Patent Examiners Flee USPTO

john-da-luthrun writes "Soaring numbers of patent applications for software and business processes is not only leading to the ludicrous patents for the likes of Amazon and Microsoft. The stress of dealing with vast numbers of applications is leading to an exodus of patent examiners from the USPTO, reports FCW.com. A US Government Accountability Office report (PDF) says that the USPTO has made progress in hiring examiners, 'but challenges to retention remain'. The IP Kat blog quotes Jason Schulz of the EFF, who comments that 'The incredible surge of patent applications, especially in the software and internet business method arena, is just crushing them, and the management problems are rising to the surface with greater visibility for those reasons. Where anything under the sun is patentable, it puts an unbelievable amount of pressure on the patent office'."

Comments

Some suggestions:

[TripMaster Monkey]

Some suggestions to help ease the tensions over at the USPTO:

• Every day is Casual Day.
  
• Liberal supply of rum in company coffee.
  
• Liberal supply of ecstacy in company sugar.
  
• Doughnuts, bagels, and "special" brownies supplied every morning, courtesy of management.
  
• Naked Fridays!
  
• Patent infringement issues now decided by Trial By Combat.
  
• Applicants whose patent application is judged to be spurious goes through the Spanking Machine.
  
• All patent applications must be submitted in person, after running the Gauntlet (involving rotating knives, enraged badgers, and of course, lots and lots of lava).
  
• After running the Gauntlet, all applicants for the day must take part in a Royal Rumble Cage Match...last one standing gets to submit application.
  
• All employees are granted ringside seats at Royal Rumble...popcorn and beer is complimentary.
  
• All employees now required to surf porn.
  
• Employee of the Month earns use of jacuzzi-office for the month.
  

Hope this helps.

Re:Some suggestions:

[dema]

Naked Fridays!

I don't know about you. But I'd need a whole lot of rum and ecstacy before I could survive a "Naked Friday" at my office.

Re:Some suggestions:

[Guppy06]

"All patent applications must be submitted in person, after running the Gauntlet"

RED PATENT LAWYER NEEDS FOOD BADLY!

"Naked Fridays!"

[Tikicult]

Careful what you ask for. Look around at the people you work with... Do you really want Naked Fridays? - Tiki

Re:Patent the sun!

[AKAImBatman]

Sorry, your Sun as you call it, violates my patent on placing unshielded fusion reactors into galactic orbit. All users of this Sun now owe me $699.99 for the priveledge of using it. Buy now, and you can get in on this deal BEFORE the judge finds I can't patent such technology! ;-)

How lazy can you be?

[Anonymous Coward]

Just pounding the rubber stamp on any piece of paper that comes into your office sounds like the easiest job on the face of the earth.

No Big Deal

[Waffle Iron]

The USPTO management is not concerned about the loss of human examiners. Trials of their new Pitney Bowes Stampmaster 5000-EX have shown that a fully automated application processing machine can rubber-stamp applications at a rate exceeding that of 1800 human examiners using old-fashioned hand stamps and inkpads. Current plans call for phasing out the examiners completely over the coming months.