the lights are hooked directly to my cluster via X10 technology so that I can make sure that nobody exceeds their light or enjoyment ration.
It's a good job if you do it right.
Mod me down and I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!
These are folks who refuse to get on board unless they are the whip master in their fuedal world.
also be awake for the super polite nay-sayers, who drive everyone else batty.
Be aware: goals have their dependencies as well.
Example: PHB thinks project is almost done because the GUI is finished. Reality is that gui was done first because it's the easiest to do, now all the rest of the work has to be done.
Solution: implement a series of graphics so that the gui reflects the state of completeness. example: use color and 3d effects only for 100% done, greyscale everything else. 3d effects only on things 75% done, etc.
Example: Always send an appropriate ack to the person you are talking with to indicate you got what they were saying. An appropriate ack could be head shake, grunt, verbal, back pat, etc. Key word is appropriate.
Example: Implementing error correction at the verbal level, recheck to verify that data was received correctly on both side of a conversation. You would be surprised how badly this can go off the rails.
"It is a greater offense to steal men's labor, than their clothes"
apostrophes do not make plurals!!
I keep a look out for those smiling people too; they usually have the fatter wallets when I mug them.
I ask them after, "Why are you still smiling, schmuck?!", and they invariably say they're trying to use their amazing power of influence on me so that I might give them their money back; it doesn't work on me. Except this one time a guy gave me a very nice compliment about my mugging etiquette, so I kicked him in the nuts for trying to win me over with his blatant manipulation techniques. >:)
Power to the Peaceful
...I always prefer to call them "underlings" or "slackers".
All I know about Bush is I had a good job when Clinton was president.
I have no formal (or any other, for that matter) management training.
I think you should hang motivational posters everywhere and put a big sign above your desk that reads "The floggings will continue unitl morale improves!"
Also talk behind peoples backs. Say one thing and do another. Promote paranoia and backstabbing. Fire people who make you look bad. And start asking people "Did you get the memo? It's just that we've started using these new cover sheets for our TPS reports."
"You'll get nothing, and you'll like it!"
"as you would like to be treated if the positions were reversed."
Well that would be the naive geeks answer especially coming from a worker that would like their to sucker new managers in to treat them that way.
First here is a little ditty you should memorize:
Work is like a tree full of monkeys.
If you are on top you look down and see nothing but smiling faces.
If you are on the bottom you look up and see nothing but assholes about to shit on you.
If you are on the top and things go bad you have a golden parachute so the landing is positively pleasant.
If you are on the bottom when the monkey above you knocks you out of the free you break your fucking ass.
In the real world....here are some more realistic tips.
Your objective as a manager is to exploit the people that work for you to the maximum extent possible. You want to get the most, and best quality work you can, for the least amount of money. The more you exploit out of them the more there is for you and your manager friends in ridiculous salaries, bonuses, lavish trips, perks, secretaries with special skills, expense accounts and options.
Needless to say exploitation is a fine art. You need to exploit them just up to that invisible line where they will stop doing good work or quit. Though if they are expendable to you its OK if you push them until they quit so those people you can totally exploit. Fortunately most geeks are dumb and you can push them reaaalllllly far before they get pissed off and do something about it.
If the job market is tight you can ratchet up the exploitation.
If you value the employee you need to throw them just enough bones to make them think they are getting something. For example:
- When you work them 80 hour week death marches give them a small fraction of the uncompensated overtime off after you ship and before you start the next death march. Don't give them all of it back because then you have a gigantic hole in your next schedule and you look weak and like a chump to the managers above you.
- Give them a 1000 stock options, though this doesn't work as well as it used to when stock options were free candy. Make sure the options are priced at a point where there will have to be a major surge in the stock price for them to be worth anything. Also don't tell them that they are probably going to get laid off before they vest. Don't tell them all the managers get 100 times more options priced at pennies on the dollar and they will be worth buckets of money even if the managers tank the company and the stock price.
- Make out like what a great favor you are doing for even giving them the measly health plan and the IRA.
- If your company is tanking a quarter don't give any of your employees any raises or bonuses, in fact claw back any benefits you can. Have an all hands and give them a speech about the need for sacrifice. Don't tell them that the managers are in fact giving back nothing and are in fact still making out like bandits on bonuses, options and perks. If some employee, fed up with your sweatshop, challenges you on the subject, lie and then lay that employee off. That will encourage everyone else to shut up.
Might have a few more later.
@de_machina
First off, I'd suggest buying "Seven Habits of Highly Successful People", and NOT read it. Burn it, it's a great symbolic gesture. (*) This document does so not so much by answering the question, but by making it painfully obvious to the questioner that we don't have a clue to what the answer is. -Linus Benedict Torvalds
Senthil
As a manager, I find that I am having to balance the carrot and the stick, so that I can get the job done, but without killing my people.
<nit>You use the stick to hold the carrot.</nit>"We returned the General to El Salvador, or maybe Guatemala, it's difficult to tell from 10,000 feet"
36 of D?
Depends on the context... You could throw the employees a carrot, and then beat them with the stick