John Cleese To Write Next Aardman Film

Anonymous Coward writes "The BBC has news from the Cannes Film Festival. First, the previously announced Curse of the Were-Rabbit Wallace and Gromit short is due in Autumn, and a Trailer is available. Second, John Cleese is currently writing a pre-historic comedy for Aardman Entertainment. From the article: 'It will be great comedy adventure about a pre-historic culture clash between two tribes, one comparatively evolved tribe, and one un-evolved tribe...Some might consider one tribe might be the English, and some might consider that the other to be the French, the Gauls...Let's just say it's the start of the Entente Cordial and it explains why the English Channel is there.'"

Comments

SWEET

[Anonymous Coward]

Let's invent a time machine and send John Cleese back 30 years so he can write it when he's still funny.

Re:SWEET

[Anonymous Coward]

careful, he sues people who say he's not funny anymore. that shows how little humour the man has left.

Excellent.

[PopeAlien]

Grommit! we forgot the cleese!

Re:Excellent.

[Jack Taylor]

Maybe you didn't know, but Cleese's father actually changed his surname from Cheese to Cleese before signing up for the army in World War I. Interesting how these things work out :)

"Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please."

Re:Excellent.

[Anonymous Coward]

That... was... the... point... of... the... joke... Jesus. I thought Slashdot was supposed to be intelligent.

Re:Excellent.

[pipingguy]

During a 20 Questions interview with Playboy magazine, Cleese spun a wild yarn about his ancestors being named "Cheese". Couple this with the fact that close friends call him Jack (a common alternative for John), Cleese joked that he might go back to his old "family" name and move to Monterey, California... thus becoming Monterey Jack Cheese. In fact, though, his grandfather's name *was* Cheese and he did change it to Cleese!

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000092/bio

As with most Python-related stuff, I'd take this unsigned anecdote with a grain of salt.

Would you like to argue about this?

Re:Excellent.

[Jack Taylor]

Hmm, not so sure about that. It is funny without knowing this bit of trivia, after all...

Re:Excellent.

[Jack Taylor]

There's definitely Cheese in the family ;). I remember reading it in the official python biography, but I can't remember the exact details of what it said - I assumed that the linked website would contain the same information.

Re:Excellent.

[themoodykid]

Maybe he should register a complaint with this guy then!

Re:Excellent.

[pipingguy]

Hmmm, maybe that explains this.

The only thing I know for sure about Cleese is that he is funny and tall.

Re:Excellent.

[jericho4.0]

I'm stung by your sarcasm, I didn't know that, and I think /. is full of idiots.

Re:Excellent.

[kzinti]

Cleese, Gromit! We'll go somewhere where there's cleese!

Re:Excellent.

[WormholeFiend]

that certainly gives a whole new perspective for that Cheeseless Cheeseshop skit...

Re:Excellent.

[Anonymous Coward]

Geocities isn't exactly a reliable source for information.

Re:Excellent.

[Jack Taylor]

Geocities isn't exactly a reliable source for information.

Ok, so here's the Wikipedia link. (Oh the irony... ;)

Re:Excellent.

[prockcore]

As with most Python-related stuff, I'd take this unsigned anecdote with a grain of salt.


In Cleese's biography they mention that his grandfather's last name was indeed "Cheese".

Re:no one expects the...

[Anonymous Coward]

That's all well and good, but what about the rabbit?

One French, one English, and one evolved?

[Anonymous Coward]

So, there will be three tribes?

Re:One French, one English, and one evolved?

[Anonymous Coward]

Five.

Saw him up in Santa Barbara

[ProfaneBaby]

Everything that man touches turns to gold. Brilliant, hilarious, bring it on.

Re:Saw him up in Santa Barbara

[Anonymous Coward]

he hasn't done anything remotely funny for over 20 years. (apart from sue the Standard writer who said he wasn't as funny as he used to be. that was comic genius.)

Re:Saw him up in Santa Barbara

[Edmund Blackadder]

"he hasn't done anything remotely funny for over 20 years. "

Fish called Wanda was very funny. Was that 20 years ago? Other than that I agree with you.

Re:Saw him up in Santa Barbara

[Anonymous Coward]

Well I was in a movie theatre when I saw that movie. It wasn't remote; it's from the friggin' projector 20 feet above.

I'll be here all night.

Re:Saw him up in Santa Barbara

[damsa]

I thought he was pretty funny in the James Bond movies. Oh wait.

Re:Saw him up in Santa Barbara

[mink]

I think dangerous creatures is much more enjoyable film with the same cast. I think that's because unlike A Fish Called Wanda, Dangerous Creatures had characters who were more three dimensional. Also it helped that the "villain" appeared only at the end, earlier on it was just an ominous entity spoken of.

Declaration of Revocation

[Jeremiah Cornelius]

Declaration of Revocation by John Cleese

Declaration of Revocation
by John Cleese

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.

You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

Look up "interspersed."

There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old

enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).

You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.

While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.

British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

he didn't write that.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[kevcol]

And right according to Snopes- he didn't:

http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/revocation.a sp

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[technothrasher]

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good.

Uh... As an American who owns several British cars, let me just say that Brits really should just leave this one alone.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Jack Taylor]

For those of you who think Cleese really hates America, consider for a second that all three of his wives have been American (and blonde). This is one of those posts that seems to need to be prefaced with "this is a joke". I'm amazed how many people just can't get jokes like this, thinking that the author is just poking fun at them, whereas in reality the author is poking fun at himself whilst writing it...

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[RealAlaskan]

For those of you who think Cleese really hates America, consider for a second that all three of his wives have been American (and blonde).

Three American wives? No wonder he hates us.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

we have left it alone.

we no longer make any cars (except all the formula 1 chassis, but no engines since engines are actually useful to roadcars, and we don't make any of them).

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Locke2005]

Exactly...

Why do the British drink warm beer?

Refrigeration by Lucas!

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Golias]

Q: Why don't the British make PC's?

A: They couldn't figure out how to make one leak oil.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Golias]

For those of you who think Cleese really hates America, consider for a second that all three of his wives have been American (and blonde). This is one of those posts that seems to need to be prefaced with "this is a joke".

Add to that the fact that he didn't even write it, and it's clear that he doesn't hate America at all.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[pipingguy]

Just FYI, this particular Urban Legends Reference Page was written by snopes himself (David). When Barbara writes a page she signs-off with an internym.

snopes.com is a great resource and doesn't talk down to the readers or assume a haughty, know-it-all stance.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Spock the Baptist]

"Why do the British drink warm beer?"

For the same reason that they eat jellied eels.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Spock the Baptist]

"15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy."

Lee Harvey Oswald*

*'Case Closed'--ISBN: 0679418253

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[WhatAmIDoingHere]

Another funny note: Who owns Mercedes-Benz? ~_^

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Beebos]

Q:Who owns Mercedes-Benz?

A: DAIMLER-chrysler

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

Might be pwned[sic] by americans, but still 100% german quality engineering!

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[AvantLegion]

SUBJECT: NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

To the citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland:

We welcome your concern about our electoral process. It must be exciting for you to see a real Republic in action, even if from a distance. As always we're amused by your quaint belief that you're actually a world power. The sun never sets on the British Empire! Right-o chum!

However, we regretfully have to decline your offer for intervention. On the other hand, it would be amusing to see you try to enforce your new policy (for the 96.3% of you that seem to have forgotten that you have little to no real power). After much deliberation, we have decided to continue our tradition as the longest running democratic republic. It seems that switching to a monarchy is in fact considered a "backwards step" by the majority of the world.

To help you rise from your current anachronistic status, we have compiled a series of helpful suggestions that we hope you adopt:

1. Realize that language is an organic structure, and that you aren't always correct in your pronunciation or spelling. Let's use your "aluminium" example. Sir Humphrey Davy (an Englishman) invented the name "aluminum" (note spelling) for the metal. However, in common usage the name evolved into "aluminium" to match the naming convention of other elements. In 1925 the United States decided to switch back to the original spelling and pronunciation of the word, at which point we dominated the aluminum industry. We'd also like to point out that the process of actually producing aluminum was developed by an American and a Frenchman (not an Englishman).

However, we'd like to thank you for the Oxford English Dictionary. It's an interesting collection, considering that over 10,000 of the words in the original edition were submitted by a crazy American civil-war veteran called Dr. William Charles Minor.

2. Learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents, and then we'll talk about the English and Australian accent issue.

3. Review your basic arithmetic. (Hint 100 - 98.85 = 1.15 and 100 - 97.85 = 2.15)

4. If you want English actors as good guys, then make your own movies. Don't rely on us for your modern popular culture. We liked "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels", "Trainspotting", and "The Full Monty". We've also heard good things about this "Billy Elliot". But one good movie a year doesn't exactly make a cultural powerhouse. However, you're doing pretty well with music, so keep up the good work on that front.

5. It's inefficient to have a national anthem that changes its title whenever your monarch dies. Let's not forget that your national anthem has an extremely boring tune. We suggest switching to that Rule Brittania ditty, it's toetapping. Or maybe Elton John could adapt "Candle In The Wind" again for you guys.

6. Improve at your national sport. Football? Soccer? This just in: United States gets fourth place in men's soccer at the 2000 Summer Olympics. United Kingdom? Not even close. By the way, impressive showing at Euro 2000. You almost managed to get through the tournament without having your fans start an international incident.

7. Learn how to cook. England has some top notch candy. Salt 'n' Vinegar chips are quite yummy. However, there's a reason why the best food in your country is Indian or Chinese. Your contributions to the culinary arts are soggy beans, warm beer, and spotted dick. Perhaps when you finally realize the French aren't the spawn of satan they'll teach you how to cook.

8. You're doing a terrible job at understanding cars. The obvious error is that you drive on the wrong side of the road. A second problem is pricing, it's cheaper to buy a car in Belgium and ship it to England than to buy a car in England. On the other hand, we like Jaguars and Aston Martins. That's why we bought the companies.

9. We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for "Teletubbies".

Thank you for your time. Yu can now return to watching bad Australian soap operas.

P.S. -- Regarding WW2: You're Welcome.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

As a Brit I am confused where this belief comes from, I have been drink beer in England for over forty years and it has never in all that time been served to me warm.

Can anyone enlighten me? perhaps they drank warm beer 100 years ago and it has just stuck, but it is highly inaccurate today.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

Regarding WW2: You're Welcome.

lol oh please you couldn't have left it any longer to join in if you tried.

Anyway the Russians had it all stiched up irregardless of whether you guys joined in or not.

So perhaps instead of feeling all self righteous you should check the history books, ahhh perhaps get one from Europe it will give a more accurate picture than the ones you probably get in the USA.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Scooter]

As a UK subject - can I just say that's pretty damm funny (and spot on) although I'm not sure you've really understood about the French, or cars (e.g. it's not about the cupholders) :P ...and well, er.. oh alright then, let's get the ball rolling - I apologise on behalf of my country for the teletubbies - god knows it gave me nightmares, you have to wonder what it does to kids... now if the teletubbies isn't an argument for the right to bear arms, I don't know what is...

But while we're all saying sorry - isn't there something you want to say about Knight Rider? Murder, she wrote? and Titanic?

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Requiem Aristos]

> we have decided to continue our tradition as the longest running democratic republic

Interesting tradition, considering that Rome maintained its "republic" status for about twice as long as the US has been around. If you're talking about democracies that are still around, you should consider the Iroquois Confederacy, going on ~800 years. (Consider also that Iroquois were present when the Continental Congress was meeting in the summer of 1776.)

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[WhatAmIDoingHere]

Same thing as AOL Time Warner. ^^

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

Dear rest of the world,

Kiss my American ass!

NYC

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[PakProtector]

While not created by Cleese, this is by far one of the funniest, wittiest, and sadly most fitting things I have read in a long time.

The parts about having too many lawyers and therapists and not being adult enough to solve one's problems without resorting to violence is particularly spot-on. In this once great country of America, we really do seem to have a big problem, and I can bring it down to two points.

1. Problems:
2. No one wants to take responsibility for their actions.
3. As a nation, we are a bully.

Let me clarify and expand upon both of these points. Firstly, the idea that no one desires to take responsibility for their own actions. We go a great deal out of our way to excuse all sorts of behaviour that is not acceptable in society. Such things as not minding one's own god damn business, and by that I mean, "Stay out of my life when I'm not killing or raping anyone," and another such thing as no one is responsible for anything anyone.

I'm sorry, little Timmy, but the video game didn't make you kill Billy. You're fourteen. You got the gun out of the locked safe yourself, loaded it, went to Billy's house, aimed at him, and pulled the trigger. Five times. Yes, you're dead.

The second point, that as a nation we are a bully, can easily be illuminated by the nation of Iran. Let me see here. I might be getting the years wrong, so I'll use terms of 'time ago.' Such as '50 years ago,' et cetera. Actually, no. That's not even neccessary.

Iran: Had a democratically elected government. Said government would not tow America's line. Deemed 'bad for our interests.' Said democratically elected government was overthrown by our own government, and set up a dictator in its place. The Shah. The Shah was then overthrown, and an Islamic Extremist came into power. Now they hate us and we (some of us) wonder why.

As people (most of us, anyway,) and as a nation, we need to do two things: Accept responsibility for our actions, and stop interfering in other's lives.

Now, I think I'll just sit back with some nice Earl Grey and a Hot Dog (It's still Friday! Hail Eris!), and wait for the Department of Vaterland Uber Alles to come by and pick me up for speaking against the Fuhrer.

Or for my geek card to be revoked for purposefully invoking Godwin's law.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[soliptic]

LOL.

As a Brit, I found that very funny, and also largely fair. Just like the original, imho, which has been modded troll or something by now, but nevermind. Guess some people can't take a joke.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

American and Canadian accents are the exact same.. half my family is American and they've said the same (apart from certain areas of the US) they're pretty identical.

As for culture, erm, what language do you speak?

As for sport, you don't even have any, "american football" where it's 10% man 80% padding, and 10% patting eachother on the asses.

The UK created almost all of the most popular world sports, football, rugby, tennis, cricket, the list really does go on..

As for food, what has the US produced, McDonalds? Er.. Burger King.. did I miss one?

As for the monarchy, you show your complete ignorance, the monarchy, believe it or not, helps to protect democracy. Seeing as the UK holds the longest democratic governments IN HISTORY, you can take the republican shit out. The UK had democracy almost 1,000 years before America existed.

As for language, English is defined by, erm, the English, who live in, er, England. Otherwise it's like French Canadians correcting a Frenchman on how to speak "proper French".

And for the Euro 2000 thing, you do realize the US was famously in the easiest group in the entire tournament, right? Oh, and if memory serves correct, England only lost 1 game - to Brazil - who are the world champions. Only losing to the world champions is as good as second place.

Don't try lecture on football, when you continue to refer to it as "soccer".

P.S: Regarding your existance, You're Welcome.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

spotted dick

It's spotted dick and yellow peril, and let's not forget bangers and mash, mmm yummy

The Brits don't do too bad with beef (yorkshire pud mmm), beef wellington is good, the only problem they seem to have is distinguishing a steak from what they call a roast. And not to forget Xmas pud with enough brandy to fell a horse.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

The UK had democracy almost 1,000 years before America existed.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Really.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

Actually, they don't. At least, not in northern England. But I agree about American "beers", especially Bud. And I *am* an American!

Oh, and in the 5 years or so I've been here, I've never even SEEN a jellied eel. Thank heavens!

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[BenjyD]

It's OK, we've finally given up on that one. The last of the major British car companies (Rover) just went into liquidation, thank god.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[reborn]

"Can anyone enlighten me? perhaps they drank warm beer 100 years ago and it has just stuck, but it is highly inaccurate today."

We drink lager cold, but we drink ale (beer) at room temperature (or slightly chilled) because it's a living drink (the yeast is still alive) and, IIRC, it brings out the flavour (similar to drinking red wine at room temperature I guess).

This confused belief has come from people referring to 'lager' as 'beer', which it isn't, and is rightly served ice fucking cold whenever people want it.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

"6. Improve at your national sport. Football? Soccer? This just in: United States gets fourth place in men's soccer at the 2000 Summer Olympics. United Kingdom? Not even close. By the way, impressive showing at Euro 2000. You almost managed to get through the tournament without having your fans start an international incident."

There isn't a "United Kingdom" team, nor a "Great Britain" one for that matter. We have "England", "Scotland", "Wales" and "Northern Ireland" instead. Besides, if there were a UK/GB team then it'd consist of the entire England team anyway! :)

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[ozbird]

That's not an oil leak - it's a corrosion inhibitor.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

One-up-man-ship of funny stories works a lot better if the come-back is funnier.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

Indeed it is often over looked that the Russians had it all under control in the end.

In fact UK/US where getting rather nervous and worried about how much land Russia was going to grab towards the end of WWII, this is why they split their forces rushing some to the baltic region.

Ahh yes soryy bit off topic :-)

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

And recently mercedess have become rather poor quality , If you want a quality machine for less than 50k you pretty much have to buy japanese or from other manufacturers in the region

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[MemoryDragon]

Also add to that the obligatory tea tax which cause os some headaches with you in the past.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[MemoryDragon]

The longest running republic still is iceland with way over thousand years, it might be topped by some tribes which are unknown by today.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

And for the Euro 2000 thing, you do realize the US was famously in the easiest group in the entire tournament, right?

Er... the US weren't in Euro 2000 at all. Possibly something to do with the "Euro" bit. Perhaps you're thinking of the World Cup?

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

Depending on how you define democracy, the Isle of Man is probably the oldest. They've had a parliamentary system for well over 1000 years, although its members weren't elected until the 1860s.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[xeno-cat]

"sit back with some nice Earl Grey"

Funny, because I just switched from drinking far to much coffee to drinking English Breakfast tea. I'm glad I live in Maine because 5-10 grams of salt would really kill the flavour. Earl Grey is a great tea as well. Tea > coffee.

One thing really missing in America is popular historical perspective. Even when we were gearing up for the first Iraq invasion I was telling people that it was bizare that we (USA) were trying to take the moral high road when we actully supported Saddam while he was committing the very acts we are now demonizing him for. The most common response was dumb looks. It was like peoples brain synapses simply were not wired to even recognise historical context.

I remember when the Taliban were taking over Afghanistan and the people, especially the women, were begging the world to intervien and stop them. Women who held jobs were committing sucide as the new regiem began repressing them. It was all very public. After the Taliban sieze control they fly to Taxas to work out the oil pipeline deal.

I won't even start on the whole Iran/Contra gate debacle.

Kind Regards

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

United States gets fourth place in men's soccer at the 2000 Summer Olympics. United Kingdom? Not even close.

We didn't compete. If the British Olympic team entered the football competition, we wouldn't be able to play in other international competitions as 4 seperate teams (England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland).

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

3. Review your basic arithmetic. (Hint 100 - 98.85 = 1.15 and 100 - 97.85 = 2.15)

Erm, exactly which figures are you correcting? Perhaps you should review basic reading.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

English Beer... unlike american beer isn't refined yak piss, and thus doesn't need to be served at sub-zero tempratures to taste good.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[pommiekiwifruit]

Don't forget San Marino.

AD 343 "free city of San Marino"

AD 1243 "Most Serene Republic of San Marino"

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[MemoryDragon]

Yupp Icelandic republic goes back to 800 to my knowledge. It is always funny to hear the US tv propaganda of having the best working and oldest democracy. The US democracy has legalized bribe (campaign donations) in the past and is selling out to the coprorations left and right (there used to be a list which senator worked for which corporation indirectly) thus has basically becoming a plutocracy. At the current state of affairs, the best working democracies are probably currently Poland, the Tzech republic (despite the recent scandal) and still swizerland (although they sold out to a certain degree to the EU and the corporations), iceland and the other nordic countries.

Spain also again can be added to a good working democracy. But the US outside of the well working local democracy can hardly be called democracy at all. As for the age... there is no argument about it, Iceland and others had democracies long before the US had its independence war, and even some indigenous north american tribes had longer lasting better working democracies before they went under as sideeffect of the war of independence.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

British should cast American characters in British productions with American actors. Not English character actors trying to do American accents, and certainly not Jamaican immigrants, Welshmen, or Scots. What goes around comes around, Mr. Brit.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Dun Malg]

The parts about having too many lawyers and therapists and not being adult enough to solve one's problems without resorting to violence is particularly spot-on.

Too many lawyers and therapists, maybe, but the violence thing is a problem with humanity. In Manchester pubs they no longer serve beer in glass mugs and are considering also not serving in bottles because of their use as weapons by drunken yobs.

The second point, that as a nation we are a bully, can easily be illuminated by the nation of Iran.

Funny you should bring up Operation Alex: it was a joint operation with UK intelligence, with some aid provided by the French and the Dutch. It was essentially a NATO plot intended to rid Iran of it's potentially communist friendly leader. Fear of communism wasn't limited to the US during the cold war.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

This just in: United States gets fourth place in men's soccer at the 2000 Summer Olympics.

No offense, but the olympic football tournament is a joke. It's effectively an "under-23 world cup" consisting of youth teams. However, most successful players of that age will be too busy playing or training with their club/country to participate in it.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[elfuq]

Because hoppy beers taste better at "cellar temperature" - cool but not freezing. If a beer is too cold it masks any flavour. For many mass-market American beers, this might be considered an advantage.

(Brit who lives in the US, and likes my microbrews)

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Golias]

We would have apologized for a lot sooner if the Germans would have ever stopped thanking us for it.

As for Titanic, I don't think it was nearly as bad as some people make it out to be, but since Kate Winslet represents at least half of what went wrong with that picture, I think America and England can agree to share culpability for both disasters (the ship's fate, and the movie about it.)

Murder She Wrote? Mea Culpa. It was an awful show, and I was not aware that it had seeped outside our borders. Sorry you had to see it, but it seems only fair after subjecting us to all those years of "Are You Being Served?" and "Keeping Up Appearances."

Oh, and about the JFK thing? Oswald did it. We're positive. Every once in a while a complete nutter comes along to claim there's evidence to the contrary, but the matter was actually settled some time ago.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

Interesting tradition, considering that Rome maintained its "republic" status for about twice as long as the US has been around. If you're talking about democracies that are still around, you should consider the Iroquois Confederacy, going on ~800 years. (Consider also that Iroquois were present when the Continental Congress was meeting in the summer of 1776.)

Nothing you said there contradicted the original post. The alternatives you and other have suggested only apply if you ignore one of the three following words: "running" "democratic" "republic."

The Roman Republic is long gone (therefore not currently running), the Iroquois Confederacy was never a republic.

America is the longest running democratic republic. Deal with it, pink boy!

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

We have what you call football over here, but we call it "soccer" and it is played mostly by little girls.

A lot of foreigners see football pads and make the foolish mistake of assuming the players are wearing some kind of protective armor.

The truth is, if it was meant for protection, it would put most of the padding over soft-tissue areas. It would also be soft on the outside to absorb blows better.

Football padding is actually weaponry. Apart from the helmet, the most padding (covered in a hard outside shell) is on the tops of the shoulders. It is there to enable the player to spear an opponent harder, so when you tackle a receiver just as he catches the ball, he might drop it from the shock of being suddenly folded in half.

But you go ahead and enjoy your little sissy game, and hold up David Beckham, pink nail polish and all, and the ultimate specimen of British masculinity. We kind of had you figured for an entire island to effeminate poofs anyway.

P.S: Regarding your existance, You're Welcome.

Sure. That was real nice of you to run off with your tail between your legs the moment you found yourself fighting both a rag-tag band of farmers and the mighty French Navy.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Anonymous Coward]

When speaking to Americans about pudding, call it by the full name. Over on this side of the pond, "pud" is actually a rather rude euphemism.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[MemoryDragon]

Actually you brought many things up to the point. Being European but loving the good sides of america (hey I spent some time there and I know there are two sides to the country one being very good and one being really bad, I really got the shudders when Bush started the DHS. I have seen such things in the past, it is never a good idea to have an authority (although week in the beginning) which has basically military and executive and secret service power. I cannot remember one such service which ended in a good way, I however can remember following ones:

The german gestapo, which basically had similar powers the DHS aims to in the long run. (believe me the recent bill which gave them those powers in the border regions made me shudder) The eastern german STASI which coincidentally also had the same name (Staatssicherheit, which roughly can be translated into Country Security or Homeland Security if you translate it with a nationalistic sidetone)

The russian KGB in its worst times. And some others which are older (the police under the austria Metternich, which basically was the blueprint of a repressive country for modern times)

There is always the rule, give one side too much power, neglegt the principle of balance of power and you will end up in a mess in the long run. If you can find any uber authority which in the end acted on the good deeds and for the general public, then give me an example, I cannot find one in history. Things simply get a life of their own if you dont restrict them and put them under contol by a similar powerful authority.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Dan-DAFC]

And it should be pointed out that there is not, and unlikely ever to be, any British representation in football ("soccer") at the Olympics for precisely this reason. The relevant football associations would rather not compete than set a precedent of a combined UK team competing in international competitions. Such a precedent could be used by FIFA/UEFA as an argument against allowing the four home nations to compete separately in the World Cup and European Championships.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[The One and Only]

That's odd. According to European history books, the Europeans won the war. According to American history books, the Americans won the war. It's almost as if each respective country overstates its own contribution to the victory.

By the way, thanks for all the help with Japan. We really appreciate it.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[nogginthenog]

Please don't insult yaks that way. They have feelings too.

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[Scooter]

You get "Keeping Up Appearances" ? Geez - then you do have my unreserved apologies :P I think it's illegal here now for civilian organisations to show Are You Being Served since it was re-classified as a weapon of mass mediocrity :p

Re:Declaration of Revocation

[gfreeman]

Also, because as a concept, beer is slightly older than refridgerators.

Cool

[MBCook]

Very cool.

On a side note, does anyone know about W & G's Cracking Contraptions? It was annouced long ago but while the site is up I can't seem to watch them anywhere, and I can't seem to find a DVD of the shorts either. I'd love to see 'em.

Also, if you don't have it, Aardman put out a book all about what they do and how they do it. You can find it on Amazon and it's really good. It explains some of their tricks, stories behind things, and how to make your own little "3D" films as they call them (refering to the fact they are actually 3D objects, as opposed to CGI which is simulated 3D).

Re:Cool

[datafr0g]

On a side note, does anyone know about W & G's Cracking Contraptions? It was annouced long ago but while the site is up I can't seem to watch them anywhere, and I can't seem to find a DVD of the shorts either. I'd love to see 'em. As they say on Ebay, Happy Bidding! ;)
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&cate gory=42842&item=6394394595&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW

Why the English Channel is There

[WillAffleckUW]

Because somebody forgot to drain the tub!

[oh, darn, should have put SPOILER in the title, now everyone knows the punch line for John Cleese's new movie ...]

.

Wallace & Grommit: Ultimate Date Movie

[BTWR]

It's the best video to watch on a first-second date. It's only 25 min (I usually watch "The Wrong Trousers") and she'll love it and laugh. Score big points :)

Re:Wallace & Grommit: Ultimate Date Movie

[Anonymous Coward]

Thanks for the suggestion, but one must wonder exactly what you're doing if you've had to try it multiple times.

Re:Wallace & Grommit: Ultimate Date Movie

[BTWR]

Thanks for the suggestion, but one must wonder exactly what you're doing if you've had to try it multiple times.

Um... the fact that I didn't marry the first girl I met at 18? I'm 25 now. It's 7 years later. And yes... i've gone out with a bunch of girls. Shown W&G to a few. Worked like a charm: 100% hookup rate afterwards :)

Cleese reruns?

[Anonymous Coward]

Will probably be just fine entertainment so long as he gets some Yank humor in there as well. How about it John. Recruit Luger Axhandle and Rebus Knebus as migrants from a tribe across the sea to help sort things out....

Re:Cleese reruns?

[Anonymous Coward]

/.ers are only toe deep in culture we see...

Wensleydale?

[alien_tracking_devic]

This is unlike any Cleese I've ever tasted.

Re:Wensleydale?

[Anonymous Coward]

Yes?

Oh, I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mr. Wensleydale, that's my name.

Thank you!

[Eunuch]

Being a nerd should only mean you support transhumanism. I'm sorry, but I care not for Tolkien, python, star wars and such.

Re:Thank you!

[Anonymous Coward]

"Being a nerd should only mean you support transhumanism. I'm sorry, but I care not for Tolkien, python, star wars and such."

That's why you are a nerd and not a geek.

smells of elderberry

[pipingguy]

Some might consider one tribe might be the English, and some might consider that the other to be the French.

In this one, which nationality discovers that coconuts are *not* migratory?

http://www.rit.edu/~smo4215/monty.htm

GUARD #1: Where'd you get the coconut?
ARTHUR: We found them.
GUARD #1: Found them? In Mercea? The coconut's tropical!
ARTHUR: What do you mean?
GUARD #1: Well, this is a temperate zone.
ARTHUR: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plumber may seek warmer climes in winter yet these are not strangers to our land.
GUARD #1: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
ARTHUR: Not at all, they could be carried.
GUARD #1: What -- a swallow carrying a coconut?
ARTHUR: It could grip it by the husk!
GUARD #1: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound coconut.
ARTHUR: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here.
GUARD #1: Listen, in order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second, right?
ARTHUR: Please!
GUARD #1: Am I right?
ARTHUR: I'm not interested!
GUARD #2: It could be carried by an African swallow!
GUARD #1: Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow, that's my point.
GUARD #2: Oh, yeah, I agree with that...
ARTHUR: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?!
GUARD #1: But then of course African swallows are not migratory.
GUARD #2: Oh, yeah...
GUARD #1: So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway...

[clop clop]

GUARD #2: Wait a minute -- supposing two swallows carried it together?
GUARD #1: No, they'd have to have it on a line.
GUARD #2: Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!
GUARD #1: What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
GUARD #2: Well, why not?

Re:smells of elderberry

[Ki Master George]

Technically, of course, the guards aren't French.

French guards launch cows at people.

Re:smells of elderberry

[pipingguy]

That's in Scene 8, you silly git.

Re:smells of elderberry

[kzinti]

And, of course, if you're paying attention at the scene where they meet Sir Bedevere ("We've found a witch, may we burn her?"), you'll notice that Bedevere is experimenting with a pigeon tied to a coconut. Great running joke!

Re:smells of elderberry

[pipingguy]

Yeah, that's one of the many little bits that make the film a classic. As a Monty Python fan, I admit that some parts of the movie are weak but the best scenes more than make up for it. The witch scene is one of the better ones if only for the study of ignorant crowd behaviour and manipulation.

Other parts are just absurd and just as enjoyable.

been there

[jaymzter]

one comparatively evolved tribe, and one un-evolved tribe...

Wasn't this done in caveman? Still, I loved that cheesy movie.

Re:been there

[MemoryDragon]

one comparatively evolved tribe, and one un-evolved tribe... Well that sounds like England and the US :-)

Re:haha that's very witty

[kfg]

Excuse me now while I blow my brains out with a shotgun

Now that might well be funny, but it's a bit more Rowan Atkinson that Python.

KFG

Mirror

[augustz]

WMA was only one I could get

http://screenrant.com.nyud.net:8090/images/Wallace _and_Gromit_Trailer_330k.wmv

Re:Mirror

[BlazeQ]

The above doesn't seem to work for me, but here's another mirror: http://screenrant.com/archives/wallace_and_gromit_ trailer_641.html

Checking for ghosts

[chaffed]

Did anyone else hear John Cleese's voice as they read the quote about the new comedy?

Naturally...

[Anonymous Coward]

It will be great comedy adventure about a pre-historic culture clash between two tribes, one comparatively evolved tribe, and one un-evolved tribe

Let me guess: one evolved to walk upright, and the other evolved to walk in a much sillier way.

Wrong! He can suck too, just like any mortal.

[JimTheta]

Everything that man touches turns to gold.

I beg to differ. He wrote a "comedy" take on Superman called "True Brit". In this alternate take on the story, Superman lands in England, and his parents raise him to hide his powers and he ends up working for a London tabloid.

Guess what? It sucks! I really wanted to like it, but it just wasn't funny!

I like John Cleese, and thought it would be good. I'm not really sure what he was trying to do, but it didn't work.

Sounds like gogs

[Anonymous Coward]

Sounds a bit like Gogs, another set of claymation shorts which had a feature length edition.

Four!!

[XanC]

Four tribes!

I'll come in again.

Re:Four!!

[2sheds]

I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition...

Re:Four!!

[rohanl]

Amongst our tribes will be such diverse races as French, English, Evolved, Unevolved...

Re:Four!!

[Anonymous Coward]

I SEE FIVE TRIBES!!!

(Bad ST:TNG reference ;-)

Re:Four!!

[Fishstick]

NOBODY EXPECTS TH..

oh bugger

Re: Declaration of Revocation - urban myth

[tomRakewell]

John Cleese did not write this. It is an urban myth.

You can tell, because it is not funny.

A bit funny, but not by Cleese.

[k98sven]

Snopes.

Whoops, wrong link

[k98sven]

That wasn't by Cleese either, but you'll find this to be more relevant.

Cheese

[ki85squared]

*whew* For a second I swore the headline said, "John Cheese"

I've been waiting for an animated film featuring Mr. Cheddar and his nefarious enemy, Dr. Swiss...

But does Lucas still make "refrigerators"

[Anonymous Coward]

Lucas - the reason Brits like warm beer.

fish called wally

[Anonymous Coward]

as they say: FFS
NO MORE FISH CALLED WALLACE

Heres a hint Cheese OLD BOY
TRY FUNNY
Yeah FUNNY WORK

Expensive tarts impressed by your tounge may well please you, but leave me limp!

Try and pull the chat-show bull and BT will FUCK your arse

Hey CHESSE who paid for the Bently? YEAH ME!

Re:fish called wally

[Anonymous Coward]

Missed your meds this morning?

Re:no one expects the...

[vsprintf]

That's all well and good, but what about the rabbit?

What does the scripture say about the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch working on Were-Rabbits? Then thou must count to three . . .

Re:MOD LOW UID HAVING ASSHAT DOWN

[Jeremiah Cornelius]

And thanks for posting more insight in my journal, Mr. Boldface.

I beg to differ.

[Anonymous Coward]

He likes us. He's a masochist too.

BOLD LIKE A FOX!

[Anonymous Coward]

MY POSTS ARE THAT IMPORTANT.

Re:BOLD LIKE A FOX!

[Anonymous Coward]

uhmm... I had to spend a couple weeks each summer working on relatives farms on the prairie and I can tell you without doubt no fox is bold but maybe for a dead fox... just thought you should know you don't know shit about foxes.

The comparatively evolved tribe?

[Anonymous Coward]

That must be the one who goes around sodomizing boys. I think I've got the tribes clear now.

Short?

[RatBastard]

I thought Curse Of The Were-Rabbit was a feature-length film. According to IMDB.COM it's 94 minutes. That's quite the long short.

Re:Short?

[WhatAmIDoingHere]

There are lots of 90 minute movies. That's actually a pretty good cartoon movie length. Kids have a hard time sitting still for longer than a few minutes.

Re:Short?

[Stankatz]

I think the poster's point was that it was described as a short above and a full-length film elsewhere.

which one is which?

[krunk4ever]

It will be great comedy adventure about a pre-historic culture clash between two tribes, one comparatively evolved tribe, and one un-evolved tribe...Some might consider one tribe might be the English, and some might consider that the other to be the French, the Gauls...Let's just say it's the start of the Entente Cordial and it explains why the English Channel is there.

so which one's the evolved one? ;p

MOD PARENT +5 EXCELLENT RIPOSTE

[Anonymous Coward]

its a troll thread so I can post stuff like this

Sounds like "RRRrrrr!!!"

[mythogen]

I saw a French film a few months ago that sounds remarkably like what this new film of Cleese's is described as. check it out. It's actually about the discovery of murder, if I remember correctly, but it also has a major subplot involving one tribe that is evolved (that is, has shampoo) and another which is unevolved (no shampoo = dirty and ugly). Extremely over the top stuff.

I thought it was pretty funny, though I don't speak much French so it might have been funnier (or less funny, who knows) if it were in English.

Torrent link for trailer

[Anarkhia]

Looks like the server is (predictably) slashdotted. Here's the torrent link:
Wallace And Gromit - The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit - Trailer 1 (WMV)

300k windows media.. working link

[Anonymous Coward]

Here is the 330k wma version http://www.waytoblue.com/media/video/wallace_&_gro mit_trailer2_330k.asx

Re:no one expects the...

[Anonymous Coward]

What does the scripture say about the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch working on Were-Rabbits? Then thou must count to three . . .

Eeak!?

I'VE DONE SOME THINKING

[Anonymous Coward]

It was wrong of me to troll your journal. It isn't right to fuck with someone's personal space like that, and I apologize.

But really, are you a homogay?

why the English Channel is there...

[elgatozorbas]

To allow the English to say on foggy days: "The continent is isolated"...

Dear fools

[AvantLegion]

I did not write this. Just as the poster it replies to was not the author of what he posted. It has been passed around left and right just as the original has.

Like, duh.

Re:Dear fool

[Anonymous Coward]

I did not write this

We don't care the 'mericans are doing a bit of Brit bashing and the Brits are bashing back. It's all in good fun and as a Canadian I've done my best to incite both camps. If we could just get our Ozzie cousins involved we'd have a good 'ol time, but they seem to spend their time preoccupied with thunder farts and compiling enough meanings for the word piss to fill a fair sized dictionary.

working Quicktime featurette link

[Jerry Smith]

http://www.apple.com/trailers/dreamworks/wallace_a nd_gromit/featurette/I'm not sure it's the same movie, because the BBC-server does not accept anymore connections.

Come on Cleese

[LarsWestergren]

Oh joy, more hilarious french bashing by anglos. He did this before. In his otherwise good wine-school program for TV, he put on an "outrrrrrrrageuos" phony french accent when he was talking about the terribly wine snobbery that existed.

I remember when Cleese jokes were daring and original, and not just easy crowd pleasing by pandering to popular prejudices. Sorry to be harsh, but like Clive Barker, he seems to have lost his creativity and originality when he moved to the US. Or maybe it's just age.

Re: Declaration of Revocation - urban myth

[Anonymous Coward]

You're american, you can tell, because you don't get it.

"Soccer"

[pommiekiwifruit]

Is short for the name of the newbie game of "Association Football" (1863).

As opposed to Rugby Football (written rules 1845) , including the first football (rugby) club, "Guy's Hospital Football Club", formed in London in 1843.

nifty

[Anonymous Coward]

Tom Baker narrated the trailer. Cool beans.

Re: Declaration of Revocation - urban myth

[Dun Malg]

You're american, you can tell, because you don't get it.

No, he's right. It's obviously not something by Cleese because the entire thing contains only one thing that could be called a joke (the JFK thing), and it doesn't actually make any sense. The only thing that makes it even vaguely humorous is imagining it read aloud by John Cleese, but he could read a grocery list and make it sound funny. No, if Cleese wrote it, it would be much sillier and not contain pointlessly dull items like the one about petrol prices (yawn).

Re: Declaration of Revocation - urban myth

[Anonymous Coward]

You just basically admitted that you are American, and you didn't get the joke either. What's wrong with you guys? Why does everything have to be funny for everyone? I bet most Europeans who read this were laughing pretty hard, so the jokes a success. Who the fuck cares that Americans don't like the joke?

Re: Declaration of Revocation - urban myth

[Anonymous Coward]

While it's not on a par with Cleese's wit, most non-Americans would probably find it quite humourous.

Of course if you insist on taking it personally then it's unsurprising that you won't find it very funny.

RTFA--it's the first W&G full-length feature!

[Grackle]

. . . not a "short."

Re:Wrong! He can suck too, just like any mortal.

[Mikkeles]

'Guess what? It sucks! I really wanted to like it, but it just wasn't funny!'

For slightly more in-depth reviews, see, e.g.:

Comics in Context #66: A Christmas Potpourri (starts about halfway down the page)

Mild Mannered Reviews - Specials

blogcritics

and for a list of additional 'It sucked!'/'I liked it!' comments: Comic Book Resources

Flat Beer!!!

[CanadianBoy]

And Warm too!

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooo

history resources?

[MegaFur]

Hi. I'm a dumb American and I also am missing out on that "historical perspective" thing. I'm starting to form one now but it only goes back to about 2000 or so. That's not nearly long enough.

I've seen both of the recent M. Moore movies. I liked them, but IMHO M. Moore is a jackass and very, very far away from being even remotely objective. The one thing that realy got me in Bowling For Columbine was when Moore went through listing all the dictators and coups the U.S. has supported over the years.

My point: I feel that if I and other Americans had some clue as to our recent (last 20-30 years) history of foreign policy and various wars, it might be helpful in forming intelligent opinions about our country's leadership.

So. Can you recommend any good books or websites that objectively list out all the icky policies the U.S. has supported over the last 30 years?

Thanks in advance.

Re:history resources?

[xeno-cat]

Objectivity is hard to come by, but if you keep a critical mind and check your own facts you can find plenty of information on the subject. A lot of it is filled with very personal opinions, but again, when facts are cited you can follow up on them and the picture will start to emerge.

Frankly, it's not really that hard to figure out. Simply look where US forces have been deployed. Look into the surrounding politics of the situation.

For starters I'd say look into the events surrounding the Vietnam war. This was the first war that really brought the insanity of US foreign policy to the public at large. There is plenty of information on it.

Look up the events surounding the invasion of Granada & Panama. Look into the details of the Iran/Contra scandal, especially the Iran hostage crisis and Regan staff negotiations with the hostage takers.

South America is particularly furtile ground for understanding the corporate greed and brutality of US foreign policy.

Look into the details surrounding both invasions of Iraq. Look into the US/Iraqi politics pre invasion.

In short, there is not much I can do to make checking the facts easier for you. It's really not that hard. You just need to want to do it.

One of the easiest things to do is to stop reading American media and switch to almost any other media source. You will find much more objective reporting at the very least.

Finally, a book that is fairly well cited you might want to read is "Killing Hope: U.S. Military Interventions Since World War II" by William Blum (http://www.thirdworldtraveler.com/Blum/William_Bl um.html).

Kind Regards