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End User License Gems
satosphere writes "TG Daily has an article on EULA Gems, priceless statements that companies want you to agree to in their End User License Agreement." From the article: "You agree, if purchasing by credit card or charge card, that you permanently and irrevocably waive any and all right to cause a 'chargeback' ... You agree that, if you institute such a "chargeback", it constitutes a material violation of this license, and damages Company in ways impossible to calculate, and with long-term adverse effects to the Company."
Clause 1. By posting to slashdot, you agree that you will not RTFA first
Clause 2. You will discard any intelligble comments and post based on standard stereotypes
Clause 3. ??
Clause 4. Profit!
Clause 5. Beowulf Cluster
I hope these idiotic EULA's don't stand up in court. I mean after all, some software I have actually used wants me to release my source code if I use thier source code in the software I write. Now how in the world could that be reasonably enforceable by just a click through license.
I'm glad my company keeps it's license agreements pretty loose. We only request that once you choose accept you will no longer fraternize with any of our competition, nor will you install any free or otherwise non-profitable software on your computer.
...::----::...
I am in no way affiliated with this sig.
While working for a small Amiga publisher, we demanded the buyer's first-born in the software license. In the follow-up product, we asked for the second and for the rights to facilitate production of same. Later at a game company, I inserted the right to pitch a tent and toast marshmallows in the customer's yard, but the text was yanked by the publisher. :(
Those terms give Blizzard the right to install a rootkit on your computer and communicate the information that the rootkit retrieves (like your bank account information and GPG keys) back to Blizzard. All so that you have the privilege of paying them to play on their servers. Nice, eh.
They're probably not doing this, but without the source code, how can you be sure? (Yeah, I know I sound like a zealot... but it's true.)
And FWIW, I always cheat in games by modifing the packet stream... on another machine that the Blizzard software has no way of knowing exists. These kinds of "protections" only protect against the n00b script kiddies, not people that actually make money data mining and cheating. (If you feel safe, then you are safe, they say.)
My other car is first.
That's hilarious. I think I'm going to start throwing stupid little clauses like that in my EULAs.
By running the Program, you agree that:
(1) You will not, under any circumstances, write a bad review about the Program, and;
(2) Any declaration in which language found to be slanderous of the Program or the Company will result in impossible to calculate damages to the Company. You further agree that you will pay the Company a preset repayment of no less than $50,000 and no more than $50,000,000, within 24 hours of publication of such declaration. Failure to comply will result in death by catapult.
"Crime fighters fight crime. Fire fighters fight fire. What do freedom fighters fight?" -George Carlin
Anyone here an expert [...]
Don't we stupid, this is Slashdot.
We are ALL experts.
Norman Cook's Ode to Sl
From a Broadband Reports' security forum thread for those who missed it in my EULA poll reply:
PLEASE READ this end-user license agreement ("eula") carefully. By being born, you agree to be bound by the terms of this eula. If you do not agree, do not exit womb and, if applicable, return to the place of conception for a full refund.
1. GENERAL. This eula is a legal agreement between you (either an individual or an entity) and the scientific or religious establishment of your choice ("God"). This eula governs your Life, which includes all seconds from the time you are born until you are legally pronounced dead (. This eula also governs the container supplied with your Life ("Body") and any support services ("miracles") relating to Life except as may be included in another agreement between you and God. An amendment or addendum to this eula may be presented to you by your retail suppliers ("Parents").
2. THE PARENT PROGRAM. All complaints and technical support requests should be addressed to your Parents, who may or may not, depending on the subscription level you have elected, offer you additional warranties. Parents are third-party components, and not subject to warranties under this eula. God is not liable for the quality, competence, character, number, gender, species, ethnicity, religious affiliation, or presence/absence of your Parents, or for the quality of the relationship between them, if any, and does not supply technical support for Parental units. Any Parent may be terminated or exchanged at any time without notice and without recourse.
3 CONSCIOUSNESS. To reduce piracy, God requires certain components to be activated. The license rights granted under this eula are limited to the first five times you gain Consciousness ("Wake up") after you are Born unless you supply the information necessary to activate your Life. You may also need to reactivate your Life if you modify your Body or alter your Consciousness. God will not collect any personally identifiable information from your DNA during the activation process without your consent.
4. DIGITAL RIGHTS MANAGEMENT. Content providers are using digital rights management technology to protect the integrity of their content so that their intellectual property, including copyright, in such content is not misappropriated. If your Brain's security has been compromised, content providers may request that God revoke your right to copy, display, and/or play protected content. Revocation does not alter your Brain's ability to access unprotected content, if any exists.
5. OUT-OF-BODY EXPERIENCES. Your Life may not be shared or used concurrently among different Bodies.
6. YOU ALSO AGREE:
a. Not to remove or obscure any copyright, trademark or patent notices ("Birthmarks") that appear on the Body as delivered to you;
b. To indemnify, hold harmless, and defend God from and against any claims or lawsuits, including attorneys' fees, that arise or result from the use or distribution of the Life;
c. That God reserves all rights not expressly granted.
3. RESERVATION OF RIGHTS AND OWNERSHIP. God reserves all rights not expressly granted to you in this eula. The Life is protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws and treaties. God or Its suppliers own the title, copyright, and other intellectual property rights in the Life and in any derivative works produced by you during the course of your Life. The Life is licensed, not sold.
4. MEMORIES. You may make a single back-up copy of the Life. You may use one (1) back-up copy solely for your archival purposes and to reinstall the Life in the Body. Except as expressly provided in this eula or by local law, you may not otherwise make copies of the Life, including the imprinted materials accompanying the Life. You may not loan, rent, lease, lend, or otherwis
Ant(Dude) @ Quality Foraged Links (AQFL.net) & The Ant Farm (antfarm.ma.cx / antfarm.home.dhs.org).
OSTG may terminate a user's account in OSTG's absolute discretion and for any reason. OSTG is especially likely to terminate for reasons that include, but are not limited to, the following: (1) violation of these Terms; (2) abuse of site resources or attempt to gain unauthorized entry to the site or site resources; (3) use of an OSTG Site in a manner inconsistent with the Purpose; (4) a user's request for such termination; or (4) as required by law, regulation, court or governing agency order ; or (4) for being a smarty-pants and pointing out that this clause of the OSTG license was written by someone who couldn't count up to 4... errr.
Next time somebody wants to use the computer:
"Look, I'm sorry, but this copy of Windows is only licensed to the primary user of this machine.
Hey, don't look at me like that. You're the one who's against piracy! You can't just go around deciding which terms of the EULA you want to adhere to! That would be illegal."
It just might say that if you're a farmer making arrangements to obtain fertilizers.
My copy of MS Office's EULA says:
Dear user, you are valued and important to the Microsoft Corporation. We understand that you've paid a lot of money for out product and we really appreciate it. We encourage you to share this program with your friends if you find it to be of a high quality and might be of use to them. We also really appreciate any comments and feedback you may have about the software, particularly if you experience difficulty with it. We hope your enjoy using our product.
Ohhh you mean I'm not meant to edit that file before I install it?
Clause 6. Natalie Portman
Clause 7. Hot grits
Clause 8. In Soviet Russia, posters mod YOU down!
Clasue 9. Great Google-y moogley
Clause 10. iPod! Video iPod! Trans-dimensional, cancer-curing, Google-a-matic iPod!
Clause 11. Steve Ballmer and obligatory chair/monkey/DEVELOPERS reference
Clause 12 is dying... Netcraft confirms it...
What if I do the same thing, and I do get different results?
They kept telling me that if I really want children, I should go out and buy them -- or, in the case of the parent comment, simply ask for them.
That's not nearly as much fun as the usual way. And when they're doing something to piss you off and you wonder to yourself 'what made me have this kid anyway?' you won't be able to answer 'oh yeah, all the sex'.
" ...you agree to give me your firstborn child."
:)
You can have the little bastard!!
Androk
If you don't want your friends (secondary users) on your computer snooping through your porn collection, just say so in the first place.
Any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so.
Taken from somethingawful.com: "Interestingly enough, this was the entirety of Gator's EULA: Hahaha, dumbass."
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Because they are using the font "Enron Beelzebub".
b ert-20051011.html
http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/archive/dil
"Or, hell, go write your own game from scratch (or buy one from an existing company) and get rid of the EULA all together."
"Have you ever tried to negotiate? For my company, we have contact info posted on our website."
You sir, are unrealistic and have been reading too much Ayn Rand.
By reading this 'post' you agree to pay 'me' or anyone who 'I' designate a sum, in US Dollars, of no less than $5.
This post is legally binding because 'it' says so, and because 'you' agreed to it by clicking the link to read it.
Also, you agree to give up all legal rights to 'me' and all your limbs will also become 'mine' at 'my' discretion, or upon any legal contest.
You also agree to have a nice day.
--- We need more Ron Paul!
Asshats.
Dewey, what part of this looks like authorities should be involved?