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Episode III Opening Crawl Released
moggyf writes "The official Star Wars website has revealed the opening crawler text for Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith, currently scheduled for a May 19th, 2005 release."
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... click on this article and get "Nothing to see here, move along..."?
"Derp de derp."
Episode III
REVENGE OF THE SITH
War! The Republic is crumbling under attacks by
the ruthless Sith Lord, Count Dooku. There are
heroes on both sides. Evil is everywhere.
In a stunning move, the fiendish droid leader,
General Grievous, has swept into the Republic
capital and kidnapped Chancellor Palpatine,
leader of the Galactic Senate.
As the Separatist Droid Army attempts to flee
the besieged capital with their turgid hostage,
two Jedi Knights and a brave but clumsy Gungan
warrior lead a desperate mission to rescue the
captive Chancellor....
No, I am your father.
Evil. It's the laughing at wholesale destruction and killing the Jedi that gives it away...
Which is the Empire and which is the Rebellion? Is Dooku on either one of those?
The (Old) Republic becomes The Empire. The Rebellion hasn't started (because it has nothing, yet, to rebel against). Dooku is on the side that will become The Empire.
Which side (Palpatine vs .Dooku) is the one that gets Darth Vader and the Storm Troopers?
Palpatine and Dooku are on the same side. They are both Sith (i.e. evil).
Since Palpatine is the Emperor, how can he be on both sides?
Palpatine is creating a war situation to allow him to seize tighter control and disband the senate. This is a fairly unoriginal trick amongst politicians (see Margret Thatcher in the UK and George W. Bush in the US for real life examples - although they were both a bit less blatant about it). Palpatine's minions are running the separatist movement, under his orders.
I've seen Episode II a bunch of times, but frankly, I can't figure it all out.
It's not exactly complicated...
I am TheRaven on Soylent News
From the Star Wars Databank:
"General Grievous was developed for Episode III as a powerful new villain on the side of the Confederacy. The initial instructions that Director George Lucas gave the Art Department were very open-ended: "a droid general." From that vague direction, the artists developed a lot of explorations, some purely mechanical, some not, for the look of General Grievous."
He can be seen here engaged in heated battle with Earthworm Jim.
Not every argument requires reduction to absurdity.
Yadda yadda
Just kill Jar Jar FFS!
Today's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why. -- Hunter S. Thompson
TURGID
[adj] abnormally distended especially by fluids or gas; "tumescent tissue"; "puffy tumid flesh"
Unless Lucas himself is playing Chancellor Palpatine I'm not sure how this description applies. Is it really necessary to point out that the guy is really fat in opening crawl?
Either that or "turgid" is sometimes used as an oblique reference to having a stiffy... and that REALLY doesn't need to be in the opening crawl, IMHO.
=tkk
Bill Gates - Creationist?!?
Your next best option is to find someone with the original 3 movies on laserdisc.
There are very good quality DVD-R ISOs of the original 3 ripped from laserdisc floating around the net. Nice to see Han shooting first.
Trolling is a art,
The actual text of the last paragraph is
But the scary thing is, I actually believed the part about the "brave but clumsy Gungan warrior" until I read the source.
Does that say something about me (and everyone else who believed it), or something about Lucas?
GTRacer
- Will be in a midnight line out of habit with tempered optimism in my heart...
Defending IP by destroying access to it? That makes sense, RIAA/MPAA. Go to the corner until you can play nice!
Why ewoks are better than Jar-Jar.
a) no pathetic slapstick. Jar-jar can't walk into a room without doing something stupid.
b) no stupid speech. Ewoks make cute little noises, but don't actually sound like a Jamaican Elmer Fudd with down-syndrome.
c) Ewoks who fought the storm troopers actually had casualties, like in a real battle. Gungans were mysteriously immortal in their fight against the battledroids.
Ewoks were obviously, pointlessly cute, and the battle was a little silly with the stone-age ewoks taking out imperial AT-ST's, but they weren't as massively annoying as Jar-Jar.
According to http://www.e-paranoids.com/c/cr/crawl.html: "In television, a text crawl is a moving line of text usually put at the bottom of the screen. It is generally set up to convey news and up-to-the-minute information about weather and other critical situations. A text crawl is an application of the computer graphics technique of scrolling. Text crawls became standard on news broadcasts in the wake of the September 11, 2001 attacks."
Ergo, in this case it is simply a screen-wide vertical text crawl.
Ignorance is curable, stupid is forever.