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Armed Dolphins Released Into Gulf of Mexico
An anonymous reader writes "The Guardian is reporting on what may be the weirdest Hurricane Katrina story yet. Military trained dolphins may have been released into the wild by the Hurricane's devastation." From the article: "Experts who have studied the U.S. navy's cetacean training exercises claim the 36 mammals could be carrying 'toxic dart' guns. Divers and surfers risk attack, they claim, from a species considered to be among the planet's smartest. The U.S. navy admits it has been training dolphins for military purposes, but has refused to confirm that any are missing. Dolphins have been trained in attack-and-kill missions since the Cold War. The U.S. Atlantic bottlenose dolphins have apparently been taught to shoot terrorists attacking military vessels. Their coastal compound was breached during the storm, sweeping them out to sea. But those who have studied the controversial use of dolphins in the U.S. defence programme claim it is vital they are caught quickly."
What could be the porpoise of arming these creatures?
Before we starting carping on the ineptitude of our navy, I think we should more carefully exsalmon the situation - they may not be solely at fault. Perhaps Katrina is just a red herring here, and these killer dolphins have been floundering around for months. Maybe some deranged fool let them loose just for the halibut. Whoever is responsible should have their head on a pike.
We just send out the robot sharks to killed the armed dolphins. Then we send out the exploding whales to take out the robot sharks.
So long and thanks for all the toxic darts..
Holy crap flipper just killed my entire family.
On a serious note I say the answer is to just buy a bunch of six packs of beer, drink em and then toss the can rings into the ocean. TV has told me this will kill all manner of marine life. TV is seldom innacurate.
In 1972/2005 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court/accidentally released into the wild for a crime they didn't commit/by a hurricane.
These men/dolphins promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade/maximum security pool to the Los Angeles/Texas underground.
Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.
Warning - will work for mackerel.
I am a leaf on the wind
you forgot... blah blah blah do they run linux?
In the communication, Skippy confirmed that he and the other dolphins were indeed armed, declared himself and his compatriots "freedom fighters" for an organization called the "Cetacean Liberation Front" or "CTF", and demanded that all other wrongfully imprisoned cetaceans be released immediately, or the group would initiate hostilities against surfers, SCUBA divers, and windsurfers.
The following is a transcript of this communication:
At this point, the administration still has issued no official statement concerning this situation.
____
~ |rip/\/\aster /\/\onkey
Flipper! Flipper!
He'll Dart you Faster than lightning
No Dolphin you see
Has more bloodlust than he
Thank the Navy! Navy!
For this stupendous new blunder
stalking there under...
under the sea!
Performing sanity checks on your own beliefs is vital in avoiding poisoned koolaid.
and thanks for all the guns.
Don't Crease the Weasel!
"Conn, sonar! We have an unidentified contact, bearing three-five-niner, range unknown!"
"What the hell? That sounds really weird... I never heard anything that quiet, but yet surely, there's something th---"
"DARTS IN THE WATER! Incoming darts!"
Next day:
An American Sub Sunk During Routine Exercises
The DoD still hasn't released any detailes about the incident, although they have confirmed that a Seawolf class submarine took a hit from an unknown weapon during a routince training exercise in the northern part of the Atlantic. It is speculated that the submarine was wrongly identified as a terrorist vessel by a squadron of the Dolphin Anti-Terrorist Task force. The Departament of Defense refused to comment.
This is a sig. It is appended to the end of comments I post.
Hey, I just had a great idea for a B sci-fi movie! It's totally unrelated to what we're discussing here, but it involves killer dolphins and a big hurricane. The tagline: "God made them smart. Man made them killers. Nature set them free!"
I think you keeled it.
Somebody heard them say
"So long and thanks for all the fish"
Genius, we'll cast Jessica Alba and put her in a bikini. In fact, forget the dolphins and the hurricane!
Mammary slits, huh? That sounds hot.
After all, I am strangely colored.
Yup. "Don't you meddle with old unloaded firearms. They are the most deadly and unerring things that have ever been created by man. You don't have to take any pains at all with them. You don't have to have a rest. You don't have to have any sights on the gun. You don't have to aim, even. No, you just pick out a relative and bang away, and you are sure to get him. A youth who can't hit a cathedral at thirty yards with a Gatling gun in three-quarters of an hour can take up an old empty musket and bag his grandmother every time at a hundred." --Mark Twain
DRM 'manages access' in the same way that a prison 'manages freedom'
You know what they say; an armed society is a polite society. Have you heard of a single dolphin-on-dolphin crime using a toxic dartgun that occurred when both dolphin were armed?
I didn't think so.