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Ballmer: 'We'll catch Google'

Posted by ryuzaki0 on from the he-loves-this-company dept.

An anonymous reader writes "Steve Ballmer was all about honesty when briefing partners in Sydney yesterday. Microsoft CEO's confessed the software giant's .Net strategy has come to a standstill, says he's accepted SQL Server's shortcomings and vowed to keep fighting search giant Google."

28 of 694 comments (clear)

  1. its not going to work by bigwavejas · · Score: 5, Funny
    Folks..

    It's not gonna work. Why you ask???

    Because he failed to fire off this attack at Google with the passion and ferociousness ROAR!!! (Look Ma I'm a Lion) of some of his past over-the-top WWF wrestler/ MS superhero assaults like Windows 1.0 release http://www.dataflo.net/~mpurintun/videos/microsoft _Ceo.wmv or (Get on your feet) http://www.danzfamily.com/videos/videos05/dancemon keyboy.mpeg I suggest he get back on track with some hardcore dancing and screaming, maybe a body suplex or two where he's GUARANTEED success!! ...or a brain explosion. (We can only pray for the latter.)

    --
    "Simplify, simplify, simplify!" Thoreau
    1. Re:its not going to work by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      "or a brain explosion."

      That'd be a truly microscopic spectaculum.

  2. "We'll catch Google" by badmammajamma · · Score: 4, Funny

    ROFLMAO

    Damn that's good comedy. It's like a Ford Taurus saying it's gonna catch a Ferrari.

    --
    Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. -- H. L. Mencken
    1. Re:"We'll catch Google" by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny
      It's like a Ford Taurus saying it's gonna catch a Ferrari.

      More like an overstuffed mobile home being towed down the road by a huge smoke-belching tow-truck, with a broken axle and a beat up Yugo hitched to its rear, 15 suitcases on the roof, 6 bicycles barely hanging on a rack, leaking oil, screen door flapping in the breeze, read-faced driver shaking his fist at the Ferrari that cruised by in a nano-second and yelling "I'm gonna catch ya as soon as I git this thing fixed! You jes wait!"

  3. Peter Principle. by jcr · · Score: 5, Funny

    If there was ever a clear-cut example of someone in over his head, it's Ballmer. If he hadn't been BG's college buddy, he'd be running a Denny's restaurant somewhere.

    -jcr

    --
    The only title of honor that a tyrant can grant is "Enemy of the State."
    1. Re:Peter Principle. by jbuilder · · Score: 2, Funny

      Hey only in America can you go from me BG's office manager to the CEO...

      And his rise to power is more an example of the Dilbert Principle http://www.aquecorp.com/vincent/humor/dilbert.prin ciple.html than anything else.

      --
      Polymorphism -- It's what you make of it.
    2. Re:Peter Principle. by Spy+der+Mann · · Score: 4, Funny

      If there was ever a clear-cut example of someone in over his head, it's Ballmer. If he hadn't been BG's college buddy, he'd be running a Denny's restaurant somewhere.

      NO! Ballmer already proved himself as a WONDERFUL telemarketer! We shouldn't dismiss that possibility! :)

    3. Re:Peter Principle. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      Hey! I run a Denny's restaurant you insensitive clod!

  4. Catch Google? by Mz6 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Dog: I'll catch my tail

    --
    Hmmm.
  5. problem by seoYak · · Score: 3, Funny

    Admitting you have a problem is the first step to solving it.

  6. Obligatory Bin Laden parallel by Creosote · · Score: 5, Funny
    "In the next six months, we'll catch Google in terms of relevancy". --Steve Balmer, 27 June 2005

    "The U.S. military is 'sure' it will catch Osama bin Laden this year, perhaps within months, a spokesman declared Thursday". --Associated Press story, 30 January 2004

  7. News Flash! by Kierthos · · Score: 4, Funny

    Ballmer admits strategy to "catch" Google consists of writing the word Google on a baseball, throwing it up into the air and catching it. When faced with the possibility of missing, or a complete lack of physical coordination, Ballmer advised that in the event of such limited cases, a patch would be available to correct the problem.

    Kierthos

    --
    Mr. Hu is not a ninja.
  8. The Numerous Advantages of MS Services by taskforce · · Score: 4, Funny
    Hotmail over gMail - MS's handy adverts popup right infront of you, so you don't have to scroll to the bottom of the page. MS has always been at the forefront of UI design.

    MSN Search over Google Search - WE PUT IT IN TV ADVERTS

    Microsoft's Maps service over Google Maps - It never gives wrong directions. (Becasue it doesn't exist.)

    --
    My 3D Texturing Skinning work (under construction)
  9. SQL Server has shortcomings? by PaxTech · · Score: 1, Funny

    That's unpossible!

    --
    All movements for social change begin as missions, evolve into businesses, and end up as rackets.
  10. Ballmer at Denny's by FunWithHeadlines · · Score: 4, Funny
    Ballmer as a waiter at Denny's:

    "Grand Slam Breakfast! Grand Slam Breakfast! Grand Slam Breakfast! Grand Slam Breakfast!!"

  11. We'll catch Google! by cryptor3 · · Score: 4, Funny

    *Shakes fist in air*

    *Twirls mustache*

    "...if it's the last thing I do!"

    1. Re:We'll catch Google! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      We'd have utterly dominated IT if it wasn't for you meddling kids!

  12. Re:Microsoft is now irrelevent by imr · · Score: 2, Funny

    Any news about cairo?

  13. Re:SQL Server shortcomings by Dr.Dubious+DDQ · · Score: 2, Funny
    [...]lack of spatial storage capabilities.
    If these were needed by anybody they would have been implemented in mysql[...]

    (DING!) Your wish is granted...

    --
    Hacker Public Radio is our Friend
  14. Re:Microsoft is now irrelevent by TRIEventHorizon · · Score: 0, Funny

    god, with a user id that low, you must be older than the wheel!

    --
    "And so the Trekkies were executed in the mannor most befitting virgins - thrown into volcanoes" - Futurama
  15. Re:Peter Principle - Maybe by Anonymous+Brave+Guy · · Score: 4, Funny
    The big question - What will Microsoft do when it does have the right CEO?

    Innovate?

    <ducks>

    --
    If you disagree, post your argument. (-1, Overrated) isn't your personal censorship tool for views you don't like.
  16. Just tried MSN search for the first time by Adult+film+producer · · Score: 2, Funny

    Had to see how well it worked (compared to google..) So I tried an image search and entered the query "anal linux".. MSN returns zero results :(

    Google on the other hand was nice enough to provide me with quite a number of images, including many girls that apparently use linux.

    Google wins hands-down yet again.

  17. Other Ballmer Quotes Not Mentioned by Master+of+Transhuman · · Score: 2, Funny


    "We're a bunch of crooked monopolists."

    "Our software sucks rocks."

    "Linux TCO is infinitely less than ours."

    "Windows was never intended to be 'intuitive' - just stupid."

    "Access corrupts its databases if you breath on it."

    "Word is too complicated for anyone to use."

    "Group Policy doesn't work and nobody can figure out how to make it work."

    "Longhorn is a corporate disaster."

    "We pay Rob Enderle, Laura DiDio, Maureen O'Gara and Daniel Lyons to be assholes."

    "The Gates Foundation is a stock laundering scheme."

    "Bill is an asshole."

    "I'm an asshole."

    "All of this is off the record."

    --
    Richard Steven Hack - This sig is TOO GODDAMN SHORT TO DO ANYTHING USEFUL WITH! MORONS!
  18. Missing part of Ballmer's quote by Craig_P92669 · · Score: 1, Funny

    They left out the "muhahah!!" at the end.

    --
    http://xs4.xs.to/pics/04481/p556222.gif
  19. Re:Not parent poster by kpaul · · Score: 2, Funny

    Or clover-tab, as my charming co-worker, unable to remember 'command', calls it.

  20. Re:Microsoft is now irrelevent by oGMo · · Score: 4, Funny
    The fact is that Windows Server outsells Unix.

    If so it's only because you need about 20 Windows servers to 1 unix server.

    :-)
    --

    Don't think of it as a flame---it's more like an argument that does 3d6 fire damage

  21. RE:Ballmer: 'We'll catch Google' by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    Yeah, just like Wile E. Coyote catches the train in the tunnel.

  22. I can hear Balmer it now by kmortelite · · Score: 2, Funny

    "Search engines! Search engines! Search engines!"