Uwe Boll Spills His Guts

Kimi writes "Love him or hate him, it's always entertaining to read about Uwe Boll, especially with his latest movie Bloodrayne due to be released shortly. 1UP has an interview with the man himself to find out just what he is up to." From the article: "Let's drop the bombshell before we move on: Rumors were flying this summer that Boll had picked up the rights to the controversial first-person-shooter Postal franchise, but developer Running With Scissors quickly debunked the speculation. In talking with Boll, we asked him about his interest in Postal and - lo and behold - were told he's currently in negotiations for the rights to the series, and expects to start shooting Postal sometime next year. Additionally, he'll be writing the script hand-in-hand with the game designers, a first for him and video game movies. It should be interesting to see how Boll handles a game whose gameplay revolves around pure shock value." Good to see we can expect more quality cinema in the future.

Comments

I'm sorry...

[Anonymous Coward]

...who?

Re:I'm sorry...

[mindstormpt]

Uwe Boll might be the world's greatest misunderstood filmmaking genius.

Oh, now I remember!

Tara Reid in Alone in the dark

[rAiNsT0rm]

Simply THE WORST excuse for an actress was plain to see in Alone in the Dark. I never have been so amazed at poor acting that made it into a big budget film. Thank God even Uwe had the stones to say it was one of the worst performances ever in his interview. I just can't agree with him on his skills or the "quality" of his movies.

Alone in the Dark was abysmal, yet he continually tries to stick up fo rit and claim it was poorly promoted. Sorry, promotion was the least of your concerns here.

He is unappologetic and filled with excuses for his work. I found the interview to be a wash and did nothing in my eyes to help his case.

I'm disappointed

[KDR_11k]

I was hoping he committed harakiri and literally spilled his guts. I don't think I'm alone with that sentiment.

Re:I'm disappointed

[sesshomaru]

Well, then it would have been, "Uwe Boll Spills His Guts... literally."

Although, about half of the people who read that headline would have thought they still meant figuratively.

What's with the typos today?

[kaellinn18]

Good to see we can expect more quality cinema in the future.

You misspelled "shit."

Re:What's with the typos today?

[vigilology]

Indeed. I wish he would stop. There is practically one chance at making a movie from a computer game, because of licensing. There are exceptions, of course. I love computer games, and I'd love that any movie made from them would be great. So I would ask this guy to please please stop taking the one opportunity of a good game-based movie and throwing it away, and please please let somebody else buy the rights and make a good movie.

"Creative" collaboration?

[yotto]

So the movie industry has decided to finally collaborate with the video game industry so as to not destroy the feel of the game... With Postal?

A virtual cornucopia of crap

[Anonymous Coward]

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0093051/

Take a quick peak at the above and check out the upcoming releases for Uwe Boll. He has 6, yes 6, movies coming out in the next year or 2 (seven if you count the already released abomination "Alone in the Dark"). It doesn't take Steven Spielberg to figure out that if you direct 6 movies in 1.5 years, you're not exactly putting your heart into each project. Studios are simply just giving in every time they liscence a video game intellectual property and letting Boll churn out another putrid pile. The most surprising of these being Dungeon Siege and its relatively amazing cast. He has actual actors like Ray Liotta, and Leelee Sobieski, and I still doubt this movie with be watchable unless you are on at least a moderate amount of drugs. Movies such as these are supposed to cater to the tastes of our cultural niche and yet all they do is frustrate us by ruining that which we hold sacred.

Let us all just pray that Uwe Boll and the Halo movie project stay as far as from each other as humanly possible.

Re:A virtual cornucopia of crap

[AtaruMoroboshi]

I will point you at the page for Takashi Miike:

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0586281/

Directed 7 films in 2001, including 3 of his best recieved works: Ichi The Killer, Happiness of the Katakuris, and Visitor Q.

It's quite possible to be a prolific director and still be making good sincere expressive cinema. It is also very difficult and rarely the case.

Not that I've seen or even have any interest in seeing all 65 films he's directed... but the 8 or so that I have seen are all excellent.

Re:A virtual cornucopia of crap

[Anonymous Coward]

I do admit that there are directors out there with the talent and vision to take the helm of several films at a time but, as you point out, it is rare.
Boll has yet to impress me with his cinematic prowess. His earlier films were palatable at best and somehow he worked those into a career as the man most trusted by studios to work with the rather expensive itellectual properties they have purchased. Studios will always make less money on a movie based on another work as they almost always must pay the creator a pretty sizable piece of the pie.
Why is god's name these studios have chosen to take ventures that are likely to be less profitable for themselves in the firstplace and then guarentee their failure with the choice of Boll (who always has in his contract some allowance for creative script changing on his part)is beyond me.
If you knowingly put your movie in the hands of a director who is already working on a project and likely to work on another while yours is going on, you better damn well know that he will produce some sort of quality. And Boll has almost no tract record for doing so.

On an aside, are those films you mentioned in English or available in sub? They sound interesting.

Dear Dr. Boll

[PhotoBoy]

Please stop making movies

Re:Dear Dr. Boll

[Anonymous Coward]

I think this is more appropriate.

http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp01172005.shtml

Re:Dear Dr. Boll

[Bega]

Some time ago, I watched House of the Dead. I knew who Uwe Boll was, I knew that his films were... crap. So, I thought, yeah, I've seen shitty movies, can they really be so bad?

After one Uwe Boll movie weighing at 92 minutes... I demand those 92 minutes of my life back. :(

"Scary" movies

[Anonymous Coward]

Isn't this the guy who claims that a movie can't be scary unless it has... like... gun-fights and kung-fu and stuff? And that nobody wants to see people moving around slowly in the dark and not shooting/kicking anything?

Actually, as far as Bloodrayne is concerned, he's welcome to it. The game itself isn't actually as bad as you might imagine, but it was only ever intended to be cheap and tacky in its atmosphere and feel. In that respect, it's perfectly suited to him. What does irk me is that he has a habit of picking up the movie rights for games that could, given a decent conversion, actually make decent films. Certainly, Alone in the Dark deserved much better than it got. I also heard he'd acquired the rights to the Silent Hill franchise. If any game-series could be converted to make an intelligent, scary movie, it's Silent Hill.

Now, I'll admit that making a good game based on a movie is going to be a lot harder than most people think. Contrary to what most die-hard fans of the game will say, you cannot just take the events of the game, film them, and put them up on screen. Simply put, most games tend to have the wrong amount of plot and a focus that wouldn't translate well into the cinema. Think about it; on the one hand, you have your fps and RTS games, with about 20 minutes of plot/dialogue and 15 hours of running around shooting stuff. Even by the standards of idiot-fodder like SWAT and Fantastic Four, that's thin. Then you've got the huge bulging RPGs, which have far more plot than can sensibly be compressed into a movie. Imagine trying to get a coherent version of the original (non-Advent-Children) Final Fantasy VII onto a movie screen, with a maximum of 3 hours to work with. Could possibly work with a TV series, but not for a movie.

Then, of course, there is the fact that the vast majority of games have a narrow, one-character focus that doesn't translate well for a movie, in most circumstances. Take a Silent Hill game. As I said above, these are uniquely suitable for movie conversion - after all, they're rare in that they have about the right amount of plot/dialogue - but you still have a story that focuses very tightly on an individual character, with a high degree of repetition in scenes and locations. In short, making a game into a movie that doesn't suck is a lot harder than most fans imagine.

This isn't unique to games, of course. You get the same problem with books. I've lost count of the number of times, in Star Wars threads on slashdot, that I've seen people suggesting the Timothy Zahn "Heir to the Empire" series should be made into Episodes VII-IX. This is, quite frankly, utter rubbish. While the books work as books, they'd be unbelievably bad as movies. The pacing is all wrong; there are long sequences with very little "action" and not one of the books really has the kind of dramatic climax needed on the big screen.

If there's a point to this (rather long-winded and aimless) rant, it's that Uwe Bolle is an idiot, but that we shouldn't underestimate the difficulty of what he tries to do.

Re:"Scary" movies

[PoderOmega]

I agree with what you are saying. Part of what made silent hill more creepy was that you were all alone, usually in the dark or fog. I think Silent Hill 2 would definately translate the best into a movie, but they would probably throw in a constant side kick, at worst, a comic relief side kick...

Re:"Scary" movies

[phxbadash]

Thankfully Dr. Boll-o-shit has absolutely nothing to do with the Silent Hill movie. I can't remember who is directing it but from what I saw of the filming it looks like it may be a pretty decent conversion.

I think we should actually be seeing a trailer relatively soon.

Who is this dude?

[Saiyine]

Ten minutes aho I didn't know how this man was, so I checked it and this is the result: it looks like he is a german film director somewhat specialized in games-based movies.

His latest seems to be Alone in the dark (scoring an incredibly low 2.2 out of 10)... it has to be real crap to score that low, it's very strange for a movie to be under the 5 in imdb!

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Kunowalls!!! Random sexy wallpapers (NSFW!).

Re:Who is this dude?

[Saiyine]

Ah, excuse me, my firefox used the spanish version of imdb, these are the english links:

Uwe Boll
Alone in the dark

Alone in the dark... such a great game! I didn't play versions two and three (they needed a 486!), but the first was really, really good.
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Dreamhost superb hosting.
Kunowalls!!! Random sexy wallpapers (NSFW!).

Re:Who is this dude?

[Quarters]

Amazingly enough, ten minutes is the average time it takes Uwe Boll to script, cast, direct, edit, and release one of his films.

Re:Who is this dude?

[Destoo]

Come on.. Even in 10 minutes, you can understand the basis of the games.

ALONE in the DARK

I think he failed to grasp both concepts.

Emotion anywhere?

[mwvdlee]

I don't care much for pure action movies at all, so I'm not too familiair with Uwe's but reading this, and other, interviews, I get a certain image of what kind of person he is:

1) Be genuinly loves movies and loves to make movies. He truely wants to make good movies.

2) He has no emotions.

Why statement #2? From the article:

I think the only weak part in Alone in the Dark is maybe Tara Reid's acting. The action is good, the creature is good, and it moves fast-forward and is what a video game based movie should be.
No. A video game based movie, like any movie, should have a story. Whether there is any action, any creature or what the pace should be, is completely irrelevant. Only when the story requires such elements does the movie require them.

I don't see that [Alone in the Dark] is less quality as Aliens vs. Predator
Aliens vs. Predators was an incredibly shallow and boring movie. I consider AvsP to be one of the worst movies ever made since it simply has no depth and barely a story.

Postal could be a movie that's like Falling Down but more as a satire, more as a thing where you can actually laugh about it also.
Though mostly subtle, Falling Down is a satire, it is a satire of society. I fear Uwe does not understand "subtle".

And... he's doing a phone interview whilst in the middle of shooting scenes... WTF???

He also talks a lot about money. Earning hard cash on your product is a good thing, but he seems to be judging his movies on how much profit they make and blames marketing for any lack of such. This seems like an awefully bleak view of reality and lacking completely of artistic aspirations.

I really get the (frightening) impression that Uwe Boll defines a "good movie" as "lots of action" and other objective terms whereas a movie, like any story, is 99.9% emotion.

It would seems he talks about things like depth of the characters in his upcomming Bloodrayne movie, lets just hope he's not talking about how deep the bullets can penetrate.

Re:Emotion anywhere?

[Chyeld]

I beleive Uwe Boll is german for "Where video game movies go to die".

Really, if you can stand to watch even three of his movies in a month timespan, you are either a vehement anti-video game nut, have just commited sucide due to the experience and have blocked the memory out, or were blind and deaf at the time.

Re:Emotion anywhere?

[Lars T.]

) Be genuinly loves movies and loves to make movies. He truely wants to make good movies.

He's Ed Wood, back from the grave!

I'm confused.

[WhatAmIDoingHere]

How does this man keep getting work?

Don't these people see the anger from the gaming community when he is attached to a movie, and how ALL OF HIS ATTEMPTS AT CREATING A GOOD VIDEO GAME MOVIE HAVE FAILED?

On a side note, I'm sure all video game players who have seen one of his shitty movies would be GLAD to assist in the spilling of Mr. Boll's guts.

I read a report written about him by some writers that worked with him on one of his other shit-tacular video game movies, and they said that he took their script that followed the game settings pretty close, decided it needed to be on an island. Decided that it needed to have sexy kids, decided that it needed to be faster paced, and he ripped the story out and fired the writers so he could finish writing the script himself.

He doesn't understand what makes good movies good. He thinks that fast paced action and hot chicks make good movies.

Maybe when he is shunned by the movie community, he can be a programming director at G4.

Re:I'm confused.

[iainl]

How does he keep getting work? Because his films keep making money. They may be uniformly dire, but he is good enough at turning them out for a pittance and pre-selling overseas rights (because it seems that rights buyers get far too easily carried away when they see licenses attached, just as the game publishers themselves do) that his films all turn at least a modest profit at the end of the day.

When you make your company money, it's very easy to continue to working in the same job, even if there are a few anonymous internet geeks (I count myself in that, obviously) who bitch about it.

Re:I'm confused.

[WhatAmIDoingHere]

A few? His movies get horrible ratings. The video game companies should care what their fans are saying. These movies don't seem to be for Bob and Jane Moviegoer, but for l33tGamerd00d3342 and his friends. But why lure them in with the license from the games they love and throw feces at them? If they got a different director who actually KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING maybe these movies would be GOOD and make an even better profit?

And it's not just a few, go to the IMDB board, or google for "Uwe Boll" and "sucks"

Re:I'm confused.

[iainl]

I know it's more than a few. In fact, I've never heard a single filmgoer have a good word for the guy.

But until his production company start to actually lose money rather than make it, they will carry on turning out low-budget shite with a license.

Re:I'm confused.

[WhatAmIDoingHere]

But why? Don't they put this shit through focus groups? I know they added the 45 minute long scroll before Alone in the Dark because NOBODY knew what was going on during the movie.. Someone with directing experiance (Dear God, not Lucas) needs to sit down with this horrible man and explain what he is supposed to be doing.

Re:I'm confused.

[iainl]

Just think of it as one of those eternal mysteries, like who buys XBox games based on Disney properties.

Re:I'm confused.

[Anonymous Coward]

There is a pretty simple reason why he continues to make movies.. he can do it for the cheap. So far he's been able to put together 3 VG movies for far less then other groups were budgetting. Now, if you were a studio and wanted to try to cash in on a VG movie, you're going to go with the guy with the lowest budget. Oddly enough, he also is able (at least lately) to get some fairly big names in his movies.

For whatever reason, movie execs like Uwe Boll, and until he's pissed off the wrong people (fans are NOT the "wrong people").. he'll continue. So instead of bitching and pissing and moaning like a little kid who can't get his favorite Gi Joe, just don't pay to see his movies!

Re:I'm confused.

[Anonymous Coward]

I keep hearing some theory (note: not researched if this is really true, just hearsay) according to which Boll's investors want the movie to tank because tanking movies get supported by tax refunds in Germany.

Or something along those lines.

Re:I'm confused.

[WhatAmIDoingHere]

Fans are the people who pay to see the movies (Note: I have never paid to see one of his movies, that's what HBO is for) and when your name makes the majority of gamers say "OH dear god NO!" you have to know that someone is making a mistake somewhere.

Re:I'm confused.

[Anonymous Coward]

I keep hearing some theory (note: not researched if this is really true, just hearsay) according to which Boll's investors want the movie to tank because tanking movies get supported by tax refunds in Germany.

Correct!

Google for "stupid German money" sometime.

Re:I'm confused.

[Anonymous Coward]

Ever see "The Producers"?

While not Uwe's logic, it _is_ the logic of people who keep funding him. His movies are losing money, which enables his German investors to save a bundle on their taxes.

Filthy didn't think too highly of Alone In the Dar

[rev_sanchez]

quote: In retrospect, please add one finger to every other review I've ever done, because none deserve as low a rating as this.
his review

Going Postal

[Mr. Competence]

..and expects to start shooting Postal sometime next year...
Ha Ha
Someone worked hard to get that sentance into FTA.

So we be here in Nawleans

[Anonymous Coward]

And we's gots the gun FEVAH!
Gunna shoot me up some peoples
Trying to steal muh bread
Gonna shoot me up some po-lice
Trying to steal muh bread
Gonna shoot me up some rescue workers
Trying to steal muh bread
Trying to steal muh bread
Gotta love dese here guns
Gotta love deh Ehn Arr Ay
Gotta kill me some demy-crats
Just whatever I kill,
I gots to be killin
Gotta shoot it dead

Re:So we be here in Nawleans

[Anonymous Coward]

Are you blaming the NRA and Republicans for the looting in New Orleans? and what's this got to do with.. wait what thread is this?

What a let down....

[JFMulder]

I thought he actually spilled his guts...

Misleading title

[Anonymous Coward]

Damn... the title really got my hopes up. I thought he had been brutally slain or something. OK, that was harsh. I don't really wish death on him. I just want him to stop making movies.

someone please correct me, please!

[El_Muerte_TDS]

Alone in the Dark was an adventure game with some action sequences. right?

Then why did they make an action movie?

Re:someone please correct me, please!

[LordJezo]

It was the game that started the whole survival horror genere that things like Resident Evil are today.

Was set in the 1800s (or early 1900s?) and was a slow moving creepy game with elements of that whole Cuthlulu thing in it.

A director worthy of ....

[MrCopilot]

.. the SciFi Channell. Seriously why would any studio give this guy the reigns to 20 million dollars is way beyond me. I have not seen the non-Game movies but they all look straight to video to me. Michael Pare, hasn't made a good movie since the first Eddie & the Cruisers (Shame Really.)

Past Performance is no indication of future success. But if Past Performances are all FLOPS, this is some indication of the likleyhood of future FLOPS.

Lets seee...It was Bad Marketing, It was Tara Reid, It was unrealistic expectations of hardcore gamers, No it was the Game Publisher who couldn't make a sequel to generate buzz. No Uwe, it was terrible moviemaking. As director thats all you man. If your actors suck you try to bring out a good performance or fire them, If the script sucks you hire a rewrite hack (not adlib the whole movie.), If the expectations are high, you press to live up to them or temper them with preRelease interviews and previews.

Some directors have what is called Artistic Integrety. That's where they say to the studio, sure I'll make this movie with this budget, BUT, I'm making this movie MY way. If they don't like the way its going, they walk rather than release crap. Then someone at the studio hires you to say action for the rest of the film.

You will never see UWE BOLL's name on the marquis, ala Steven Speilberg's AI, Close Encounters, ad nauseum. Know why, Cuz UWE couldn't make a good movie given all the footage from the GodFather, Apocalypse Now, or Gone with the Wind.

It takes a vision of the movie before you start filming to make a good movie, It also helps if you have a story, some characters and a good director. So Far your 0 for 3.

It's OK Mr Boll, We need directors with no integrity to work at places like Skinemax, SciFi and USA. I will continue to watch you demolish every good franchise we gamers enjoy on DVD. I will also continue to try and convince Game Developers to insert a no UWE BOLL rider in their movie deals. Just stay the hell away from the HALO set.

I wonder, when people ask your ex-girlfriend "how's your ex, the director?" Does she reply "Fuck UWE!" ?

Just thinking out loud.

Ed Wood Vs. Uwe Boll

[Deathlizard]

Now there's something I would pay to see, and it's got to be more frightening than Alien Vs Predator.

Ed Wood, anyone?

[Dehumanizer]

I think this guy is the new Ed Wood. Makes movies cheaply, and they are all hated or ignored while he's alive. But a couple of decades after he dies, one of his movies will "win" a Worst Movie of All Time award, and sudennly Uwe Boll is a cult director, his movies will be re-released and make a lot of money, and Tim Burton's grandson will do a movie about his life.

Or something. :)

Uwe Boll Behind the Scenes

[nerdup]

For an interesting perspective on the esteemed Mr. Boll and the way he operates, check out this report:

http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2649

As someone who has worked in the film industry, this story just rings entirely too true.

Re:Uwe Boll Behind the Scenes

[Rallion]

That made me cry a little.

Re:Uwe Boll Behind the Scenes

[ezweave]

Mod up parent!

As an SA (SomethingAwful) goon... I have to agree. Uwe Boll is a horrible director. He has no taste and his movies are abysmal. He ruined Alone in the Dark; if you read the SA story, you will see why. The story on SA was written by the original screenwriter of the script and explains why he gave up on working with Uwe Boll (and with good reason).

Good to see we can expect more quality cinema in the future.

I hope that was sarcasm...

think about this for a moment...

[Anonymous Coward]

... ok, so everybody on this board and everybody on IMDB seems to hate Boll... they say he's an aweful director and a piece of shit and all this bullshit comments about a guy they've never met and about movies they've probably never seen.

however, he's gotten the rights to do Dungeon Siege, Bloodrayne, Far Cry, and numerous other movies. On top of that, he's gotten people like Ben Kingsley, Michael Madsen, Ron Perlman, John Rhys-Davies (Lord of the Rings), Udo Kier and many others to star in his movies. Do you REALLY think that all these actors and actresses (who easily have thier CHOICE of what movies to work on) would work with a director that is such a piece of shit!?

hakim's razor here folks... you've got pissed off fanboys -- because Boll didn't make the movie THEY wanted -- saying he's shit, and you've got some big named actors and actresses saying he's alright (since they're willing to do the movie with him). Boll (and you can see this buy looking at paycheck numbers on IMDB) doesn't overpay his actors, so they've obviously CHOSEN to do the movies with him.

Simply put, this guy could be telling us all the truth.. maybe his movies sucking aren't his fault. Bloodrayne and Dungeon Siege should be the real litmis test.. not a bunch of ratings on IMDB that were probably scewed by pissed off fanboy script kiddies. So they next time you want to say that Boll is a piece of shit and should stop making movies, why don't you go out there and try to make a better one.

Re:think about this for a moment...

[Anonymous Coward]

So they next time you want to say that Boll is a piece of shit and should stop making movies, why don't you go out there and try to make a better one.
I HATE statements like those with a passion. I couldn't make a good movie, I don't know how and I don't care to learn. Boll is the type of person who thinks he makes good movies and that everyone else is wrong. He probably claims himself to be a professional since he directed a few movies before he directed a video game one and that everyone else doesn't know a good movie is.

The video game industry is big. Those top-pier actors are working, or planning to work with Boll, because they think that the movie is going is going to have the fanbase of the popular game. They're probably the type of people who don't think there is a develope story in games and that gamers just want mindless action.

I would feel bad for the fucker if he didn't think he was better than all of us. He's nothing more than a half-witted man. If I mentioned his name to anyone outside of the gaming community, nobody would know about him. He's a nobody. The only reason him and Paul Anderson are being talked about is because they take what us gamers love and piss on it.

He's right, we do have the movies imagined in our head. We don't like his movies because it's not like we imagined it would be, we hate his movies because they're boring and plotless. I can honestly say I walked out of Alone in the Dark in the theater and went home. OH SHIT! MY BAD! I didn't like it because I didn't understand it. I guess I don't know true art when I see it... aye.

Boll was saying that he gets a lot of positive emails from fans. So he gets what? Two emails a year? If he posts his email address, I'm sure he won't be getting positive email.

Oh, and also just because he sells $33,000,000 worth of DVD rentals and DVDs doesn't mean that the view actually enjoyed it. Dumbfuck.

I do have something to thank Uwe Boll for. Getting that one Lois chick on Smallvile to swim topless in House of the Dead. I have a clip to wank off to once in awhile.

Funding

[alphaseven]

The thing that upsets me is how people just keep handing this guy money to make bad, low-grossing movies, when there are so many more desrving directors... for instance, Terry Gilliam is having trouble getting an extra $15 million to do Good Omens with Johnny Depp and Robin Williams, here's a quote ...

"I couldn't get 15 with Johnny and Robin... These two guys, who would have been brilliant were not worth $15 million in America. That was the moment where I went, 'I don't understand this game. I don't understand this town (Hollywood). I don't understand any of the rules. All I know is I don't like it.'"

Near as I can figure, Uwe Boll is a master of maniupulating the German tax code or he has some "Producers" style scam going where he has to make the worst movie possible. (Okay I know he suppossedly makes a profit on DVD sales).

Re:Funding

[Krater76]

It's not 'Johnny and Robin' who are the hard sell, it's Terry Gilliam as a director. He makes movies that are strange that have no mass-market appeal. Odds are after marketting ups the $15 mil to $25 mil he wouldn't even get close to making half of that.

He spent $88 mil making 'Brothers Grimm' with $30 mil on marketting. He isn't going to make that back since it's not getting great reviews (39% on Rotten Tomatoes). The plain fact is Terry Gilliam makes movies to entertain himself and not everyone else. Sure they are pretty and fun and crazy and, god forbid, interesting but if you can't make money in this game you are done.

As for Uwe Boll, he hasn't had a failure as big a Gilliam... yet. Although 'House of the Dead' and 'Alone in the Dark' were both financial failures. Even just breaking even is a success.

Boycott!

[Phantasmo]

Let me explain something to you:
Do you know why video games, TV shows and novels get turned into such terrible movies?
It's because the film industry wants to punish you for spending your time and money on video games, TV shows and novels.
This really is once instance where it's not too hard to vote with your wallet. Frankly I don't want to see a single "Bloodrayne was really bad" comment on Slashdot. I want to see, "Oh, I don't know if it was any good or not - I don't watch Uwe Boll movies."

Re:Filthy didn't think too highly of Alone In the

[th3space]

That was, perhaps, the single greatest thing I have ever read on the internet...it is as though those 1,000 monkeys finally got something right.

Excuses aside...

[SynapseLapse]

From TFA "Like, there are some hardcore fans who you never can satisfy because they played that game over and over again and they have their own movie in their head, so no matter what you do, they don't like it," he says.

You know, I can agree with him on that statement.
However, it would have been nice if at one point during the film "Alone in the dark," somebody actually would have been Alone, and maybe even in the dark.

I'm just saying.

Uwe, inspirer of comics

[Daniel Rutter]

Nobody else seems to have linked to all of the relevant PA strips yet, so I suppose the onerous archive-searching duty falls to me.

This and this are the important ones.

Honourable, if somewhat out of date, mention: This.

And, of course, this and this and this and this and this.