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What Would You Like to See in an Ops Center?
binaryspiral asks: "I work in a network operations center that has a fair amount of tours and escorted customer traffic. We (the ops employees) have been given the option of submitting ideas for a redesign that would upgrade our ops center to something more functional and visually impressive to potential customers who visit. I'm also looking into software applications that monitor our systems and put them on large displays but a lot of it looks ho-hum. Unfortunately, one of the criteria is that this redesign be functional and visually appealing. I would ask the Slashdor crowd to share with me the things you hate or love about your ops center. Any suggestions or ideas from this crowd might actually be what I'm looking for!"
A series of giant translucent displays hanging from the ceiling like giant columns throughout the NOC that show three-dimensional renderings of everything that is occuring on the network at the moment, like in the movie Hackers. Also, at least one of your main guys in the NOC should wear all black, have funky hair and carry a skateboard around with him through the office. Also, liberally spread around a few terminals. Most important of all, have a couple geeky/emo looking trogs arguing about RISC architecture off in some corner of the room, rather loudly. Follow my suggestions and you will not fail to impress!
what would you like to see
visually
large displays
visually appealing
Boobies, of course.
oh, I thought Cisco networks were self defending :P
There are no atheists when recovering from tape backup.
ACHTUNG!!!
:-)
Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets. Relaxen und vatch das blinkenlights!!!
- Courtesy of BSD Forunte
Big flashing lights. Especially if the people have ADD... then it'll be 'ooh! pretty light!!'
Show this to your friends and family that don't know what a real hacker is
Have a computer play tic-tac-toe against itself as it also tries to discover nuclear launch codes. Have everyone run around in a panic, picking up phones and screaming orders, handing off papers, etc. Make sure you have a big red phone in the center. When it rings, answer, "Yes, Mr. President."
That'll impress them!
Oh, and hire this guy for your center. He needs a real job. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001056/
-- Fugacity: Confusing chemists since 1908
What Would You Like to See in an Op Center?
Tom Clancy. So that we can deride him for his crappy books.
-- This and all my posts are in the public domain. I am a lawyer. I am not your lawyer, and this is not legal advice.
You need three giant screens roughly 20' high each, on the first you would display all the current inbound and outbound traffic, status controls for nodes etc. The second would display routing information with a giant map of the world and flashing lines running backwards and forwards. Then the third would be allocated to display the biggest game of solitaire in the world. If the first two screens don't impress them, then the last will certainly make all the customers go "oooh!"
Then you need to buy 5 chimps from the local zoo and train them on how to change tape drives.
And THEN you need to hire about 30 circus midgets, paint them orange, with green hair and stripey suits, so that whenever a potential customer gets locked into a server cage they can magically appear and sing a little song...
Man, that's MY idea of a great ops building!
Task Mangler
Stripper poles
What Would You Like to See in an Ops Center?
Boobies?
Seriously.
Don't think that a small group of dedicated individuals can't change the world. It's the only thing that ever has.
Good lord, if I only had mod points.
ACHTUNG - ALLES LOOKENPEEPERS
Das Machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und poppencorken mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren musten keepen das cotten-pickenen hands in das pockets - relaxen und watchen das blinkenlights.
The above was apparently based on the following, original version, from the early 1960s:
Alles touristen und non-technischen looken peepers! Das machinkontrol is nicht for gefengerpoken und mittengrabben. Oderwise is easy schnappen der springenverk, blowenfus, undpoppencorken mit spitzensparken. Der machine is diggen by experten only. Is nicht fur geverken by das dumpkopfen. Das rubber necken sightseenen keepen das cotton-picken hands in das pockets. So relaxen, und vatchen das blinkenlights.
And here's the phony-English version the Germans use:
This room is fullfilled mit special electronische equipment. Fingergrabbing and pressing the knoeppkes from the computers is allowed for die experts only! So all the "lefthanders" stay away and do not disturben the brainstorming von here working intelligences. Otherwise you will be outthrown and kicked anderswhere! Also: please keep still and only watchen astaunished the blinkenlights.
Of course, this warning would not be complete without the Internet version:
Das Internet is nicht fuer gefingerclickend und giffengrabben. Ist easy droppenpacket der Routers und overloaden der Backbone mit der spammen und der me-tooen. Ist nicht fuer gewerken bei die Dummkopfen. Die mausklicken Sichtseeren keepen das Bandwidth-spewen Hands in die Pockets muss; relaxen und watchen das cursorblinken.
Finally, the Palm Pilot version:
Das PalmPilot ist nicht fuer gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy scratch der Screene, zappen RAM, und droppen-smashen. Ist nicht fuer gewerken bei das Dummkopfen. Das rubber-necken Sichtseeren keep die Hands in die Pockets -- relaxen und watchen Das Blinkenlights.
Get the giant Mercator world map with the blinking lights randdomly scattered over it and a big SPECTRE logo.