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Building Secure Computers?
maotx asks: "Growing into the job of a system administrator, I've been tasked with something I'm not quite prepared for: purchase or build a computer that meets DoD compliance for classified 'Secret' information. Several vendors, including Dell our primary supplier, offers computers that will work, but being new to the criteria I want to make sure the right computer is purchased. The computer will be used to create secure CAD drawings (Solidworks, OrCAD, etc) and must have, from what I can tell, a removable hard drive and security stickers to prevent tampering. What is you're experience in setting up a secure computer and is it better to have a vendor do it, or yourself?"
So sayeth the editors of Slashdot.
Buildings secure computers? Computers secure building? What?
Oh, you meant "building secure computers".
My other car is first.
I heard that the first step towards building secures computers is to be attentive to small details such as spelling and grammar.
The AACS key is NOT 0xF606EEFD628B1CA427BEA93A9CA9773F
Building secures computers? Yes, if the building has good locks. Even then, I'd invest in motion sensors and trustworthy guards.
"Asking Slashdot about DoD guidelines is like asking an elementary school for details about the space shuttle."
True. But we ARE good with law, business, and economics.
YES! That's what I need. Forget hardening the system, forget locking down the administrator! Forget DOD requirements. I'll put a STICKER on my machine and it will be secure!
http://www.bistolas.net
How does this building secure the computers? Does it use laser cutty things like on Resident Evil?
Have you metaroderated recently?
Two words:
/sad, but true.
Duct Tape
add some plastic wrap, and it's Dept. Homeland Security Approved as well.
First of all you'll need a server equipped with tiny C4 charges embedded in each of the hard drives. This is a handy way of deleting data on your hard drives very quickly. I hear HP can furnish these.
Second, you will need to hire a troupe of security guards to watch over the computer. Equip them with an M16's, and have them work in shifts, escorting users to and from the computers. If you can't afford a humans, several dozen trained monkeys will do the job. Just make sure and keep at least three extra monkeys on hand so you can replace the dead ones. You'll need at least two monkey handlers if you go the monkey route - one to watch over the monkeys and one to fill in when the first one gets shot.
For a bit of extra security, you can purchase an used electric chair from one of the states that have switched to lethal injection and use it as the chair for the workstation. One armed guard can stand holding the red button, ready to fry to operator in case (s)he mishandles any data, or looks at the guards funny, while another guard stands ready to kill the other in case they refuse to press the red button.
If you can't afford or find an electric chair on the retail market, submit an "ask slashdot" article and I'm sure you'll get plenty of tips on how to build one yourself.
Or if you want to save money you could just install the super secure Gentoo Linux operating system and set it to update itself via emerge automatically every hour.
It's your choice.
I don't always use unix-like operating systems; but when I do, I prefer FreeBSD.
If you want some actual military assistance, respond to my email.
Does this offer only apply to the original poster? Because I require some military assistance as well. I have two areas of concern:
1. My neighbor keeps walking his dog in front of my house and it shits next to the sidewalk. He's supposed to clean it up, but he never does. I was hoping you could take the dog out for me.
2. Gas will probably reach $3/gallon before too long. I know you military types are experts at liberating people, and sometimes there's petroleum, you know, sort of left over. I was wondering if you could liberate the local Sunoco for me so I can get some gas for my car for free.
Thank you, and I eagerly await your email.
ps remember don't ask don't tell!
Not if it's an Apple computer! Apple computers are not made, they are birthed from the vagina of a mystical creature who has nice tits.
!?!
I'm a SIGINT guy in the Army. I've spent a number of years now...
The myspace account you link to suggests that you may have just recently graduated from high school.
USB is still thrown up in the air. I'm very uncomfortable with it but our client uses it quite often to transfer data.
Lots of stuff WILL be thrown up in the air if someone connects a USB wireless adapter.
This is not a dream, not a dream...we are transmitting from the year 1-9-9-9.
how to make a really really secure system... write the whole operating system from scratch and make it so you and only you know what the hell is going on that way you can concider it job security... if they downsize they have to keep at least u to run the server....
(yes i know i suck at spelling fell free to correct my grammar and/or spellin i dont care, im still not going to change
You mean a woman?
So the first rule of DoD compliance is that you don't talk about DoD compliance?
Please send me a sample of the data that you are trying to keep secret - this will enable me to best work out how to keep it secure ....
Just load Windows ME or even a secure O/S like Windows 2000 on it and connect it to the Internet. It should be secure enough and we all know that no one will hack it.
Done, secure computer. Well of course you need to not plug it in inside a bank vault as well. Then its secure, well unless the earth parts so don't use a Bank in California. Then there is the sun expansion that will cover the earth, so you can only set up a secure computer aggrement/expectation for a few hundred million years. By then there may be more portable solutions.