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Microsoft in 2008
r.jimenezz writes "Over at Wired there's an entertaining article written by Gary Wolf. It purports to be a memo written by a 2008-Microsoft-employed Linus Torvalds to Bill, arguing against Steve Ballmer's desire to go back to the untenable OS monopoly proposition instead of the 'new order': Windows is now some sort of desktop environment on top of an open OS!"
2008 ...hmmm ...what microsoft ? ...
Siropel
Can it get any more horny than this?
and yet somehow totally unrealistic. I can't see Linus fitting in that kind of a work environment. Not that I know that much about Microsoft work environments.
Also surely this isn't a first post?
If you see spelling or grammatical errors don't blame me. I tried to preview but IE here at work borked the CSS
Can it get any more horny than this?
I've heard of some sick fetishes (I do have access to the Internet, after all), but you take the cake, my friend!
if you dont want to read, i'll summarize:
Bill Gates: "'Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers!' I'm fucking sick and tired of it so i had to fire him and you were the best replacement i could find"
I think he's been hanging out with John Titor a bit too much lately. ;)
Karma: Chameleon (mostly due to the fact that you come and go).
Infect the mothership?
The article lost all credibility with me with the infect the mothership line. Everybody knows you need to use a Mac to infect the mothership.
"Windows is now some sort of desktop environment on top of an open OS!"
Wow, so in the future they'll keep copying Apple. That's big news.
~Philly
In that same memo, it describes how Microsoft will create a sticker that attaches to the outside of your case that uses nanotechnology to intensa-mobilize the electron particles in your motherchips to make your computer run 10-15% faster after several reboots.
Finally, if you think that the Sony-Disney-MS deal is important, you better quiet Steve down
Danger Will Robinson, Danger!!! That's a scary idea, what would you call a company that is MS, Sony, and Disney? Disonysoft? Microney? AOL Time Warner?
They finally ship Longhorn.
There ain't no rules here; we're trying to accomplish something.
I wonder what silicon they smoke
;-)
It's called "free time". Envious?
From TFA:
You told me that if I ever hit a wall with Steve or his people, I should let you know.
Somehow, the image of Linus Torvalds grabbing Steve Ballmer and swinging him like a bat at a brick wall, Neo-vs.-Smith style.... It's a good thing I didn't have any soda in my mouth when I read that.
and all I got was this lousy tee-shirt!
"You lied to me! There is a Swansea!"
Tell Steve that it is Gnu/Winx, not Winux. Thanks, Linus ;-P
I mean, the old NT codebase has some interesting capabilities. What about building a Debian/NT on top of it?
Fight Spammers!
1.) NWO = New Windows OS
2.) William Gates III in ascii code sums up to 666.
3.) M$ commercials of "where do you want to go today" actually plays some song in the background where certain tones match satanic worshipping.
Seriously if M$ became opensource, it wouldn't be any more crazy than any of the above.
From the office of: Jesus Christ
Date: 10.31.2008
To: Allah
From: Big J
Re: Will Mohammed kill Islam++?
Read my blog.
If Linus is so mad at Steve for calling WinX, "Winux", then Steve is probably mad at Linus for calling Longhorn, "Longtime". This sounds like a bad soap...
I reckon it's the first episode of a 'slash' fiction story featuring Bill Gates, Steve Ballmer and Linus Torvalds.
Hang on, that doesn't sound like a very pleasant prospect.
Nah, this isn't anything like Asimov. No attempt to tie it in to the Robots/Foundation/Empire universe.
We've built a Windows desktop and application framework around a Linux operating system, and both sides of this equation - open source and proprietary - are needed for our plan to continue to work.
In other news, RMS announces the imminent release of HURD. "I can feel it, any day now, " says RMS.
When asked about the new Winux, RMS suddenly issued blue smoke and sparks, muttering "Freedom, freedom, where is the freedom," before crashing to the floor.
Hey Bill,
Well, we did the best we could. Everyone thought we were crazy when we decided to join forces. For awhile there, we thought that we might actually have a chance at coming out on top by teaming up.
We should have known that copying Apple again ( this time by turning to a 'nix based OS) wouldn't work. They had such a huge headstart on us and you can only copy your competitors so many times before consumers catch on to what you are doing.
I've got to hand it to Steve Jobs and the guys at Apple. In the end, quality did beat out price.
Linus
I just lost 5 minutes of my life that my employer will never get back...
I'm waiting for Longhorn SP1 in 2011.
Back then, my revenge was to sneak up on Steve's Longtime friends and whisper in my best accent, "We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Your biological and technological distinctiveness will be added to our own. Resistance is futile." They hated that.
For some reason I think that conflict between Steve and Linus would go down like this:
Linus: "Steve, I just don't like your idea, honestly I think it -"
Steve: "You... don't like... my idea? *closing in on Linus*"
Linus: "Oh, come on... We are the Borg, we -"
Steve: "OOO OOO OOOAAA *jumps on Linus and squashes him like a pumpkin, then does his little psychotic monkey dance* I am the Borg, I AM the Borg!!! Give it up for meeee, yeah!!!"
Later that day...
Bill: "Steve, another accident?"
Steve: "*shrugs* *can't help smiling*"
Bill: "You think this is funny?!"
Steve: "*his smile turns into a crazy stare*"
Bill: "No, I didn't mean it like that *grin*, it's really no big deal... Uhh, I mean..."
Steve: "*closing in on Bill*"
Due to extremely graphic violence *shrieks of what appears to be a woman being dismembered by a gorilla can be heard in the background* the following scene has been removed from this broadcast, however you can find it on the Steve: Crushing My Crust Soft DVD.
This Linus seems to take on some RMS personality traits!
Religion is the main cause of atheism.
This is Bob!
...which brought him back into public view.
...which brought him sales beyond the 3-digit range.
...which brought him world-wide respect.
...which, by 2008, placed him on over 90% of desktops in the world.
He took Enzyte, which gave him the courage to show his face on store shelves again.
Coincidence? You decide! Try Enzyte today!
It'd be nice to have the security of linux and the user-friendlyness and software library of windows in one package.
But the words "snowballs chance in hell" come to mind.
The Doormat
If you're not outraged, then you're not paying attention.
Hey, it's 2005 (I mean, when Linus joined Microsoft in the story). Microsoft's worried about Google being a bigger monopoly than them.
- Hey, Bill, Google's trying to own a new area!
- What now?
- The Open-Source Developer Hiring. They just got Ben Goodger, from Mozilla!
- Those bastards. Well, I have an idea. We'll invite Linus, that'll show 'em. And if they hire another communist geek, take me into line with RMS immediatelly!
Post Scriptum
Bill, please, remember to feed Richard and let him out at least once a week! Last time I visited him in your dungeon, he had hardly enough strength to curse me for my betrayal. I know having him dead and all would make things much easier, you not getting bitten, me not being spit at, but for God's sake, RMS is the real father of the OS. I understand it's better like this, but it's sad to see him there. He IS a human being and deserves at least some respect, even if he doesn't behave like one. Keep your side of the contract and I'll keep bullshitting the EFF thugs that he keeps mailing me from central Australia on regular basis.
45 5F E1 04 22 CA 29 C4 93 3F 95 05 2B 79 2A B2
Microsoft Linux 2008
Compatible with open source, stolen and borrowed code. We own it, and invented the Internet and Linux. Buy a copy now and Open MS-Office (closed source with virus hooks and back doors built in) available now for a full featued desktop.
Even the EULA has improved, it is now twice as long, more complex and has been made into a 2 hour video.
Can now be backed up with the included MS-cpio. For corparate customers, secure file copy and encrypted interactive terminal sessions do not cost extra and are included with the MS-SSH package. You can also distribute these files around the clock using the reliable MS-RSync package.
For you personal protection there is MS-IPF firewall that protect not only what tries to get in, but also watches what goes out.
Corporations can easily prevent users from loading spyware, P2P, virus and other malware.
Comes with IE-Firefox, a new nify browser with less chance of being bothered by rude sites popups and viruses. We have customized it with new and improved annoyances.
Comes with a new reliable job scheduler called MS-cron. Never have to worry about setting the time as it uses MS-ntp for reliable and ultra accurate time settings.
For developers, MS-perl, MS-java, MS-C/C++, tcl, wish, php, MS-apache, MSksh, SHsh, MSawk, MSmysql MSprogress and MSsccs/rcs all await your pleasure and are included with the OS at no extra charge. Will save your company thousands
You can run your own servers with the optional included package of MS-imap, MS-sendmail, MS-DNS, MS-apache, MS-php and others, all Writen to Micosoft standards. Our developers have made sure buffer overflows and back doors exist for the NSA for legal compliance. Source is not provided so it is maintenace free.
The system can natively run open source. Although it is advised not to do so as it voids your warenty. See EULA line item 104786.
Comes with a real VM so when the boss comes by you can swap desktops quickly and reliably.
Get you MS-Linux for an introductory price of $999 *Which is less than Windows 2003 or 2005!
You are no longer bound to expensive Intel P5 chips. Runs on the Dragon 2008, systems usually start at $180 for a 3GHz quad processor.
Includes MS-OpenVPN to connect to work or your companys MS-Linux gateway. No extra charge. But will not work with Cisco.
Includes a threaded news reader to coordinate the threads of messages in the shared folders. No more will you need to search for related messages from 3 months ago.
But hurry, these prices will not last!
if Bill asked me to infect the mothership, I'd probably sue him for sexual harassment.
And XP was ready for what exactly at the time of release?
"crappy"? im guessing you also have no idea about CS. turns out windows isn't so crappy after all. fast boot time, fast awake-from-hibernation time, extremely stable, strong compatibility, well-tuned scheduler, excellent tcp/ip implementation, etc, etc.