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How Not to Write FORTRAN in Any Language

Posted by michael on from the snap! dept.

gManZboy writes "In an article that's sure to p/o Fortran programmers, Donn Seeley has assembled a rant that posits there are characteristics of good coding that transcend all programming languages, except Fortran. Seriously though, his point is that early FORTRAN made coding ugly. Thus the joke 'Don't write FORTRAN' was applied to anyone with ugly code. Though Fortran has in recent years overcome its early challenges, the point -- 'Don't write FORTRAN' (i.e. ugly stuff) -- still applies."

19 of 502 comments (clear)

  1. fool! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    sure to p/o Fortran programmers

    You mean "sure to p .divide. o Fortran programmers.

    1. Re:fool! by pilgrim23 · · Score: 4, Funny

      -and he said with a voice quite solemn: "You'd better start int he seventh column!"

      --
      - Minutus cantorum, minutus balorum, minutus carborata descendum pantorum.
  2. Missing something by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    In an article that's sure to p/o Fortran programmers and bore the hell out of everyone else, Donn Seeley...

  3. You can write beautifully in ANY language... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    As long as you use vi. You can never write beautiful code with emacs

    I just figured I'd follow one pointless flame fest with another.

  4. About time someone spoke up about Fortran. by bigtallmofo · · Score: 5, Funny

    Seriously, it's about time that someone knocked Fortran programmers down a peg or two. It seems impossible to get any type of programming job if you don't know Fortran.

    Every job classified ad section is filled to the brim with Fortran positions while less relevant languages like Java, C# and Visual Basic are almost completely neglected.

    I for one welcome news like this if it help Fortran programmers acquire just a little humility.

    --
    I'm a big tall mofo.
  5. Language is irrelevant by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Zen and the art of computer programming.

    Beginner: draws flowcharts
    Amateur: chooses languages, optimizes structures, types
    Pro: migrates types and structures across libraries, builds API's

    ZEN: Thinks of and designs nothing.

  6. Even better... by GillBates0 · · Score: 2, Funny
    and more literal "DONT you Brainfuck with me".

    For the uninitiated, Brainfuck's a Turing Complete language with eight language statements, each consisting of a single character:

    > increment the pointer.
    + increment the byte at the pointer.
    - decrement the byte at the pointer.
    . output from the byte at the pointer (ASCII).
    , input to the byte at the pointer (ASCII)
    [ jump forward to the statement after the corresponding ] if the byte at the pointer is zero.
    ] jump back to the statement after the corresponding [ if the byte at the pointer is nonzero.

    I'd post actual code, but the /. filter is fucking me up.

    --
    An Indian-American Hindu committed to non-violent thought/speech/action alarmed by the global explosion of radical Islam
  7. woo by nomadic · · Score: 3, Funny

    They're really starting to shake up the industry on slashdot, I'm sure this will create a lot of disruption in the massive FORTRAN industrial establishment. Oooh, next they should link an article criticizing ALGOL, that will shake up things even more.

  8. Re:FORTRAN - The ugly but lovable little SOB by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    "Besides, the determined Real Programmer can write Fortran programs in any language." - Ed Post

    see: http://www.pbm.com/~lindahl/real.programmers.html

  9. QOTD by pete-classic · · Score: 2, Funny

    Heh. The quote of the day at the bottom of slasdot was somthing like "HONK USE IF THEN" earlier this morning.

    -Peter

  10. How to program in any language. by adolfojp · · Score: 3, Funny

    1. Do not separate the presentation logic from the application logic. I love it when I have to search for a specific code function sandwiched between the visual element constructors and modifiers.
    2. Do not create a data layer. It is great to search through thousands of line of code to change the sql code.
    3. Use one very long class instead of separating the program's functionality into small atomic units. I just love 7th or 8th level if statements that are repeated everywhere.
    4. Don't comment or doccument anything. Good code should be self docummenting right?
    5. Don't handle exceptions. Good programs don't make em.
    6. Don't use configuration files. Because we love to recompile everything to change settings.


    Forgive my rant, it has been one long week... after another... of working with other people's code.

    Cheers,
    Adolfo

  11. Re:And assembly is pretty? by deadlinegrunt · · Score: 4, Funny

    "I, for one, look forward to the day when I can think code and have it be done instead of writing it line-by-line."

    So you have aspirations to be in management or an end user? I'm not clear here.

    --
    BSD is designed. Linux is grown. C++ libs
  12. Is it just me... by angst_ridden_hipster · · Score: 2, Funny

    ... or did they consistently replace "APL" with "FORTRAN" in the article.

    I could fix that for them with sed, or maybe a Perl script. Now, where did I leave all my leaning toothpicks...

    --
    Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachtani?
    www.fogbound.net
  13. Re:FORTRAN - The ugly but lovable little SOB by TechnoLuddite · · Score: 2, Funny
    True enough ... and if you programmed on punch-cards, you got a much better understanding of the structure of FORTRAN, and why it was designed that way.

    COBOL too ... interesting that it hasn't been mentioned in either the article, or the comments I've read so far. *grin*

  14. FORTRAN Ugly? by Hu's_on_first · · Score: 2, Funny

    Have you ever had the misfortune of working with APL?

  15. In Soviet Russia... by dim5 · · Score: 2, Funny

    the keycard punched YOU!

    --

    Is something burning?
    Oh, it's my karma.

  16. Punched Cards and Rubber Bands? LUXURY! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    You had new punch cards to use? Back when I was in high school we had to recycle old punch cards from national elections, fill in the holes with white-out, cut new holes with our pen knife then tie them together with catgut!

  17. Re:Learning It? by twiddlingbits · · Score: 2, Funny

    The REAL Math whizzes in college used APL and wrote complete programs in one line. Damn showoffs, I still hate thier guts! Good thing they work for ME now ;)

  18. Re:white space isn' t your problem by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    A lot of people get frustrated when they don't understand code right away, and rather than trying to grok why they don't understand it (because 2/3rds of the time it is the reader's fault, not the coders), they just bitch about white space and brace placement. That is never the problem.

    At first, I didn't understand your comment, but I changed the font being used by my browser, and now I get it.