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Copy Machines At Greater Risk During Holidays
Ant writes "CNET News.com reports that photocopier supplier Canon is warning customers to take better care of their office equipment during the Christmas period. It claims that the festive season traditionally leads to a 25 percent hike in service calls due to incidents such as the classic backside copying prank.
Such a stunt, a mainstay of the office party, often results in cracked glass on the copier, with 32 percent of Canon technicians claiming to have been called out to fix glass plates during the Christmas period after attempts to copy body parts went wrong..."
Show me!!!
..compared to faxing your penis
That's why I only photocopy women's breasts. That keeps most of the weight safely off the copier.
This year's Christmas party is gonna ROCK!
That's why I saved the first copy I made of my ass: now I just photocopy that.
The snow doesn't give a soft white damn whom it touches. -- ee cummings
Just the words "paper jam" bring me out in a cold sweat...
PocketGamer.org - For the gamer on the go!
The idea of having sex either doesn't come to mind, or the prospect is so daunting, geeks resort to other means to attempt reproducing.
Because this is the one time of the year where the average /.er might actually have the opportunity to see a girl-they-work-with's ass, albeit in B&W on a crumpled sheet of paper in the trashcan? I'd say that's some "shit that matters". Or maybe that'll be the smear across the glass on the copier, so it helps to have a "heads up" before you go thinking it's chocolate and try to lick it off.
Season's greetings and shit.
If you were me, you'd be good lookin'. - six string samurai
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...if it cracks the glass. Somebody who responded to all those" enhancement" spams? Or--omigod--Bob of Enzyte fame actually taking himself seriously?
Ignorance is curable, stupid is forever.
PC LOAD LETTER
liqbase
Make 45 inclinded copy machines, so we don't really sit on it, just lean with our asses on it. It would make the force excerced on the glass divided by something like 5 or 10 i guess.
You just got troll'd!
Apparently, they increased the depth of the glass from 4mm to 5mm to counter just this problem..
Are these photocopies being taken for gift purposes? Because I've heard of some cheap-ass gifts, but actual cheap ass-gifts? That's the lowest of the low.
I hear there's rumors on the Slashdots
I fix copiers. The last time I fixed one of these they also broke the scanner. The person tried to say the glass caved in while they were copying a book. But the idiot left the copy of their rear end jammed in the machine. The damage wasn't under a maintaince contract as its considered abuse and misuse. It cost $1832.68 to repair. That was one costly rear end shot.
I trust Microsoft as far as I could comfortably spit a dead rat
Canon, why don't you invent a plastic substitute for people to use during the holidays?? Of course it would have to be anti-bacterial plastic, but surely if you can make a digital camera with a zillion complicated parts you could make something simple like this??
Call it the Christmas bum-shield. Normally I would charge heavily for advice leading to this kind of business opportunity,
Take the cheese to sickbay, the doctor should see it as soon as possible - B'Elanna Torres, "Learning Curve"
We have a 2 week Christmas break, and returning to work last January 4th was a bit of a puzzler.
I returned to a rather frantic voicemail stating that the Panasonic wasn't working correctly in accounts. What worried me was that the Post-It note on my desk stating the same thing 'Account copier broken' - had blood all over it.
I wandered over to have a look at the problem, only to be confronted by a department that seemed strangely quiet, and a perfectly working copier. However, there was a bloody mark along the floor matching the edge of the copier, but it looked like it had been moved. "Fair enough, something odd is going on, and the copier has been cleaned/moved..." I thought. The someone piped up that they couldn't print to it. On closer inspection, it transpired that this machine had no network settings and was, in fact, a totally different machine.
So I duly phoned the copier company and was informed that our contact was off sick and was extremely sorry for what had happened and in any case, he had 'paid for it' and hoped the replacement was in good working order.
On querying further, it transpired that our copier contact had been seeing one of our accounts staff, and they'd used the copier for 'support' during a 'on-site' session together. At some point the glass cracked and certain appendages got caught in the resulting mess of (heavy) woman, glass and plastics, the outcome of which was a broken penis (ouch!) and lots of blood, and I assume a lot of pain and noise. The new copier arrived during in the Christmas holidays and the door entry logs gave up the secret that the accounts clerk had come it to take delivery of it and set it up in the hope that everything would be okay... ho ho ho...
they can break. Thats why I use the Xerox Assjet 790. The only copier made especially for your ass. Remember, when copying your ass this holiday season, choose quality, choose the Xerox Assjet 790.
"In the game of life, someone always has to lose. To me, if life were fair, that someone would always be Oklahoma." -DKR
Crack on glass give crack in glass and glass in crack
:)
"ommmmmmmm"
PEN IS
...
STUCK
IN PRINTER
I loved the image so much, I put a sign that said the above on the printer in our helpdesk. Never seen so much coffee spirted out of peoples mouths in ages
Robert Anton Wilson
It... matters.
Now maybe you'll think before sitting oon the photocopier and having to call in some poor technician who wants to enjoy Christmas with his family...
But thanks to our good friend alchohol, it'll probably go more like "I probably shouldn't... oh, fuck the technician, this is too awesome to pass up!"
"When the atomic bomb goes off there's devastation...but when the atomic bong goes off there's celebraaaaation!"
Talking to one of our engineers this morning [Xerox], this practice is know as Pressed Ham by the guys who have to fix the copiers.
Sara
Designer, Gamer, Macgrrl in an XP World
Some years ago Saturday Night Live did a skit with sponsorship from Xerox of the new Assjet Copier, with a specially moulded platten deisgned to take the weight and to 'lift and seperate' for a perfect ass shot every time... We show it to new starts as a psuedo induction training video. :)
Sara
Designer, Gamer, Macgrrl in an XP World
My college girlfriend (yeah, yeah, I'm a geek, and I had one...) and I found a paper bag that was full of xeroxes of a woman masturbating with a soy sauce bottle. So, what did my girlfriend do? Later on, she gave me a present, a pack of xeroxes of her masturbating on the copy machine.
She was a hot one. Too bad she was a psychology major...
Awesome furniture, accessories and cabinetry in Santa Rosa, CA: http://humanity-home.com/
They're lighter and won't break the glass.
This sig is worse than my last.
The platen glass is only designed to withstand 3 lbs of pressure.
"The price good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men." ~Plato (427-347 BC)
How much glass can an ass crack crack if an ass crack can crack glass?
"You'll get nothing, and you'll like it!"
But this can't be that much of a problem, right? I mean, this was funny for about 5 minutes back in 1972.