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Faster DNA Testing
tkjtkj writes "Physorg.com is reporting that a Rochester,NY, company, 'Thermal Gradients, Inc' has produced a new method of DNA analysis that can reduce the required time from hours to minutes that the usual 'Polymerase Chain Reacion' (PCR) takes to produce the large quantity of sample DNA needed to identify the donor. This could,conceivably, make "Instant DNA Identification" a reality! Will air travel now require one to arrive at the airport 5 minutes earlier than usual, to provide a skin-swab sample before boarding the plane?"
Your DNA says you don't have a bomb, so go right ahead and board! Have a nice day!
Probably.
The truth about Led Zep should never be told on
Picture your own scenario. A paternity test is probably the most hostile confrontational gesture one could make toward a woman with whom one's engaged in a relationship; but sometimes, let's face it, it has to be done. What would make this less confrontational would be if DNA testing was quick and easy, not a whole to-do schlep. Just like signing a pre-nup in a world where lawyers weren't needed for that.
So if paternity testing could be relegated to a "By the way, would you mind" kind of matter, the greater piece of mind could-be dads would have jumping into a shotgun wedding. In short, the quicker we can tweak up the ol' Polymerase Chain Reacion, the more red state skanks we can get with safely.
Sorry, but you are not allowed to bring acid of any kind on board, not even Deoxyribonucleic.
He who knows best knows how little he knows. - Thomas Jefferson
Jeez, have you no imagination?
Here's how a system could work. You load people one by one on a conveyor belt. As they move along, you take a blood, hair, or semen sample. Then a machine quickly and painlessly prints a temporary barcode on their forehead. Then they continue to move along the conveyor belt.
In about 5 minutes, the DNA is determined and compared against a database of known Un-Americans. At this time, a laser barcode reader down the line scans each head and if an enemy of the state is found, they are quickly escorted off either by trained guards or another piece of machinery for re-classification.
So what's the problem? Barcodes and conveyor belts have been around for years.
It takes 5 minutes? Must require two semen samples.
Jones family to service desk please! Congratulations Mr. Jones, the oldest child is yours, the other two have different fathers, but we managed to locate one, he's coincidentally on the same flight as yours. Flight 3485 now boarding, have an nice flight!
Watashi wa chikyubutsurigakusha desu.
OK...
all your base-pairs are belong to us?
In about 5 minutes, the DNA is determined and compared against a database of known Un-Americans. At this time, a laser barcode reader down the line scans each head and if an enemy of the state is found, they are quickly escorted off either by trained guards or another piece of machinery for re-classification.
That's terribly inefficient, since you already have a laser trained on their head. If the person is known to be Un-American, just up the power. Seeing the head of one terrorist instantly vaporized will make the other four terrorists behind him think twice, which is about all the time they'll have until the laser points at them.
Sure, maybe the system wil make the occassional mistake, unheading an innocent grandmother or child, but you can't make an omlette without breaking a few eggs, right?
In theory, there's no difference between theory and practice. In practice, there is.
Sometimes I envision doomsday scenarios, like getting a call from a pro-life booty-call saying she's having my baby, but my homies done seen her 'round the block... In short, the quicker we can tweak up the ol' Polymerase Chain Reacion, the more red state skanks we can get with safely.
Alternatively, after she gives birth to that child of yours, you just might discover that that whole Miracle of Life thang has been given a undeservedly bum rap by the Culture of Death.