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No Time Travel, Sorry

MOBE2001 writes "The bad news is that time does not change. Spatial velocity is given as dx/dt. Velocity in time(dt/dt) is nonsensical. As simple as that. In other words, no time travel to the past or the future, no motion in space-time, no wormholes and no hanky-panky with your great, great grandmother. There is only the changing present, aka the NOW. The good news is that distance is an illusion and we'll be able to travel instantly from anywhere to anywhere."

47 of 888 comments (clear)

  1. Of course time travel is possible! by SeanTobin · · Score: 5, Funny

    How else could people post articles in The Mysterious Future?

    --
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    1. Re:Of course time travel is possible! by smittyoneeach · · Score: 4, Funny

      Trivially, as when a politician vows to curb inflation, buys a dog, names it "Inflation", and curbs it daily.
      Read that in Mad Magazine about 20 years ago.
      Only change: Alfred E. Neuman has been elected. Twice.

      --
      Get thee glass eyes, and, like a scurvy politician, seem to see things thou dost not.--King Lear
    2. Re:Of course time travel is possible! by daeley · · Score: 3, Funny

      Only change: Alfred E. Neuman has been elected. Twice.

      No, only once. And there's some doubt about that one. ;)

      --
      I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate.
    3. Re:Of course time travel is possible! by Elad+Alon · · Score: 5, Funny

      I didn't want to say I'll have told you so...

      --
      News for merdes. Shit that matters.
      Ask me about my sig.
    4. Re:Of course time travel is possible! by javamann · · Score: 2, Funny

      Cheney???

    5. Re:Of course time travel is possible! by dual_boot_brain · · Score: 2, Funny

      It is an irrefutable scientific fact that you'll blow a fuse...

      --
      There is no reset button in life; however, there are bonus levels.
  2. Crackpottery, Indeed by American+AC+in+Paris · · Score: 2, Funny
    Yes, yes, but where do Einstein, Jesus, Socrates and the Clinton's live in this theory?

    (Seriously. It's like he read Zeno's Paradoxes and it blew his mind, man.)

    --

    Obliteracy: Words with explosions

  3. But I time travel every day! by davecb · · Score: 4, Funny
    One second per second, so that dt/dt = 1.

    --dave

    --
    davecb@spamcop.net
  4. Well obviously! by zardo · · Score: 3, Funny

    ... because we already know everything there is to know about the universe

  5. Or, as Ford Prefect put it... by Jim+in+Buffalo · · Score: 5, Funny

    As Ford Prefect put it, "Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so."

    --
    This sig, aah-ah, is comin' like a ghost-sig...
  6. Method of Travel? by OctoberSky · · Score: 3, Funny

    Do they use the Back to the Future method or the Bill and Teds method of time travel?

    Also, did they attempt to spin the Earth backwards on its axis? I heard that works if there is a lady in distress.

    1. Re:Method of Travel? by smbarbour · · Score: 5, Funny

      You forgot, "Slingshot the starship around the sun."

      That works well when aliens try to talk to whales.

  7. Ha! by acherrington · · Score: 4, Funny
    distance is an illusion and we'll be able to travel instantly from anywhere to anywhere.


    HA! Take this from a person who has been in a long distance relationship... The distance is a reality, the relationship is the illusion.

    We really outa get these theoretical scientist types out of a lab for a beer.
    --


    Victory is gained, not in knowing your opponents next move, but in preempting them.
  8. I must complain by elcheesmo · · Score: 5, Funny

    That's it. I'm going to write a letter of complaint to Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd to express my disgust at being deceived for the past 20 years.

  9. All you need for time travel is... by WCMI92 · · Score: 5, Funny

    A Deloreon, a flux capacitor, 1.21 gigawatts of power, and enough road to get up to 88 miles per hour.

    --
    Corporatism != Free Market
    1. Re:All you need for time travel is... by Maradine · · Score: 4, Funny

      Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads.

      --

      trustedworlds.net - gaming, security, and the gunk that lives in between

  10. To the future by dtfinch · · Score: 3, Funny

    Going forward is easy. The hard part is not dying.

  11. Re:SG1 Answers! by tolan-b · · Score: 2, Funny

    I did what?

  12. I desperately want to mod the story... by precize · · Score: 5, Funny

    -1, Nutjob

  13. Actually, ... by JoeShmoe950 · · Score: 5, Funny

    I'm from the year 3042. We have found that time travel is real, and would have discovered the time machine in 2048, but scientists were detered by this article.
    Dan Church is Wicked Ill

    1. Re:Actually, ... by NoseBag · · Score: 4, Funny

      Uh...yeah...but I'm from the year 802701 (AD) and we planted that article in 2006 to delay you folks in 3042 from discovering temporal warp and then running into the hidious and irresistable...well...you'll find out.

      --
      Cloned foods give the statement "We had that last week!" a whole new meaning.
  14. Does this mean...? by Nom+du+Keyboard · · Score: 2, Funny

    Does this mean then that there is no waiting till tomorrow to see what karma your Slashdot post generates, then zipping back to yesterday to fix it, before returning to today to relax knowing what karma your Slashdot post will have generated by tomorrow?

    --
    "It's the height of ridiculousness to say for those 9 lines you get hundreds of millions."
  15. Re:SG1 Answers! by AuMatar · · Score: 3, Funny

    Time travel, remember? YOu haven't done it yet.

    --
    I still have more fans than freaks. WTF is wrong with you people?
  16. Closet time travel by GodWasAnAlien · · Score: 4, Funny

    Go into your closet, and bring enough food and water for 5 years.
    Now wait...and eat sometimes.
    5 years later, exit the closet.
    You will find that time of the world has advanced from when last remembered by 5 years.

    PS. don't forget to setup an auto-pay for your residential rent/payment. Otherwise your travel may be interrupted, and you will not be able to travel the full 5 years.

    1. Re:Closet time travel by Final+Answer · · Score: 1, Funny

      Although the volume of the food and water would approximately equal the waste you generate, I can't help but think that you may have forgotten something...

  17. Re:Drinking to much funny-juice by lucabrasi999 · · Score: 5, Funny
    Not really. Now it's now, and that's all that is. You remember yesterday, but that is a memory occuring now. The past doesn't physically exist. Nor does the future. The only real (i.e. existing physically) part of our time perception is now.

    Dark Helmet: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?
    Colonel Sandurz: Now. You're looking at now sir. Everything that happens now, is happening now.
    Dark Helmet: What happened to then?
    Colonel Sandurz: We passed then.
    Dark Helmet: When?
    Colonel Sandurz: Just now. We're at now, now.
    Dark Helmet: Go back to then!
    Colonel Sandurz: When?
    Dark Helmet: Now.
    Colonel Sandurz: Now?
    Dark Helmet: Now!
    Colonel Sandurz: I can't.
    Dark Helmet: Why?
    Colonel Sandurz: We missed it.
    Dark Helmet: When?
    Colonel Sandurz: Just now.
    Dark Helmet: When will then be now?
    Colonel Sandurz: Soon.

  18. This guy is way off by Paladine97 · · Score: 2, Funny

    This guy is clearly an Evil Ass Educator aiming to suppress Time Cube,
    and only dumb ass students condone such evil. Cubeless institutions are spreaders of evil, and students lack mentality to challenge it.

  19. Re:Drinking to much funny-juice by Gilmoure · · Score: 4, Funny

    *golf clap*

    --
    I drank what? -- Socrates
  20. Re:Drinking to much funny-juice by Skater · · Score: 4, Funny

    Airplane II: "This isn't the past or the present, Elaine! This is the future!"

  21. I am a time traveler and have a warning by saboola · · Score: 2, Funny

    Slashdot, I have traveled back in time seven days to warn you that you will be duping this post. Please make sure this does not happen. Oh, and the post after the dupe is a counter post, which says time travel is possible, and will be used to let you know of your dupe. Take care.

    saboola

  22. Re:Let's play: spot the Loony by psyklopz · · Score: 4, Funny

    Ph.D. Physics, Indiana Unversity, 2001

    And this guy should know what he's talking about-- somehow he's managed to make his post travel 5 years into the future.

  23. This is a breakthorough by Phase+Shifter · · Score: 2, Funny
    Ahh, but now we're on to something.

    We can take the differences between this guy and the time cube guy as one vector, and the differences between this guy and Archimedes Plutonium as another.

    Now that we have two basis vectors, we can define a two-dimensional phase space for crackpottery instead of relying on scalars.

    Now that we can apply some basic vector and tensor operations to the field of psychoceramics, think of the new discoveries to be made!

  24. la la la by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    U rong, he rite. Ugg smash bad math.

    Mach (X/S) * (S km/s) = (X km/s)

    S = speed sound
    X = speed ugg

    Ugg no listen reply. Ugg finger stuck ear.

  25. Re:Drinking to much funny-juice by nelsonal · · Score: 5, Funny

    I picked a hell of a discussion to stop taking acid.

    --
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  26. True Science by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Watch this space for my new website showing that all scientists and their science to the present is wrong and that I alone, due to my superior intelligence and my avoidence of indoctrination by not getting a university degree, have discovered THE TRUTH! I should have no trouble getting my story posted to Slashdot, making me rich and famous, unless I am burned at the stake by the scientific establishment trying to keep THE TRUTH hidden from Slashdotters.

  27. Re:I just came back from the future... by Dunbal · · Score: 2, Funny

    I just came back from the future and ... this post was duped 4 times!!

          So my best guess is you were 10 hours ahead?

    --
    Seven puppies were harmed during the making of this post.
  28. Re:Idiotic by lbrandy · · Score: 5, Funny
    This reminds me of the great crackpot index.

    This dude's score is off the charts. I highlighted some of the good ones:

            1 point for every statement that is widely agreed on to be false.

            2 points for every statement that is clearly vacuous.

            3 points for every statement that is logically inconsistent.

          10 points for each favorable comparison of yourself to Einstein, or claim that special or general relativity are fundamentally misguided (without good evidence).

          10 points for claiming that your work is on the cutting edge of a "paradigm shift".

          30 points for suggesting that a famous figure secretly disbelieved in a theory which he or she publicly supported. (E.g., that Feynman was a closet opponent of special relativity, as deduced by reading between the lines in his freshman physics textbooks.)

          30 points for suggesting that Einstein, in his later years, was groping his way towards the ideas you now advocate.

          40 points for claiming that the "scientific establishment" is engaged in a "conspiracy" to prevent your work from gaining its well-deserved fame, or suchlike.

          40 points for claiming that when your theory is finally appreciated, present-day science will be seen for the sham it truly is. (30 more points for fantasizing about show trials in which scientists who mocked your theories will be forced to recant.)
  29. Re:Drinking to much funny-juice by einstienbc · · Score: 2, Funny

    They forgot about dt/dx, with the function being:

          lim[t->88(mph)] t / x * v

    where v causes the limit to assume a superstate of
    both positive and negative infinity.

    --
    If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.

    --Kurt Vonnegut

  30. Even worse news.. by syrrys · · Score: 0, Funny

    Somewhere a quantum physicist has hung himself with a piece of string theory.

    --
    "Patience is not a virtue, it's a waste of time."
  31. Re:Drinking to much funny-juice by ENIGMAwastaken · · Score: 1, Funny

    Looks like I picked a hell of a thread to stop sniffing glue.

  32. Re:Drinking to much funny-juice by c_forq · · Score: 4, Funny

    Of course they left that out, as flux capacitors never work reliably and DeLorean's are almost impossible to find now days.

    --
    Computers allow humans to make mistakes at the fastest speeds known, with the possible exception of tequila and handguns
  33. Re:Drinking to much funny-juice by DarkHelmet · · Score: 5, Funny

    Stop quoting me, bastard!

    --
    /^[A-Z0-9._%+-]+@[A-Z0-9.-]+\.[A-Z]{2,4}$/i
  34. Re:Idiotic by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    You can't calculate TimeCube crackpot index except by a limit process. If you accept ZFC, then it's probably isomorphic to the continuum.

  35. When I want to go forward or backward in Time... by msauve · · Score: 5, Funny

    I just flip the page. Same with Newsweek.

    --
    "National Security is the chief cause of national insecurity." - Celine's First Law
  36. Quantum Mechanic for Hire by Arthur+Dent+'99 · · Score: 3, Funny

    Is your quantum giving you trouble? I'll work on all quanta, foreign or domestic! I've got a fully loaded Snap-On tool chest, some dirty coveralls, a couple of Schrodinger's cats, an air wrench, and a singularity compressor. You can trust me to treat your quantum with the greatest of care, and I promise I won't put metal shavings in your finite square well transmission when you're not looking. Plus, you'll get the best warranty in the business, valid in all 50 eigenstates!

    So, if you see some maintenance on your event horizon, give me a call!

  37. Re:No distance = Good News!!!?? by 19thNervousBreakdown · · Score: 2, Funny

    In Soviet Russia, I can think of a few ways I'm going to abuse you!

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  38. {x,p} by Quadraginta · · Score: 2, Funny

    I'm uncertain about my position on this...