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ESA Cryosat Launch Reported Failure

Posted by Zonk on from the cold-reception dept.

hptux06 writes "Earlier today the ESA lauched their "Cryosat" satellite, designed to monitor ice levels across the Arctic/Antarctic. It's being reported a failure, disappearing 90 minutes after the launch. It cost £90M (160M US$) to build, and was supposed to spend three years determining the effects of global warming." From the article: "The satellite rode into space on a Rockot vehicle, a converted SS-19 intercontinental ballistic missile. The rocket, which in the Cold War would have been armed with nuclear weapons, had been modified for peaceful space duties with the addition of a Breeze-KM upper stage. Dr Matthias Oehm, chief executive officer of Eurockot, said they had not received the expected signals from either the spacecraft or the upper stage of the rocket that should have injected it into orbit. "

21 of 277 comments (clear)

  1. By the time... by squoozer · · Score: 5, Funny

    ...they get a replacement up there won't be any ice left to study.

    --
    I used to have a better sig but it broke.
    1. Re:By the time... by speculatrix · · Score: 4, Funny

      it's in a kind of geostationary orbit, snag is, at sea level.. but at least the images it takes are *really* detailed, even if they don't cover a wide area!

  2. It's a conspiracy... by fragmentate · · Score: 3, Funny
    HEADLINE: Cryosat ($160M) Disappears 90-Min. After Launch

    Today, Environmentalists revealed their opinions of what occurred to the Cryosat satellite. They are confident that they now know, and can reproduce the conditions that led to the disappearance of Cryosat. Apparently global warming is to blame. The ship burned up from all of the friction caused by the particulates released by the refineries, and most modern conveniences. However, there is speculation that they were aiming for the hole in the ozone layer, and due to shrinkage of the hole it simply did not fit. Ed Begley Jr. was unavailable for comment. Mecha-Streisand will be called in to conduct the search for the wreckage, if any of it did not disintegrate in the acid layers of the atmosphere created by CFCs.

    When questioned about the emissions of the satellite itself, an environmentalist spokesperson had this to say, "We are but a small segment of the population, we don't pollute as much as everyone else because there are so few of us. So, with all that pollutions savings we felt entitled to a bit of smog creation."

    Michael Moore and Cindy Sheehan postulated that this was all probably President Bush's fault.


    Will I get troll-modded again?
    --
    My ZooLoo
    1. Re:It's a conspiracy... by ChadAmberg · · Score: 5, Funny

      Heard this story the other day, and it seemed appropriate.
      Workmate was telling me about one of his professors, who got out of the Soviet Union. While he was still behind the iron curtain, he was a quality control officer for the ICBMs aimed at the US.
      One day he was asked by one of his students what would have happened if the Soviet premier would have ordered a launch of these ICBMs.
      He replied "Nothing, maybe a few explosions within the silos, but not much more."

    2. Re:It's a conspiracy... by Bios_Hakr · · Score: 4, Funny

      $160M for a satellite? For $10M, I'll go down to Antartica every few years and let them know how the melting is coming.

      Hell, if they throw in another $5M or so, I'll take a torch and make damn sure they get the results they are expecting.

      --
      I'd rather you do it wrong, than for me to have to do it at all.
    3. Re:It's a conspiracy... by ScrewMaster · · Score: 2, Funny

      I'd take that money, and then ask the petroleum companies for an additional 5 mil to take a freezer along with you and give them the results they were expecting.

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      The higher the technology, the sharper that two-edged sword.
  3. Global Warming Myth by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    It was a waste of money anyway. Global Warming is a crock invented by anti-capitalist socialist marxist liberals to deter America's economic success and progress in the world.

    1. Re:Global Warming Myth by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      "mostly batshit insane" is the answer to your wondering.

    2. Re:Global Warming Myth by fortunate_monk · · Score: 2, Funny

      When you say "the liberal media resorts to putting filth and porn on TV to get ratings.", can I assume you are refering to FOX?

  4. Bummer by courtarro · · Score: 5, Funny

    I know it's off topic, but does anyone know why it's raining little bits of metal? I just raked the yard ...

    1. Re:Bummer by ConceptJunkie · · Score: 3, Funny

      If you go out to start your car, and there's a weird vertical hole drilled straight through it, do not get it repaired!

      Unless you're in L.A. on the morning of January 1st, then everyone on your block will have them.

      --
      You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike.
  5. We know that Bush wasn't behind this... by Will_Malverson · · Score: 3, Funny

    I was going to post about how the rocket was probably shot down by the United States, to prevent global warming information from getting out, but then I remembered that shooting down a rocket is impossible.

    1. Re:We know that Bush wasn't behind this... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      In unrelated news, the Pentagon announced that its much critisized anti-ballistic missile system has achieved its first successful test shootdown today. Whitehouse officials rejoiced at the success, heralding it as a sign that the interests of the United States are now even more secure. An unnamed Whitehouse employee and former oil company lobbyist said, "See, all those millions of dollars finally paid off!"

      It's funny, laugh!

  6. Conspiracy by Dr_Barnowl · · Score: 1, Funny

    It's not beyond the realms of possibility that it was sabotaged by those with an interest in the continued used of fossil fuels.

    1. Re:Conspiracy by NanoGator · · Score: 4, Funny

      "It's not beyond the realms of possibility that it was sabotaged by those with an interest in the continued used of fossil fuels."

      I wouldn't rule out Romulan involvement.

      --
      "Derp de derp."
  7. Failure by r2q2 · · Score: 2, Funny

    Well this is one way to get more money into space flight. Shoot up duds ;-)

    --
    My UID is prime is yours?
  8. Conspiracy Theorists... by KrackHouse · · Score: 3, Funny

    I'll save you all some time. Bush has been pushing the Star Wars space weaponry system to defeat eco-satellites which would prove global warming true so Haliburton can continue gouging consumers and funneling the money to the skull and bones society which then funds the new world order... and aliens and stuff. Is that about right?

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    1. Re:Conspiracy Theorists... by WilliamSChips · · Score: 2, Funny
      Oh great, you just assigned hating his dumba$$ comments to loving socialism so that even if it wasn't before, it is now!
      Thank god we're working in C and not Python, because you forgot your semicolon. What you meant to say was:
      hating his dumbass comments == loving Socialism;
      --
      Please, for the good of Humanity, vote Obama.
  9. All is lost . . . by pariahdecss · · Score: 2, Funny

    If we start using perfectly good weapons of mass destruction for peaceful purposes then I fear the terrorists have already won

  10. Re:I know who's to blame! by Bill+Walker · · Score: 2, Funny
    Bush pushed the big red button "aheh heh heh".

    ...But on the plus side, the Star Wars defense system is working better than previously thought.

    --
    Please, for the love of God, no more car analogies.
  11. the silver lining... by Snuffub · · Score: 2, Funny

    In an unrelated news the pentagon is reporting the first sucessful test of it's missile defense system today.

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    --aiee