The FBI's IT Expansion Plans

Lam1969 writes "The FBI is fast-tracking the hiring of IT professionals, reports Computerworld. Computer scientists, engineers, IT specialists and IT project managers are wanted to develop systems to support FBI analysts and agents working in the field. Large-scale database development projects are part of the FBI's IT expansion as well. From the article: "The FBI is also focusing on data warehousing as well as federated search technology, which allows a single search query to be deployed across a number of databases, regardless of whether those databases belong to the same protocol or platform.""

Comments

In other words...

[necro2607]

FBI is planning to recruit any/all Google staff. ;)

Gotta jump through a few hoops first...

[gasmonso]

According to the FBI site:

"As a prerequisite for FBI employment, you must be a U.S. citizen and consent to a complete background investigation, drug test, and polygraph."

I didn't see anything about giving up your first born though so thats good.

http://religiousfreaks.com/

Re:Gotta jump through a few hoops first...

[IdleTime]

And people wonder why there are so many openings?

I fail at least 2 of them even though i live in the US, I'm not a citizen and there is no way I will give up smoking good herbs. I only drink once in a blue moon, but smoke weed on a regular basis, as i have done for the past 30 years or so. Much less problems with weed. As long as you stick to alcohol, FBI don't mind you beeing stupendously drunk each night, but smoking a joint while watching TV is bad. Go figure. And I will while smoking my devil head bong!

With salary offers like that, not to worry . . .

[mmell]

I've gotta figure I'd have to take a pay cut to work for the F. I. B.

Since they'll get what they pay for, the conclusion is obvious.

"Hey, Boss . . . I've just finished encrypting all of our communications to make us immune to eavesdropping."

"Yeah, John? How did you set it up?"

"I used this really secure CSS encryption . . . I downl - er, wrote the source code myself!"

NSA's reject pool...

[Tackhead]

> "The FBI is fast-tracking the hiring of IT professionals, reports Computerworld. Computer scientists, engineers, IT specialists and IT project managers are wanted to develop systems to support FBI analysts and agents working in the field.

...to receive an application for these and other exciting careers, just pick up your phone, call your mother, and ask for one! No Ph.D in mathematics? Can't hack it as a cryptanalyst? Can't manage to configure a web server without leaving cookies on until 2035? No problem! NSA's loss is our gain!

Future News Headline

[g0bshiTe]

F.B.I. Alert Millions of US Citizens After Data Warehouse Security Breach!

The FBI Liason released at a press conference this statement

...we are currently looking into the matter of how they got in. It would appear that the perpetrators used some WMF vulnerability in Windows to get into our systems. We have patched all of our systems and are now relatively confident that no future intrusions will occur

In other news it was found that 300 low paid FBI employees are missing and several of the core servers that housed other sensitive data are also missing. A yellow post-it note was found at the scene which reads....

we r teh N54, j00 w1!! p4Y u5 1 milljion j00 ass dollars for j00r d474 back.

What's the chance of me getting hired

[IAAP]

if I walk into the interview and ask "Guns! When do we get guns!"

Resistance is futile

[rolypolyman]

New Slashdot stories in November 2006:

Who's abusing their H-1B privileges? Details, please.
by CmdrTaco (NYC Div. 4)

Slashdotters list their favorite fileshare IPs
by Agent Zonk

Re:Well, duh...

[spxero]

Did senators have to pass drug-test or the polygraph?

I think blatently lying while keeping a straight face on national television pretty much covers the polygraph...