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Phantom Console May Never Materialize
CNN Money's excellent column Game On is running a piece discussing the conspicuous absence of the Phantom console from this year's E3. The service-based system which was to allow download and purchase of games via a living-room unit has been the subject of dubious press coverage and general mistrust, all of which appears to have been well deserved. From the article: "The company believes, based on past performance, that there is a high likelihood that sufficient capital will not be available ... and many or all of these milestones will be missed and the launch date will again shift and/or the company will go out of business..."
Phantom Console May Never Materialize
+5, Amazing Grasp of the Obvious.
Trolling is a art,
It's called the "Phantom" for godsakes! I can't believe that anyone ever believed it'd be made. I figured it was a money making scam from day one.
If someone says he and his monkey have nothing to hide, they almost certainly do.
am totally shocked.
the launch titles will be Duke Nukem and Team Fortress 2
"Old man yells at systemd"
I can't wait to see what happens when Phantom tries to sue CNN...
In other news, Daikatana 2 may not materialize...
also from TFA, "even though the release date of the console is being pushed back, there was an exclusive deal made with 3drealms - Duke Nukem Forever will be a Phantom exclusive game, in honor of both the Phantom and DNF's status as vaporware."
Infinium Labs has announce the "Phantom 2", code-named "Ephemeral".
Neo: I just got this strange feeling of deja vu.
Trinity: A deja vu is usually a glitch in the Matrix. It happens when they change something.
Me: Uh... guys. The only thing they're changing again is their mailing address for corporate headquarters. Which is probably a public restroom in downtown Phoenix this time around.
-"...bad old ideas look confusingly fresh when they are packaged as technology" - Jaron Lanier (Digital Maoism on Edge.o
*insert Pac Man death-sound here*
...their stock is up 4% (1 shiny penny).
Now what am i going to do with 100,000 shares of infiniumlabs ?
"When they invent bitch slaps that can go through a monitor you better f'ing duck" --deft (253558)
I di...[BONK!] [Gets hit with a rubber chicken] ;P
-"...bad old ideas look confusingly fresh when they are packaged as technology" - Jaron Lanier (Digital Maoism on Edge.o
For Immediate Release
CONTACT:
Timothy Roberts
Infinium Labs
www.phantom.net
SOMEWHERE,NIGERIA,5/20/2005
We might be going out of business like there is no tomorrow...But we sure made a killing on the market!
Why my stock went all the way up to $1.00 a share and we made millions off of those stupid stock traders.
With all our newfound money that we swindled from the market, we'll just probably go startup another company to steal money from people...I hear Nigeria is a good place to do stuff like this.
ABOUT INFINIUM LABS
We're a company that has produced nothing and made millions doing it. Now we're going to take all our money and run.
Just add {In Space!} to anything.
- Reference to it running Duke Nukem Forever: Check
- Obvious Pun on Platform Name: Check.
- Reference to Original Hard OPC Article: Check.
- Link to Penny Arcade strip on Phantom:....?
Woo-hoo! A chance to Karma Whore!Take two! They're small!
And another!
And still another!
Crow T. TrollbotHardOCP has been on these guys for a long time, not to mention those wacky guys at Penny-Arcade.1 -22&res=l 8 -20&res=l
http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=2003-0
http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=2003-0
I know I'm redundant here, but did anybody really not see this comming? They hyped this so-called "on demand", they only way they could have made it even more out landish is if they advertised to have it implated inside my brain.
Perhaps is it because the Phantom is platform for Duke Nukem Forever?
This is my sig. There are thousands more, but this one is mine.
Hi. My Name is Timothy Roberts, President of the esteemed company Infinium Labs, in the United States of America, under glory of God. We are a company highly successful with video games. Unfortunately our name has been tarnished by the infad^H^H^H^H^Heditors of online magazines. The effect of these words were to promote our bankers to halt the access to our accounts. Through our business dealings I aforementioned we had secured FIVE MILLION DOLLARS ($5000000, or 60000 camels^H^H^H^H^H^Hschoolchildren). Through a gift of God we were given your email address. We require a person whom with we may complete the aforementioned business transaction. For your honour in saving our corporation we will award you 30 percent. please reply soon. www.phantom.net
twitter.com/gravitronic
From the Infinium Labs website:
Phantom(TM) Game Receiver
* AMD® Athlon(TM) XP 2500+ central processing unit (CPU)
* NVIDIA® GeForce(TM) FX 5700 Ultra graphics processing unit (GPU)
* NVIDIA nForce(TM)2 Ultra 400 platform processor
* 256 MB RAM
* 40 GB local content cache
* Microsoft Windows XP® Embedded Operating System
* Dynamic, personalized user interfaces customizable for age, gender or technical expertise
* Lapboard, mouse and game pad included
* HDTV and Dolby® Digital 5.1 compatible
* Works with any consumer-standard broadband Internet Service Provider (ISP): DSL or faster
You mean to tell me they've spent millions of dollars trying to build a normal computer, and FAILING??? What kind of real stupidity is going on here?
Contrary to the nasty and malicious rumors, it's on schedule and will happen. I'm typing this from an early production model.
It sits right next to my brand new Amiga, whose operating system is based upon a release candidate of the Hurd kernel . .
hawk
...with my $50 phantom online gift certificate? those bastards!!
Don't forget the one that actually references HardOCP and the suit!
Show me on the doll where his noodly appendage touched you.
You only karma-whore once a day? Shame on you!
Question everything
I can't wait for their next console: the Vapor!
the guys at Phantom have spent quite a bit of time thinking about those issues and well... uh... the answer they came up with was: slip the launch date some more.
But you can get an idea of the scale of the problem by comparing:
IBM: There might be a downturn in the tech market, which might cause us to cut our margins and lay a few people off. This might cause our profits to fall slightly.
SCO: Our legal team might be laughed out of court by a judge who realises our case is constructed on a tissue of half-truths, distortions and outright lies. We might lose any or all of the lawsuits we've brought, leaving us with essentially nothing except a big lawyers' fees bill. Customers might realise we have no business left and desert us. An adverse judgement might bankrupt us and force us to become indentured servants of IBM for life, and might also force us to give up our first born sons to Novell in perpetuity. Our headquarters building might be stormed by angry slashdotters and razed to the ground, leaving nothing but a heap of obsolete Itanium servers.
You know, I kind of wish it did come out and was just a phenomenal platform, just to see slashdotters' response.
It's not that we don't want a Phantom console, it's just that I have this deed to the Brooklyn Bridge, and I'm strapped for cash, so I'm willing to let it go for cheap if you can pay cash right now...
You can't take the sky from me...