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Drink Decaf and Die
jose parinas writes "Decaffeinated -- not caffeinated -- coffee may cause an increase in harmful LDL cholesterol by increasing a specific type of blood fat linked to the metabolic syndrome, hints a new study presented at the American Heart Association's Scientific Sessions 2005."
One minute its a cure for cancer, world hunger and hemmoroids, the next it'll kill you...
This is the last straw - I quite drinkng tea and coffee because caffeine is bad for health, quite smoking because nicotine is bad, quite drinking soft drinks because sugar and all that stuff that makes the drink fizzy is bad for you, and now freaking decaff has been sliently killing me. From now on, all bets are off, I'm just going to smoke crack and to hell with the consequences.
Shame he's rarely funny.
How we know is more important than what we know.
-- Bernard Bernoulli, on attempting to revive Dr. Fred Edison after rescuing him from the IRS.
Real Daleks don't climb stairs - they level the building.
This just in, being born will kill you. A study by like 10 bajillion genius Harvard researchers and shit said that 100% of people who are born, die. Scientists suggest that this is based on genes inherited from victim's parents and are working on a test to detect it.
Decaffeinated -- not caffeinated
thanks for that clarification!
I also try to do everything in moderation. I even moderate in moderation, so I end up doing some stuff to the extreme, just so I won't be an extremist at moderation, also known as an extremist moderationist. Or is that a moderate extremist. I give up, time for another cup of coffee.
You don't drink decaf for the same reason as you don't eat yellow snow. They're both piss. End of story.
From Garfield sometime...
John walks into the room, yawning, and picks up a mug of coffee.
Garfield: No, don't do it John!
John takes a sip and promptly collapses, asleep.
Garfield: I warned you! That was decaf...
Can you imagine what chemicals are needed to turn plant fats into something you can put on your bread?
Water. Or some sort of gloopy liquid protein, like oh, maybe, egg. Then you'd need some kind of acid, like vinegar perhaps, and something to help nucleate the emulsion - maybe a tiny drop of mustard powder.
Congratulations, we've just invented mayonnaise
"DRINK DECAF AND DIE!!"
When the hell did Rupert Murdoch buy Slashdot?!!
Research shows that 67% of those who use the term "research shows", are just making shit up.
I hope they won't research my third addiction. I haven't spend years building my porn collection just to hear it's unhealty.
Once I read that smoking could kill me, then I stopped smoking
Then I read that drinking alcohol is bad, so I stopped drinking
Then I read that too much sex could cause a heart stroke ... so I stop reading !
A study I conducted in private has found that life is a lethal disease. In fact, it has been identified as the leading cause of death in nations around the world. The disease is slowly degenerative, with some individuals surviving for over a hundred years; but eventually, the disease exhausts the body's resources, resulting in organ failure, followed by death. The incubation time of the disease is about 9 months, and it spreads through unprotected sexual intercourse.
Symptoms of the disease vary wildly from individual to individual, but generally include excessive motion, episodes of sadness as well as happiness, aggression, anxiousness, nervosity, and compulsive eating and drinking.
Various drugs have been found to weaken the symptoms of the disease, and some substances can even slow the progress of the disease, but a definite cure has not been found, despite elaborate research. So for now the only remedy is prevention.
Please correct me if I got my facts wrong.
The real cause of death doesn't lie in food or beverage. Here's a recent study that explains everything:
"We all know that Heart Disease is the #1 cause of death in the U.S. But think hard about this: In Japan, they've got a diet that is low in fat and they have less heart disease than the US. While in France, the diet is very high in fat, and they also have less heart disease than in the US. In India, almost nobody drinks red wine and the heart disease rate is lower than in the US. But in Spain, everybody drinks too much red wine and sure enough they have less heart disease than the US. Algeria has the lowest sexual activity rate, and they've got less heart disease than in the US. But Brazil has the highest sexual activity rate and sure enough...the heart disease ratio is lower than in the US. His sage wisdom to me? Drink, eat and make merry all you want. It's speaking English that kills you."
Actually, if I drink decaf, other people may die.
I always advocated pure Java.
Million Dollar Screenshot
Because you're 17 years old. Give it time.
That's just vicious FUD spread by Apple and Microsoft. X is no more likely to kill you than any other GUI technology.
Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it. --Mark Twain
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Whoever wrote "So decaffeinated brands usually use a bean that has a more robust flavor," to explain why they use robusta (the cheapest swill, much cheaper than Arabica), probably also says:
.... just thinking about someone saying that makes me want to hurt someone.
"HIV virus"
and my alltime favorite:
"PIN number"
Actually, it is due to the propensity for acronyms (more often, backronyms) to trip up idiots like this guy that I am officially against acronyms.
Your on a computer nerd website and you forget "NIC Card"
thank you for giving me a way to justify my insane caffeine addiction. now all i need is that article telling me how cigarettes lower my cholesterol and reduce my chance of heart disease.
As I've said in my debugging code for years, 0xDECAFBAD
"Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes."
-E. W. Dijkstra
Tell me about it, I dance across it daily :P
And I do agree, there are many things in the herb world (for example) that have been practised for ages, that science is beginning to "discover". Mind you, there's plenty there that science has said "are you CRAZY?!"
Tis a long and puzzling path, and it won't be solved for some time to come me thinks.
Unless aliens are involved.
Aliens with kitten2poptart powered drives.
Robert Anton Wilson
Barista? Why do Starbucks workers get fancy foreign names but McDonald's workers don't, when they're effectively doing the same job?
Since coffee is indiginous to Ethiopia where humans appear to have evolved*, I'm glad that it's such a natural food stuff and totally good for me.
The researchers have clearly made a mistake. Pass the goofballs.
*Humans from Kansas are known not to have evolved.
*#*#*#*#*#******* I love peanut butter sandwiches!
I prefer to make my sandwiches with extra butter and a thick slice of lard, and dip my salami in the warm blood of baby seals. While cutting down a virgin redwood.
Of course, you are correct. But you might want to switch to decaf anyway, you seem a little uptight...
A house divided against itself cannot stand.
I'd like to see you saying that while eating a bowl of lightly sauteed venomous spiders (on a bed of wild California rice and garnished with cilantro).
Uh oh. The sophisticates are arguing about coffee. Can a slap fight be far behind?
Your courageous and selfless spelling corrections have made me a better person.