Slashdot Mirror
Robot Lawyers Solve Problems
Ben22 writes "The Register is reporting that soon new 'Robot Agents' will handle all of our online disputes. The new system is called e-Dispute and could eventually be used on services such as eBay or even all online stores. Perhaps it will help usher in an age of simplified, safe online shopping. Someday, Congress and the Senate might even use programs such as this to resolve conflicting bills. The possibilities are endless."
In recent future, robot sues you!
Since when has this country used intellectual elite as a pejorative term?
We don't see the world as it is, we see it as we are.
-- Anais Nin
I submitted my legal problem and it responded: Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto Mata ahoo Hima de Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto Now everyone can see - secret secret - I've got a secret My true identity - I'm Kilroy Kilroy Kilroy Kilroy !
...perhaps it will just cause a new genre of video gamers that are more adept at manipulating the input it bases its decisions on?
Yes, lovely. Lets apply it to our legal system.
..10 robot lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A pretty good start.
This is a typical Slashdot boilerplate story. There will be exactly:
- 28 comments regarding the problems with automated systems to determine human problems
- 21 comments regarding the fact that current customer service is just as bad as robots
- 14 comments regarding robots in other areas being inefficient and as such will be useless in this field
- 4 comments regarding the new robot overlords
- 3 comments regarding Soviet Russia where you solve robot problems
- 2 comments regarding South Korea where old people solve robot problems
- 1 comment summarizing this entire story
At least we can be reasonably sure that the robotic legislator actually read the thing first.
... but they won't have souls or a conscience like human lawy....
oh wait. never mind.
"hi, i'm calling to cancel my aol subscription"
"i'm afraid i can't do that dave"
Someday, Congress and the Senate might even use programs such as this to resolve conflicting bills.
I almost fought the urge to be cynical, but....
Don't count on them using such a program, then. If Congress ever actually resolved anything, they'd have to close up shop for the duration, go home, and find a real job.
[/cynicism]
Mmmmmm... Bold, yet refreshing!
I'd like to introduce our newest Execubot Delta, programmed to cancel TV shows based on spurious legal threats;
Execubot Delta: Futurama should be cancelled because the character name "Fry" makes us vulnerable to McDonalds.
... and then they built the supercollider.
the soon-to-be-developed Abrambott can automatically calculate how much to "donate" to contrarian lawmakers to buy off secure their votes, using proprietary "Duke Cunningham" algorithms!
Democracy in action!
They're called "public defenders."
Great news. You're going to plead guilty. (Urp!) Have I got a plea bargain for you! (Zzip!) If you don't plead guilty, the deal is never gonna get better. (Zzip, urp!) You know if you don't plead guilty you could go away for 0xFF years....
This could be quite useful. Imagine for instance:
---
Robot lawyer: Hello. I am Robot lawyer. How can I help you?
RIAA: My grandmother has been downloading music.
Robot lawyer: Why do you say your grandmother has been downloading music?
RIAA: Our network of spys informed us
Robot lawyer: Please go on.
RIAA: We need to sue her
Robot lawyer: Why do you want to sue her
RIAA: To recoup our losses caused by the theft of our music
Robot lawyer: Please go on.
RIAA: We also need to send a lesson to all our customers that it is wrong to listen to our music
Robot lawyer: Can you elaborate on that?
RIAA: Well you see we feel threatened by any technology which we are not familiar with, so we need to sue her
Robot lawyer: Oh, I see you feel threatened by any technology which you are not familiar with so you need to sue her.
RIAA: Pretty much.
Robot lawyer: Please go on.
RIAA: So, are you going to send her a subpeona?
Robot lawyer: Would you prefer if I was not going to send her a subpeona?
RIAA: We thought that was your job!
Robot lawyer: Can you elaborate on that?
RIAA: God damn. You're supposed to be getting me money!
Robot lawyer: How long have you been supposed to be getting your money?
RIAA: No, no, you, YOU are supposed to be handling this dispute.
Robot lawyer: You are being a bit negative.
RIAA: Do you think we'd get more money if we were more positive?
Robot lawyer: Do you wish that you were more positive?
---
Maybe, just maybe, they'd eventually give up!
Future headline probability: 20%
ironicalness: 99.44%.
My script don't crash! She crashes, you crashed her!
Welcome to Domestic Arbitration Court #375. All property lists should be pasted to #flood. Do NOT paste in this channel!
Litigator42: This is a fact finding session for the divorce hearing between John Citizen and his wife Kate Citizen
H0rn3yGuy69:It's not my fault, she's frigid.
CalikoePrincess: You spent all our money on porn!
H0rn3yGuy69:Litigator42: a/s/l?
CalikoePrincess: He's a lying cheating f*ckwad!
H0rn3yGuy69: Litigator42: What are you wearing?
Litigator42 has left the room(Quit "I want to be re-assigned to drug court")
My wife is like Unix. Lots of commands. Lots of arguments.