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RIAA Sues a Child

dniq writes "You may remember the previously posted story about a case against a mother, which was dropped by the RIAA right after her lawyers moved to dismiss the case. Well, guess what? The RIAA has brought a lawsuit against the mother's daughter - now a 14 year old girl - and moved for appointment of a guardian at litem."

26 of 1,093 comments (clear)

  1. Next on the list by Edunikki · · Score: 5, Funny

    And, should that fail, against her goldfish for listening to the alleged pirated files . . .

    1. Re:Next on the list by gowen · · Score: 4, Funny

      Yeah, but goldfish have 5 second memory spans, which makes them even reliable as witnesses than Ronald Reagan at the Iran-Contra hearings...

      Lawyer : Did you download songs from the internet?
      Goldfish : I don't remember
      Lawyer : Did you discuss downloading songs with the defendant?
      Goldfish : I have no recollection of that.
      Lawyer : Did you install the Kazaa "filesharing" software
      Goldfish : I don't remember.
      Lawyer : Do you authorise illegal shipments of arms to Iran, in exchange for money to covertly fund the Contra rebels in Nicaragua?
      Goldfish : Jesus, even I know that that was Ronald Reagan.

      --
      Athletic Scholarships to universities make as much sense as academic scholarships to sports teams.
  2. Wont... by squoozer · · Score: 4, Funny

    ...somebody think of the children!

    --
    I used to have a better sig but it broke.
    1. Re:Wont... by moranar · · Score: 2, Funny

      Uhhh.. I thought the RIAA already did.

      --
      "I think it would be a good idea!"
      Gandhi, about Internet Security
  3. And this surprising how? by WindBourne · · Score: 4, Funny

    I expect that RIAA will soon sue FUTURE offsprings. Worse, congress will pass laws that will allow it, and the supremes will back it.

    --
    I prefer the "u" in honour as it seems to be missing these days.
    1. Re:And this surprising how? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny
      Worse, congress will pass laws that will allow it, and the supremes will back it.

      The supremes? I thought this would be more in Michael Jackson's area

  4. You can't trust goldfish by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Thieving bastards the lot of em!

  5. Maybe by Lego-Lad · · Score: 5, Funny

    They are hoping she'll be the next Britney Spears, and they can increase their profit margins if the RIAA can get a new guardian.

  6. Silly World by davro · · Score: 4, Funny

    Child was wearing a "hoody" must be guilty.

  7. In other news... by dorkygeek · · Score: 5, Funny

    In other news, an unborn is sued for cognisance as his mother listened to an illegaly downloaded song.

    --
    Windows is like decaf - it tastes like the real thing, but it won't get you through the day.
  8. In other news.. by BlackMesaLabs · · Score: 5, Funny

    RIAA steals christmas, kills the easter bunny, bombs a hospital, poisons a river and makes a general ass of itself.

  9. Harvest Her Organs by tucay · · Score: 5, Funny

    Since Brittany will not be able to pay, the RIAA should be granted the right to harvest Brittany's organs.

  10. I can see the headlines right now... by Noryungi · · Score: 2, Funny

    Giant Greedy Corporation Sues 14 year-old Kid! In 26pt bold font, front page.

    Or, as they said in the movie... I love the smell of napalm early in the morning.

    Nice work RIAA. With lawyers like these, who needs enemies? Or p.r. people, for that matter?

    (Yes, this is funny. Laugh).

    --
    The right to offend is far more important than the right not to be offended. (Rowan Atkinson)
  11. In other news... by Afecks · · Score: 5, Funny

    ...the RIAA has filed a lawsuit against the father's testicles for "willful neglect" by spawning copyright infringers. In what could be the most lenient interpretation of the Grokster decision, a judge has allowed the RIAA to pursue further based on claims that the father's testicles were responsible for discoruging the illegal acts commited by their offspring. The announcement came as both a shock and an outrage to the defense team and the defendent who was heard to remark, "I'd give my left nut to get this ruling overturned."

    Yea, it's a troll, big whoop, wanna fight about it?

  12. Re:Disgusting by commodoresloat · · Score: 4, Funny
    More than I hate them, I pity them.

    Yeah, poor things. How do they sleep at night?

    Oh yeah, I forgot.

    On top of a pile of money, with many beautiful ladies.

  13. Re:Uhh... who should they target? by Maian · · Score: 4, Funny
    Re:Uhh... who should they target?
    No one :)
  14. If I couldn't DL music from usenet... by DreadfulGrape · · Score: 4, Funny

    ...how else would I have known that the new Fiona Apple CD really isn't very good?

    --
    sig has been sent away for a few small repairs...
  15. Re:Good thing I don't live in the States... by Capt+James+McCarthy · · Score: 5, Funny

    I take strong offense to your.....aw, screw it...ZZZZZZZzzzzz

    --
    There are no loopholes. It's either legal or it's not.
  16. In other news... Part 2 by squoozer · · Score: 2, Funny

    RIAA files suit against God for "willful neglect" in creating man. The suit goes on to describe a number of ways that man is flawed including but not limited to:

    • Won't always do as it's told.
    • Refuses to hand over all money and it's eternal soul to RIAA.
    • Refuses to enjoy modern cra^H^H^H music as much as it should and demands creativity.
    • Some examples put up a fight when pushed around.
    --
    I used to have a better sig but it broke.
  17. Is it me, or is the RIAA by Progman3K · · Score: 4, Funny

    vying for modern-day bogeyman?

    I can see it now.

    "Go to bed right now, or the RIAA is going to get you!" *child screams and runs to bed*

    --
    I don't know the meaning of the word 'don't' - J
  18. Valuable lesson by Chrisq · · Score: 4, Funny

    This teaches us all a valuable lesson. Make sure your kids know how to connect to your neighbour's wifi network before downloading mp3s...

  19. well at least they can't sue me... by Vidiot3k · · Score: 5, Funny

    I only use P2P networks to download porn

  20. But... by smackdotcom · · Score: 3, Funny

    ...will they go after her little dog, too?

    --

    In a world without walls, there is no need for Windows.

  21. Obligatory Pink Floyd reference by DarthShader · · Score: 3, Funny

    Hey, RIAA leave the kids alone!
    All in all it's just another suit on the wall
    All in all you're just another suit on the wall

    Can I get sued now, for infinging on some songtext copyright?

  22. The Obvious Defense by Gorbag · · Score: 5, Funny
    D: Your Honor, Defense introduces exhibits A-ZZZ, the actual sound items defendant is accused of illegally downloading, which we will play for the court now, and introduce into evidence.

    [sounds of rap, house, whatever it is that "kids listen to these days"]

    D: Are these the sound recordings you are accusing my client of having illegally downloaded?

    P: Yes, so stipulated.

    D: Your honor, we agree these sound recordings were downloaded, however, no copyright can be held because that's not music and as the court knows, noise cannot be copywritten.

    J: So noted. Case dismissed, with prejudice. Get that crap out of my courtroom.

    --
    -- I speak only for myself
  23. Re:RIAA Sues a Guilty Person by Hillgiant · · Score: 2, Funny

    All suspects are guilty. Otherwise, they would not be suspect.

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