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Army Develops New Chewing Gum
IEBEYEBALL writes "The Army is developing a new chewing gum to help soldiers fight dental problems in the field. The gum takes the place of brushing teeth, which the soldier in a combat situation might not have time or means to do. This sounds like the perfect solution for the geek on the go!"
They reason they are geeks is because they are NOT on the go!
... welcome the new Xylitol Overlords
Visiting Marine battalion jailed for life after found with chewing gum.
So when it gets stuck all over the streets the way regular chewing gum does, will it help prevent potholes?
First it's the microwaves and fridges and coffee makers in the labs/cubicles/dungeons that we work in. Then come along hyper-caffeinated beverages to keep you going longer and longer. Choose anti-glare screens. Choose ergonomic mice. Choose Microsoft f***ing natural keyboards with advanced wrist support and a line of shortcut keys at the top. Choose free soda and free sugar, pumped handily into your veins. What next? Briefcase-sized port-a-potties so that we never, EVER have to leave the glare of the monitor?? STOP THE MADNESS!!!
An old-timer with old-timey ideas.
catchy advertisements?
"Enroll, and Blow"
Meanwhile, the Russians just used a pencil.
The gum was the only good thing inside a MRE (other than the rare bag of Skittles).
In other news: Cola to replace flossing
I mean, what if this stuff actually tastes good too? Frontline soldiers will be chewing it incessantly, thus rendering them an easy target for snipers in the dark, who will be able to spot them because of their gleaming white teeth. "OK men, keep your heads down, watch your backs and for God's sake, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!" I'd rather have plaque than a bullet in the gob anytime.
Modest doubt is called the beacon of the wise. - William Shakespeare
Have you ever heard of a thing called fluoridation? -- fluoridation of water? . . . Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous Communist plot we have ever had to face? . . . Do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water -- why, there are studies under way to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk, ice cream? Ice cream, Mandrake! -- children's ice cream!
Do you know when fluoridation first began? . . . Nineteen hundred and forty-six. 1946, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh?
It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual -- certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Commie works.
I came to chew bubblegum and spread freedom, and it looks like I'm all out of bubblegum.
Mr. Slugworth won't be happy about this one. Just when he's trying to regain market share in the wake of the Everlasting Gobstopper.
Fry: Big Pink! It's the only gum with the breath-freshening power of ham.
Bender: And it pinkens your teeth while you chew!
General Jack D. Ripper: Mandrake, do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk... ice cream. Ice cream, Mandrake, children's ice cream.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Lord, Jack.
General Jack D. Ripper: You know when fluoridation first began?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: I... no, no. I don't, Jack.
General Jack D. Ripper: Nineteen hundred and forty-six. Nineteen forty-six, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Commie works.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Uh, Jack, Jack, listen, tell me, tell me, Jack. When did you first... become... well, develop this theory?
General Jack D. Ripper: Well, I, uh... I... I... first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical act of love.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Hmm.
General Jack D. Ripper: Yes, a uh, a profound sense of fatigue... a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I... I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Hmm.
General Jack D. Ripper: I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women uh... women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I, uh... I do not avoid women, Mandrake.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: No.
General Jack D. Ripper: But I... I do deny them my essence.
Copied gratuitiously from the IMDB Memorable Quotes section. So you see, it's not a US plot. It's a commie plot.
The French have declared a ban on all gum now.
Gomer, that aint gum! It is C4 plastic explo....
Table-ized A.I.
A chewing gum that cleans *and* whitens your teeth!
Let's bring out the inventor... Dr. Nick Riviera.
Christopher Harrison
Most of the DemonBreath people I know of are coffee drinkers. I believe that even people with the freshest breath and cleanest teeth tend to get Coffee Breath (TM) after a couple of cups of coffee.
Yeah, but look on the plus side. The foul reeking alkaloid residues in our mouth do make our bite fatal to less habituated (weaker) humanoids. Just the thing to put smile on your face after an all-night coding session, albeit a bit of a yellow one.
BTW just to stay somewhat on topic, doesn't each MRE come with some instant coffee?
Yep. But it's crappy even for instant -- more or less I'd guess they're there to disguise the taste of nasty water. I've found a use for 'em though. I save them and carry them in my pocket. You never know when you could use a sub-lingually applied pick-me-up.
Post may contain irony: discontinue use if experiencing mood swings, nausea or elevated blood pressure.
These people also tend to have the DemonBreath from Hell TM.
smells like someone shit in a spearmint bush
- My question is: Can Slashdot be Slashdotted? -
Bart: Dad, do I have to brush my teeth?
Homer: No, but at least rinse your mouth out with soda.
Bart After Dark
"No fair, you changed the outcome by measuring it!" - Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth
Heard somewhere on a future battlefield... "I came here to kick ass and chew gum, and I'm all out of... oh wait a minute, they just airlifted in a whole pallet of this stuff. Looks like I won't have to kill you today, after all!"
You see? You see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!
Let's see, there's been
a war on poverty,
a war on inflation,
a war on illiteracy,
a war on drugs,
a war on pornography,
a war on terror,
a global struggle against extremism,
and now there's going to be a war on plaque?
When I was in the Navy, they had these MREs (Meal, Ready to Eat) that already had these Chicklet-looking pieces of crap gum. Throughout my short stint in the military, I've always heard rumors that there were alternative motive on supplying gum in the MREs. One rumor I heard was that the gum was included a laxitive to make you poop better. OK, I could have believed that. Ever had an MRE? Case closed there. Another rumor was that it may have included experimental medicines that they did not want you to know about. That's a little far fetched, but I would not have put it past our government. Now, the military want their personnel to have better oral hygene? That's sounds like it make too much sense to be true.
Coderz 4 Life
You might want to reverse the order of those list items.
Norman Cook's Ode to Sl
Does the New World Order really care about your teeth?e adMessage.aspx?MsgNum=617
http://klomdark.servebeer.com:8081/MessageBase2/R
Floride makes you complacent and submissive.